A/N: Okay, okay, I'm updating late again. I don't know why, but even though this story has garnered me a fair amount of reviews, I end up hitting writer's block after every chapter. Le sigh.
Nevertheless, I'm going to update and see what happens! :) I hope this turns out to be a good one. I'm also going to go back and edit some chapters. Cut down on the mushiness, you know. Some mushiness is good; other times it's like overripe watermelon – just gross and unnecessary. So, off I go!
Note after finishing story – beware the angst. But it's a long chapter, so be happy!
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Isabelle noticed with dismay that Ginny returned to the girls' dormitory that night looking hopeless and unusually tired.
"Gin?" she whispered tentatively from where she sat cross-legged on her own bed.
"I think it's over," Ginny sighed.
"What is?"
"I don't know. The past couple days. The thing with Draco." She paused. "My life."
Isabelle tilted her head sympathetically. "Ginny . . ."
Ginny shook her head and slipped into her bed, not bothering to take off anything but her shoes and outer cloak. "I'll talk to you in the morning." She yawned. "Thanks for waiting for me."
Isabelle smiled. Even in this mess Ginny was in, she still found time for manners. "You're worth it, Ginny."
The two girls lapsed into silence. Isabelle fell asleep rather quickly, having stayed up until eleven waiting for Ginny. But Ginny lay awake, staring at her canopy and twirling a lock of her hair in her hand. Should she really end it with Draco? It felt nice to be with him. Although, granted, 'being with him' was only a few minutes of kissing him. Which was nice, yes.
But before that, he'd been an absolute prick to Ginny and her friends. She was just about to call it definitely quits when she remembered him saying "Siesta, siesta!" only a few hours before. In spite of herself, she grinned in the darkness. He could be so cute. She thought of him brushing the hair off her face, ever so gently, like he knew what was coming, like he treasured every moment before she broke it off . . .
All night long, even in her eventually sleep, Ginny weighed the options. She felt like those five iron balls hanging from wires, clacking incessantly against each other, never able to settle down and decide anything. Should she? Shouldn't she? . . .
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Meanwhile, Draco was nursing a butterbeer he'd bribed Pansy to get for him. He felt slightly guilty about the hopeful way she'd given it to him, making sure their fingertips touched, but he was also repulsed and had escaped to the boys' dorm as quickly as he could.
"What. Is wrong. With that girl," Draco said to himself through clenched teeth, thinking about Ginny.
"Look, Draco, at least you're getting free butterbeers out of her," said Blaise's muffled voice through his bedsheets.
Draco was about to correct Blaise as to of whom he spoke, but decided against it lest he spend the rest of the night explaining himself. And that would lead to another thing – should he lie about Ginny? He admitted to himself that he was partly ashamed – he knew everyone in his dorm harbored a deep-set resentment toward the Weasley family. He had been one of them, until the night when he and Harry decided they couldn't do something as simple as counting doors.
He was grateful to Harry, though – he knew he was better off in the long run after his experience with Ginny, even if it led to nothing at all.
Which he desperately hoped it wouldn't. In spite of everything that could – and would – go wrong, he wanted Ginny near him. He wanted to kiss her, to hear her comforting voice, to feel her soft skin under his touch.
"Draco," said Goyle's dull voice from where he sat on his bed cheating off of Crabbe's homework (which was coincidentally cheated off Draco's), "you've been drinking air for the past ten minutes, dude."
Draco lowered his mug from his lips and looked inside to see the very bottom. "So I have, dude," he replied in kind.
Goyle squinted at Draco. "You okay, man?"
Draco sneered. Goyle's concern was merely groveling in disguise. Just because he happened to be the best looking, cleverest, most-admired, and humblest sixth year in Slytherin . . . Honestly.
"I'm perfectly fine," Draco snapped back, setting his mug down into his nightstand with a thunk. "I'm going to sleep. Don't make too much noise. And by the way" – he pulled his curtains shut – "Crabbe copied the wrong essay for Potions. He copied my Astronomy homework . . . Let's let him turn it in to Snape tomorrow, it should be funny . . ."
Goyle looked down stupidly at his own homework and saw with dismay that his Potions essay was about Saturn's rings. He frowned, thought a bit, then shrugged and continued copying.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
For the next two weeks, Ginny and Draco couldn't decide what to do with themselves – or each other. Whenever they saw each other in the corridor, they stopped talking and averted their glances, faces burning. Neither of their groups of friends could figure out what was wrong with them, except for Isabelle.
"Look, Ginny, if you're so hopeless, just talk to him. It can't hurt," Isabelle reasoned as they lunched in the Great Hall. Today's menu included beef stew, although Colin had found a feather in his.
"Izzy, no. I'm sure after that whiny talk I gave him he doesn't want anything to do with me."
"Then why is he staring at you?" Isabelle said under her breath so no one else could hear.
Ginny's head snapped up without her command and turned toward the Slytherin table, to where Draco usually sat. As soon as their eyes met, Draco dropped his gaze, reaching for the salt shaker as though he'd only just seen it. He dropped the salt shaker on the table, and, looking flustered, tossed a pinch of the salt over his shoulder before leaving the Great Hall in a rush.
Ginny moaned.
"Hey, it doesn't matter what sort of meat this is, it's good," said Doug fervently, spooning stew into his mouth cheerfully. He had obviously mistaken her moan of longing for a groan of disappointment with the food.
Ginny smiled. "Nah, I'm just not hungry," she said casually.
Doug shrugged. "Okay, but you better eat dinner 'cause you're barely skin and bones." He immediately looked down into his soup bowl after realizing what a flirtatious and lame thing that was to say. He had to stop doing this, he decided. Talking like a smooth operator. Which he wasn't.
Ginny blushed but obeyed him, tentatively eating some of the stew. Doug was right; it was good. She eagerly ate some more, which pleased Doug and convinced him to speak up again.
"So, did you do that project in Charms for today?"
" . . . Project in Charms?"
Doug frowned at her. "Yeah, the one that – ohhh, that was the day you were sick! It's about fake charms that people sell. We discussed it in class earlier on but she wanted us to do some sort of research project on it."
Ginny dropped her spoon into her bowl of soup. "And it's due today?!"
Doug nodded slowly. He hadn't meant to upset her.
"Oh, my gosh!" she squealed suddenly. In her haste to grab her bookbag, her fist hit the handle of her spoon in her bowl. The spoon tipped like a lever and flung a chunk of the mystery meat down the table – where it hit Ron smack in the forehead.
The whole table went quiet for a fraction of a second, then erupted in laughter.
"Ginny!" Ron roared, his face an alarming combination of crimson and the brownish-grayish color of the stew.
"I'm so – sorry – Ron!" Ginny said between guffaws. "Do you – need my napkin?" She hadn't laughed so hard in so long. She picked up her linen napkin and held it in his direction, her hand shaking from the giggles that racked her body.
Ron snatched it from her hand and tried to clean his face off, but it only resulted in smearing it all over his face. The other tables in the Great Hall had caught on and Ron felt dozens of faces turn toward his.
Hermione, who had an ounce of pity left for her friend, grabbed his arm and dragged him toward the corridor, where he bolted into the nearest boys' bathroom. Hermione teetered with indecision, then decided her friend was more important than keeping up appearances. She slipped into the bathroom to find Ron wiping furiously at his face, muttering a long string of curses under his breath. She was surprised to hear a few French ones.
"Ron," Hermione said pacifyingly, "she didn't mean to do that."
Ron growled some more curse words in reply.
"Really, it's not like she meant it in a mean way - "
"I don't care, she was laughing at me," Ron said, finally coherent.
Hermione shrugged. "Well, it is kind of funny."
"Yeah, well, everyone at Hogwarts thinks so, too. Ugh, it's stuck in my hair - "
A stall door creaked open and Draco emerged. His eyes widened when he saw Hermione and Ron standing by the sinks. His usual smirk appeared on his face.
"Do you two want a little privacy?" he said condescendingly. He washed his hands in the sink, raising his eyebrow and looking at the two of them.
Ron turned crimson again. Hermione worried that he might explode the next time he blushed.
"No," said Ron vehemently, trying to think of an excuse or insult, anything to get the merciless Draco off his back.
Meanwhile, Draco's eyes had traveled up to Ron's bright red hair. "Looks like you had a little accident," he mused, crossing his arms in front of his chest after he'd dried them.
Ron remained red-faced. "It's none of your business," he snapped.
"Is someone a messy eater?" Draco cooed.
"Is someone a jerk-off who doesn't deserve our time?" Hermione cooed right back, causing two pairs of eyebrows in the bathroom to twitch upwards in surprise.
She ignored their shocked expressions. "Come on, Ron, let's go somewhere where we won't run into any more bast - "
The bathroom door swung open and Ginny peeked her head in. "Oh, there you are, Ron - " She took one step inside, then froze when she saw Draco. His face seemed to have frozen as well, but it could have also just been his normal cold countenance.
"We were just leaving, Ginny," Ron said gruffly.
"So soon?" Draco cut in, reverting back to his usual mean self. His eyes snapped off of Ginny and back to Ron.
Hermione rolled her eyes. "Yes, before anyone gets bitch-slapped. We're out."
Draco's mouth had fallen slightly agape at Hermione's semi-vulgar reference to third year. Ginny grinned and followed them out of the bathroom, leaving Draco behind looking a combination of puzzled, amused, and sad.
Only a few seconds later, Ginny was shoved into the swinging bathroom door. She stumbled into the bathroom against the wall and watched helplessly as Isabelle magically locked the door on the other side.
"Iz!" she screeched, tugging in vain at the door.
"Not until you settle things!" Isabelle's voice declared from outside.
"Isabelle . . ." Ginny whined, feeling Draco's stare. "Let me out, this is boys' bathroom, it's disgusting in here . . ."
No answer. Isabelle had, supposedly, left.
Ginny turned to Draco, who was still standing with his arms crossed by the sinks.
"She locked me in," Ginny grumbled, leaning against the wall.
"Why?" Draco asked, rather rationally, he thought.
"She thinks we should 'settle it'," Ginny replied tonelessly.
"Settle what?"
" . . . It."
"Oh. That. Well – wait a sec, how does she know?"
Ginny ran her hands through her hair nervously. "Because she saw us when we came in that night after detention in the forest."
"The Forbidden Forest?"
Ginny cut him a look. "Is there any other forest we've done detention in?"
" 'In which we've done detention.' Watch your hanging prepositions." Draco felt like being annoying.
"Shut up," she retorted.
A tense silence came over the bathroom. Ginny bit her lip and peered at the stalls. "No one's in here, are they?"
Draco shook his head. "No."
Ginny looked back at him. He looked so serious and stoic, like a marble statue. Her heart began to pitter-patter when she realized her situation – alone, in a bathroom, with Draco Malfoy looking hot and – was that a flicker of sadness she saw in his gray eyes?
"So what was with Ron?" he asked, a ghost of a smile floating on his lips.
Ginny could barely contain her grin. "I flung a chunk of meat at his forehead. Accidentally, of course."
"Right . . . Accidentally."
"It was!"
"He was practically crying," Draco informed her.
Her smile faded a little. "Ron doesn't cry."
Draco shrugged. He uncrossed his arms and slipped his hands into his pockets. Another awkward silence descended on the bathroom and Ginny suddenly realized how far away she was from Draco. They were almost on opposite ends of the bathroom, nearly fifteen feet apart. She considered stepping closer to him but couldn't do it without feeling weird about it.
"So, what's to settle?" he said in a low voice, looking at her a little sullenly. They'd been dancing around the issue. He was sure they'd both been thinking over it thoroughly for the past few weeks and now here they were, refusing to speak about it.
Ginny cleared her throat. "I don't know," she said cryptically.
Draco frowned slightly. "Fine." He took out his wand from his pocket and aimed it at the door. "Alohomora." He walked over to it, past Ginny, and jiggled the door. It didn't move. He sighed and turned around to face Ginny, who was thinking that now they were barely four feet apart. Careful what you wish for.
"She used a complicated spell," he informed her, holding her gaze.
"She's smart that way," Ginny said, staring at him, remembering his touch from only a few weeks ago.
"We're not going to be out for a while."
"She's probably eavesdropping until we - "
Draco lost all self-control. He stepped forward quickly, putting his hands on Ginny's shoulders and placing his lips on hers. He felt her gasp and tense up. She almost pulled away but melted into Draco instead.
She tentatively put her hands on his waist. Her spinal cord tingled and she heard an ecstatic buzzing in her ears as they kissed. Draco felt her smiling against his mouth. Ginny leaned back up against the wall, intensely aware of everything she felt. The tile wall on her back. The heat of his kiss. The fine hair she ran her fingers through. Draco's warm hands running up and down her arms and then behind her onto the small of her back and her neck, pulling her toward him. It felt like heaven, like they were on a cloud, floating up into the sky.
Suddenly they both wrenched away from each other, panting, as rational thinking exploded in both their heads. Ginny was backed up against the wall and Draco stepped away from her, wide-eyed.
"What just happened?" Ginny was breathless.
Draco looked frustrated with himself. It was quiet for a few seconds. Then - "Why do I keep doing this around you?" he burst out.
"Doing what?"
"That. It's like – I don't know." He closed his eyes tightly, trying to regain self-control. He rubbed his hands over his browbone, taking a deep breath.
Ginny's mind was spinning. Draco was right – they kept meeting up and then suddenly kissing. It seriously needed to stop. Or - no, it just needed to stop.
Draco apparently agreed. He had turned aside from her and was facing the wall, his forehead resting on his arm, his arm against the tile wall. "I just need to stop seeing you," he said in a low voice.
"Didn't we already - "
"No, I mean stop seeing you. Eating in the Great Hall. Passing by you in the corridors. At Quidditch matches." He straightened up and faced her again, noticing her wounded expression.
"It's not you, it's – well, it's me," he said, fully recognizing the lameness of that line.
"Well, what are you going to do about it? Stop eating? Quit Quidditch?" she said back, sounding meaner than she'd intended.
Draco held up his hands in mock surrender. "Hey, you're the one who didn't want to, you know, be together," he pointed out.
"Because this happens!" she cried. "I keep falling into your stupid arms and kissing you and I don't know why!" She took a ragged breath. "Hell, I don't even know if I like you."
Draco raised his eyebrows at her curse. She must be really freaked out if she abandoned her clean language. He didn't know what to say in reply.
She stared blankly at the door handle, her emotions within her ready to spill over. "And I know we talked about this by the lake – and it's not just our reputations. I could really care less about what anybody would say if we, you know, were together. I mean, God forbid a Weasley go out with a Malfoy! No, it's – it's not just that, I just – I scare myself. I don't feel like you're my friend and n-nothing makes sense. I don't get this." She slid down the wall onto the floor, knowing she was babbling like an idiot. But these feelings had been bottled up within her for far too long. She had no power to stop herself. "I told you before that I didn't know what I wanted, but that was a lie. I know what I want but I - I don't want to be wanting it because it doesn't make any sense." She hid her face in her knees.
She felt Draco sit on the floor beside her. "Why don't you want to be wanting - it?" he asked nervously.
Draco, nervous? This was enough for Ginny to raise her head and look at him, so close to her. "Because I don't know why I want it. I shouldn't want it." Confused tears sparkled in her amber eyes. "I shouldn't want you."
Draco's breath became shallower at her confession. Did she really - ? Did she just say - ? He hated to admit it to himself but this was what he'd been dreaming, hoping about, for the past few agonizing weeks. She wanted him. And she was so close to him. If he leaned forward only a few inches, his nose would touch her forehead and he knew all hell would break loose again. Maybe it was just teenage hormones. But he felt this went deeper than that.
Ginny waited on tenterhooks for Draco to speak, but he looked like he was studying her face. His own face was softened, serious, confused, longing. How could two gray eyes show so much emotion? She wanted, very badly, to put her arms around him and just hold him. But she knew that if she did that, they might be in here for a very long time indeed.
"Say something," she begged in a whisper.
Draco had been deep in introspective thought. "I shouldn't want you, either," he said finally as he took in the sight of her beauty. "I'm so selfish." He sighed. "You deserve to want someone better than me." He made a move to stand up.
"But I don't," she said, grasping his sleeve and pulling him back down.
"Don't what?"
"I don't want anyone else," she breathed, her grip on his sleeve tightening.
Draco felt pained. He had just taken a look, deep within himself, to see why he wanted Ginny so badly. He realized it was for selfish reasons. When he was with her, he felt loved, cared for. Something he didn't feel very often. When he was with Ginny, he felt it strongly. He craved that feeling when he was apart from her. And, though it caused him actual physical pain to tell this to himself, he could never give her anything in return for that. He had nothing to offer her. He was a selfish, greedy person. He scared himself.
"I might break your heart," he said in a low voice, barely audible. "I could never give anything to you. God, I'm so selfish. Ginny, please, don't do this to me. Don't do this to yourself."Tears slid down her cheeks. It felt like there was a whirlwind within her. "Draco, don't," she pleaded. "Stop it, I – what do you mean?"
"I don't deserve you. Ginny, stop thinking about me. You don't need me." But I need you, he failed to add. He gently removed Ginny's shaking hand from his sleeve and stood up. Maybe it was the sheer power of his maelstrom of emotions, but he opened the door without using magic and left Ginny alone in the bathroom.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
A/N: Oh, the angst! Sorry guys, very little snoggage here. In fact, I'm surprised there was any at all because Draco got all introspective and angsty.
I know that I've pretty much departed from the original tone of the story. I might go back and change previous chapters or even this one if everyone starts yelling at me in their reviews. But I promise that there's a happy ending! Pinky swear!!
And I promise that I'll try to update faster. I'm a loser, I know. I'm sorry! I'll try to crank the next one out.
Replies to reviewers:
Daphne-Enchanted: OO Well, I hope I updated fast enough. Yeesh, I got a little scared when I read your review. ;) Yes, I know, what is WRONG with Ginny? Her and her stupid conscience. Just take Draco and run! Grr.
Storymind: Eh, maybe they'll get to know each other once they get over themselves. ;) I tried to give them both looks into the other's mind in this chapter – sneaky way of getting them to know each other. Bwahaha . . . Eek! Don't send your monkeys! The Wizard of Oz was bad enough! :P
BlondeChicky: Thanks for your review! You made my day. :D
Anon: yes, Draco gets angry every now and then. ;)
Wow, all the rest of the reviews are from February or earlier. Yikes. Well, thanks to all! Please review and tell me what you think of this chapter! I know this story has become lopsided tone-wise (humor to angst? Whaaat?) but I hope this is satisfactory.
3
Toastsnatcher
