Growing up in a house with a pair of alcoholic parents, Xander often dreamt about what his life would be like if he had parents that cared about him. Sometimes he'd spend the weekends at Buffy's just to hang out with Joyce as she performed mundane tasks around the house, just getting a feel of what a normal life might be like.
Funny this family in Tree Hill that Xander had discovered was still nothing like the one he had dreamed about but now in the quiet night Xander couldn't help but wonder … What would life have been like if he'd stayed?
The cemetery was still empty, the basketball court deserted and growing frustrated that Calamitas was nowhere to be found Xander wandered back to the hospital.
The wards were quiet now in the early morning and Xander found Keith's room easily, his brother was alone and Xander stood next to him holding his hand.
" You're not supposed to be here, visiting hours are over." A voice whispered behind him and Xander turned to see the nurse he had helped out the night before standing by the door.
" You going to kick me out?" Xander asked but the nurse smiled shaking her head,
" Nah, I just thought you might like to get some sleep, seems like it's been a rough couple of days for you." The nurse explained and she pointed to the wall besides her where a fold away bed was leaning.
" You are a god send." Xander stated and the nurse turned to leave,
" You too." She told him.
Xander set up the cot besides Keith's bed and he hit the mattress not even bothering to kick off his shoes or get rid of his jacket, he was asleep before he hit the pillow.
The sun shone through the window brightly as Xander woke and he rubbed his eyes wearily and sat up, swinging his legs around onto the floor he sat up before he realised someone apart from Keith was in the room with him.
Dan Scott sat in a chair on the other side of Keith's bed and although he made a show of looking at Keith, Xander felt sure that his big brother had been watching him sleep.
" How is he?" Xander asked looking at Keith himself,
" The Doc was in this morning, said the pressure's relieving itself, he thinks that Keith should be fine, but he's not sure when he'll wake up." Dan explained and Xander stood and stretched.
" Look Dan, I'm sorry about yesterday." Xander started but stopped as Dan just stared at him,
" What are you doing back here Xander? Dan asked tiredly and Xander frowned,
" Let's not do this now." Xander told his brother not wanting to get into another fight.
" You've been gone for ten years Xander. Why are you back? Why leave in the first place?" Dan asked angrily
" I know …" Xander trailed off not really knowing what to say, " Look Dan I can't change the past and I understand if you're angry at me for leaving but … " Xander stopped again and he sighed and shook his head staring at Keith lying still in the bed.
" What Xander?" Dan demanded " You put us all through hell and I think that I deserve at least to know why you did it?"
Xander stared at his Brother, then dropped his head
" You know I never smiled here Dan."
" What?"
" I never smiled here, I never laughed. I lived this fake life where half the time I had to sneak around just to see my Nephew, some one who actually made me happy and the other half of the time I had to pretend to be somebody that I wasn't. I was a miserable, weedy, weak little kid." Xander explained sitting back down on the bed.
" Whitey said you didn't remember." Dan challenged obviously thinking he'd caught his Brother in a lie.
" I didn't, not until recently but… I grew up happy Dan. I had a good life with good friends and good laughs and I worked out how who I was. But I remember being a kid that used to have to pretend all day to be like his brother just so his Father would pay attention to him and I can't help but feel I'm glad I left. And I'm sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear."
Dan was silent and Xander stayed quiet too, finally he sighed and said,
" I never meant to be gone for so long, I thought that if I ran away everyone would know that I wasn't happy and that things would change when I got back, but I hit my head and I forgot who I was."
When Whistler asked Xander to change his life he knew he would leave Tree Hill for a long time, but if this lie helped smooth things over with Dan than he'd stick to it.
There was a longer silence and finally Dan murmured,
" I'm Sorry." The older man's voice cracked and he dropped his head to stop Xander from seeing the tears in his eyes.
" Me too." Xander replied as Dan wiped his eyes.
Xander stood and he moved over to his brother Dan slowly,
" I missed a lot Dan and I don't want to miss any more, I want to be a part of this family again… if you'll have me." Xander stated and Dan nodded,
" I think I'd like that." Dan stood and the two brothers embraced breaking apart as they heard applause by the door.
Whitey stood with a huge smile on his face, he stopped clapping and stooped to hold up a gym bag.
" You two make an old man proud." He stated and Dan turned his head slightly obviously embarrassed by the comment.
" The Nurse told me you were here when I called Xander, so I thought you could use a change of clothes." Whitey explained as he tossed the bag to Xander.
" Thanks, " Xander replied gratefully and he moved back over to the bed and resting the bag on the cot he pulled out one of his own clean black t-shirts.
Shrugging off his jacket, Xander managed to untuck the gun from his waistband and hide it in the folds of the leather without the two other men in the room noticing. Then he turned to the wall to protect his modesty and pulled off his old shirt over his head.
Behind him Whitey let out an impressed whistle and Xander turned around in surprise, realising what the whistle had looked like Whitey let out a laugh.
" I was looking at that big tattoo on your back." The old man said quickly and Xander waggled his eyebrows at Whitey,
" Sure thing," He replied and he looked across at Dan,
" Never picked you for a religious fanatic." Dan stated and Xander let out a laugh,
" It looks cool."
The Tattoo was a Celtic high cross which stretched the length of Xander's back. The cross was filled with intricate knot work and unless you examined the tattoo closely you'd never notice that within the knots names where stencilled. The names of all the people that never got out of Sunnydale, those who had been killed fighting the night. Most importantly the cross certainly helped in a fight when a Vampire was breathing down your neck.
" How's Keith?" Whitey asked as Xander turned around and Xander let Dan answer the question,
" Still the same." Whitey nodded and moved over to the bed and squeezed Keith's right hand in his own.
" Hey Keith, you should wake up, you're missing your brothers acting like brothers." Whitey told the prone man and Xander smiled a small smile and shot a look at Dan who was half smiling back.
" Really Keith I don't know how long this will last so you should open your eyes and join the reunion." Whitey tried again but the man on the bed stayed silent.
" Ok then sleep through it," stated Whitey and he leaned back and sat on the edge of the cot.
" Lucas was asking about you Xander." Whitey stated and Xander couldn't help but inwardly groan as Dan shot a glare across the room.
" I'll try and see him later, " Xander replied diplomatically and Whitey looked at Keith,
" Keith's not going anywhere, why don't you pop up now?" He suggested,
" He said he'd go later," Dan shot at the Coach and Whitey sighed,
" Looks like you two still have a few things to talk over, maybe I'll come back and visit Keith later," The man mused and stood gingerly and left without a word.
A silence hung awkwardly in the air and Xander sighed and pushed up the sleeve of his jacket to look at his watch,
" Look Dan, I'm not going to let Lucas come in between us again but at the same time he is still my Nephew and the whole reason I came back to Tree Hill was because of Family." Xander stated quietly and Dan just stared at him.
" Go, it's fine." The older man finally stated and Xander nodded and stood up.
Wandering over to a table by the window Xander grabbed one of the get well cards and scribbled his cell phone number down.
" Call me ok? If he even so much as twitches I want to know." Xander explained and Dan nodded,
" I'll see you around." Xander said and headed out of the room heading not to Lucas's room but out again on the search for Calamitas.
