Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Kingdom Hearts universe or it's characters. I am not making a profit by writing this. I am writing this to express my love for the game and it's characters, and to improve my abilities as a writer.

All or Nothing at All

By Tat Claire Kokoro

Chap. 3 Risk and Thee Shall Receive

/Fill my heart with song

Let me sing for ever more

You are all I long for

All I worship and adore/

-Fly me to the Moon

Riku was quiet. He didn't want Sora to know he was going through a discriminating phobia.

"If it was something I said, I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you or make you uncom-."

"I don't hate you. You're my best friend."

"Then you're mad at me."

Riku sighed and unrolled his sleeping bag next to his bed, (it's common courtesy to have a guest sleep in the bed). "I don't get mad at you.

"If what you say is true, we have an unhealthy friendship."

"So now you want us to have a fight? Just a second ago you sounded worried because you thought we were having one."

Sora shook his head, "I just want to know what I did."

"I'm not mad or anything. I just have a lot on my mind."

The brunette bit his lip an slipped into bed, "I'm not. . .you know. . ."

Riku raised a brow, aware that his friend was trying to clean his name. He pulled the covers over Sora, "I know you don't swing that way." He lied through his forced smile. With a click of the light and a goodnight, he settled into bed and closed his eyes, awaiting the Sand Man with his fairy dust.

"Riku."

"Hmm?" He replied drowsily.

"Never mind."

Riku nodded and quickly dozed off. It was not until Sora heard the familiar, subtle snores that he dangled his hand over the bed and brushed his fingertips down Riku's cheek. "I love you."

oOOoOOoOOo

The bell didn't ring and the teacher wasn't in the room yet, leaving the kids to freely run about to chatter and tease their peers. Riku leaned over a scribble he was etching on his desk, his mind wandering off, thinking about Sora. He was still bewildered that his friend had a crush on him all along and the dream last night only made his emerging homophobia worse.

In his dream, he was holding Sora in his pale arms. He had felt a sense of peace holding the tanned boy and when Sora whispered in his ear, his heart was on fire. The fragment of unconscious was short and simple, but seemed to have dragged on and though the scenario was cliché it somehow had a deeper meaning.

He bit his lip. The more he pondered on the dream the deeper his teeth sunk into the flesh.

"Hey Riku." A tanned male, with short, bleached blond hair seated himself on Riku's desk.

"Hi Tidus. . ." Riku muttered to the senior

"Guten Mooorgen!" A shrill, high pitched voice greeted in German. The two boys looked up to see a short girl whose stockings were slightly disheveled along with the bow loosely tied around her collar shirt. Everything, including her personality was in disarray. The only thing that remained nice and neat was her perfectly smooth (except for the ends, which were curled up) shoulder length brown hair.

It was these times that annoyed Riku, who preferred to be left alone. The people who branded themselves as his friends though would ignore his wish and blubber about gossip and other things he had no interest in. Talking to them only made his desire to go home stronger.

"Morning Selphie-pu!"

Selphie grinned at Tidus then at Riku, "What, no 'good morning' from Riki Tiki?"

Riku winced, for he hated it when people gave him stupid pet names. "Morning." He grumbled.

"Hmph! Well, I guess we all know who woke up on the wrong side of the armadillo this morning!"

The two boys raised an eyebrow. It was normal to hear Selphie's cracked up expressions but they had never completely been used to them. Selphie ignored the expressions on their faces and hopped on a desk next to Riku and Tidus. "Riki-Tiki. . ." She gently scolded. "I hope you don't have that kind of attitude at my party."

"What party?"

"She told you about it Monday." Tidus said.

"Yeah! Yeah! It's tonight, remember now?"

Riku shook his head and stared blankly, searching for a way out of his invitation.

The dusty brown haired freshman pouted. "You're being mean to me on purpose. If you don't want to come, just say so."

"Fine. I don't want to go."

"Whaaat!" She stammered as her eyes widened. "It'll be fun though! It's a kissy-kiss party."

"I'm not interested."

"You get to kiss girls. . ." Tidus said with amusement, eyeing a couple of the girls in class.

"No."

"Is Riki-Tiki-Taffy gay?" Selphie teased.

"No."

"Asexual?"

"No."

"You're missing an opportunity. The love of your life could be at the party."

Riku sighed and looked at the clock. The bell had already rung minutes ago and the teacher still wasn't here. He knew there was no escaping this social event and gave in. "You got me. I'll go."

"Yay! Yay! Yay!" Selphie stood on the desk and yelled out triumphantly: "Guess what, girlies! Riki-Tiki Taffy is going to my Kissy Kiss party!"

Tidus patted Riku's head in sympathy.

oOOoOOoOOo

"What's wrong, Riku?" Sora unconsciously squeezed Riku's hand, making the silver haired one keep his distance from Sora, yet he still held his hand.Sora frowned, realizing that he was making his friend uncomfortable.

"It's nothing."

"Selphie?"

Riku grunted in reply, "We're going to a party tonight."

Sora's eyes widened, for Riku never went to parties. He preferred staying at home, away from the teenage dramatics and rampant desires of his peers. "Did Selphie force you?" He asked, piecing his friend's fragments of annoyance together.

Riku didn't answer.

"What time are we going?"

"The last five minutes of the party."

They stopped in front of the house and knocked. Kairi answer the door and let them in, then scuttled off to her room.

"How was school today, boys?" Rena asked in her most crisp and flowery tone.

"Good." Sora said as Riku grumbled his reply and pulled Sora up the stairs.

"What's the hurry?" Rena raised an eye brow and inwardly giggled when she gave herself answer, then stopped when she figured she wasn't too far from the truth.

oOOoOOoOOo

"You're late!" Selphie scolded, glaring at Riku.

"I didn't want to come anyways. You should be happy that I came at all."

The brunette haired girl put her hands on her full hips and knit her brows in fury. "You didn't have to come."

Riku opened his mouth, ready to reply but Tidus interrupted his spat with Selphie. "Hey, when are we going to do the making out part?"

Suddenly remembering her party's true purpose, the girl forgot about the argument. She stood in the middle of the room and picked up two bowl filled with folded up scraps of paper. "Okay, time to pucker those lips and let your fly open!" Some of her guest humored her but most stared dully at her, wishing to get on with it.

"I'll go first." She dug her hand in the bowl label, "guys" and pulled from it, a thin piece of white paper and read the name aloud. A boy (that Riku didn't recognize) with tanned skin and blue hair walked towards a giggling Selphie and she led in the closet and shut the door behind them.

"What's happening?" Sora asked.

No one answered him for his question was drowned out by the chatter of the others. Riku pulled Sora with him to the kitchen, way from the crowd. "What's going on?" Sora demanded.

"We're going to leave."

"We just got here." The brunette paused. "Is something wrong?" He asked the same things over and over, refusing to leave without an answer. The wicked eyed boy cast an embarrassed glance at the floor, "I'll tell you on the way home." He muttered.

Sora nodded with satisfaction and gave Riku his hand.

"Yo, your turn." Tidus grabbed Riku before he and Sora could escape. The silvery haired one did all he could to wrench out of the blonde's grasp. He at first twisted his body about, then relaxed his body completely, making him a dead weight and nearly impossible to drag. Tidus persisted though, and in the end, Riku was forced to draw a name from the bowl filled with girl's name.

Riku stared at the name in disbelief. Someone in the crowd yelled at him so he would announce who it was yet he kept his mouth shut as the paper crumbled in his hands. Selphie leaned over his shoulder, prodding at him. "Who is it?" A silence fell over the room but was soon broken by someone laughing. Soon the whole room was alive with snickers and guesses on whose name Riku drew.

Sora was still unaware of the party's purpose and was angry that they were teasing his friend. "Stop it." He yelled, but still they went on.

Not being able to take anymore crap, Riku threw the paper to the ground, "What kind of sick joke is this!" He demanded, his blood rushing with anger and embarrassment.

Selphie picked up the paper, read the contents and tucked it in her pocket but to no avail, a boy snatched it away and read it aloud.

"Sora."

All eyes fell over Riku's friend who was oblivious about what was about to happen. They nudged him forwards and held back a girl who also shared the same name, hushing her with whispers. "This could be interesting. . ." They said. They shoved the two in the closet together, Riku pushed at the door but with a click of the lock, they were stuck.

Whenever Riku ever felt disturbed, the closet was his salvation. He would hide from his troubled in the sweet darkness, thinking over his problems or letting his mind wander. Most times it was the latter.

"Riku?"

What once gave him sanctuary filled him with dread. He was locked inside the closet with his friend, a guy- like him- who loves him. He unconsciously stayed as far away from Sora, his body was tensed up, ready to defend against affection.

"We didn't have to come."

"I know."

He closed his eyes. "I can't believe how sick they are-we're boys."

"Why is it sick?" Sora bit out suddenly.

Riku's eyes widened. He hadn't expected him to snap so easily, nor did he consider that what he said would hurt Sora. "It's . . . it's. . ."

". . . weird. Go ahead and say it. Tell me it's not natural, tell me it's wrong. Those words won't change me-they won't change how I feel." The brunette's voice rang with rage and intensity as he gradually began to confess his emotions. "Am I different now that you know? Did your image of me change overnight!" He grew bitter with each word that left his mouth.

This left Riku speechless. Never-until now had he witnessed this side of Sora. Normally his friend was shy and soft-spoken, keeping hold of his composure. He never thought it was possible to make Sora emotionally implode. "I'm sorry." Riku whispered. There was no other appropriate words to say.

"You're still a child. If you're going to say sorry, don't say it just because you feel bad . . . say it because you mean it."

The closet door opened, releasing them from their prison. Mischievous grins were plastered on all the faces around them, assuming they had made out. They were too blinded with such thoughts that they failed to notice the tension between the two. They quickly left the party, taking along a lone can of beer. Riku took a sip to ease his nerves. He looked at a pained Sora. A question was at the tip of his tongue now that the subject was on Sora's sexuality. "Do you love me?"

Sora's footsteps stopped, his glazed eyes fell over Riku. He hesitated, thinking this wasn't how he had planned telling him. He had pictured an accidental kiss together then the questions. "Why does it matter?" He shook his head, knowing Riku had homophobia. His hopes of being more than friends slowly faded.

Riku bit his tongue. "Because I'm willing to give you a chance."

Sora's glazed eyes lit up and blush swept across his cheeks, ". . .why would you do that?"

"I'm your friend."

--No characters were harmed (physically) in the making of this fanfic. Tat Claire Kokoro is not responsible for the mental breakdowns of any characters.--

oOOoOOoOO

A/N: Thanks for those who have reviewed. Your input means so much to me. If you have any questions/suggestions feel free to ask.

Watashi no ai, Tat Claire Kokoro