Disclaimer- Seriously would J.K. actually want this??
Authoress' Note- Pardon the lack of updating! Was working on the book I hope to have published and I just posted the very late next chapter of Summer with the Arrogant Prat! Plus school has started so I assume my workload will get even worse! Think crazy thoughts and show your love for your authoress (or the fanfic whichever you prefer) by reviewing! Cheers! E.D.J.
Thank you to my reviewers I hope you haven't exploded from lack of Crazy Chats!
La Conquistadora- Yeah er... sorry about the breakup with the Dark Lord. I'm sure you'll find someone better. Preferably not Orlando Bloom, Oliver Wood, Harry or James Potter, Ron Weasley, Remus Lupin, or Sirius Black. They are all spoken for by me (NO I DON'T OWN THEM), but being the generous person I am, I still share them with others for a snog, but not for dates.
Frifri- To get the JK Rowling thing to work you have to open the door and click around in the blackness and a light will turn on! If you google JK Rowling's Secret Door or something similar there's full instructions on how to find the excerpt from the next book, but I'm not sure if the door's open anymore! This is the humor fic you can actually laugh at???? I'm touched that I bring genuine laughter to people!
AnniePADFOOT- If you have to swoon over Malfoy, please don't do it in front of me kay? I still have the utmost loathing for him, but I still am willingly to accept other people liking him. Glad you were happy I used Professor D.S. Silvers' Blaise Zabini suggestion! Ok just no! NO I will not snog Lord Voldemort (or Draco for the matter just keep him PLEASE!) ever! (Vomits) Yes I noted the sarcasm, but even thinking about that makes me sick! La Conquistadora is the only Voldie request I've gotten thus far and I hope it's the last!
Hallucinate- Yay my fic is wonderful! Yes Dumbledore/Dumbledora is slightly odd, but it just came to me because I spelled Dumbledore's name wrong while writing that episode and it just hit me and I went with it! Perhaps I bring Fred/George back in a future episode with the Top 10 ways list! I love making lists! (Summer with the Arrogant Prat has about 3 hilarious Marauder and Lily lists!) And it's ok to turn evil, just not Dark Lord evil ok? I am slightly evil, but I'm not bent on killing innocent people or anything.
Hana- Thanks for the compliments! I'm hilarious AND a great writer? Wow! And yes you were right about the whole Imagination SpongeBob thing. NO One else answered the question! –shrugs- I guess they're not as cultured as us. B.T.W. Fairly Oddparents is the best show on Nickelodeon!
Loonygrl90- I'm glad this is your favorite fic ever! Wow! Anyway I credit you with the invention of the wildly popular snog requests! AND the first EVER snog request. You should be very honoured and proud!
Acatm- Yeah I'm crazy, but funny right? I personally think I'm not as bad in real life (though others who know me may disagree), I just have to get the crazy out somehow!
Snog Requests BABY!
Fred/George- La Conquistadora (Just don't break their hearts in your quest to get Voldie back or I will have to hurt you.)
Draco: (not that slimeball again!) frifri
Harry: frifri (you said Daniel so I assume you meant Harry because I'm only going to refer to the characters and not the actors who play them)
Blaise Zabini- anniePADFOOT
Snape- Hana
James- acatm (and yes a restraining order has been instated so Lily must stay a minimum of 1000 feet away from you!)
Remus: Elladora D. Jobberknoll (Yes I give myself another snog with him because he's just to irresistible and sarcastic for his own good!)
"Hello and welcome back to Crazy Chats with the Harry Potter Characters! Grawp and blonde git Draco are still having fun in the land of IMAGINATION." Elladora pauses and smiles evilly. "Well Grawp's having fun. Anyway today's guest is... Walter bring in today's guest!"
A small house-elf, otherwise known as Walter, runs in carrying a tray, which he sets on the chair next to Elladora.
Walter bows. "I bring the guest Miss. You be needing anything else?"
Elladora shakes her head. "Nope. Just continue bowing until I tell you to stop."
Walter continues bowing.
"Today's guest as you can see is a plate of brownies!"
The audience oohs and ahs.
"But it's not just an ordinary plate of brownies, this is a plate of brownies that has been touched by The Boy Who Lived!"
"Oooh.........."
Elladora clears her throat. "So er... Mr. Brownies... would you tell us about your life changing experience about being touched by Harry Potter? Is it true that a part of you now resides in his stomach?"
Mr. Brownies says nothing.
"Don't be shy! We're all friends here."
Mr. Brownies still says nothing.
Elladora says nervously, "Our guest doesn't seem very talkative today. Mr. Brownies, would you like a glass of water to clear your throat?"
Nothing. Nada. Zip.
Elladora snaps, "Damn inanimate guests! Who comes up with these? Oh that would be me. Er... Grawp get over here! And bring Draco with you!"
Grawp appears with Draco sitting on his shoulder. Both are dressed in fancy hats, dresses, and makeup.
Elladora gapes. "Um.... er.... what?? Who??"
Draco blushes. "We were having a tea party."
"A tea party?"
Draco hops off of Grawp's shoulder. "Yes a tea party. It's actually quite fun. Care to join?"
Elladora gasps. "What have I done to you? No biting comments? No insults? NO!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Draco shrugs. "Yeah the land of IMAGINATION (rainbow appears) seems to have that affect on most people. I love being nice! I feel like kissing some babies or cooing over some puppies!"
"Oh my...Merlin. It's horrifying! Completely horrifying."
"Did I ever tell how beautiful you are?"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! "
Draco glances around the set. "Your chat show set could really use some pink frilliness. It would be soooo cute! I'll go get my fabric swatches!"
Elladora is even more horrified. "Pink frilliness? Are you mad? I would rather decorate the set in Slytherin colors than in "pink frilliness"!"
Draco pouts.
Elladora throws up her hands. "That is the last straw! No more dress up or tea parties for you mister! Grawp take him to Voldemort's theme park! Make him evil till he cracks!"
"But I don't want to be evil! I want to be Harry Potter-like! A hero!" whines Draco.
Elladora raises her eyebrows. "When you're in your right mind, I'm sooo telling that to Harry for blackmail."
"But I want to be Harry!"
"Shut it you pink frilliness little twit! If you want to be like Harry, here you go!"
Elladora pelts Draco with 'Mr. Brownies' who has been touched and partially eaten by Harry Potter.
"No! It burns! Too much contact with something touched by Potter! The selflessness! The messy hair! The sweet smelling chocolate! It's too much!"
Draco collapses on the floor and Grawp disappears with him to Voldemort's theme park where Draco is rehabilitated and entered in a Ten Steps to Return to Evilness and Anti-Pink Frilliness Program.
"Well back to our guest Mr..." Elladora glances at the floor before kicking brownie crumbs underneath the rug. "Well our guest is currently... in pieces. Perhaps a new guest can be rounded up?" She touches ear. "What? What's this? It has been confirmed that Harry Potter and Ron Weasley have been spotted outside the studio and are eager to make a return on the show! Bring 'em in Walter!"
Walter the house-elf walks in with Harry and Ron floating above his head/
"The guests Miss." Walter bows.
"Wait a minute! I never told you to stop bowing before! Where'd you go??"
Walter cringes. "Well when Miss started flinging brownies, Walter was most afraid and hid outside until you was finished. Walter is sorry. BAD WALTER BAD WALTER!"
He hits himself over the head with a frying pan, knocking himself out.
Since Walter has been knocked out, Harry and Ron are released from the spell and plummet to the ground with a large crash.
"I'm so glad you two were so excited to make a return to the show!" squeals Elladora as the two boys brush themselves off.
"We didn't want to return to your crazy show! That house-elf caught us walking by and floated us (against our will mind you) in here! Let's get out of here Harry!" says Ron.
Elladora shakes her head and pulls out her wand. "Not so fast my little redhead. Incarcerous!"
Ropes wrap around Harry and Ron tying them to various items of furniture.
Harry struggles to try and free himself. "What are you doing? Why'd that house-elf bring us here?"
"Walter is under strict orders to always bring any wandering characters to me. He was just doing his job. "
"What are you going to do to us?" asks Ron.
Elladora smiles cheekily. "Nothing Ronniekins! I just want to humilate in whatever way possible! I'm very good at getting the dirt on anyone and everyone."
"You sound like a younger version of Rita Skeeter," grumbles Harry.
Elladora pinches Harry's cheek. "Oh you're so sweet! I've always looked up to her, but I, in fact, am able to get information that is true unlike Miss Skeeter who makes up stories and twists around people's words."
(Puff of green smoke)
Rita Skeeter appears. "I do not make up stories!"
"Rita darling! How are you?" asks Elladora.
Rita looks relieved. "Oh Elladora dear! It's you! I should have known! You're going to be big someday! You're wonderful at squeezing people for information."
Elladora smirks. "I try Rita."
"And I see you've got Harry Potter here? Brain-damaged little thing isn't he?" says Rita with a sigh.
"Hey!"
Elladora shakes her head. "Oh quite the contrary Rita. My sources tell me that he received Twelve O.W.L.s."
"Twelve? How do you know that? I don't even..." Elladora magicks a sock into Harry's mouth.
"Harry darling, I'm chatting with Rita right now. Could you be a dear and shut up?" asks Elladora sweetly.
"Mwghhhhhh..."
Elladora sighs. "Yes, yes I promise to get a pink flamingo when I'm done. Now sit still and be good."
"A pink flamingo? Why do you need that?" Ron asks Harry.
Harry shrugs.
"Hey...uh... crazy interviewer type girl? Can I get a orange monkey?" asks Ron.
Elladora nods.
"YAY!" Ron starts rolling across the floor in a sort of tied up victory dance.
"You're so wonderful with your guests! No wonder they keep coming back!" observes Rita.
"For the last time! We were forced to come here!" shouts Ron.
"Ronnie, don't kid yourself. You know you were here to see me." Elladora grins slyly at him.
"What?? Why would I fancy a crazy, out of her mind, psycho?"
Elladora shakes her head grimly. "That was a tad redundant wasn't it Ron?"
"Yeah it was, But as I was saying..."
"Ronnie! Quiet! Ella's talking! Shut it or no orange monkey!"
Ron pouts.
"Cool you made him cry!" says Rita with a giggle. (Friends reference! Anyone know who says it? No I don't own Friends.)
"Yeah he's been a little sensitive since I burned all his maroon clothing," says Elladora.
"No. You burned everything except my maroon clothing!" Ron shouts angrily.
Elladora grins evilly. "Oh yeah! That was fun."
Harry nods. "Yeah it was hilarious."
Elladora squints at Harry. "What happened to that sock I stuck in your mouth?"
"I spit it out."
"Did I say you could do that?"
"No..." Harry quickly rolls over and puts the sock back in his mouth.
Elladora wipes away a tear. "They learn so fast."
Rita stands up. "Well I've got to get back to spreading nasty rumors!"
"Meet me for tea later so we can swap stories on humiliating the innocent?" asks Elladora.
"Wouldn't miss it for the world!"
Rita disappears in a puff of green smoke.
"I suppose I'd better get ready for that tea!" Elladora leaves.
"Wait! You're just going to leave us here! Crazy girl! And what about that orange monkey?" shouts Ron.
"Mwghhhhhh..." comes from Harry.
"And Harry's pink flamingo? Anyone? Help?"
Cameraman steps out in front of the camera. "Well that's the end of our show! Oh by the way I'm the substitute cameraman Frank! Voldie's sick today! I bet he'll blow a gasket when he finds out how close he could be to killing Potter! Tootles!"
He...he... I particularly enjoyed this episode though Draco's changes were most horrifying! (Shudder) His Ten Step program better be working! Encouragment letters for Draco can be sent to him through a review! E.D.J.
