Disclaimer- I still don't think Ms. Rowling would want to own this but you never know right? Maybe she has a weird sense of humor too.
Authoress's Note- Thank you to my new readers!! If you actually take this seriously I will be forced to quote the ultracoolest Canadian band ever, Barenaked Ladies, who are, in fact, guys and say, "Come on now now! Come on now now! Enjoy the humor of the situation!" Anyone who is Canadian and/or loves this band will earn 10,000 points for the Hogwarts House of their choice even Slytherin who I despise with all of the crazyness! (Though if any people decide to give their earned points to Slytherin I will be forced to subract 30,000 points from them for being slimy gits) Thank you and dream sweet dreams! E.D.J.
frifri- Yeah Sirius is hot (dreamy), but in the movie he was supposed to be on the run and been living in Azkaban for 12 years so I suppose he'd look scary and icky.
loonygrl90-Please read the area below to get your answer about some snogtime with Sirius.
The Ketchup Flavored Chip- No I am not a psycho (though my friends don't seem to agree). I must ponder this because I DID have an hour long argument online with my best friend about who was crazy and was a bigger dork and I seemed to be the more favored one for these positions. Anyway ketchup flavored chips?! I hate ketchup so chips flavored like ketchup VOMIT! You must be Canadian and how do I know this? Because I was just in Canada and they had Ketchup flavored chips which I have never seen before in the U.S. so I doubt that your American (and if you are American I apologize for assuming your nationality). Actually they could have ketchup flavored chips in other countries I suppose but I've only seen them in Canada.
Please read this everyone!!!! Or else you will be confused toward the end of this episode!!!
Elladora: Concerning loongrl90's request to snog Sirius, I have decided to selflessly give him up!! mutters Remus's hotter anyway!!
(Elladora snaps fingers and Sirius Black and Remus Lupin appear. Sirius is standing but Remus however is tied to an armchair.)
Elladora: Loonygrl90 he's all yours! I have Remus! (Elladora snogs Remus who is still tied to the armchair)
Loonygrl90-Yay! (runs out of audience and drags Sirius away)
Just a Note- If anyone else has any requests, I may or may not decide to full fill them. Depends on the comedy value that the wish fullment may bring. Anyway to the actual episode.
(End Authoress's Note)
Elladora taps top the of her lovely purple-tinged wand. "Hey is this thing on? Oh well, Sonorus! Hello and welcome back! Of course you know I'm your crazy but wonderful interviewer and authoress Elladora! We have some very special guests today! Let's hear what you have to say about Draco Malfoy, Vincent Crabbe, and Gregory Goyle!" (A/N- Ya'll better have read the above scene because otherwise you will be confused! Even more than you should be!)
Boos and hisses come from the crowd (and the authoress) as the three boys enter. Draco smirks at crowd while Crabbe and Goyle stare and drool in a dim fashion. Draco sits down, but Crabbe and Goyle just keep staring AND drooling.
Draco shouts, "Sit down, you idiots!"
Crabbe and Goyle sit.
Elladora says very coolly, "Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle I'm Elladora, interviewer, authoress, and major Harry Potter fan."
"You're a fan of Scarhead?" asks Draco.
He laughs along with Crabbe and Goyle.
Elladora smirks at audience and snaps fingers. Crabbe and Goyle are now hanging from the rafters singing the Hogwarts school song in squeaky high- pitched voices.
"Something funny Draco?"
Draco shakes his head vigorously. "No nothing." He smiles charmingly. "I believe you had some questions for us?"
Elladora snaps fingers and C & G fall from the rafters with a loud crash leaving a large crater in the middle of the stage while Draco continues to smile charmingly at our authoress.
Elladora smirks. "Sorry Ferret Boy, you're little charms don't work with me. You're a little bullying scumbag."
Reader audience gasps angrily at this because of course everyone knows that Draco is just a misunderstood/abused little boy who really want to turn good even though there is no canon evidence of any of this ever happening.
Elladora sighs. "Oh come on! Would any of you pity Malfoy and dream up all this 'good' stuff about him if Tom Felton wasn't hot?"
Audience nods. "Yeah, she's got a point."
Elladora smiles, relieved. "Exactly! So Crabbe, Goyle why are you two so stupid and dimwitted?"
"Oh we're really quite an intelligent pair, but Draco likes to feel superior to others," says Goyle in a suprisingly intellectual voice.
Crabbe nods. "I agree completely. Draco has some self-esteem issues."
Everyone gapes at this new discovery about Crabbe and Goyle.
Draco stamps his foot. "I do not have self-esteem issues!"
Elladora becomes "The Psychiatrist Witch-Helping Everyone Including Slimy Blonde Gits!"
"Well these intelligent young men seem to believe quite the contrary." Crabbe and Goyle nod. "Would you care to enlighten us, Draco?"
Draco begins sobbing. "Alright! I can't stop comparing myself to others. Especially Potty..." Elladora and newly enlightened audience glare. "Er... Potter because he's so famous and everyone loves him! Nobody cares about me or even likes me! I just wanna be LOVED!!!!!!!"
Elladora snaps fingers and tissues appear.
Draco sniffles. "Thanks."
Elladora rolls her eyes. Whatever Draco. I just didn't want you to ruin our new floors with all the waterworks. But you know what? I know someone who likes you!"
"Who?"
Elladora snaps her fingers. "Pansy Parkinson!"
Pansy appears and true to canon proof is pug-faced and not some gorgeous girl who everyone even non-Slytherins thinks is hot. (Wow people really need to read their copies of Harry Potter more!)
"Oh Draco! I'm here!" Pansy grabs Draco and kisses him all over and coos over him.
Draco glares at Elladora. "You ARE evil. I finally got rid of her last year!"
Elladora shrugs while wearing a little evil grin. "Well you're evil always, I'm evil sometimes I think everything evens out eventually. I would recommend counseling for those self-esteem issues Draco ol' boy."
Elladora snaps fingers and a shrink with huge glasses and who looks suspiciously like Professor Trelawney appears and starts analyzing Draco.
"Can we depart now that Draco is currently occupied by his lovesick ex-girlfriend and that shrink who looks suspiciously like Professor Trelawney?" asks Crabbe.
Elladora stares blankly. "Oh.... sorry. I've just never heard that many words come out of your mouth at one time!"
Goyle nods. "I know. It's surprising when all you've seen of us is big, dumb thugs and moss-covered boulders."
"You know what? You guys don't need to pretend to be dumb to help Draco feel good about himself! You guys can become part of my Crazy Chats Crew!!!!" says Elladora excitedly.
"Brilliant! We can put our intelligence to full use!" exclaims Goyle.
Elladora glances around nervously. "Well actually the crew just puts up and takes down the set when I'm not interviewing."
"Oh well that sounds fun too!" says Goyle excitedly.
Elladora jumps up excitedly. "Yay! Well I think I've done enough damage for one episode! You know reuniting Draco and Pansy, getting Draco into therapy with that shrink who looks suspiciously like Professor Trelawney, and robbing Draco of his two thugs!"
Elladora snaps fingers and Remus Lupin appears still tied to that armchair. "Come on Remus we're taking these boys out for ice cream!"
They all leave with Elladora dragging Remus and his chair behind her.
Cameraman steps out. "Well that's the end of our show for now! Our interviewer and authoress, the wonderfully crazy Elladora is off eating ice cream with two Slytherin thugs and a drool worthy Marauder tied to an armchair! Also Draco Malfoy is currently in therapy with his clingy ex-girlfriend Pansy and a shrink who looks suspiciously like Professor Trelawney! Bye! Where is that Potter????? Grrrr.........."
Hello! What did you think? Please review! Next episode will probably include Hogwarts teachers including Snape, McGonagall, and Dumbledore! Please add suggestions for this episode to your reviews! Any comical questions you would like me to ask certain characters or any comical scenes you would like happening to characters please feel free to add to your review! Input helps me stimulate the crazyiness part of my brain! Review! Ciao! E.D.J.
Note- Yes anyone whose reading this for a second, third, fourth, etc... time, I edited out the Orlando Bloom bit for Remus since apparently celebrity appearances in fics are a no-no on Fanfiction. I decided I'd rather change the fic than get kicked off!
