Disclaimer- I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho.
AN: I can't believe this is still going.
Within the bowels of Evil's lair, the mastermind behind this insidious plot talked to himself.
What? Why?
All evil doers have an monologue, it's in their contract with the Devil.
"Who am I, you ask, to dare to try and plunge the world into destruction and chaos?" The mastermind asked rhetorically.
"I am one of the greatest thieves of all time. I shall soon become Death itself, my crusade will purge this world of humanity.
"From this seat of power in my evil lair, I shall rule a new world, with a new order of demons!"
A knock reverberated around the room, on the door to the seat of power.
"What the-What is it, Number Two?" The demon asked irritably.
"Sir, I need to use the 'seat of power', as you so eloquently put it." Number Two said politely, but with a hint of urgency in his voice.
"Damn it Number Two! Can't an evil overlord have an inner monologue in peace!"
"Sir, maybe you should do the monologue somewhere else less needed than the toilet."
"Maybe you should have gone before me."
"With all do respect sir, I will piss on your X-Box if you don't get out."
"What?!" The demon said incredulously. "Now that's just TOO evil. You just might make an evil overlord yet, Number Two."
"Thank you sir."
"Shut up Number Two. We're not having a moment."
"Sir, the bathroom?"
"Oh, all right. Well, Teletubbies is on soon, so I guess I should leave. I love those crazy kids." The demon got up, pulling his pants up, and left without washing his hands.
Truly, he was an evil overlord.
"Is the Orb ready?" The demon asked, once Number Two had left the bathroom.
The second demon known only so far as Number Two nodded. "It is sir."
"Excellent. Begin the absurdly long ritual that will only culminate when we are at the end of our ropes."
"Sir," Number Two began, "We may have a problem. Spirit World has called in its detective here on Earth."
"Curses! My old friend Kurama is with them too, is he not?" The demon asked.
His subordinate nodded. "Yes sir."
"Good. I think its time we called in the Soul Destroyer." The demon grinned. "He can take care of them nicely."
The second demon coughed. "Sir, that will be a problem. We don't have enough money to hire the Soul Destroyer, seeing as how we bribed every guard at Spirit World to let us through with the Orb."
"Blast! Very well then, call in the cheapest assassin you can find!"
"Perhaps we should try a less bloody method this time sir."
"I agree. But replace the word less with the words extremely super and completely and utterly!"
Number Two shook his head. I dropped out of demon High School for this? Why do I do this?
He realized why a second later. Because it pays well. I knew my greed would get the better of me one day.
"Understood sir." The second demon bowed, and left to do as bidden, as well as to allow his master the customary insane gloating and laughing.
"I will shall tear out their organs and devour their hearts and crap out their souls! All will perish! They will face a destruction, for which there is no preparation! MWHAHAHAHA!!!"
RINGRINGRING!
"What the devil?" The demon muttered, grabbing the phone. "Who dares to interrupt my evil laugh!"
Low mumbles were heard on the telephone.
"No, I don't want to take a vacation to Disneyland! I just had one two months ago!"
More urgent mumbles.
"Of course I'm sure!" He slammed the pone down irritably. "Note to self. Destroy all telemarketers first."
Meanwhile, Number Two was going over to the phone, having found an ad that seemed to fit the bill.
Where? In the demon newspaper of course.
Jeez. Just because most of them are evil and bent on killing us all doesn't mean they don't have a newspaper.
Anyhow, back to the story.
The second demon waited patiently as the rings went off. However, all he got was an answering machine.
"What's up? I seem to be vacant in mi casa, so just leave a message at the tone and do your thing!"
"Hello? I'd like to hire you-" The second demon began, but a sudden beep.
"Oh, sorry about that." A young, slightly careless sounding male voice answered, "I thought you were telemarketers."
"You were screening us?" Number Two said incredulously.
"Well, you didn't show up on caller ID..."
"Sir, you do very bad things for very bad people. I'm fairly sure that most of them would like to remain anonymous."
"Hey, I'm not going to pick up for just anyone."
"Okay, fine." The second demon said begrudgingly, "Now, your ad says that you'll kill anyone for twenty dollars, and that you have a degree from the Assassin Academy in Brazil."
"That's right." He quipped.
"I didn't know they had an Academy in Brazil."
"Well, they do train assassins."
"Good point. Very well then, here is your task. You are to report to this location, where we will give you instructions on your targets."
"Adios dude!"
Thanks to Spede for reviewing!
AN: The seat of power scene is from Exterminaus Now, which I don't own, and am merely borrowing. Thanks for reading and please review!
