Cut Through Nine Lives

I don't think I'd ever understood the expression "someone's heart ripped out" until the news came that Anakin was – gone. This family had always seemed somehow immune to death, even if we had been in too many battles to bother to count. Leia and Kid sure seem to have nine lives.

But right now, I'm tempted to kill every Vong myself, and make sure they died a slow and painful death for what they did to my son. This might explain why I blasted everything in sight when Leia told me what she'd felt. Her screams had gone straight to my heart. This is worse than the urge to kill every Stormtrooper, which I've had ever since I found Chewie being kept as an Imperial slave.

Leia, who hardly ever cries and didn't when we first got the news, now has red-rimmed eyes. I take her in my arms. We just stand there like that for a minute, letting each other know we're not alone and not the only people mourning Anakin without saying anything.

Jaina comes in, still wearing her Rogue Squadron uniform. "I'm sorry if I'm interrupting," she says.

"Not at all, honey, we need to be together as a family," Leia answered.

"Did you feel it too, mom?" Jaina asks, and her voice cracks.

I used to think I would get used to Force displays being used and talked about around me. I haven't. Jaina takes after me the most of all three of my kids, and she still almost scares me sometimes, especially knowing who that force sensitivity comes from.

Leia nods, her eyes once again filling with tears.

"Come on over and we'll make it a group hug," I tell Jaina.

"Thanks, dad," she says, and does.

I can't bear to let go of my two favorite girls in the galaxy as I'm suddenly afraid I'm going to lose one of them next. There are enough holes in my heart, which I used to keep protected by gallivanting around pretending to be so tough and independent, that cannot be replaced.