Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the "Kingdom Hearts" universe. I am not doing this to make a profit, nor am I making one from writing this. I am writing this to express my love for the game and it's characters and to improve my abilities as a writer.
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By Tat Claire Kokoro
Chap. 2 Realization
/"Anyone who falls in love has a side of themselves they only show that special person. One the rest of us never see."- Belldandy (Ah! Megami-Sama!)/
"Kairi. Where's Riku?" Sora asked again.
A girl about Sora's age, dressed in a reddish Catholic School girl plaid styled pleated skirt and a button down collar shirt covered by her rouge coat, trailing past her ankles sighed. "Home." She played with a strand of her short red hair nervously.
"Is he okay?" Sora reluctantly took her hand, and suddenly missed Riku's warmth.
"He has a fever."
They started to walk to school, unable to make further conversation. They had never said much to each other since they met. A grudge kept Kairi away from Sora, who took up all of her brother, Riku's time. The only reason why she was here with her rival was because Riku requested- actually forced her. Otherwise her brother would be here instead, with a fever and about to pass out.
"We're here." She said at the door of the school and hurried off. She stared at her hand, and then buried it in the warmth of her pockets. Kairi's violet-blue eyes drifted back to where she dropped off the brunette, then to the path ahead of her.
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The sunlight danced on his silver blue hair and pounced on his eyes. He moaned, peeking an eye open, close, then after squeezing his eyes he opened both of them. He blinked, looking at his surroundings.
The boorish white walls were decorated with a few pieces of framed (printed) artwork and hanging on the ceiling were paper cranes in pastel colors his sister had made him (when she was ten). He stared at the wooden floor, wondering if he should get out of bed and in the end decided there was no point in getting up yet. He wasn't hungry, and didn't need to use the restroom.
He buried himself into the warmth of the covers, unconsciously grasping at a stuffed animal. Jazz music filtered through his ears, taking over the mood of the room and his as well. The smooth sound of the saxophones and clarinet with their snazzy tunes began to wake him, while the mellow beat of the drums calmed him.
Riku closed his eyes, letting the music take him away. He cuddled closer to the stuffed animal, taking in the sweet scent hidden in the fur. The smell made his heart sing, it was that familiar. What does this . . . or who does this remind me of?
A knock at the door interrupted his thoughts, and careful footsteps crossed the wooden floor. Riku looked up from his covers to see his visitor come in and carefully sit next to him.
"Did you walk by yourself?"
Sora shook his head, "your sister helped me today."
Riku was relieved.
"Kairi told me you were sick."
"I wasn't sick." Riku lied, he didn't want to worry Sora and he hated admitting that a fever had kept him in bed.
"It's because you stay out in the cold too much. . ."
"I do not!"
"Yes, you do. Kairi told me on the way here. She said she sees you sitting behind the school staring into space- in the cold."
"Maybe she was lying."
"I know she wasn't when she told me, she sounded concerned." Sora didn't ask Riku what was bothering him, he already knew but hadn't figured out a way to cleanse his friend's guilt yet.
"You guy's talked!" Riku was amazed. It wasn't that Kairi hated Sora, deep down she wanted to be friends with him. The only reason why she was rude towards him was because he was in her way.
"Yeah. I know."
Riku looked at what he had been holding the whole time. It was Furless, Sora's first stuffed animal. "What's Furless doing here!"
"You fell asleep with your arms around him and I didn't have the heart to tear the two of you away." Sora said, wishing he could trade places with Furless. "You can keep him."
"Are you sure?"
Sora nodded, "keep him."
Riku patted the bare space beside him, "there's not much to do. I'm sorry. You want to color?"
"I don't mind." Sora scooted to the space next to Riku with some help and put some covers over him. Riku pulled at the drawer next to his bedside, taking from it a pack of colored pencils and crayons and two coloring books. He handed one of the books to Sora and put the extra back in the drawer. Sora skimmed through the pages, and stopped, "what's this?"
"It's a picture of birds perched in a flowered tree."
"Could you hand me the red crayon?" He held his hand out and soon withdrew it after receiving the color. He couldn't see to tell if he was coloring in the lines or not but years ago that didn't matter to him anymore. Sora imagined the flowers in the tree, and colored them ruby red. The trees of course were given various shades of green and the birds, (which he saved for last) were portrayed as beautiful, brightly colored birds from the tropics. Sora set his last crayon (a pink one) at his side, not noticing it roll away and jump to the floor. He beamed at his piece of work, the image of a tropical paradise still in his head. "Lookie." He said childishly.
Riku turned away from his work to see the squiggles of color Sora had run over the paper. The lines were as usual, ignored, giving an innocent feel, and the bright choices of color showed off the optimistic personality within the artist. "I like it."
"Thanks! It's for you!"
"Really?" Riku held the paper out in front of him, admiring the purposely clumsy style. It wasn't odd for Sora to give him pictures he drew, his door was covered in Sora's artwork and the refrigerator held the rest of the collection. Still, he treated each masterpiece with respect and awe. "Thank you." He placed it on his bedside."
"What did you color?"
Riku looked at his own masterpiece in progress, "well. . ." He closed his eyes, searching for a through enough description. ". . . Imagine a clear blue sky at the beach, and the waves tickling the children walking along the sand. Then there's the small volleyball game taking place between groups of friends."
"Are the people wearing anything?"
"I should hope so!" Riku laughed.
The blue eyed boy flushed in embarrassment, " I meant, what kind of clothes are they wearing and what colors?"
"You know . . . modest one-piece swimsuits for the girls and swim trunks for the guys. . . I haven't colored them in yet though."
"I wish I could go to school with you." Sora muttered softly to himself, not expecting his friend to hear."
A frown darkened Riku's features, he bit his lip and hurriedly put the art supplies away. He looked at the closet, his refuge; he wished he could go inside and bathe in its sweet darkness, away from his guilt and troubles. /I'm sorry . . ./ How the youth wanted to say those words to his dear friend but couldn't decide how to say the words.
He gathered his courage and swallowed, "about that time, Sora I'm-."
A knock interrupted him, Kairi cautiously walked in (still wearing her school uniform), "Sora's mom is here to pick him up."
Sora squirmed out of bed, ready to leave on his own but Riku grabbed his hand, "I'll help you."
"Are you sure? Aren't you sick?"
"I'm not sick!" He denied, "I'm just under the weather."
"Isn't that the same thing?" Kairi commented.
The silver haired one held back a growl and hurriedly proceeded downstairs to escape further talk about his cold.
"Will you be better tomorrow?" Sora gave Riku an expectant look.
"Promise." He squeezed Sora's hand before letting go, "have a safe trip."
"Thank you." Sora, with Riku's help went in the car and left with a wave goodbye.
"Are you two dating?" Rena, his mother arched an eyebrow, she was standing in the doorway.
He looked at his mother, puzzled, "no. . .What's giving you these crazy ideas all of a sudden?"
"Actually, I've had my suspicions for years. It's the way you look at each other . . . and the touching."
"Touching?"
"Never mind." His mother shook her head and quickly changed the subject, "there's some chicken noodle soup on the table for you."
"No thanks. I don't feel too good."
"Are you sure?"
Riku nodded and went back inside, heading towards him room. "I'm sure."
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A knock work him and immediately the darkness greeted him. He moaned and leaned against the wall, not wishing to leave his refuge.
"Riku!"
He peeked an eye open, refusing to answer or fully wake up.
Suddenly, the closet door was forced open and the light crept in and blinded him. "Are you too old to be hiding in the closet?" His mother scolded.
"Mmm. . .?" He looked at his surroundings, wondering why he was in the closet. Then he remembered, after Sora had left he had retreated to the closet and apparently, he had fallen asleep there. Riku wiped a sleep booger from his eyes, "what time is it?"
"It's seven A.M."
"Too early. . ." he muttered, and reluctantly got to his feet and stumbled out of the closet.
"Are you not feeling well? Honey?" His mother said with concern.
/I feel like shit./ Riku thought to himself. /But I have to feel-or act like I'm fine. I promised Sora I would be better today./
"Just a little tired." He answered.
"Okay. . ." His mother said uneasily, and went downstairs, "hurry up. Sora is waiting for you downstairs."
/Sora is up early-on a Saturday/ This surprised Riku who was used to waking up early (his mom refused to let her kids waste a day sleeping), normally, Sora would be asleep until noon or later.
He shuffled through his dresser drawers and picked out a pair of black pants and a high collared, snow while long sleeved shirt. He looked at himself in the mirror, smoothing his clothes and hair.
Dressed and already wearing a fake smile (to hide the fact that he was still sick), Riku went downstairs to the kitchen.
"Morning." Kairi said before taking a bite out of her toast. She had dark circles under her eyes from staying up all night and didn't look like she was planning on going anywhere judging from the bed head that wasn't yet tamed. Seated across from the red head was Sora, finishing off a waffle bathed in syrup. "Morning," he said with his mouth full. Next to Sora was a rice omelet drizzled with ketchup meant for Riku.
Riku swallowed, mustering what strength he had to cheerfully say good morning. "Gooood Morning."
"Are you all right, Riku?" Kairi and Sora stared at him quizzically.
"Why do you ask?"
"You're acting too cheerful. Are you still hiding that you're sick?" Sora asked, concerned. "If you're not feeling well, I can go home."
"No. . .It's err . . . I'm tired." Riku lied, hoping Sora would believe him.
"Oh. I see." The brunette licked the excess syrup from his fingers and lips but he still felt stickey.
Rena glared at Riku from the stove, "your food is getting cold."
"Yes ma'm." Riku sat at the table, forcing himself to eat, his mother was never skilled at cooking but over the years she had improved (but very little) and Riku's stomach was now used to the toxic waste. Kairi always covered the horrible taste using chocolate or some sort of sauce.
"Thank you for breakfast, Mrs. Rena. It was really good." Sora beamed.
Kairi backwashed her milk and Riku coughed, almost choking on his food, both of them stared.
A smile fell of Rena's face, "aww. . .you're so sweet. No one has ever told me that." She gave expectant looks at her children, silently telling them they should compliment her also. She put of slender piece of paper by Riku's plate, "after you're done I need to you to go to the store."
Riku eyed the list and Kairi asked if she could go too. Rena shook her head, and said Kairi was needed for helping her in cleaning the house.
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When they were finished shopping they again went outside, reluctantly embracing the winter chill. In his hand, Sora carried two bags, Riku carried the other three which kept his hands full. With his free hand, Sora held onto his friend's arm.
Thoughts an emotions swirled in his minds like a relentless tornado. He wondered how long he could hold everything in. When they were kids, it had been easy but now that they were older and suffering from hormone poisoning, he felt like he was going to burst.
"Is something wrong?" Riku asked.
Sora turned his head away and claimed it was nothing. He wished he knew what life would be like if he ever told his crush. Would he end up spending their lives together or would he come to find that it was one-sided love?
He swallowed hard and took a chance, "Riku, do you think it's wrong for two people of the same sex to be together?"
"You mean gays!" Riku blurted out carelessly. He soon felt bad for not thinking before speaking after seeing Sora's face fault. "Well. . . I don't know what to think. I've never thought about it."
"Think about it this way. What if you loved someone but people claimed it was wrong to love that person?"
Riku stared at his friend, finally realizing what Sora had been holding back for years. He tried to form a polite answer to the questions. He didn't want to hurt or offend Sora. "People who try to run your life and tell you who to love or not to love are pricks. It's your emotion, your life. No one controls you but you."
Sora nodded in agreement, ending the subject and leaving behind an awkward silence. Riku was surprised at how dense he was. How could he be so oblivious to the way Sora treated him or seemed to look (blind but face turned towards him) at him? Now he realized the when Sora smiled it was for him. Sora was happy to be close to him. And all those times when they were kids . . . when Sora used to frequently bring his lips dangerously close to his and stare into those mirror eyes. There was something about those times that made him stir and gave him a rush.
"Sora. . ."
"Hmm. . ."
He thought he was going choke. "Can you tell me now why my eyes are like mirrors?"
Sora hesitated then shook his head. "Maybe later."
"Maybe later? You told me when we were older you would tell me."
"We're not old enough, yet."
"So when will we be old enough?"
"When we've really matured."
Riku reluctantly let go of the matter, and made up answers to his question to satisfy at least a portion of his curiosity. He stopped at his door step and set the groceries down for a moment to open the door.
"Welcome back." Rena greeted, her hands drenched in water and soap bubbles from just washing the dishes. In the distance the hum of the vacuum was heard as Kairi was busily cleaning the living room.
They relieve themselves of the bags and sat in the chair to defrost before Riku's mom decided to find them more orders.
Rena dried her hands. "Sora, your aunt called. Turns out she has a business trip that she just now heard of. She's leaving tonight so if you want, you can stop by your house and gather your belongings."
"Okay."
Sora's spending the night?" Riku asked, shaking from the thought of what might happen if Sora (supposedly) decided to let all his feelings out.
"Well yes, Ri-Ri. For a couple days he'll be staying with us."
"In this house?"
"Well of course! I'm not heartless enough to make him sleep in the doghouse."
Riku made a quick glance at Sora. He felt bad that he was acting this way. His mom had taught him to be open minded and those values had grown on him and now he was being a homophobe all of a sudden. He struggled against the narrow minded thoughts taking over him. He reminded himself that Sora was his friend that just because he found out now didn't change Sora. Sora was still a good person whom he could trust. That's what mattered. And if Sora did love him as he suspected, Riku vowed he wouldn't flinch. He would have to accept the one-sided love and wait for it to fade.
"Let's get you things."
Sora smiled and gave Riku his hand. The boy paused before he accepted it and (unconsciously) lightly squeezed his hand.
No characters were harmed (physically) in the making of this fanfic. Tat Claire Kokoro is not responsible for the mental breakdowns of any characters.-
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Author's Notes: Yeah, Riku-kun is going to be homophobic for awhile. I'm trying to add realism but I think I'm failing at that. I don't have much to comment on this chapter. Just tell me if I'm getting the characters down right and what you think I could improve on, etc. Compliments are also appreciated. Chapter three will be interesting so stay tuned!
Watashi no ai, Tat-chan
