Disclaimer- Still wondering if it's mine? No comment.
Authoress' Note- Wow tons of reviews for just one chapter! –grins proudly- Hope this chapter fulfills your need for craziness or the need to prove that I should be getting help! I am so sorry for not updating for almost a month, but three fics, a book in the works, and school take a LOT out of you! I'm trying! Oh and the new non-script format to the story? Apparently script-form is not allowed by FanFiction as demonstrated by the disappearance of Evadne's bread boxes! I don't want that to happen to me and I don't want to try and find another website to post on, so the format's changed! But the humour's still there! E.D.J.
Gracias! Reviews son muy buenas!
AnniePADFOOT- Yes Draco was too scary for me too, so that's why I sent to rehab! I don't want him like that!!! Who would I be able to torture?? I have given Voldie a whack around the ears, but refuse to hit Ron or Ginny. I know you despise him, but I think Ron is just beyond cool and I only torture him out of love. And Ginny she's good, I don't have anything against her, so she won't suffer either. Also I suppose Ron's orange monkey would very much clash with his hair so I'll be keeping on layaway to give to some other character! And who doesn't want to snog Draco or Tom Felton? ME THAT'S WHO! Of the actors I would much rather snog Rupert Grint or the guy who plays Oliver Wood! Dreamy!
Acatm- I'm glad you like the story! I seriously can read over episodes of this and say, "Where did that come from?! How did I think of that? I'm too crazy."
Iamannonoymous- Don't really know why you wanted to cancel your snog request, but whatever you say! And if you didn't cancel it I still would NOT make Hermione and Harry snog because my shipping has changed since Episode 1 (where I was neither H/H or H/R very much), but now I'm a diehard Ron/Hermione fan so no it wouldn't happen.
Serena van der Woodsen- Glad you liked the story! Yes I know what you mean about not snogging James. I'm restrained myself and kept myself happy snogging Remus and the Episode 2 snog with Sirius, but you know I may just lose my restraint someday and James won't know WHAT hit him! –grins evilly-
La Conquistadora- No it's Hogsmeade. I'm glad you like the fic and I'm TRYING to update and make it funny, but I have a lot to do!
Snog Requests!
Note- The authoress requests the right to refuse snog requests of any person though I am very generous of people's differing tastes. The only person I refuse to let anyone snog is Peter Pettigrew because seriously he's a evil little nasty toad of a person and who'd want to snog him anyway? So if you suddenly feel the urge to request Pettigrew (please no! the images!), you will be promptly refused. Besides he's tied up in a closet somewhere in London and probably isn't up for any snogging after 280 days without fictional food or water.
Draco- frifri, Vanna Mave C, anniePADFOOT (I'm trying to restrain myself from any rude comments and have been so far successful. cough slimy git cough Oops!)
Ron-frifri, Vanna Mave C (Got nothing against Ron! Love Ron! Snog him all you want!)
Lucius Malfoy- stephanie a.k.a friend of frifri (Yes frifri I agree with you. I am still wiping the vomit off the computer!)
Snape- Vanna Mave C (Draco's not the only evil one! Snape's evil too! Just not Death Eater evil. Anymore.)
Tom Riddle (his sixteen year old self apparently)- Evil Freaky Person Who Should Die (No you don't need to die! Don't die!)
Sirius- anniePADFOOT (I don't think she's every going to let him go. Not that I blame you of course, Annie. Sirius is HOT!)
Oliver Wood- p0pptartt (Yeah! He's one dreamy piece of guy!)
Fred/George- p0pptartt (Yes Fred/George. My wonderful pranking guy friends.)
Wow I'm surprised no one else asked for Sirius or for poor Remus! :-( I'll console Remus with some more snogging! I really don't mind! Dreamy.... E.D.J.
"Hello! This is the wonderful show Crazy Chats with the Harry Potter Characters! I'm your interviewer and authoress Elladora D. Jobberknoll!" shouts Elladora.
Loud cheers come from the audience because they've all been asleep for almost a month, wondering if the interviewer died or something.
"Today's guests will be a number of highly important Death Eaters!"
Loud oohs and aahs come from the audience as they wonder how Elladora will deal with such evil people.
Five highly trained hit wizards lead three Death Eaters on stage, handcuffed.
"Sit," Hit wizard #1 orders and the three Death Eaters sit while the hit wizards fade into the background, ready to stun any of the Death Eaters if they try to attack anyone.
"So your names are Bellatrix Lestrange, Rodolphus Lestrange, and... Lucius Malfoy." Elladora glares evilly at the pale, blonde-haired man in front of her.
Lucius sneers slightly. "You are the girl my son's been having such problems with?"
"You could say that." Elladora smirks slightly.
"My, my. You must be a very talented witch to be able to outsmart my son."
"Oh I am very talented, but that has nothing to do with it. Your son just isn't very clever. I suppose it runs in the family."
Lucius makes a violent lunge at Elladora, but is stopped by one of the hit wizards.
"Aw did I strike a nerve there, Lucius?" asks Elladora mockingly.
Lucius just grumble something incoherent.
Elladora looks offended. "I do not sell firewhiskey to kids!"
Rodolphus looks intrigued. "How did you even hear him say that?"
"Mind reading powers, Rolphie."
Rodolphus' face turns ashen as his childhood nickname comes back to haunt him.
Bellatrix waves a hand in front of his face. "Rodolphus? What's the matter?"
"Rolphie..." he whispers. "Rolphie the Murtlap Boy."
"I remember that!" shouts Lucius, beginning to howl with laughter. "You used to carry that stuffed murtlap around with you everywhere and we thought you were the weirdest thing ever!"
Rodolphus scowls angrily. "For your information Lucius, my grandmother told it would make my nose look smaller!"
Bellatrix laughs softly. "You grandmother was always a bit off her rocker, you stupid berk."
"Don't you dare insult my gran, you ugly little hag!"
Elladora raises an eyebrow. "Aren't you two married?"
Bellatrix and Rodolphus both look confused. "Yeah?"
"Well you're calling each other ugly hags and stupid berks, I just don't see the love there."
Bellatrix eyes Elladora menacingly. "Not that love has anything to do with it, but those are our pet names for each other."
"Ugly little hag and stupid berk?"
"Yes."
Elladora turns to one of the cute hit wizards and mouths, "They're crazy." The hit wizard shrugs and mouths, "You have no idea."
Elladora turns back to the Death Eaters to find Bellatrix and Rodolphus combing and braiding Lucius' hair, despite their handcuffs.
"Ahem..." she says clearing her throat. "Care to explain?"
"His hair's just so pretty," says Rodolphus, pouting slightly. "We couldn't resist."
Elladora raises an eyebrow. "And you don't mind, Lucius?"
Lucius shrugs. "There better at it then Narcissa."
"Okay..." says Elladora, wondering why she had to think to bring Death Eaters on the show and get mixed up in their strange warped lifestyles.
"DONE!" shouts Bellatrix happily and she and Rodolphus show off Lucius' hairstyle to the audience who look strangely intrigued by their talent at hairdressing.
Elladora turns to the audience. "Just remember, they're in Azkaban for a reason. Despite how nice your hair can look after they're through with it."
"I object!" shouts Bellatrix. "I did not steal Alice Longbottom's hair curlers! I merely helped torture her and her husband into insanity! I'm innocent I tell you! Innocent!"
"But you weren't accused of stealing..." Elladora magicks up a file cabinet of trial records. "Goyle, Hart, Jobberknoll..." Elladora blushes. "I can explain!"
The audience looks skeptical.
"I enchanted the Sorting Hat into spouting out rude things at last year's Sorting Ceremony, but the spell went funny and started accusing me of a number of atrocious things, so the Ministry had a trial against me because it thought I was letting Lord Voldemort into Hogwarts when technically I only hired him as my cameraman and the studio's located in Hogsmeade! That's much different that Hogwarts! So they let me off and haven't even tried to arrest Voldie because he's testified that he's perfectly happy here and has no desire to kill or torture people anymore because enough tort... fun happens on this set!"
"Our master is here?" says Bellatrix whirling around. "Where is he? I must go to him!"
Elladora sighs and uses a Semi-Permanent Sticking Charm on Bellatrix so she can't get up from her chair. "I still have to find your dumb old trial record, you dolt! Ah here it is Lestrange! Funny, you were accused of torturing Frank and Alice Longbottom into insanity and stealing Mrs. Longbottom's hair curlers!"
"We're innocent I tell you! Innocent!" shrieks Bellatrix, trying to pry herself off of the chair. "We didn't steal her hair curlers! No matter how pretty they were!"
"Huh. Speaking of hair curlers, let's talk about you Lucius!" says Elladora whirling on the older Malfoy. "Did you know that you could be nicknamed Lucy?"
Lucius' face goes pale. "No, I didn't know that. And I must warn you if you call me that you'll..."
"LUCY! I'M HOME!" hollers the audience.
"Oh the torture!" shouts Lucius, covering his ears. "Quoting Muggle T.V. shows!"
"Oh it's alright Lucy," says Elladora, shooting a blast of cold water at Lucius' neck and giggling as he shrieks like a girl.
"That was cold!" Lucius whimpers. He falls to the ground sobbing uncontrollably.
"Where's my master?" shrieks Bellatrix, running around with the chair stuck to her backside. "Master? Master?"
One of the hit wizards stuns Bellatrix and she falls to the floor rigid.
"Aren't you going to go see if she's alright?" Elladora asks Rodolphus.
Rodolphus shrugs and leans back in his chair. "The ugly little hag had it comin'. I always knew she cared more about the Dark Lord than me."
"Oh that's the thing..." says Elladora walking over and standing above Bellatrix's stiff body. "Your 'master' is currently in a high-security holding chamber somewhere because the Ministry doesn't quite trust him not to start killing people if he's reunited with his Death Eaters. So Frank's the cameraman again! And I must be off to tea with my beloved Remus Lupin! Ta!"
Elladora skips off stage.
Frank steps in front of the camera. "Well that's the end! Sadly Voldie couldn't be with us again due to lack of trust in him by the Ministry! I hope he's not too upset with them! (cut to seen of Voldemort throwing chairs at the walls of a windowless room) Oh well. He'll get over it! Let's give a big round of applause for our lovely hit wizards who are currently stunning Lucius Malfoy for too much crying over being hit with cold water! Until next time!"
I must tell you all never to get mixed up in the warped lives of Death Eaters! It's just too much! And if anyone was wondering a murtlap is "A seashore-dwelling rodent native to Britain, this ratlike creature has on its back a growth resembling a sea anemone, which when pickled can be used to promote resistance to curses. The murtlap will attack anyone who steps on it, although it usually eats crustaceans, not people's feet." according to the Harry Potter Lexicon and Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them by Newt Scamander! What'd you think of the Death Eaters' appearance?? E.D.J.
