Chapter 3: I'm hiding my tears.....
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Both Lutianna and Karsh looked at the tall cyborg, who had pushed himself up from leaning on the operating table and stood full height, glaring at the lavender-haired Deva. Karsh seemed to shrink under the severity of the garnet eyes that were on him. Gyadarun had the same dangerous look about him that both the deva and the scientist hadn't seen in two years.
The look of a soulless killer.
"I...but..." Karsh started, unconsciously backing away from the imposing form that was slowly advancing toward him, showing no signs of attacking or defending. Gyadarun was just stalked foreword at a slow enough pace to seem threatening. The deva hated backing down in a situation, but a sickening feeling in his stomach told him that it was either back away or lose his head in this case. The cold eyes kept Karsh mesmerized in awe and slight panic until he felt himself bump against the wall near the door of the lab. Gyadarun stopped before Karsh, giving mere inches between them and no room for the deva to run. Karsh's eyes swept around for any openings or chances to put a bit more distance between them but found none given what little was to his advantage at the moment. Summing up some courage, looked up into the bionic assassin's face. Gyadarun stared back at him, no emotion visible in his face as he stood towering over Karsh.
"Leave." The cyborg repeated, the volume in his voice dropping slightly, which made him sound more threatening. "Now."
Somewhere within the sickening feeling of fear that made his stomach do somersaults, Karsh felt his heart sink. Gyadarun obviously didn't want the deva around him and made that painfully clear in his words and body language. Clinching his fists in anger and sadness, Karsh turned his gaze from the towering Gyadarun. It was useless to push the subject of staying.
"....'right..." he managed to barely whisper, his eyes fixed on the floor to the left of him. Karsh figured that Gyadarun had heard him since he had retreated back a few paces, allowing space for the lavender-haired man to move to the door. Karsh's legs felt like lead but he somehow managed to move them toward the door and out into the hallway, where he stopped and looked back at the cyborg just in time to see the lab door slam shut behind him.
Karsh stood for a few seconds in front of the door, letting the feeling return to his legs before he trudged dejectedly back to his room on the upper floor. Dragoons he'd met on the way there gave him concerned looks and a few of them even asked if he was alright. They were waved off as Karsh finally reached his room. He had no desire to speak to anyone at the moment. Being out in the open with such a noticeable wounded look made him feel more vulnerable then he already was. Karsh hated feeling weak, especially now.
The second he was inside his room, however...
"DAMMIT!!" he growled in frustration as he slammed the door to behind him so hard that it made the vase on the side table fall off and shatter on the floor with a resounding crash. Karsh blankly looked over at the shattered remains of glass that lay still and silent on the floor. Ironically enough, in an abstract way it reminded him of the incident in the lab and his pitiful efforts in speaking to Gyadarun. The glass had burst apart in a single instant of motion and the vase itself was beyond salvageable.
Just like the shattered hopes he had.
But what had he originally hoped for?
The thought occurred to Karsh that he had absolutely no clear idea of why he went down to look for Gyadarun. What was he hoping to accomplish by digging up the past? He hadn't seen the Porre cyborg in two years. What did he expect out of him anyway? Karsh blindly ran down to Lutianna's lab just because Glenn said Gyadarun would be there. No thought given to how Gyadarun would feel about seeing him. The deva sighed and ran his gloved fingers though his untidy, long hair.
Was I actually expectin' him to fall in love with me? Karsh asked himself, now thinking that, if he wasn't head over ass in love with the cyborg to begin with, the situation would be extremely funny. Even so, a few rogue tears threatened to leave his eyes at the thought of how he'd be laughing at himself if he was anyone else. "Gods...I'm such an idiot..."
He had just seen the person who made his heart do flip-flops and that very same person had made it quite clear that he gave as much regard to Karsh's existence as he did dirt. Karsh couldn't understand it. The somewhat conversation they were having wasn't going all that bad. Gyadarun had been answering the deva's pathetic small-talk questions and even asking some of his own, even though Karsh was hesitant to reply to some of them. Everything had been going so well until Lutianna arrived...
Lutianna! the idea suddenly hit the deva. The second she had walked in, Gyadarun had all but threatened him to leave the lab. Before that, he really hadn't minded Karsh being there. Why did...?
Some ideas and theories came into his head as he pondered over where Lutianna fit into the equation. Some ideas ranging from her repairing or modifying Gyadarun to him being in love with her. Karsh prayed the latter wasn't the case but the still creeping fear that it might be tugged at his troubled mind. With what he knew about Gyadarun, there was always an 'if' involved. A familiar prickling at the corners of his eyes caused him to squeeze them shut in an effort to fight tears. He hadn't cried once since he had killed Dario. The same empty feeling was there but for a completely different reason. Karsh had loved Dario and been forced to kill him to save his own life. This time, he was in love with Gyadarun and the detached bionic man seemed to have little to no interest in him.
"It's not fuckin' fair!!" the deva raged, slamming his fist repeatedly against the wall by the door in anger. Adrenaline pumped wildly through Karsh's veins in response to the deva's animosity, allowing his hand to succeed in making it's mark on the abused wall that lay in it's path until he ceased abruptly, his hand, throbbing in pain, as it nestled uncomfortably in the indentations it had made
Karsh sighed, exhausted by his little tantrum/outburst, and let himself slide down to the floor. Pulling his knees up and wrapping his arms around them, he set his head on his knees, burying his face in the fold of his arms. He felt like a child, curling up into a little ball and on the verge of crying because something didn't go the way he wanted it to.
Karsh, one of the great Arcacian Dragoon Devas... he thought, mockingly as he buried his head in the fold between his arms and let himself cry like he had wanted to the second the lab door has slammed shut in his face.
It isn't fair...
TBC
Note: Sorry this chapter sucked. I have no idea how to write Karsh angsting so this is really OOC. ;;
