Fuji smiles like the world is ending.
Tezuka tries to hold onto him, but Fuji is like water, always slipping away. Sometimes, Tezuka's grip is just a little too hard, and he can feel his fingertips almost burning into Fuji's skin, as if he were branding Fuji. Fuji just continues smiling at him, and the curve of his lips hints at secrets that Tezuka will never know.
Tezuka always eventually lets him go.
They first kiss in summer.
It's not romance because Tezuka doesn't care for it, and Fuji just can't. The kiss is bitter to the point that it's almost sweet, like an apple that is one day away from ripeness, and though Fuji reaches for him, Tezuka still can't see through him.
Fuji plays tennis like he's alive.
Not regularly, of course, because Fuji doesn't care about most things, but when his opponent is good, Fuji flies. He almost seems human then, as if he does care, but Tezuka can't trust what he sees. Not when secrets curve into smiles after Fuji wins.
Everyone saw Oishi and Kikumaru long before anything happened.
Tezuka doesn't believe in true love, so he turns a blind eye to them and pretends that nothing is different when everything is. Fuji stands next to him, as always, and there's different quirk to his smile that Tezuka can't place.
Tezuka thinks to himself that the Golden Pair better not fall apart until after Nationals. Fuji whispers to him that some things defy everything and some things mean everything, and when Tezuka looks at him, he sees a ghost feather brush against Fuji's lips.
Fuji comes to him in spring, the wind in his hair, and Tezuka doesn't resist. He has never tried.
Sometimes, he thinks that Fuji almost cares, and sometimes, Tezuka thinks that Fuji's holding his secrets out to him and telling him to take them, but Tezuka never knows for sure. He only knows to kiss the shadow at the corner of Fuji's mouth, and sometimes, when he sees Fuji standing under the sunlight after drawing back, he wonders if Fuji died a long time ago.
After Nationals, Tezuka fumbles his way onto one of Fuji's secrets, and he can still hear the whisper of it brushing against him. Tezuka doesn't know what to think, so he doesn't think about it and tries to forget, but it's Fuji, and Tezuka can't.
Tezuka has never had trouble falling asleep, but he does now.
Tezuka goes to Fuji in winter and whispers sunshine coated in grey into his ear, and when he pulls back, Fuji's eyes are open.
Fuji has never looked more real.
