Crawling in my Skin by Little Creature

Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans or the song, blah, blah, blah…


Everyone was doing their normal routine, as usual. Most were doing their normal anyways.

Raven sat on the far end of the couch attempting to read yet another book. Covered in black leather, it was over two inches thick. Though she was not reading at the moment. She took this time to concentrate on her teammates. She admired each, one at a time.

Cyborg was playing gamestation, per usual. His shiny metallic armor flashed with the color change of the television. Fun-loving. Care-free. Big brother. Most dependable. His face was excited right now as he tried to whip his opponent on the screen. Intent, level-headed, ready. Everything about him screamed threat. The biggest Titan, and possibly the most dangerous. And perhaps the most loyal.

The shortest Titan sat next to him, egging him on. Beast boy was being a clown. Dancing around with the second controller in hand, tormenting Cyborg, coaxing him into a trap. His green skin looked eerie in the glow from the television. His green hair and eyes matched. He was the very definition of clown. Trying to be funny in everything he did. Making it one of his goals in life to make her laugh. Not in this lifetime, she'd insist. Not that she didn't think he was funny, she just wouldn't give him the satisfaction. Watching his frustration was well worth the inner laughing.

Robin sat on the far end of the couch opposite herself. Whatever he was thinking about, he was very intent on it. His expression was of utter concentration. He lounged back tossing a bird-a-rang in the air and catching it, though his eyes (yes still covered in his mask) never left the spot he was staring. Raven guessed he was planning new training techniques, going over criminal evidence or possibly racking his brain about Slade-still.

And Starfire was- nowhere in sight. Again. For the past few weeks she has been hiding in her room constantly. More than usual. More than Raven did, which was saying something. Starfire had only been leaving for food, battle and bathroom needs. Today she had even skipped lunch for favor of her room.

But speak of the devil, Starfire came cautiously into the common room, trying to slink in the shadows.

"Hey Star." Cyborg paused the game to great the startled Tamaranian.

Starfire jumped back with a squeak at her being acknowledged. She recovered, seeing everyone's eyes on her.

"H-Hello, dear friends."

Raven noticed she was trying like hell to sound as her normal, sickeningly cheery, self but in her opinion she was failing miserably. Raven glanced from one boy to the next. None of which seemed to notice the difference. Raven rolled her eyes and sighed. Boys can be so oblivious.

"What're you up to, Star?" Robin asked getting to his feet and moving toward her.

Raven watched intently. To Raven's surprise, Star backed away as she cowered before Robin, looking… terrified? Starfire would never move away from Robin, intentionally.

"Oh… I was… just… going… back to my room." Her voice was high pitched and she flew out before Robin got to her.

Strange. Raven thought.

Robin watched her leave and stared at the door where her form disappeared for a minute before turning to the others. The boys just shrugged, going back to their game. Robin made brief eye contact with Raven as he walked back to his seat. He seemed to be asking for an explanation. In the same way, Raven was telling him she didn't know anything more than he did.

Raven sighed and decided to find out for herself what was wrong with Starfire. Beastboy and Cyborg had gone back to their game as Raven slammed her book shut. They looked to her. She sat it down and walked past them and the starring Robin, giving him a second glance.

As she made her way down the hall she almost immediately had a change of mind. Knowing Starfire, it would be something really stupid. But that wouldn't explain her being so jumpy lately. Especially around Robin. That was just plain weird.

Raven stopped in front of her door and held a hand to it. She knocked on the door and waited. There was no answer. She knocked again. After waiting a few more minutes, she opened the door.

Raven stepped in to the completely covered-in-pink room and cringed. Ugh… I hate pink.

"Starfire?" She asked in her monotone, glancing around the room.

The room appeared to be empty but she knew better. Her aura gave her away. Raven made her way to the closet on the far side of the room. There, huddled in a ball, sat a crumpled Starfire, in the furthest, darkest corner of the closet. Her knees were pulled to her chest with her arms resting on top of them crossed. Her forehead lying on them and she was wrapped in a sheet. It was truly a pathetic sight. Starfire looked up slightly, just enough to show her eyes. They were glossy and blood shot. Obviously she had been crying.


"Starfire, what's wrong?"

Raven's voice was uncharacteristically kind.

"I do not wish to discuss it." My voice was shaky, I noticed.

To my astonishment, Raven turned and walked away. I buried my head back down again as I heard the door shut. I started to cry again. I just couldn't help it. I didn't think it would be so easy to get rid of her. I didn't really want her to go.

After a good twenty minutes or so I managed to calm myself down again and look up. I let out a small scream.

Raven hadn't left. She was sitting on my bed.

"Sorry. But I'm not leaving until I know what's wrong. And 'nothing' wont work since I just watched you cry for the last twenty-three minutes. So start talking."

I let another tear slip down my cheek. "I cannot tell you."

Raven came down to my level and sat cross-legged in front of me.

"Why?"

"Because I do not know exactly. I cannot remember everything. I cannot tell if I was dreaming part of it or not. I just do not know." By the end of my sentence I was crying and somewhat yelling. Raven seemed unfazed, but her eyes narrowed.

"What do you mean? A dream?"

I sighed. Maybe it would help me a bit to tell Raven. She could help me remember what was real and why it happened. But to repeat it would be torture… like it was happening all over again. The thought of having to experience it once more sent me into teary hysterics. I hurt all over again. The pain shot through my body.

"Well, remember that night when we all went to the theatre but Robin did not join us?" I managed to get out between gasping for air.

Raven nodded.

"I tried to stay awake until he came home. I was worried that he was upset or something had happened. But I fell asleep. And when I woke up…"


Flashback

3:20am

Robin stumbled into the tower through the garage door. His hair was a mess, not spiky like normal, it was standing up in all directions.

He had been out for the last 6 hours or so. And his head was spinning. Everything was extremely blurry. His head was pounding, getting ready to develop an enormous headache.

Robin started to stumble to his room. He made it to the steps in front of the door to the hallway and tripped to the floor. He laid there for a minute before he started crawling down the hall. Past Beastboy's door on the right, then Raven's on the left and then Starfire's on the right…

That's where he stopped. He crawled to the door on his hands and knees and opened it. Standing up he walked into the room the best he could. He stood to the side of her bed and looked at her. She was laying on her back in what looked like a long white tee shirt. Her hair was spread all over the pillow under her head. Her right arm was placed on the pillow by her head and her head was slightly turned to her right. Her left arm was lying across her stomach over the top of her pink blanket.

Robin sighed and began his way out of the room. And everything would have been fine if Starfire had stayed asleep. Robin would have stumbled back to his own room and collapsed on his bed, passing out till the morning sun shown through his window. But fate wouldn't have it.

"Robin? Is that you?" Starfire's voice came in somewhat of a whisper.

Almost to the door, Robin turned to see Starfire sitting up in bed. He made his way back over to her and sat on the edge looking in her big green eyes.

"Are you alright? Where have you been? I have been very worried about you."

Robin smiled calmly and leaned in to Star.

'Crawling in my skin

These wounds they will not heal

Fear is how I fall

Confusing what is real.'

Robin's lips pressed against Starfire's in a kiss. Star sat rigid in surprise. This was nothing like she was expecting. There was a funny smell to Robin and his lips tasted… strange. Though, this was her first kiss, maybe it was supposed to be this way. But she always imagined this moment different, special. Something just wasn't right about this.

Robin's hand went to her leg and started to move its way up to her thigh. Star gasped. To her utter surprise, Robin shoved his tongue in her mouth. Starfire let out a little squeak of astonishment. His hand kept moving up her body and was now resting on her waist. Star started to get nervous.

She tried to back up but Robin put his other hand on the back of her neck pulling her forward.

Starfire pushed him away with both hands on his chest. "Robin, what are you doing? You are scaring me."

Robin only smiled and moved back into her.

"No, Robin. I do not wish to partake in this anymore."

Again, Robin only smiled and put his lips against hers again. Starfire squirmed and wiggled trying with all her might to get out of the grasp of her crush's arms.

Everyone has a weakness. To use her strength, she has to call on bravery and courage. But what could cause her to lose that? How about being scared of the one person you trust the most in this world.

His hands were roaming her body and she trembled at his touch. She was trying with all her might to get away. He was just too strong; overpowering her with every movement either of them took.

Instead, he crawled onto the bed and forced her to lay back. Try as she may, she was too scared to scream. He was touching her in unimaginable places.

He stopped kissing her lips to move to her neck.

"Robin, please stop. You are hurting me."

"Stop squirming and it wont hurt so much."

Hearing his voice for the first time that night sent chills through her. This wasn't Robin. It didn't even sound like Robin.

Her eyes filled with terror as his hand moved between her legs.


There was a pause from Starfire and Raven took it as she was finished.

"HE DID WHAT!"

Trembling, Starfire looked to Raven. "I am not finished yet." Her voice barely above a whisper.

She saw Raven's eyes widen as she continued. "His hand was…"


'There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface

Consuming, Confusing

This lack of self control I fear is never ending

Controlling'

Finding that Starfire was only in a long tee shirt, Robin smiled and continued his movement.

Starfire squirmed and wriggled with everything she had to move him off from her. She had both hands pressed against his chest in an attempt to make him lose balance.

To her surprise both his hands went to her legs and parted them, allowing him to rest against her between her legs. Tears started to burn her eyes as she watched the smile on his face grow.

She pushed against his chest with all her strength and finally she thought she had succeeded. Robin moved a bit. But not for her advantage. He grabbed her hands and brought them above her head, pinning her down.

She felt him remove her underwear. She let the tears flow freely now and terror ran through her body. There was only one thought running through her mind. I have to get free.

Starfire moved and twisted as much as she could. She heard a growl from Robin.

He had stopped kissing her neck and removed his hand from between her legs.

Is he fed up with me now? Will he leave? Please leave…

Robin reached around the back of him and in one swift movement, Starfire found her arms handcuffed to her bed frame.

She widened her eyes and looked at the smile on his face.

"Now, hold still." Robin hissed.

"I can't seem

To find myself again

My walls are closing in

(Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)

I've felt this way before

So insecure"

Starfire moved as much as she possible could against her bindings. She felt the metal break her skin and felt the blood start to run down her arms. That she could live with, if she could only get Robin away.

Robin was removing his pants now.

"Robin, please. You are hurting me."

Robin didn't look at her.

She felt him pressed against her. She began to shake. "No, Robin. Stop."

The smile on his face was completely gone now. She could only see absolute determination. She could feel his eyes through his mask bearing down on her.

A fresh set of tears formed and fell down her cheeks. She felt him at her entrance and started to plead with him.

"Robin, please stop. I do not want this. I am sorry if I made you mad. I did not mean to. I will never do it again if you just let me go."

Only a small smile formed on his lips.

Starfire realized there was no convincing him. Something was wrong with him. This wasn't Robin as she remembered.

He placed one hand over her mouth, readying himself.

Starfire pulled against the handcuffs violently sending jolts of pain through her arms.

But that pain didn't compare to what he had just done. She screamed into his hand and assumed that's why he had placed it over her mouth. The pain coursed through her body as she cried in horror.

"Crawling in my skin

These wounds, they will not heal

Fear is how I fall

Confusing what is real"


End Flashback

Starfire watched as Raven sat staring at her with her mouth open a bit.

She does not believe me. Her worst fears were recognized. I have proof that part of it was rea,l thought.

Starfire undid her arms from under the sheet and held one out in front of Raven. There were quite a few slashes in her wrist were the handcuffs had obviously broken the skin. Her wrist was still a bit raw as it tried to heal itself.

Raven looked horrified.

I knew I should not have told you. You do not believe me. You do not wish to know.

"You said you didn't know if you were dreaming or not? What exactly are you confused about?"

Starfire heard the doubt in her voice and wanted to scream at her to leave. But she couldn't do it. Instead she let new tears fall.

"I do not know. I guess I was just hoping it was a dream. I was so tired that I thought maybe some of it was in my sleep."

Starfire saw the fire in Raven's eyes and assumed she was mad at her. But for what? What did she do wrong? You want to know why I let him do that. I tried to fight back. I could not. I was scared. I want you to believe me. Help me.

Raven took my wrist in her hand and examined it. "Are you still unsure if is was a dream or not?"

Starfire shook her head. "I do think it was real. I have never waken up with blood all over my pillow and my… sheets."

Raven looked to the sheet she had wrapped around her.

"This is a clean sheet. I have not slept on my bed since."

"Has he said anything to you about it?"

Starfire shook her head. "No. He acts as if it did not happen. That is why I wondered myself."

Raven stood. "Come on."

She held out her hands for Starfire to take. She did. She pulled her to her feet and immediately she had herself floating in the air. The pain from that night had mostly left. But there were a few movements that she would make that would send little shots of pain into her stomach. So she moved as little as possible.

Raven kept one of her hands and dragged her from the closet. Starfire let go of Raven and stopped in front of the mirror. She hated to look at herself now. The image of her with blood down her arms and through her hair, all over her shirt, kept making itself reappear in the glass before her. She felt her body start to tremble again. This wasn't who she was. This is not me. I do not look like that. There is no more blood. Robin has taken the old me and replaced it with this one. This one is always stained red. This one will never again be clean. This is me now.

"Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me

Distracting, reacting

Against my will I stand beside my own reflection

It's haunting how I can't seem…"

Raven watched her stand in front of the mirror wondering what she saw. What could she be thinking? She saw her start to shake and tears form again.

"Raven, is it my fault?"

Raven heard her voice scarcely above a whisper and she was barely able to make out the words.

"No. This was never your fault Starfire. Don't think that. This was Robin's fault. Not yours." Raven's voice was almost a growl.

"Then why did he do it?"

"That's what we're going to find out." Raven reached for her hand again but Starfire backed away with a fearful look.

"I will not go with you. I do not want to see him." Her voice was quivering.

Of course she wouldn't want to go. Why would I even consider bringing her down there? Raven thought to herself.

"Right. Just stay here. I'll be back."

Raven left the room and started to head for the common room.

What the hell has gotten into him? She has no idea what happened to her. And she's blaming herself. Of course she is. Why would Robin do that to her? Why? She has all the proof in the world. The marks on her wrists, the blood on her bed. I'll kill him. I'll tear him apart. He doesn't deserve to live, taking advantage of her like that. He's a creep. Jerk. Asshole. What a…

Raven had entered the common room to find the boys in the position they had been in when she left them. She didn't have time to think of what exactly she was going to say. She continued her thoughts out loud.

"Monster. How could you do that to her? What kind of leader are you to take advantage of her? She was your friend." Her voice was hollow and spitting fire.

Beastboy and Cyborg had paused their game to look at her dumbfounded. Robin stopped tossing his bird-a-rang and looked to her as well.

They all knew she was addressing Robin. He could be the only leader she was referring to.

"Ahh…? What are you talking about, Raven?" Robin asked confused.

"Don't play dumb. Starfire just told me everything. You shouldn't be here after what you did to her. How can you live with yourself?"

Cyborg and Beastboy exchanged worried looks as black energy started to escape from Raven. She was pissed.

Robin watched her intently. "I haven't been able to get near her for the last month. She's been running away and hiding in her room. So I have no idea what you're talking about Raven."

"Why would she want to be near you after that? Since you cant seem to remember I'll spell it out for you. You raped her, you asshole."

Cyborg and Beastboy gasped with wide eyes and looked to Robin.

Robin just looked at her. "I just told you I haven't been near her in a month. How they hell could I have done that? I would never do that, even if I could get near her. You should know me better than that."

"It's been three weeks that you haven't been near her. And three weeks ago is when you raped her. I thought I did know you. And so did she. How can you possibly still be playing dumb?"

Robin watched Raven fixedly as he went through his last three weeks. The room was silent as the other two looked from Robin to Raven to Robin, etc.

"I still have no…" Robin let his voice trail off.

They all saw the color drain from his face. "Oh my god." He mumbled. Apparently he remembered… something.

"Did you really?" Beastboy asked disgusted.

Robin said nothing.

Cyborg and Beastboy got up and headed for the door. Before they made it out, a black wall appeared and Raven's voice followed.

"Only one of you should go to her. I'm sure she's not up to seeing both of you at once. She feels at fault."

The two looked at each other.

"I'll go first. You keep Raven from killing Robin. Then we'll switch." Cyborg suggested.

"Why should I stop her? If it's true, then he deserves it." Beastboy's voice was filled with venom.

"I agree completely. But it should wait until Star is up to seeing it." Cyborg's voice wasn't much better.

Beastboy nodded a bit and walked to Raven's side. He was clearly making Robin aware that he was entirely against him.

Cyborg left the room and headed in a slow jog towards Starfire's room. The door was closed but he knocked just the same.

The door opened to reveal Starfire wrapped in a sheet. Her green eyes were bloodshot and her face tearstained. She was floating six inches above the ground.

"Star…"

There weren't words to express what he was feeling right now. Pity. Rage. Sympathy. Instead he pulled her into his arms and held her for a minute.

Immediately, Starfire tried to pull back, but stopped. She needed to be held. She needed the comfort. She needed to find herself again. She could trust Cyborg. He had always been her friend. But then again, so was Robin until just recently.

"To find myself again

My walls are closing in

(Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)

I've felt this way before

So insecure"

"Are you ok?" Cyborg asked as calmly as he could manage.

Starfire pulled back and shrugged. She didn't really know. Is she ok? Would she ever be ok again? What was it like to be ok, anyways? I'm alive and breathing. Is that ok?

She made her way back into her closet and sat herself back in the corner she had previously occupied.

Cyborg watched her curl herself into a ball with just her head showing through the door. He noticed all the pillows and blankets on the floor around her and realized she must have been sleeping there recently. Anger ran through his body for Robin. This is what he had reduced her to. How could someone bring themselves to rape another? Raven's right. A monster. Again he felt the anger surge through him.

"Can I get you anything? Food? Water?"

Starfire opened her eyes to look at the metal man in her door way.

"No thank you." She said softly.

Cyborg nodded acceptance of her request. "May I come in?"

Again, Starfire looked at him. She seemed to be deciding whether to allow it or not.

After a few minutes, she nodded.

Cyborg walked in and made his way to the closet. He sat with his back against the wall so he could face her.

He wanted to say something to her. Something of comfort. Something to show her that he would be there for support, to talk to. Something of how much he wanted to crush Robin. But he could say nothing. No words seemed good enough; nothing was worth saying. So he sat in the silence she had created in her isolated corner.

Starfire sighed. "Do you believe me?"

Her voice was a whisper but he heard her none-the-less.

"Yes. Why wouldn't I?"

"I do not think Raven does." She fought to say.

"What would make you think that?"

"She just seemed… doubtful."

"She believes you. She is down stairs yelling at Robin right now. Beastboy is supervising. Though I don't think he would actually stop her if she wanted to do physical harm."

"What did he say?" She asked more quietly.

"He kept saying he didn't know what she was talking about."

"Oh."

Cyborg put his hand gently on her head. She flinched a bit but relaxed slowly.

"I'm sorry this happened to you. I wish there was something I could do to take your pain away."

"If he says it did not happen, then why do you all believe me and not him?"

"Raven saw the marks on your wrists and the blood apparently. Eventually Robin got this look of horror."

Starfire sat up. "What do you mean?"

Cyborg looked to her. "Maybe he remembered all the sudden. Though, I'm not sure how you forget something like that. He was genuinely confused for a while and then he just looked… horrified."

Starfire narrowed her eyes. "I do not understand. He did not remember and now he does?"

"I don't know. I'm up here now. That's when I left."

Clearly she was not satisfied, but she nodded all the same.

For a long time they sat in silence for the most part. They made some small talk but said nothing important.

There was a knock at the door. Starfire recoiled back into her corner and let the dark completely consume her.

Cyborg got to his feet and answered the door. Raven and Beastboy stood there. He let them in.

"It's just us Star." Raven said in monotone.

Starfire stuck her head out and looked at them all standing in front of her closed door. They talked just low enough that Starfire couldn't make out the words.

"Please, you can tell me what you are saying."

They stopped and faced her. Raven nodded and made her way to the place that she had sat when she had first heard all of it a few hours earlier that night.

They looked at each other for a long time. Starfire spoke first.

"He did not remember?" It was half a question and half a statement.

"He was drunk. He remembered seeing you asleep, a voice saying 'please' and 'hurting' and then he woke up on his floor. He still doesn't remember all of it, actually most of it, but he's not denying it either."

Starfire sat there looking at her wrists. "Do you still believe me even though he does not remember?"

"Of course I do. The evidence doesn't lie. And you don't lie. You only thought it was a dream because he acted as if nothing happened. But it did. He was just too drunk to remember it." Raven took Starfire's wrists and let her energy heal them.

"Why?"

It was Beastboy who answered this time. "He says he doesn't even remember driving home that night. He doesn't remember getting into his room. He doesn't remember where or who he was drinking with. Or what he was drinking."

"Is he lying?" Cyborg asked, his voice sounding skeptical.

"I checked that. He's telling the truth. He really doesn't remember. A few more pieces from that night came to mind as he talked of what he did remember, but no details. Nothing. Only visions. And most were blurred." Raven explained.

"How are you sure?" Cyborg pushed.

"I went into his mind and saw for myself."

Starfire shuddered.

"Crawling in my skin

These wounds they will not heal

Fear is how I fall

Confusing what is real."

Once again, the silence overtook the room. For at least fifteen minutes, there was nothing said, no movement. Only silent thought.

"Do any of you find it strange that he can't remember any part of that night and still made it home safely? I mean, past his second drink he seems to have blacked out, from what he says. I know he couldn't have gotten that drunk that fast and from so few drinks." Beastboy questioned.

"I've already went through his memories of that night over and over again in my mind. My guess is he was drugged and extremely lucky that he made it home in one piece." Raven countered.

"But that's like five hours unaccounted for." Beastboy stated.

"I know. But there's nothing else there. I see very few dark, blurred shapes. Three different ones. I can't tell if they're buildings, people or what. And then I see the garage door into the tower, Starfire asleep, something red and then he wakes up. That's it. It's the same over and over again."

"It sounds like he was fighting whatever it was that had him blacked out." Cyborg noted. "Maybe we should run some tests on him. See what was in his blood stream."

"It's been three weeks. It's out by now. It was out by the time he woke up in the morning. His thoughts and vision was as it had always been." Raven said.

"Whoever it was made sure he got home alive though. That's still off." Beastboy added.

There were nods all around. Starfire had crawled into the doorway of her closet now to listen. Cyborg sat in a chair off to the side as Beastboy paced a little. Raven was still seated in front of the closet door.

"Then… it was not Robin?" Starfire's voice asked shakily, full of hope.

"It was Robin. Just Robin wasn't in his right mind. Someone made sure of that." Raven said.

Starfire nodded a little.

"It was still not your fault Star. It was still his fault. Drunk or not. He raped you. You said No." Raven reassured her.

Starfire nodded again.

"He wasn't just drunk. He had to have been drunk and drugged. Or something. Robin would never do that. And I don't think that was the intent for who ever planned it. It was just an after affect." Beastboy thought aloud.

"I think you may be right. But why wouldn't he question what happened that morning?" Cyborg asked.


Robin sat on the floor in the hallway, listening to his teammates, his friends, talk. He was watching the door to Starfire's room. Somebody planned that night too well. But not so well that all the memories were wiped clear. He went over what he could remember. Walking into the bar. Ordering one drink. He never took his hand off it and drank it all. Ordered another of the same. Again, never took his hand off it. But did he look away from it? Maybe, but not enough to allow someone to drug it. Besides, there was no one close to him at the bar. What did happen in those five hours that he can't remember? And why didn't I wonder about the events? The fact that I woke up on my floor just inside my bedroom door should have made me curious.

Before he had the chance to question too much more, a sickening thought ran through his mind. It made him want to puke. I'm a genius. I created Red X and without anyone's help or knowledge. This wouldn't be beyond my own doing. I could have pulled something like this off and do it so well, I don't even remember. I'd have the resources, the knowledge, the ability. It's the only thing that makes sense.

Robin got to his feet and looked at the door. Am I crazy! I would never do that to Starfire. Never.

Thinking how foolish he was for even considering it, he began his way to the training room. Before he got too far, he turned to look at her door one last time. A shudder went through his body and for a split second he turned ice cold. Would I?

"Crawling in my skin

These wounds they will not heal

Fear is how I fall

Confusing what is real."