Disclaimer- Yeah too insane to be J.K. Rowling's.

Authoress' Note-I'm back!!!!!!!!!!!! RUN IN TERROR! E.D.J.

Thank you to my reviewers!

frifri- I kinda used your idea, but I twisted it around a bit.

anniePADFOOT-See below for the answer to your snog request. Also I don't think I'm this bad in real life. I guess I store up all this crazy and have to get it out somehow so TADA! A Humor/Parody fanfic! Though my friends do think I'm crazy though so I must not store up all the crazy.

The Ketchup Chip- Yeah I'm sure Orlando feels the same way.


SNOG REQUEST

"Ok and everyone's favorite part of the show... the Before Show Snog Request Fulfillment!" Elladora shouts.

Loud cheers come from audience.

"Alright! We have only one request this episode and that was made by anniePADFOOT who demands to snog both Sirius AND Draco!"

Elladora snaps her fingers and both Sirius and Draco appear. Sirius looks slightly hurt at being taken away from loonygrl90.

"Oh we have a problem! We only have one of Sirius!"

The audience gasps loudly.

Elladora rolls her eyes. "Oh don't be such drama queens! Nothing a simple duplicating spell won't fix!"

Elladora snaps her fingers and her purple wand appears. Elladora waves her wand and with a flash of purple smoke they are now two Siriuses.

"Whoa," says Sirius #1 and #2.

Draco shouts, "There's like two of you man!"

Elladora sighs. "Well spotted Draco. Ok Sirius #1 you go back to loonygrl90." Elladora waves her wand and Sirius #1 disappears with a hunky grin. "And Sirius #2 you get to go to anniePADFOOT!" Sirius #2 disappears with a hunky grin.

Draco whimpers, "What about me?"

"Well anniePADFOOT do you still want him?" asks Elladora.

AnniePADFOOT nods. "YES!"

"Fine. The sooner this slime ball's away from me the better." Elladora snaps her fingers and Draco disappears.

"Well that's the end of our Before the Show Snog Request Fulfillment! Please include any request of your own in your review! Requests may or may not be fulfilled depending on the mood and sanity of the authoress."

(End Authoress's Note)


"Ok welcome to Crazy Chats with the Harry Potter Characters! Today we will have the teachers of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry? Let's welcome Headmaster Professor Dumbledore, Deputy Headmistress Professor McGonagall, Potions Master Professor Snape, and the lovely Herbology Professor Sprout!" shouts Elladora.

Teachers walk on stage and Professor McGonagall walks over to Elladora, glaring angrily.

"Where is that Transfiguration essay you were supposed to give me yesterday?" asks McGonagall with a stern look.

Elladora cringes. "No.. uh... that wasn't me. It was my evil twin!"

"Really?" asks McGonagall skeptically.

"Of course! Her names Doraella!"

The audience groans at their interviewer and authoress' inability to lie well.

"Give me that homework young lady!" snaps McGonagall.

"Fine. Here. " Elladora hands McGonagall a scrap of parchment with a large smiley face on it and no visible words written except for "Play Quidditch Blindfolded and on Mops!"

"This is your homework?"

"Yes. Is there a problem?"

McGonagall sighs. "There's nothing written on here about Transfiguration."

Elladora gasps, horrified. "Really?! Let me see that!" She rips the parchment out of McGonagall's hands. "No see! I DID write something about Transfiguration!" She points to spot on parchment.

McGonagall reads the parchment. "Transfiguration sucks. Interesting. Are you scrounging for a detention here Miss Jobberknoll?"

Elladora is horrified. "No! Then I wouldn't be able to do my show!" She makes a puppy dog face. "Transfiguration is the best class in the whole magical world and I want to teach it and be almost a good of teacher as you!"

McGonagall rolls her eyes. "Fine! Just turn it in tomorrow."

Elladora winks at the audience. "The art of sucking up."

"What was that?" asks McGonagall sharply.

"Uh..." Elladora notices the other three teachers are still standing and are quietly twiddling their thumbs. "Professors, Headmaster! I'm sorry! Please sit down!"

Dumbledore smiles gently. "Thank you Miss Jobberknoll. And please don't call me Headmaster. Dumbledora will do."

"Dumbledora?" Elladora asks confused.

"Yes Dumbledora. I would really prefer it."

"Uh ok. Whatever." Elladora sits for a minute thinking then she lets out a loud shriek. "This wouldn't have anything to do with all that makeup and women's clothing in your office would it?"

Dumbledore turns red. "Uh no. That's for er... medical reasons."

Snape snorts loudly. "Right...."

"Would you like to elaborate on that Professor?" asks Elladora, raising an eyebrow.

Snape clears his throat. "Alright. Dumbledore..."

"I said its Dumbledora! Sweetie you're so forgetful!" Dumbledora coos and scoots closer to Snape, batting his eyelashes.

Snape scoots away from Dumbledora. "Right uh... Dumbledora'sinlovewithme."

"Could you repeat that?"

Snape says quietly, "He'sinlovewithme."

"I can't hear you Professor," says Elladora, an evil smile beginning to play across her face.

Snape shouts furiously, "The cross-dressing Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry is in love with me!!!!!!!!"

Elladora gasps. "NO!"

Snape sighs. "Yes. It's horrible."

Dumbledora squeals, "Yay!!!!! Now that I am officially outed, I am now free to be with the one I love!!!!!" He hugs Snape tightly and bounces up and down.

Elladora wipes away a tear. "Oh you two are soooo cute!"

Snape says hoarsely due to the fact that a hundred year old man is crushing his lungs, "What?! I'm not... I'm not..."

"Come on Severus! Admit your feelings!" Professor Sprout pipes up.

Snape looks thunderstruck. "Feelings?! For this overgrown hairball?"

Dumbledora lets go of Snape. "Sevvy! I'm hurt! Don't insult my long white locks!" He begins to sob uncontrollably.

McGonagall pats Dumbledora on the back. "It's alright Dumbledora. I'm sure your boyfriend will apologize." She glares at Snape.

"I'm not his... I'm not his..." stutters Snape.

Elladora sighs. "You need to stop repeating yourself and get that sentence out! 'I am the Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry's boyfriend!'"

Snape whirls on Elladora. "YOU did this!!! You had to invite us on your stupid chat show and now look at me! Everyone thinks I'm the boyfriend of Dumbledora!"

Elladora pulls out her wand. "NEVER insult this show. Those little garden gnomes worked too hard on building this wonderful set to be brought down by a greasy pig like you!"

Snape whines, "But I'm not his boyfriend!"

Sprout shakes her head. "You're in denial Severus."

Snape shouts, "No I'm not! I have a girlfriend!"

"As in Dumbledora?" Elladora supplies.

Snape glares evilly. "No! It's Professor Trelawney."

Audience gasps and begins to shout, "Ooooooooh.... SNAPE AND TRELAWNEY SITTING IN A TREE K-I-S-S-I-N-G...."

McGonagall looks skeptical. "Do you have any proof of this Severus? Don't go breaking poor Dumbledora's heart if you don't have proof."

"Sibyl with tell you."

Elladora shouts, "I'll get her!" She snaps her fingers and Professor Trelawney appears in all her crazy glory.

"Ah the light! It burns!" Trelawney cringe, falls on the ground, and begins twitching violently.

Snape rushes over to Twitchin' Trelawney. "Sibyl? Sibyl? What's the matter?"

Trelawney's voice becomes harsh. "The Dark Lord is still hunting the son of those who had thrice defied him. He is in disguise. He is here! He's the...."

"NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Avada Kedavra!" shouts the cameraman who is really Lord Voldemort.

A beam of green light hits Trelawney and she becomes limp.

"NO!!!! Sibyl!!!!!!!!!" Snape begins crying over Trelawney's seemingly dead body.

Dumbledora shouts, "Voldie! Why didn't you call me back?!"

Voldemort sighs. "That was 16 years ago! You're still pissed about that?"

Dumbledora nods angrily. "Yes! That's why I've devoted my life to bringing about your downfall! Voldie! Killing innocent people? How could you? You're a vegetarian!"

"Dude he doesn't eat his victims." McGonagall shakes her head.

"Oh."

Elladora notices that everyone is up to their ankles in water because of Snape's obsessive crying over Trelawney. "DUDE! SNAPE! SNAP OUT OF IT! SHE'S NOT DEAD!"

Snape sniffles, "She's not?"

Elladora's voice becomes secret spy-like. "Yes. I've been tracking Voldemort's movements. The Avada Kedavra spell doesn't kill people it simply paralyzes the victim so they're in a deathlike state on the surface."

Audience whispers, "Oh........."

"But what about all the victims? They aren't still with us!" asks Sprout.

Elladora nods knowledgably. "Ah, but why do you think Voldie needs all those people? Maybe for his THEME PARK?"

Voldemort shouts, "No! Not the secret theme park!"

Elladora smiles evilly. "Ah yes, but it has everything to do with the theme park. You see Voldemort's been attacking people and taking them back to his theme park to be RIDE TESTERS!"

Sprout gasps. "NO!"

"Yes. RIDE TESTERS!" Elladora repeats.

"The horror!" whispers McGonagall.

"How could you Voldie?!" asks Dumbledora.

Voldemort shrugs. "I needed ride testers."

Everyone nods. "Oh well that makes sense."

Elladora glares at Voldemort. "Revive Trelawney, Voldemort."

"Never."

"Do it and then we'll all go to your theme park."

"Ok!" says Voldemort excitedly.

Voldemort mutters something and Trelawney springs back up in all her crazy glory.

"Sibyl!" shouts Snape.

"Sevvy! Darling!" She kisses him.

Audience looks away. "Ewww....."

Elladora jumps up. "Ok well looks like we have a theme park to get to! I'll send invisible hot dogs to all my little readers! Buh bye!"

Voldemort steps in front of the camera. "Well that's the end of Episode 4! I'm Voldemort! Come to my theme park! It's called Dark Lords' Evil Land- Where everyone can be evil to the heart's desire! HAHAHaHaHahAHAHA! I've outwitted these idiots and I'm still free to kill that Potter! Ride testers my butt! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..................."


Ah yes Voldie's secret is revealed! Mwhahahahaha -chokes- E.D.J.