Authoress' Note- I must tell you the wisdom J.K. Rowling gives us in her interview at the Edinburgh Book Festival. I credit this quote entirely to Ms. Rowling.
J.K.- "I make this hero-Harry obviously- and there he is one the screen, the perfect Harry, because Dan is very much as I imagine Harry, but who does every girl under the age of 15 fall in love with? Tom Felton, as Draco Malfoy. Girls stop going for the bad guy. Go for a nice guy in the first place."
Don't believe me? Go to her website! It's there in the posted interview! Listen to the bad guys' creator! No Draco! Draco bad! Harry good! Love Harry! E.D.J.
Authoress' Note- I have decided because of the numerous snog requests I am being flooded with, I will just award snog requests in the authoress' note. If I try to write ten million funny scenes where I award snog requests to reviewers, my brain will explode and that won't be a very pretty thing. Onward! E.D.J.
Here I will list the particular character and the reviewer(s) who are awarded a snog with them. E.D.J.
Ron: dancechic-18
Voldemort: La Conquistadora (I'm trying very hard to question people's requests. No matter how strange, but this is pushing it a bit.)
Snape: PoDunk, OK 90210 (Again trying very hard not to admit the strangeness of some of these requests.)
Draco: frifri (I have done another duplicating spell on him so anniePADFOOT will stay happy)
Sirius- Evelyn
Harry- Evelyn
That's weird I got one request for each person.
If you wish to make a snog request please hit the shiny submit review button and type a well thought out review including your snog request and the character you wish to snog. Thank you and review like crazy! E.D.J.
"Hello and welcome to the wonderful world of Crazy Chats with the Harry Potter Characters where your lovely authoress and interviewer creates general mayhem! Now I'm sure you're all wondering who are special guests are today and... actually I'm wondering too. GRAWP!"
Grawp lumbers onstage dragging a blonde-haired boy who looks suspiciously like Draco Malfoy by the ankles.
"Umm... a little help?" asks the boy who looks suspiciously like Draco Malfoy.
Elladora ignores the boy who looks suspiciously like Draco Malfoy. "Grawp! Take this boy who looks suspiciously like Draco Malfoy's wand and magic the names of today's guests to me."
Grawp takes the boy who looks suspiciously like Draco Malfoy's wand and trudges backstage causing the boy who looks suspiciously like Draco Malfoy to fall through the air and land at the feet of the authoress and interviewer.
Elladora coos, "Awww... are you Grawpie's new doll Boy who I've finally decided is indeed Draco Malfoy?"
Draco spits out feathers for some unknown reasons. "No! You told him to carry me around by my ankles like a doll after we wrapped Episode Three where you interviewed yours truly."
Elladora laughs. "Oh yeah! That was like four weeks ago! Fun for you huh?"
"Absolutely spiffing."
Elladora giggles. "Ha! Spiffing is an awesome British word. You know what else is a good word? Snarky!"
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Draco clears his throat. "Anyway can I..."
Elladora pumps her fist in the air triumphantly. "Ha I won!"
Draco looks confused. "Won what?"
"The game of doing ...................... the longest! You are the loser.... I am the winner!" Elladora does a victory dance.
"That was a game???? That was no game."
Elladora stops dancing and sounds very dangerous. "If I say it was a game then it was a game. Remember I have phenomenal powers on this show? "
Draco looks around uneasily. "Yeah..."
Elladora shouts in a stately voice, "Grawp? Are you done yet? The little blonde git bores me. Remove him from my sight at once."
Grawp appears, hands Elladora the guest list, and begins to drag Draco away.
"Grawp, do with him as you wish. Just as long as it involves some form of taunting, messing with his head, or sheer ridiculelessness," adds Elladora, waving Grawp away.
Draco clings to a well-placed rug while Grawp tugs at him. "That's not a word! You can't just..."
Elladora grins evilly and raises her wand. "Oh but I can. Tootles Draco!"
Draco and Grawp are whisked off to the land of "IMAGINATION" (rainbow appears between Elladora's hands at the word "IMAGINATION"). A/N-Cookies and 70 points to anyone who knows what this is from!
Elladora glances at the guest list. "Ok... today's guests are Fred and George Weasley, and some person who's either a perverse weird girl, or a mysterious, handsome, drools guy according to my helpful reviewer Professor D.S. Silvers! Please welcome Blaise Zabini!"
Two twin redheads and a blurred humanoid shape walk onstage and sit down.
Elladora leans toward Fred and George. "That's Blaise?"
"I don't know. It just kinda walked on stage with us. Hasn't said a word," says George with a shrug.
Elladora squints at the blurred shape. "Umm... Zabini? Do you have a comment on the question of your identity?"
"Actually it has recently been confirmed by Ms. Rowling herself that I am indeed a guy. Though whether I'm a mysterious, handsome, drools guy is still unknown," says the blurred shape.
Elladora raises an eyebrow. "Kay... so you're just a blurred shape at the moment?"
"Yes. You got a problem with that?"
Elladora shakes her head. "No.... but Professor D.S. Silvers seems to like the mysterious, handsome, drools guy theory. Can you change form to become a mysterious, handsome, drools guy for the moment?"
"I suppose."
Blurred Zabini Shape blurs together even more and becomes a mysterious, handsome, drools guy.
Audience shouts, "He's swoon worthy! All of the audience (including the guys) swoon and fall over in dead faints.
"Good thing I keep those Dungbombs around for emergencies!"
Elladora throws numerous Dungbombs into the audience and audience wakes up coughing and hacking.
Elladora snaps, "Swoon on your own time!" She turns to Blaise. "Wow you are a very mysterious, handsome, drools guy."
"No swooning from you Elladora?" asks Blaise.
Elladora shakes her head. "No... I much prefer the Marauders (minus Peter) myself."
Blaise nods. "Ah yes. They're very mysterious and handsome too."
"I think so. Anyway..." Elladora turns to one of the Weasley twins. "Fred how's Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes coming along?"
"I'm George! Honestly woman, you call yourself our mother?"
Elladora looks confused, "No..........."
George laughs. "Oh yeah. I knew that. It's just so fun to say that line!"
Fred nods. "I agree."
"Me too," adds Blaise.
The audience all nods in agreement too.
"Anyway the joke shop? How's it coming?"
"Oh it's brilliant, simply brilliant. We're catching up to Zonko's at the moment," says George proudly.
"Yeah, it's great. Er... do you mind that we took the liberty to add a few pranks around the studio?" asks Fred.
"Not at all." Elladora winks at the twins. "I have a few things set up myself. Blaise, would you like a pastry?"
A plate of pastries appear.
Blaise takes one. "Sure. Anyone else want one?"
Fred grins evilly. "Actually I'm full."
George grins evilly. "Yeah me too. Big buffet brunch at the Three Broomsticks."
Elladora grins evilly. "And I have this ice-cream cone!" She points at the air.
Blaise munches on his "pastry". "You don't have an ice-cream cone."
"Well I don't want anyone to steal it! I put an Invisibility Spell on it!" says Elladora indignantly.
Blaise looks confused. "Okay... you're odd you know..!"
Blaise has currently changed into a large canary due to the fact of a Canary Cream concealed inside his pastry. He makes, in fact, a very mysterious, handsome, drools canary. Because of this thousands of canaries swarm Canary Blaise and begin swooning.
Elladora ducks a late canary. "Oh Blaisie they like you! They really like you! Though the guy is mysterious, handsome, drools he isn't very intuitive. "
Blaise makes an angry chirping noise.
Fred shakes Elladora's hand. "Excellent technique Elladora. You could go far."
"Thank you. I try to keep your and the Marauders' legacy alive while I study at Hogwarts and during my entertaining chat show. Snape has really hated me since the last episode aired."
George rubs hands together. "Excellent. That means your doing well."
Blaise makes angry chirping noises again.
"Wait a minute... this canary's a Slytherin isn't he?" says Fred, horrified.
Audience gasps.
Elladora adds, "No Slytherin exits the Crazy Chats studio without being humiliated first!"
George nods in agreement. "Exactly. Good work with the Malfoy git before the show."
Elladora grins. "I try. So let's see, we need torture for Blaisie!"
The audience protests. "NO! He's too swoon-worthy!"
Elladora sighs. "People if you have to swoon over a Harry Potter Character, make it a Gryffindor ok?"
The audience nods. "Yeah you're right. Get the Canary!!!!!!!"
The audience suddenly all have pitchforks and torches and they chase Blaise the Canary offstage while the swarm of real canaries follow.
Elladora, Fred, and George lean back and relax.
Fred holds up a bottle. "Butterbeer Elladora?"
Elladora takes the bottle. "Thank you Fred. You didn't put anything in it did you?"
Fred's eyes widen innocently. :Now Elladora darling, would I do a thing like that?"
"Of course you would." Elladora sniffs the Butterbeer and then Fred's hands. "Nosebleed Nougat."
George gasps. "How did you know?"
Elladora's voice begins to sound dangerous. "I think the question is how didn't I know? Now Fred would you like a Butterbeer? Or how about you George?" She magicks up another bottle of Butterbeer mixed with Nosebleed Nougat.
Fred and George get up and slowly back away. "No thanks..."
"Come on boys, just a little sip?"
Elladora begins chasing the twins around the room whacking the Butterbeers against their heads and shouting, "Now say it with me, 'I will not try to prank those smarter than me!'
The cameraman/Voldemort steps out in front of the camera. "Well that's the end of the long overdue Episode Five! Elladora is currently trying to get Fred and George Weasley to grovel and beg for mercy. Nasty blood traitors... Think crazy thoughts! Also, if anyone else has any information on that evil boy Harry Potter call 1-800-I-M-U-S-T-A-V-A-D-A-K-E-D-A-R-A-H-A-R-R-Y-P-O-T-T-E-R! Said very fast This number only works on a yet undiscovered planet. Side effects may include nausea, vomiting, boils, and death at the hands of an Evil Dark Lord!"
Yeah if you can't read that number (I know it makes me very dizzy to look at), it's 1-800-I MUST AVADA KEDAVRA HARRY POTTER! Please don't call it though because it reality it does not work and you'll probably get Mars or maybe just AT&T. Actually I doubt that's the number for AT&T or any other company for that matter! Think crazy thoughts and torture Draco and other Slytherins! And like always review! E.D.J.
