A/N: Hello, all! I'm back… and random… and me… who cares? But… yeah… I just have to say that I've been really lazy… extremely is a better word… But… I re-read 'Sephiroth and the Masamune,' and realized that Zack became an entire idiot between the original and the sequel. But you can bet your sweet ass that's gunna change… okay… maybe not…

Kiki-sama: Special…? …yes… it is… special…

Kato Shingestu: Hmm… )rubs chin( interesting… very interesting… )evil smirk o' doom!( That's it!

MizunoAmi45: Hehe. Blue's Clues… how random, don't you agree? But not that random…

KT: 0.o Imagine away… Muahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Truly, Zack and Cloud are in for pain!

Ren-chan: Alright, Luke is just a SOLDIER First that I created on the dot. He could be of more importance as the story drags on…

Seiferzellsquall: Hehe. I'll keep that in mind. I guess it doesn't work for Sephy, though.

Ryu the Youkai: Really? Well… good for you! I send you streamers and hope you keep the duo tied in a closet!

A/N: I have gone a dug myself into another hole, and I have realized that this sequel is lacking a song… but hey… I've got one… but… I also need to create two plans… I hate me…

IMPORTANT: I made an error that I was too lazy to fix last chapter. The A/N made no sense because it was talking about how Cloud fell in love with himself… I meant to say Zack… And… Luke may be important to the story… but I really don't know… or am I joking…?

You are here, alone again

Ch. 4 Gay Bar Allies

Zack stood at the bar, sat actually, and guzzled his sixteenth glass of supposedly 'strong' Midgar Specialty. While doing this, the bartender and Cloud, the 'grunter,' kind of just watched. Cloud was a little grossed out, yet a little worried by Zack's need to drink so much beer, while the bartender was somewhat annoyed, and partly worried, much like Cloud.

"I think ya' better stop drinkin' that." the bartender said gruffly, eyeing the Colonel out of the corner of his eye, while cleaning a glass that was inconspicuously shiny. "It's said to put out a SOLDIER First with a dozen of 'em." Zack merely shrugged off the crusty man, whom was actually the same age as he, and continued to drink his beer. "Sir!" he cried, losing his patience, which had already been lost by beer number nine, and old man accent. "I believe you should stop this instant!" he rammed the glass he was shining down onto the bar, successfully breaking it. "Oops…" he said, quickly releasing it and looking around to see if the manager saw.

"Again!" a voice cried from a table behind Zack and Cloud. The duo turned to see a certain red-faced, red-haired, Turk. "Damn, man! That's the thirteenth one this…" he hiccupped, trying to count his fingers, but failing horribly. "This… uh… day…"

"Reno?" Zack asked, quirking a black eyebrow. The man nodded so furiously, his chair tilted back and broke, causing Reno to fall and hit his head on a nearby wall. Zack, whom was just about to help his old buddy, had just turned to help up the utterly drunk man, but he decided against it and turned back to the bar. "Aww… he'll be fine…" the bartender looked at him, wide eyed, while Zack held out his empty mug to the dude. "Refill!" Cloud let his head pound against the table. This was going to be longer and harder than he had originally thought.

(A few hours later…)

The young ShinRa grunt had long given up trying to pull Zack away from the bar, but, apparently, the bartender had not. So far, the man had tried to tell the colonel that there was a case of Midgar Specialty in the backroom. But, the idiot just shrugged and continued to wolf down the beer in his glass. He also tried to tell him that there was a television in the same backroom where the case of Midgar Specialty was. Still, the idiot swigged his beer. Finally… something worked…

"Well… I got this tape, here…" the bartender said, holding up an old, extremely used-looking VHS tape. Suddenly, for some strange reason that will remain unknown to the reader, Zack slammed down the glass and looked at the bartender. There was silence in the bar for a moment in the bar, then the chit-chat began again.

"What is it?" the colonel asked, eyeing the battered tape.

"Well… it's uh…" he stumbled around the words, trying to figure out what would get this guy to get away from the bar.

"Psst…" Cloud shot, a hand covering his mouth slightly, so Zack wouldn't see. The bartender risked a glance at the young ShinRa grunt, and quirked his eyebrow. For, Cloud was holding a strange sign.

"What…?" he asked him, scrunching his face up. " 'Blues' Clue's?'" Zack suddenly reached out and snatched the tape from the man's hand.

"We'll take it… and watch it in the backroom…" Zack smiled, his teeth shining a blinding white for a moment, then turning slightly dull. Cloud was raising his hands in triumph, and all he could hear was the Hallelujah chorus ringing through his ears. The bartender, was shocked, and slightly perturbed at how he got the man to go to the backroom.

"C'mon Cloud, we got a show to watch." the colonel said as he marched away from the bar with Cloud in tow, whom still had his hands still raised in the air.

(At ShinRa Headquarters…)

The General of the ShinRa army walked swiftly up the stairs, and checked the watch he had put on beneath his glove. It was five eighteen, still enough time to cook up an evil plot against Hojo before Zack got back to the apartment. He let the glove snap back onto his hand. Where had Zack gone? Well, on a night on the town and hadn't said where. He would probably be back around midnight, though.

Soon, the general reached the top of the stairs, and stood at the doorway onto the fifty-ninth floor. But, before he himself would head back to the shared complex, Sephiroth was going to meet with Reeve and check the security standings for the following week, and then do just a little spying on Hojo… you know… for his sake… He shook his head and pushed open the door, sticking his hands in his pockets he strode to the next set of stairs on the opposite wall.

(Back to the backroom of the gay bar…)

The young grunt sat upon the bed in the near bare room, watching as the colonel shoved the tape into the VCR deck, when suddenly, all must gasp in shock, a thought hit him. "Zack?"

"Yeah?" the colonel replied, pushing random buttons on the television in order to turn it on.

"What does 'VCR' stand for?" the blonde asked, looking at the contraption.

"Well… I think it stands for… uh…" the black-haired man trailed off, staring at the television. After about five minutes of silence, his voice echoed in the room. "A VIDEO CASSETE RECORDER!" he had cried, jumping up and raising his fists in the air.

"Really?" the Nibelheim idiot asked, not moving from his position on the bed. "'Cause if that's what it stood for, then wouldn't a video recorder be a VCR… and a VCR would be a VCP… video cassette player…?"

"I don't know." the Gongaga idiot replied, shrugging. "But I guess you make sense… kind of… hey…"

"What?" the youth asked, poking his cheeks for some reason.

"Could you find the remote…? You're good at it." at his superiors orders, Cloud pointed to the top of the VCR, where the remote lay. "Oh…" After sitting down with a thump beside the young ShinRa grunt, Zack turned both the video cassette recorder and television on. The blonde was amazed by what he saw, and the colonel quickly got bored with it.

"Oh…" Cloud gasped in mere awe, pulling his shaky hands up to his blushing face. "The fuzziness…" And, would you have guessed it… either the VCR wasn't hooked up/plugged in, or the tape was blank. For upon the TV screen, was random little black and white lines that intertwined with each other and made a static-like noise.

"Yeah…" the black-haired man stated, standing up and walking over to the wall. "The fuzzy-ness is good and everything… but what about the shiny fuzzy-ness?" with his statement, Zack leaned against the wall and looked toward the blonde.

"Well…"the grunt replied, looking at the colonel. "I never thought of that."

"Exactly," the Gongaga born idiot replied, deciding to move back to the plushy bed. As he pulled himself from the wall, he heard the familiar rip of clothing being pulled from a place that has become sticky. "Huh?" the SOLDIER asked himself, looking at the wall. Shrugging, for he could think of no answer, he leaned back against the wall, and then pulled himself back. Apparently, he enjoyed the annoying noise he made when he pulled away from the wall, for he did it a few more times.

While the colonel had been doing this, the young grunt had turned his attention to his superior, and quirked an eyebrow. "What are you doing, Zack?" he asked out of curiosity. The black haired man didn't respond, but instead, he turned around and sniffed the wall. "Uh… Zack?" Cloud asked, hoping to get his attention.

"IT SMELS LIKE CANDY!" the colonel cried, raising his balled up fists into the air.

"What?" the blonde asked, not understanding at all.

"Well…" Zack replied, shrugging and facing the youth. "I said that the wall smells like candy."

"Really?" the grunt asked, shocked. "Does it really smell like candy?"

"YUP!" the colonel responded, nodding his head nearly as enthusiastically as Reno had. "And now… I will climb the wall!" while he spoke, he turned to face the wall, and placed both hands upon it. Then, he started to crawl up the wall pretty quickly. "Look, Cloud!" the black-haired man cried as he passed onto the ceiling. "I'm Spiderman!" he hollered, then added, as a second thought. "Whoever he is."

During this period in time, the young grunt had watched his superior move along both the wall and the ceiling, entranced by it all. But suddenly, his trance was broken when the door to the room was pulled open and slammed shut. And now, another person inhabitated the room, apparently putting all of his body weight on the door. Guessing from the state the man was in… he too had come into the gay bar by accident.

"Who are you?" the new man asked, voice hoarse. This man was a brunette, with hair that barely peeled off of his scalp, a dirtied must've-been-white t-shirt, an extremely ripped up pair of faded blue jeans, and one sneakered foot, the other foot just had a white sock on it.

"Uhh…" Cloud, being a young idiot at the time, took a moment to process that information, then remembered that he should respond. "I'm Cloud Strife." he said finally.

"Oh…"the man replied, wiping some sweat off of his face. "Well, I'm Richard Luner… people like to call me Roxane… and Roxie…"

"Oh…" the idiot replied, finding it rather strange for a man to be called Roxie. But, oh well. People like to be called what they like to be called. "Okay… can I call you Rich?"

"No. I'm actually quite poor." Richard replied, still leaning against the door.

"Actually I meant-" but, before Cloud could get to whatever poin the was trying to make, a certain colonel fell onto the floor, a grate atop him. And, apparently, he was asleep. "…Zack?" the grunt asked, looking over the side of the bed to his fallen superior.

"HA-HA!" the black-haired man cried, jumping up and placing his hands onto his hips (the grating which was upon his body has now somehow gotten around his neck). By doing this, he caused both Richard and Cloud to jump back with surprise. "I have found our escape route!"

"REALLY!" the blonde asked, leaning toward the colonel again.

"…yes…" Zack replied, nodding slightly.

"Where?" Richard asked from his placing on the door.
"Up there…" the colonel replied, pointing upwards. And there, in the ceiling, lay a hole. And from that whole, both the light of sunlight and a piece of rope dangled down.

In your sweet, insanity.

Disclaimer: I do not own Zack, Cloud, Reno, ShinRa, SOLDIER, Sephiroth, Gongaga, Midgar, Reeve, Hojo, Spiderman, 'The World,' and especially not Sephiroth. A majority of what was written is owned by Squaresoft/Enix, and 'The World' belongs to whomever wrote it, and it was made for .Hack/sign. And Spiderman belongs to someone that's definitely not me. On the other hand, I do own Luke, the bartender, Midgar Specialty, and Richard/Roxie.

A/N: You've read… it's been a while… but I think you read more fics than mine… so I believe you still remember how to review. And... I know I'm evil for leaving you at a cliffie... but that's just how I am...

To review, or not to review? That is the question I impose on thy. But, ye should already knoweth that if ye doeth not review… this fic wilt no longer be continued.