Disclaimer- If it were mine, would I be so cruel to be writing fanfiction when I should be furiously working on Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince? I think not. In conclusion, it's not mine and I apologize to J.K. Rowling for messing her characters up.

Authoress's Note- Who updated? I updated! -loud cheer- Who was ready to hurt me? -all readers raise hands- Well you can't because I updated! -sticks out tongue- Anyway the only person who could actually hurt me for not updating would be La Conquistadora...oh damn I'm giving her ideas. Onward! E.D.J.

Thanks for the reviews!

Romulan Empress- Yes thingy... it sounds so much better than simply thing!

La Conquistadora- You make me sad that you lost your awesome long drinkin song review. -tears- What does thpt mean? I think you've written that before and I have no idea what it means! (Actually I'm just too lazy to think on what it may stand for. Enlighten me?) I so need to copy down your "Well art is art...and if you mash cranberries like applesauce they taste much more like prunes. Now tell me what you know." quote! I love it!

anniePADFOOT- Yes, cameos one time deal. I apologize for the lack of Neville/Luna/Ginny focus in the last chapter, but I was having a bit of a block on thinking of something funny to happen to them. I personally feel Episode 1 is horrible! I wonder how people can read that first and then want to read onward! -shrugs- More reviews for me! You're going to kill Ron and Ginny on your own time. That's -cough- nice I guess.

Sonicbunny-I'll just pretend I know what you're taking about with the old-fashioned English preppy sense revial thing. -nods and smiles- Yes the Zoolander-love of stupidity humor thing was basically what I thought. Just checking. I can't wait to see Meet the Faulkers with Ben Stiller! Meet the Parents... GOOD MOVIE! Yeah he was in Starsky & Hutch, but I haven't actually seen the movie, so I wouldn't know which half he played. Yes watch out for poachers and I AM resisting the urge to comment on the blokes being unable to write about emotions thing! LoL. Yep, just master that soul-searching look and I'm yours! Kidding. I'm not sure your girlfriend you mentioned earlier would approve!

fire-icecat- Glad you liked the episode!

p0pptartt- Yes the Neville-fear of lighting equipment was a wonderful thing that popped into my head. I'll consider the Quidditch captain interviews!

ThelovelyladyLily- You are such a devoted reader and reviewer! Thank you! Glad you liked it!

Jelly/Jenn- Glad you like the fic! Yes 10,000 points for being Canadian!

Azure Ocelot- Most cool name though I don't do character to character snogs/giveaways and I'm also a rather anti-Remus/Sirius Harry Potter fan. Thank you for reviewing.

Nikki- Glad you like it!

Telwyn Dubois- Yes many people have the fears of La Conquistadora and Elladora. You're not alone! Does your new pen name mean anything?

Doodlebug- Glad you like the fic! Lovely randomness with sugar on top is a perfect description of Crazy Chats! I'm a middling Harry/Ginny fan.

starla9- Thank you for reviewing.

Serena van der Woodsen- Glad you liked the cameo. I want the present!!!!!!

siriusly137- Thank you! I'm glad you appreciate my taste in hot fictional characters! Yes the Marauders are gorgeous! Well except Peter of course. Lovely pun for your name. Yes REMUS is the best!!!!

kudos-to-chaos- Thanks for reviewing! Give your sister a kick for me. If she asks why, just tell her it's in accordance with the prophecy.

Professor D.S. Silvers- Yay you're back! Yes I'm sure Blaisie would be very handsome, mysterious -drools- ash as well. I made you spit icecream out your NOSE? All I can say is WOW. Sorry, cameo was a one-time dealio.


SNOG REQUESTS!!

Sirius: anniePADFOOT, Jelly/Jenn, Telwyn Dubois

Draco: anniePADFOOT, Jelly/Jenn

Remus: Elladora D. Jobberknoll, fire-icecat, Jelly/Jenn, siriusly137, Professor D.S. Silvers

James: ThelovelyladyLily, Jelly/Jenn, Telwyn Dubois

Ron: Jelly/Jenn

Fred/George Weasley: fire-icecat, Doodlebug, kudos-to-chaos

Harry: Telwyn Dubois, starla9 (yes it's multiplied by 24 for you)

Dear Merlin, Remus is popular! -huggles him protectively- Don't be too hard on him, girls! I need him back! E.D.J.

(End Authoress's Note)


"Welcome, welcome, welcome! From all of us to you! We hope you have lots of fun so we can party too! Oy!" sing Elladora and her conga line of slightly tipsy crew members who are dressed in various leftover Muggle Halloween costumes. (A/N- Yes don't entirely recall all the words of that birthday song, but I believe that's the basic jist with a twist.)

Random Cast Member #21 shouts, "Whoohoo! PARTY!" Elladora shoots a Stunner at him for no particular reason except that she felt like it.

"CRABBE! GOYLE!" shouts Elladora and the two Slytherins, who have now risen to the heads of the roadie crew, untangle themselves from the conga line and hurry over to Elladora.

"This bores me," says Elladora with a slight yawn. "Leave me be, remove Random Cast Member #21 from the stage, and have Grawp send in the torture victims."

Crabbe and Goyle march the conga line off stage and drag the stiff body of Random Cast Member #21 away. Echoes of "Send in the torture victims!" are heard growing steadily fainter.

Grawp lumbers on stage, ignoring the whimpers and shrieks coming from the two humans struggling against his grip.

"Thank you, Grawpie!" says Elladora sweetly. "Make sure the crew doesn't try to play human chess again. Random Cast Members #14 and #5 were at St. Mungo's for weeks with those rutabagas growing out of their nostrils."

Grawp nods, drops his two victims, and goes off stage.

"Ah, how are we today?" Elladora asks the two victims.

"Actually…" begins victim #1.

"I don't care, Draco," says Elladora, cutting the slimy git off. "You should have known better than to escape Voldie's evil theme park, acquire a small army of winged monkeys, and then attempt to murder me in my dressing room. Not your best work. Now when you tried to kill me with that ice pick, that was creative. I never would have dreamed you'd have yourself shipped in a box from Australia, disguised as the large crate of Billywigs I'd ordered. I have to applaud you on that attempt."

"Hooray," mutters Draco.

"And YOU…" snaps Elladora, whirling on victim #2, "aren't who I wanted to torture. Grawp, are you sure you got the right torture victim?"

Grawp comes on stage and shrugs. He leaves.

"What's your name?" Elladora asks victim #2. "Why are you in my secret-dungeon-located-under-the-Hogsmeade-store-Dervish-and-Banges, -which-is-now-guarded-by-the-winged-monkeys-that-Draco-so-thoughtfully-provided?"

"Er… I'm Arsenius Jigger, the author of Magical Drafts and Potions," says the thin, grey-haired man. "You locked me up for twelve weeks because you didn't think my book had enough pictures."

"Ah yes!" says Elladora loftily. "I think I charmed more pictures into my copy of your book, almost…eleven weeks ago. I suppose you may go."

Arsenius Jigger stands up immediately and races off stage, frantic to be free of these crazy people.

"Anyway, I believe we need some guests!" exclaims Elladora, charming the shackles around Draco's wrists to wrap around a piece of lighting equipment near the back of the stage and Vanishes him and the lighting equipment back to the secret-dungeon-located-under-the-Hogsmeade-store-Dervish-and-Banges, -which-is-now-guarded-by-the-winged-monkeys-that-Draco-so-thoughtfully-provided. "Accio guests!"

Three pops are heard and Parvati Patil, Lavender Brown, and Hermione Granger appear in various chairs on stage.

"Not you again!" gasps Hermione, clutching her wand protectively. "Harry and Ron have been having nightmares about being tied up by house elves since the last time you took them hostage! This is kidnapping is what it is! I will report you to…"

Elladora waves her wand and performs a Silencing Charm. Hermione quickly removes it will her own wand. Elladora casts the spell again. Hermione removes it. Elladora casts the spell again. Hermione removes it. Elladora casts the spell again. Hermione removes it. Elladora casts the spell again. Hermione removes it. Elladora casts the spell again. Hermione removes it. Elladora casts the spell again. Hermione removes it. Elladora casts the spell again. Hermione removes it.

Six hours later…

"Either…take…my wand…or…stop…putting…the charm…on me!" gasps Hermione between getting the spell cast on her and removing the spell.

"If you promise to be good," says Elladora in a singsong voice, not at all fazed by the amount of time the audience and Parvati and Lavender have been waiting.

"Fine," says Hermione flatly, crossing her arms.

"Alright girls," says Elladora primly. "Are you three the only Gryffindor girls in your year or are there students we haven't met yet?"

"Well like we do have like two like other girls who like share like the dormitory with like us," says Parvati, glancing absently at her nails.

"Yeah, but they're like trolls or like something 'cause they like never like are like seen in pubic like EVER!" exclaims Lavender, wide-eyed in horror at the thought. "I would like simply like die if like I couldn't like be seen in like public!"

"Oh dear Merlin," mutter Hermione and Elladora in perfect unison.

"I can't believe you to still believe that crazy Divination bat!" scoffs Hermione. She turns to Elladora. "Trelawney apparently told them that we do have two other roommates named Marjorie and Olivia who live with us in spirit, if not physically." She snorts loudly. "The point is, no it's only me stuck with these two."

"How unfortunate," says Elladora dryly.

"That is like so not true!" protests Parvati. "I've like actually like seen Marjorie! She's like totally like invisible unless like your like Inner Eye is like clear!"

"Oh yeah, like I've like seen her too," adds Lavender, nodding.

"Really?" says Elladora, raising an eyebrow. "Brains or brainless? Who do I believe?"

"Oh brains totally," says Parvati excitedly. "We've like got that completely like covered right there. I mean like we both almost like received like almost Ps on like all our O.W.L.s."

Lavender nods. "Our mums were like so proud. All they like managed was like almost Ds."

Elladora suddenly gets a stroke of sheer brilliance and leans over and whispers something in Hermione's ear. Hermione grins wickedly and nods.

"Alright, let's see, where's my notes in accordance with the prophecy?" states Elladora, looking underneath her chair. "I was sure they were here in accordance with the prophecy. Damn in accordance with the prophecy."

Parvati and Lavender shoot puzzles glances at each other.

"Are you sure they aren't there in accordance with the prophecy?" asks Hermione worriedly. "I mean, how will the show go on in accordance with the prophecy?"

"I don't know in accordance with the prophecy!" shouts Elladora dramatically. "I'm ruined in accordance with the prophecy! I'm ruined, I tell you, ruined in accordance with the prophecy!"

She collapses on the floor and sobs hysterically shouting, "in accordance with the prophecy!" after every sob.

"Why are you like talking like that?" asks Lavender.

"Saying what in accordance with the prophecy?" asks Hermione innocently. "Whatever do you mean in accordance with the prophecy?"

"You're both like saying like 'in accordance with like the like pro…'" Parvati pauses and frowns. "I don't like know what like the word is, but I like think it has to like do with like something to do with like that like subject that we like are like obsessed with, like you know?"

She nudges Lavender. "Like definitely," agrees Lavender.

"You know what in accordance with the prophecy?" says Elladora, picking herself up from her dramatic sobbing on the floor scene. "I think those girls you share a dormitory with may be bewitching you into hearing things in accordance with the prophecy."

"Like really?" asks Lavender and Parvati, wide-eyed.

"Of course in accordance with the prophecy," says Hermione, nodding. "We know we're not saying anything strange in accordance with the prophecy."

"Marjorie and like Olivia are like…mean!" sobs Lavender.

"Maybe like Professor like Trelawney can like help us like get them like expelled!" shouts Parvati. "They should like not be like making us think we're like crazy!"

"Of course in accordance with the prophecy," says Elladora soothingly. "Grawp will escort you back to school in accordance with the prophecy."

She snaps her fingers and Grawp appears. Elladora motions to Parvati and Lavender and makes a motion of locking something and throwing away the key. Grawp nods and motions for the two girls to follow him off stage. They do and loud shrieks are heard as the two like girls are like carried off to like totally like annoy Draco and like the other like dungeon inmates.

"Brilliant!" shrieks Hermione. "I get a whole dormitory to myself! Thank you!" Hermione cheers loudly and cartwheels off stage.

"My work here is done," says Elladora. She nods and walks offstage, swinging a polecat in a perfect Hagrid-like fashion.

Voldemort steps in front of the camera. "Yes, we've reached the end of another episode and we've worked through many laughs, tears, and over usages of the words like and in accordance with the prophecy. The like queens are currently near to being Avada Kedavraed in the secret-dungeon-located-under-the-Hogsmeade-store-Dervish-and-Banges, -which-is-now-guarded-by-the-winged-monkeys-that-Draco-so-thoughtfully-provided, the sane Gryffindor girl is currently going insane over the fact that she doesn't have to share a dormitory with a pair of airheads anymore, and your lovely authoress and interviewer has now rejoined the tipsy crew members' conga line backstage. What they are celebrating, I know not though I'd better go join them before they start reminiscing over the speech all us Slytherins receive in our first year, How to Become an Evil Dark Lord in Seven Evil Steps, without me! Until next time!"


No I'm not a Slytherin! I just employ a lot of them for the show! Come on, you know I'm completely brilliant! Ravenclaw or Gryffindor all the way for me! Anyway hoped you liked it! Thank you for all the reviews and/or snog requests! If I missed anyone, please tell me and I'll be sure to include a response to you in the next episode! Back to the conga line! E.D.J.