Disclaimer: No! I don't own Xenosaga!

Luna: 29 Reviews! HOORAY! Thank you all for your compliments! I'm glad u people like it! AS for Albedo having an actual last name…I had no idea…Sounds funny though, like pizza…Um, here's chapter 8!

Chapter 8: Allen attempts to be macho!

Shion had just returned from the bathroom, bored. She remembered Allen confessing his love to someone, and she wandered off.

" I need some tanning lotion…" she mumbled to herself, totally forgetting she couldn't get sunburn because the sun was fake.

Shion began her way back to her friends, and spotted a figure coming her way. She squinted, and saw the person to be Chaos. With a paintball gun. And there was no escape.

Meanwhile…

" I can't believe it! She ran out on me!" cried Allen.

" Hey, you might still have a chance," said Albedo.

" You really think so?"

" No."

" Perhaps you could woo Shion with an act of manliness," suggested KOS-MOS.

Allen blinked.

" I think that KOS-MOS means you should impress her with being macho," said Jr.

" Actually…" said KOS-MOS, eyes now blue, " I was thinking of a walk on the beach with the sunset, or a candle light dinner…."

" Shut up! You're a cold, heartless android!" said Jr., " Listen, Allen, be macho and she'll come crawling to you."
" Oh. How should I do that?" asked Allen.

" I'll teach you!" offered Albedo.

" You?" asked Jr., with a smirk, " That's a good one! You speak French, giggle like a pansy and scream, ' Yes, that's it!' whenever anyone hits you!"

" Ewww…" said Canaan, as realization dawned on him.

" EW!" I screamed, also realizing why Albedo screamed, 'Yes that's it.'

" So?" said Albedo, " At least I'm not a 27 year old man trapped in the body of a 12 year old boy."

Jr. and Albedo kept bickering as Allen's gaze rested on Canaan. The pierced ear, the leaning against the wall…

" You seem cool and macho!" declared Allen, " Teach me your ways!"
Canaan stared.

" CANAAN!" shouted MOMO, " Ziggy won't let me play with Porky!"

" Uh…that's nice," said Canaan, " You tell me this, why?"

" It's not fair!" said MOMO, going into a whining spree.

Canaan realized that she wasn't going to shut up. So he said, " Tell Ziggy that flying pigs belong to everyone or face my wrath!"

" Okay!" said MOMO, and hugged him as he tried to push her away.

Allen was still there, gazing intensely.

" I need you to teach me so Shion will love me!" said Allen, " Plus, us secondary characters have to stick together against those loser main characters!"

" How much will you pay me?" asked Canaan, slyly.

" Um…5 dollars?"

" 7."

" 6!"

" 8."

" Deal!"

Canaan chuckled to himself as Allen shelled out the money; realizing how easy it was to con people.

" First, act like you don't care," said Canaan, " Second, say cool one liners. Third, don't use more than 3 sentences an hour. Fourth, lean on things. Last, get rid of those floaties."
Allen nodded frantically as he took down notes. Then he disposed of his floaties and jogged off to see Shion.

Meanwhile…

" Chaos…you don't want to do this," said Shion, trying to talk her way out of it.

" Why not?" asked Chaos, grinning from ear to ear.

" Because this isn't you!" she cried, " Your chaos! Not Chaos! You're loving, and caring and respectful! Not a menace to society that randomly pops up and attacks people!"

Chaos's feature's loosened up a bit, but he didn't ease his finger on the trigger.

" chaos was a boring nobody that had even less lines than Jin in the game!" cried Chaos, " No one like chaos! But Chaos is better! More fun. Exciting-"

" Annoying!" finished Shion.

" You bore me," he hissed, paintball gun to her head.

Just then, Allen arrived and witnessed the whole thing. Normally, he would've tackled Chaos from behind to save Shion. But he kept in mind the 5 rules of machoness/coolness. So he enforced Rule #1, act like you don't care.

" Hey," said Allen, " I see that Chaos has a paintball gun to your head and I don't care."

" Allen!" cried Shion, " Why don't you care? Help!"

Allen took this in. So he used Rule #2 use cool one liners.

" Ashes to ashes, dust to dust," said Allen, and kicked the paintball gun out of Chaos's hands.

" No! My paintball gun!" he cried.

" Not that I care, but are you alright Shion?" asked Allen.

" Allen, what's wrong with you?" asked Shion, frustrated.

Allen was about to reply, and remembered Rule # 3, no more than 3 sentences an hour. Of course, he didn't realize that Canaan broke that rule several times. And Rule #4...lean against things. So Allen leaned against the air, and fell backwards.

By this time, Shion had managed to get the paintball gun out of Chaos's grasp.

" To quote you, 'Eat Paint!'" cried Shion.

She shot him. Once. Twice. Three times. Chaos was covered head to toe in blue paint. And he burst into tears.

Luna: One more Chapter to go! That chapter is entitled : A Thrilling Ending!