Disclaimer: I don't own Xenosaga, the brand Lucky Charms, the snack Goldfish, Oscar Mayer Wiener, or the site Ebay; I OWN NOTHING! They all belong to their creators, none of which are me.
Luna: Here's Chapter 4! Thank you reviewers! It inspires me to write more and update quicker!
Chapter 4: U.R.T.V.S.?
By this time, Shion had ordered everyone around enough to decorate the bridge.
The plastic bags sorta resembled balloons…cheap, garbage balloons. And there was the curry-flavored, misspelt, birthday cake in the middle of the room. As for the wonderful gifts, Allen stored them in the corner.
" Great! Now someone go get Jr. and we'll be set!" said Shion.
" Chief! There's something I have to tell you-" said Allen, " I love-"
Just then, Albedo crashed through the Elsa's window.
" So where's the birthday boy?" asked Albedo.
" Albedo!" shouted Shion.
" Hey, why does she always get to talk?" asked Ziggy, " I must've had exactly 5 lines in the game!"
" Because I'm the main character, now shut up!" said Shion.
" Albedo!" hollered Jr., who ran into the bridge flanked by Canaan and KOS-MOS.
" Oh, looky! It's the birthday boy who turned 27," said Albedo, " But still looks 12!"
" Why are you here!" asked Jr.
" To wish you a happy birthday," said Albedo, " Now attack! Infected U.R.T.V.S!"
" Am not!" shouted Shion.
" Huh?" asked Albedo.
" I am not a T.V and neither is any of us!"
" I said U.R.T.V.S, not ' you are T.V's!"
" You just said it again! I'm not a T.V!"
" No! U.R.T.V! Like Jr.!"
Shion turned to look at Jr.
" Jr.'s a T.V?" asked Shion.
" NO! Just…ugh…!" complained Albedo, " SO stupid…infected U.R.T.V.S, ATTACK!"
Chaos ran into the room at that moment, paintball gun in tow. The U.R.T.V.S were running at them, they were T.Vs. Yes, actual T.V's that sprouted legs were running at them.
"…That's not…I mean, feel the wrath of the T.V!" screamed Albedo.
" T.V, what's so scary about that?" asked Shion.
" 1000 channels," he said.
" Great!"
" But there's never anything on, except long and pointless commercials that brainwashes you to spent money…."
" NOOO!" cried Shion.
The T.Vs surrounded them and attacked. Okay, so they just showed long and boring commercials. But it was hypnotizing.
" MUST…buy Lucky Charms," said Ziggy, giggling like an idiot, " Their magically delicious!"
" DO you know the way to use E-bay?" asked Jin, suddenly, " Must spend lifesavings on E-bay!"
" Eat paint!" cried Chaos, suddenly.
Chaos began shooting out each T.V, and instead of saying his usual, corny ending line of " I hope there will be an end to the fighting," he said: " AHAHAHAH! FEEL MY PAINTBALL GUN OF DOOM!"
" The snack that smiles back, Goldfish!" said Shion, in it's thrall.
Chaos shot that one out, as Jr. wrestled a T.V to the ground; changing channels in a frenzy.
" Come on! There has to be something on besides commercials!" cried Jr.
Suddenly, a commercial for Oscar Mayer Wiener came on, and before he knew it; Jr. was hypnotized.
" My baloney has a first name, its O-S-C-A-R, my baloney has a second name its M-A- Canaan!" cried Jr.
" Really? And I always thought it was Oscar Mayer Wiener, not Oscar Mayer Canaan," said Albedo, thoughtfully.
" Canaan…help…commercial.." said Jr., before he counties to sing his very embarrassing Oscar Mayer Wiener song.
" Don't worry, Rubedo," said Canaan.
Canaan did his special, ' crosses arms over chest like he doesn't care' move. The T.V's notice this and freeze on the spot. Then they blow up from his coolness.
" Curse you secondary character who isn't Allen!" said Albedo, and jumped out the window he jumped into.
" Ow…my head," said Shion, " What happened?"
" I believe Canaan saved the day." said KOS-MOS.
" Uh….who's Canaan?" asked Shion.
" That other guy who when he joins your party is in the 'Extra' category," said KOS-MOS, " Much like Allen. Except ever so slightly more useful than Allen."
" Gee, thanks," said Canaan, "That's the last time I'm ever going to save you people again."
" Look, it is Chaos," said KOS-MOS, calmly.
" CHAOS!" she shrieked, realizing what she just said.
" Wait!" said Shion, " Chaos helped us! He's our friend!"
" May I remind you about the eggs?" asked Jin.
" Oh. Well then, rip him apart, KOS-MOS." responded Shion.
Chaos reacted first. He shot a green paintball into KOS-MOS, who fell back into Shion, who fell back into Allen. Basically, they all fell like dominos. And Chaos escaped. Again.
Luna: next Chapter: SURPRISE!…uh, sorta.
