A/N: Thanks to all reviewers and here is chappie 4. Just to let ya know, Lord Xylophone is Lord Voldemort, in case you get confuzzled.


Disclaimer: I own nothing. Bleh.

Mary Porter and the Musician's Metronome
Chapter Two


Mary sat in the sunlight with Hagrid, enjoying a nice ice cream sundae down in Del Segno Alley. She finished the last bite, and inserted her bowl and spoon into a recycling bin. That was one of the things Mary found a bit strange about musical people-they recycled any and everything. They really were ages ahead of Footiefans in the technological field. Technological, Mary mused, what a big word! After all, she was only eleven, and had barely any education, all thanks to the Turkeys.

"Mary, what's left on your list of school supplies?" questioned Hagrid. Mary shrugged and pulled out the HAMLOP, waiting for her list to show up. The disk rose a few inches above Mary's hand and spun at a rapid pace.

"BONESLIDES SCHOOL OF MUSIC AND MARCHING PRESENTS!" yelled the automated voice on the diskette, "A MESSAGE APPROVED BY HEADMASTER DYNAMIDORE (ORDER OF MOZART FIRST CLASS, GRAND SAXAPHONIST, CHIEF CONDUCTOR, SUPREME MARCHER, INTERNATIONAL CONFEDERATION OF MUSICIANS)!"

Mary sighed in annoyance as the dramatic pause of silence reigned, and then the robotic voice blasted out, "SCHOOL SUPPLIES LIST FOR BONESLIDES!" Mary shook her head, and waited for the Hamlop to continue.

"UNIFORM!

"Beginner students will require:

6 set of Marching Outfits, Blue and Yellow

3 sets of Lounging Outfits, Any color(s)

One Marching Band Uniform, Blue and Yellow/ One Guard Uniform, Blue skirt w/ Yellow top

One plain blue shako, with white plume

One pair thin white gloves for performances/One pair Guard gloves

Three pairs of fingerless gloves for practice

One Parka, Blue and Yellow with white fastenings

Two sets of sneakers

One Pair Marching shoes/Guard Shoes

Names should be written on the inside of each item.

"COURSE BOOKS!

"All students should have the following books:

The Standard Book of Scales (Grade 1)
By Clair E. Net

A History of Music
By Cal Lor Gard

Musical Theory
By Theo Wree

A Beginners' Guide to Concert Band
By Mar Imba

One Thousand Basic Marching Exercises
By M. Ar-Ching

Warm-ups for Drums and Marimbas
By Dr. Ummer

Fantastic Instruments and How to Play Them
By Ima Bandie

The Untimely Forces: A Guide to Metronomes and Tempos
By Ty Ming

Dot Book-Be sure to have a string attached for easy access during Rehearsals

"MISCELLANEOUS!

"One instrument/One Flag

One Thermos (blue, standard size 1 gallon)

One set mallets or drum sticks

One music stand

One set valve oil/cork grease/guard tape

"END TRANSMISSION!"

"Um, I have to get my uniform, books and instrument."

"Okay, why don't yeh go get yer uniform and I'll get yer books fer yeh?"

"Okay."

Mary walked down the center of the Alley, and found the shop she was looking for: Madam Marchin's Marching Outfits for All Occasions. Mary stepped into the shop.


Madam Marchin greeted her in a rough Italian accent and rushed off to get some marching outfits and a uniform that might fit Mary.

Bang!

Mary looked around wildly, and noticed a girl with blond hair rubbing her forehead as she opened the door. The girl looked up at Mary and giggled.

"I, like, don't know why, I just, like, do that a ton!"

Mary nodded, and scooted away from the weird girl.

"No, wait, it's OK! I'm Dum- I mean Darcy. But, like, who are you?"

Mary, who'd already encountered enough psyched musicians already, just gave her first name.

"Mary."

"Larry? Huh, what an awful name, it's, like, so common!" Mary frowned, but Darcy didn't notice. Instead, she kept on chatting, the whole time amusing herself with a Chinese Finger Trap by pulling her fingers.

"Are you, like, going to Boneslides?" asked Dumb-I mean, Darcy.

Mary nodded.

"My parents hate that, like, weird Dynamo guy that's the headma… headmas… the Principal there. And they hate it 'cause, there's, like, non-pure-bloods there! They're, like, Foot-bloods!" exclaimed Dumb-I mean, Darcy, dramatically. She gasped.

"You're not, like, foot-blooded, are you?"

"Um…?"

Just then Madam Marchin came back with some outfits, and spotted Darcy, who was constantly saying, "Ouch!" while trying to figure out the Chinese Finger Trap.

"Darcy, dear, guess-a what!" shouted Madam Marchin.

"What?" Darcy yelled.

"Somebody spilt-a nail polish out on the street! It's-a still wet, you-a know!"

"No, like, way!"

"Yes-a way!"

"Like, how COOLERIFIC! See you at Boneslides, Larry!" she shouted, and ran out of the store.

"Yuk, little pest, come and-a mess-a up my-a shop, curse-a that-a Dumb Blond…Oh? Mary, dear, come-a try on your-a outfits!"


A little later Mary exited the store. Hagrid met her with a big pile of books and a small yellow one, which he handed to her. Attached to it was a black string, and on the cover was 'DOT BOOK'. "Put that on." She did.

"Now, let's see, thar's on'y one thing left on yer list, 'ary. C'mon, I know da perfect shop."


Hagrid led Mary to a store with a sign that read: "Quality Instruments and Guard Equipment Since We Don't Remember B.C." Hagrid opened the door and shoved Mary in. Mary jumped as a creepy, withered old guy poked her back.

"BOO! Welcome to Quality Scares Haunted House… Wooooooooooooooooooo, you can't see me!" he whispered. He cackled and motioned for Hagrid to sit.

"I know what you came for, lil' one. Now, what are you interested in, band or guard?"

Mary shrugged as a self-measuring measuring tape measured her arm, her head, her finger, and her foot.

"Hmm, well, we'll see… Hmm, how about this flag, seven feet, aluminum, with nylon flag?"

Mary took the flag and tried to mimic the drop spin she'd seen Hagrid do. She whirled it around in a circle and knocked a music stand down.

"No, definitely not."

The man brought Mary a new item, this time an instrument.

"Ah, the trusty old trombone. A three-foot long trombone and a silver mouthpiece. Go ahead, give it a blow."

Mary blew with all her might. Something that sounded very much like a frog in a blender escaped from the bell.

"NO! No, not for you. Hmm, what about this?"

The man handed Mary a flute. "Foot-and-a-half long flute, with closed keys, gold mouthpiece." Mary blew, and produced a rather scratchy sound came from the flute.

"No, not many can play a flute quite right. Well, I wonder… Maybe, well, just try it. Black clarinet, with a Pigeon Plant reed. Go on, try it!"

This time, Mary made a rich, nasally sound that any clarinetist makes. She grinned, and blew on it some more, until it made a rather unpleasant squeak.

"Yes, that's perfect, well, that'll be 1,249 Jumbo Paper Clips charged to Ms. Mary Porter's account at Reedgotts. Now, Ms. Porter, this is very interesting… Very interesting indeed! For, You-Know-Who-"

"You mean Lord Xylophone?"

"YES! Don't speak his name! His very saxophone reed came from the same Pigeon Plant as yours did, and that Pigeon Plant allowed only two reeds to be taken from it's tail, just two, no more. It is curious that your wand would be the sibling reed to-"

"To Lord Xylophone's reed?"

Right now the old man looked as if her were having a heart attack. "DON'T SAY HIS NAME!!" the old man bellowed, and received an odd look from a boy glancing in the window.

"Um, I'm sorry about saying- hey, what a neat xylophone!" Mary rushed over to a marimba and tapped one of the keys with her nails. She laughed.

"C'mon, 'ary, we best get going!"

Mary nodded and followed Hagrid out the door. She waved goodbye to the shivering man who was cowering on the floor. Mary's face produced an evil grin.

"That's a real nice xylophone, mister," she commented. The man shrieked as she closed the door.

'MWAHAHA! I have learned how to control musicians all over the world! They will all bow down to do my bidding! HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!' Mary thought.

"Uh, 'ary, what're yeh laughing at?"

Mary blushed. "Um, nothing Hagrid," she lied.

"Righ'. Well, we best be getting' yeh back ter Sunny Street. 'Ere's yer ticked fer the Sliding Express. Be sure ter be there on September first if yeh plan on goin' ter Boneslides!" Hagrid drove her home in a golf cart, earning many strange looks from fellow drivers.


"Thanks Hagrid!" said Mary when she got home. She grinned her ticket to the Sliding Express, and pushed open the door to the Turkey's home, her clarinet drawn.

"FEAR ME!" she screamed, and Diane, who had answered the door, ran as fast as she could to her parents.

"AHAHAHAHAHAA!!" Mary laughed. It was going to be a fun four weeks before she went off to school…


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