Disclaimer: No, I don't own Xenosaga….or Smokey the Bear's catch phrase.

Luna: Here it is! Chapter 5!

Chapter 5: SURPRISE!…uh, sorta.

" On the count of 3," whispered Shion, " 1,2...3!"

" SURPRISE!" chorused Shion, Ziggy, Jin and Allen.

" OH boy! A surprise party! You guys did remember!" said Jr., happily.

" Uh, yeah…"said Shion.

Jr. suddenly noticed that the 'balloons' were actually plastic bags, " This is…great."

" Here's your gifts," said Ziggy, flaty.

He handed Jr. his spectacular presents to Jr.; who stared at it.

A stick of gum, a half empty can of shaving cream…wow.. thought Jr.

" Thanks guys…just what I always wanted," said Jr., not even trying to hide his disappointment.

" Now we can play the age old game of pin the tail on the donkey!" said Shion.

" What, do I look 12 to you?" asked Jr., annoyed.

" Actually-" began Allen, but Shion gave him a death glare.

" No! Of course not!" said Shion, " You look 13!"
" Ahem," said Jin, trying to ease the tension, " Would you like some cake?"

Jr. eyed the cake and said, " You spelt 'birthday' wrong."

Shion lit the candles, and the flames got a bit out of control. Let's just say poor Jin's hair went on fire.

" AHHHHHHHH!" screamed Jin, " PUT IT OUT!"

" Jin," said Ziggy, calmy, " In a scenario such as this, I suggest we…PANIC!"

And everyone ran in circles, panicking as Jin's hair was getting toasty.

Shion got an idea, and grabbed the shaving cream bottle.

" Jin, hold still!" shouted Shion.

Jin kept running in circles, and Shion aimed and sprayed the shaving cream in his face and hair.

" What the?" screamed Jin, " shaving cream?"
" It was closest I had to a fire extinguisher," said Shion, " And it put out the fire, didn't it?"

Note: Kids, don't try this at home. If your friend's hair is on fire, don't use shaving cream. Use a an actual fire extinguisher, people. And only you can prevent forest fires!

" Yes…you did…" said Jin, touching his rather burnt hair.

Allen decided this was a good of time as ever to tell Shion his feelings. Why? Because Allen's quite lacking in the brain's department. Meanwhile, Jr. was staring at the cactus that his friends got him.

" Shion, I love-" began Allen.

Suddenly, a siren was heard.

" Huh. Wonder where that came from…" said Shion, " What was that, Allen?"

" I love-"

" OWWW!" screamed Jr.

" Jr. what happened?" asked Shion.

" The cactus…bit me!" he cried.

" It…bit you?" asked Shion.

Jr. grabbed his wounded finger and the cactus fell to the floor.

" It is highly unlikely a cactus will have teeth," said KOS-MOS, " In fact, records show that they no longer exist."

Shion crouched down to look at the cactus, and realized it did have teeth. 2 rows of tiny, pointed teeth. It stuck its tongue out at her and ran away.

" Such weird things, what's happening?" asked Jin.

" It seems that whenever Allen says the phrase 'I love-' unexplained things occur." said KOS-MOS.

" Really? Say it Allen," commanded Shion.

" Shion, I love-" he began.

" I AM CHAOS! HEAR ME ROAR!" cried Chaos.

With those words, Chaos tackled KOS-MOS; permanent marker in hand. Canaan and Jr. tried to pull him off the flailing android, Chaos laughing evilly the whole time.

" Once I find a paint ball gun-" began Canaan.

" Look! Albedo!" shouted Chaos, and everyone looked.

Why? Because they are also quite dumb.

And Chaos made his grand exit.

Canaan extended a hand to the fallen android, and a smiled formed. Aww….I sense love in the air! Then, Jr. burst out laughing. Scratch that last thought.

" What amuses you so?" asked KOS-MOS.

The rest of the gang looked at her, and was hysterical.

" I demand to know the cause of your laughter!" said KOS-MOS, stomping her foot.

" Oh…wow that sucks," I said.

" Disembodied voice!" cried Jin.

" Here's a tip, KOS, look in a mirror…AHAHAHA!" I said.

" Unidentified voice detected…." said KOS-MOS, confused.

But she took my advice and transformed her arm into a mirror. And yes, she can do that. It can also transform into a mirco wave, a radio, a hair dryer, a comb, a gattling gun, a T.V…

KOS-MOS looked at her reflection. And gasped. Oh, wait she has to emotions; so she stared.

A hand bar mustache was drawn on her features with permanent marker. She frantically tried to rub it off, but it wasn't permanent marker for nothing.

" CHAOS!" she screamed, and ran off again.

" So, let's eat some cake!" decided Shion, " You go first, Jr.!"
Jr. cut a slice of the strange, misshapen cake.

" Go on," encouraged Jin, " It won't bite."

" Yeah, they said that about the cactus, too." said Jr.

Jr. took a bite out of the cake. And spit it on Ziggy.

" Ew? What the hell flavor is this?" asked Jr., " Mud?"

" It's curry, actually…" said Jin.

Luna: Done! I have a question for everyone who's beaten the final boss….What level were you on when and if you beat him? My characters are on level…39 : looks ashamed.: is that too low of a level? Because every time I fight him on the 2nd form, he kills my characters w/ Proto Omega….STUPID ROBOT! Uh, anyway…REVIEW! Next Chapter: We're locked in?