Eve: Hiya readers. I'd like to devote this OCC to things that piss me off.

Mike: Evee, we don't have that kind of time.

Eve: ... anyway. 1 One word Reviews. I can't tell if people are really reading. 2 People who review only so they can get reviews for their own stories. That's shallow and easily caught. 3 Readers who don't review. If you appreciate a piece of work, tell the author. 4 how sappy my story is at some times. I was just trying to make sure they led happy lives before IT happened. 5 Having to rewrite my story and then not get any new readers. 6 People who refuse to read a story because it's long. I like longer stories because everyone hates it when books end.

Mike: You done yet?

Eve: No-

Mike: excellent. I thought I'd explain the headsets. You see, Eve is not a skitzo. The special guests actually do exist only they are teachers and kids from our school. They put on headsets that we program into either the school computer, Evee's computer, or the Library computer. Sometimes one of us will type if the speech program is broken though, but we usually tell you. Oh, and the action things are typed.

Eve: Thanks for giving all that away.

Mike: She's lazy so she programmed key words and stuff to load and separate the chapters from the commentary.

Eve: 7. Mike, drinks all my soda and never puts any back.

Mike: side glancing her our special guest apparently isn't showing up so on with the fic!

The green leaves were once again blooming on the trees and animals were slowly returning from their winter hibernation and migration. The settings for spring were being unfolded onto the stage and even the air seemed to be sweetening. The Zagan academy was a beautiful setting as the guild of preservation took this opportunity to begin planting and all around the grounds were signs that this would be a very good spring.

The fountain in the main garden was being cleaned and joyful laughter was bellowing out of almost every mouth. The winter had been hard, and everyone was relieved by the many events the spring would make jobs for. Keeping busy was all the worried and the grieving could do to keep their minds off you-know-who, so all around England sprung a race of super workers.

These individuals would do anything they could to keep busy. This made for a very well run community, but very tired organizations like the Zagan academy that were hired to keep people safe and as organized as possible. The students were enjoying the time outside as they set about doing chores in preparation for the spring.

Lisa was with a group of healers, laying under a grape-vine awning and having a picnic/study group. Derek was at work, volunteering for the guild of foods. Owiery was at his Lord's mansion, hanging out with his two friends. Everyone was enjoying the cool weather that was breaking free from winter and a Quidditch match had started up in the east field.

Yet alone in a dreary hallway stood Cota; leaning against the whine red wall with its fancy trim of dark brown running horizontally across the wall like a railing. The mahogany floors and soft lighting provided a daunting appearance like that of a high-priced lawyers' office hallway. The pictures on the wall displayed the history of the school as pens scrawled out the stories and then tapped almost impatiently as they waited for someone to read it.

Cota had read five already and then pen began elaborate calligraphy of the names of each Guild Master. He let out a soft sigh and stared at the recently polished floor; a tired eighteen year old with half-lidded eyes and hair that was on the verge of rebellion stared back at him. He let his feet slide forward, concealing his reflection.

A disappointment aroused as he saw that his shoes would be in need of a cleaning either today or tomorrow and that the regulation tie was loose on his left foot. He pulled his left foot back and tapped his toe on the floor, letting his pant leg cover the knot and hide his poor job at getting up to code within a three-minute time period.

James had left early and without waking anyone. He seemed to have forgotten that Cota had slept with his door open so that he could hear better. Cota had heard the front door close and had thought nothing of it as his drowsy mind told him to sleep and ignore the meaningless noise. That was until he heard James's voice with a sharp, slightly rough yell of 'Yah!' The noise was quickly followed by hooves, galloping up the hill.

Cota had launched himself out of bed and had eventually came to fumbling down the stairs while trying to pull his shirt down over his head. Lilly was just awakening at this point and saw the desperate struggle Cota was making to keep up with James, who had snuck out. She headed for the kitchen and grabbed the two lunches she'd made the day before.

The magical toaster was summoned out of its drawer as Lilly grabbed bread out of the pantry. She used her wand to butter it while grabbing a glass out of the cupboard and pouring juice into it. She flicked her wand and thin strips of fire came to life inside the toaster. The bred was dropped in and the juice was pouring itself.

She hurried back into the family room, to see that Cota was trying to throw stuff into his bag and tie his shoes at the same time. He was dropping homework all over the place and Lilly smiled to see the report on Muggles behavior. She smiled as she read the familiar passage that she'd helped him write.

'It is almost amazing to see the depth of some of the richer and middleclass Muggles; shallow depth that is. While observing a kind-hearted soul who didn't have much, but still gave what she could and put it into a charity bin, I observed a Mercedes, (Type of extremely expensive Muggle car) parked facing the bin.

The kind-hearted Muggle, who in my personal opinion deserves an award, drove off in something barely distinguishable as a car. The Mercedes swooped in. A blonde woman got out, nonchalantly opened her trunk, and began rooting through the bags. A passerby saw this and called the police. (Muggle law enforcement.)

Then the passerby approached the woman and spoke her mind. She was told to shut up. She refused and sat on the trunk of the car, saying if she wanted the charity items, fine, but she'd replace them by donating her car. Needles to say, Mrs. Blonde Mercedes was not happy. She ranted and raved and eventually threw the passerby off.

The passerby sat down on a curb to watch and wait for the police. The three personalities are very clear. The kind: those who give to others who are less fortunate or in the same boat. The shallow: those who drive expensive cars (any cars for that matter) yet steal form children and abuse victims. The needed: Those not afraid to speak their mind about things that are obviously wrong.

She was dressed in Walmart clothes and sneakers with a hole in the bottom, but she wouldn't steal from a charity. Most of the Muggles who saw this act just walked by and said nothing, those are the sheep. It appears that Muggles, among most of the human race, are followers. They all sink into a zone of rules. Follow, lead, stay, or venture out.'

The toaster chimed and Lily swept her eyes off the article and into the kitchen. She bet he'd get an A on the paper, but the point was really towards a few students in the class who had parents who stole stuff out of the bins. Cota's reports always contained a deeper meaning, once class at a time he was trying to make a difference.

Lilly grabbed the toast and flicked her wand; jam sprung out of the fridge and began covering the toast as she put it on a plate. She grabbed the juice glass and the plate of toast and rushed back into the living room as Cota had been slinging the bag over his shoulder and trying to comb his hair so it didn't look like he'd just been through a tornado.

"Here," Lilly put the glass in his hand, the lunches under his arm and a piece of toast in his mouth. Cota nodded his thanks and was out the door.

The pen tapped loudly and Cota looked up to see that it wanted to continue its history lesson- the price he paid for loitering in the hallway. He'd been in such a rush that morning, to be slowed down so much seemed almost intolerable. The door opened and James walked out of the council room. His eyes relayed his shock upon seeing his Squire.

Cota simply held up the two lunches and James sighed in relief. It had been a long meeting and he was starving. Through lunch, James wrote letters to Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Dumbledore, explaining that the attack on the base was to be on March 1. They had told him... no, actually they had ordered him to tell them when he had to attack.

An owl swooped low and dropped a letter at Cota's feet. Cota recognized the owl. It belonged to Lilly. 'Unity' Lilly had named it. Unity was a barn owl she'd gotten her first year at Hogwarts. Cota stooped down and retrieved the letter, patting the owl on the head so it would know it could leave. Unity had the habit of being fuzz-brained.

The letter was to James. Lilly had sent it to Cota, because she knew he'd find and give it to James. Cota handed it over and James read it aloud. Lilly wanted to talk to him. He stared at it doubtingly and then looked at Cota.

"Don't ask me, she was fine when I left," Cota stated, holding up the empty lunch bags in a sign that she'd given then to him. James nodded and they headed home early.

James entered the house- while Cota was putting the horses away- and met Lilly in the bedroom. He kissed her on the forehead; Testing to see if she was angry or not. If she was, then she'd simply move, if she was pissed she'd jerk away and stare at him with a mixture of anger and surprise as if amazed he could be stupid enough to touch her. James knew better than two do that four days a month. Instead he brought candy and tried just to stay out of her hair.

"You wanted to talk to me?" James asked as gently as he could.

"Professor Dumbledore called, he told me about the mission," she answered and hugged him consolingly.

"What must be done must be done," James answered, a bit too coldly for Lilly's taste and without returning the hug.

She could tell that her worst fear was coming true. James had given up on there being any good left in the world. She could not blame him; he had to go kill something that was created by some sicko, to be a weapon; what good was there in that? She'd been through many Widow's nights and had talked to many other Rider wives and husbands that told stories about the first time they'd began realizing their spouses were turning cold.

Those couples usually divorced within three years. No one blamed the riders. They had a hard job and if they began turning it wasn't usually their fault and they couldn't stop it after a certain point. The psychological trauma changed them. Their souls had to react by closing in and keeping their distance from everyone else. The world became a meaningless place. Those riders were always fired and watched closely. Cota had once been assigned to one of those riders.

That was before he'd met James. He was a squire to another rider, who'd been fired. Clef was new to the procedure as they'd only started firing riders that turned cold a few years ago. Since the first year was filled with suicide. Clef had ordered that all those who were fired, be watched as a memory charm good enough was very slow to take affect.

They were new to the charm as well. They didn't want to disgrace the rider by erasing their entire time as a rider, only certain horrible events. That took time, potions, and counseling. Now, the riders were watched by fellow riders, but when Cota was starting out, it had been the idea that the Squire would simply take care of their lord.

The problem had risen with Cota. He was young and his lord had turned very quickly. Lilly had heard the stories from James, who was trying to explain the situation as they had both never met Cota and... well, that was a longer story.

The days went by quickly and Lilly decided it was time to tell James a secret she had been keeping. A secret she knew might help to cheer him up. When she saw him get to the point where he didn't care about anything anymore, she decided it was the right time to tell him. He was in the basement study and she heard him curse as he went over the plan again.

"You'll have to watch that mouth, I'm sure our son will be better off not hearing that," She called over to him. James looked over at her with a look that expressed the fact that he was not in the mood for games. "So, which room should we make into his?" she asked.

"I think we'll have enough time to decide that later," He replied; his eyes going back to the parchment.

"We may not have as long as you think. The doctor said July, possibly August," Lilly answered nonchalantly.

James's mind took three seconds to receive, decode, detect for lies, and then react to that sentence. He slowly turned to look at her. "The doctor?" he asked; his face was so handsome and loving in that moment that Lilly couldn't help but grin.

She nodded and patted her stomach. James was immediately brought out of his mood and was overwhelmed with joy. He and Lilly talked all night, in the morning they were still full of energy and the smiles had not even begun to fade from their faces. James wrote a letter to Dumbledore and asked Cota to deliver it personally.

Cota wasn't too happy because he had been woken up at three in the morning, and then asked to deliver a letter. He got dressed and drowsily came down the stairs. That was when he saw the excited look on Lilly and James's faces. He figured it out immediately, there was only one thing that could have brought James out of that mood, and that was Lilly, but after that the only thing that could have made him smile and laugh as he did now, was a son.

"So what are you going to name him?" Cota asked with a grin.

Lilly cheered and hugged Cot excitedly. "How'd you know?" She smiled.

Cota decided to keep that to himself as Lilly would know, but James might find it slightly insulting that they had both been conspiring about his recent mood. "I'll go deliver the letter. He ran out side yelling for Pat to WAKE UP! When he reached the stable, he told Gyriph and Patrick the news and mounted.

"Go Pat! To Hogwarts we've got great news for Dumbledore," Cota yelled and took off.

They charged across the field and in his happiness Cota didn't realize that Pat had obtained an even faster speed then ever before. He was at the maximum speed that a Rider's horse could go with out flying. Actually, Patrick was going a bit faster then that. Cota was on the mountain trail and saw a path leading to Lord Ramier's house.

He decided to stop by on his way back; he hadn't seen Oweiry since the party. Cota made it off the mountain and after about fifteen minutes, he arrived at Hogwarts, the trip had taken him only a few hours, which was surprising considering how long it took the train. Cota stopped Pat inches from the edge of the forest.

"Back up Pat," He said.

The only saddle Cota had for Patrick had been given to him by the academy when he graduated from his first year at horse training. The saddle made it very clear that he was a rider and he couldn't just ride out onto the school unless he wanted to spend all day answering the student's questions and being hounded for autographs and information. He didn't know what to do, he had on his Rider's cloak, and anyone that saw him would know he was a rider. That could be dangerous were there any students there whose parents were either Death Eaters or members of the DarkThorn. Cota dismounted Patrick.

"What is two species in one, considers itself greater then humans, has one mind that always wonders, and know the future but does not tell it?" A voice asked from behind Cota.

"A centaur," Cota answered and turned around. A sphinx sat on a rock looking down at him.

"Correct," It smiled.

"I have a riddle for you," Cota stated with a smile that foretold of a challenge.

"Really? Do tell," The sphinx's eyes lit up.

"How does one who must not be seen, move among the seeing?" Cota asked.

The sphinx thought for a moment. "I haven't heard this one before...it seems more of a problem then a riddle," she answered.

"Ah, yes, but both riddles and questions must eventually be answered," Cota retaliated.

The sphinx nodded, it knew Cota and usually stayed away from the forest, but it saw Pat's speed and decided to catch up. "Well, one might try a distraction, say a sphinx joined in the action," The sphinx proposed.

"If you'd help me, I'd appreciate it," Cota nodded. Because she could not answer the riddle, she was inclined to help him.

The sphinx jumped out from the woods and charged the main stairwell to the school. The students stood in amazement and Cota snuck out from his hiding spot and raced over to Hagrid's hut. The sphinx growled and asked it's riddle, when no one answered it snarled and jumped back into the forest and decided to head home. Cota knocked on Hagrid's door.

"Hello? Hagrid, I have wonderful news, please let me it," Cota called.

Hagrid answered the door and Cota jumped inside as a few of the students came to see if Hagrid knew anything about the sphinx. Cota leapt behind the sofa and crouched their as the students came running up.

"Hagrid! Hagrid, we just saw a sphinx! It asked us a riddle, but it didn't attack!" A girl cheered proudly.

"It wuz bored then, they only attack when they wan' ta" Hagrid explained.

"Well, I saw a glimpse of the riders crest in the forest. THERE MUST BE A RIDER HERE!" A boy yelled suspiciously, Cota crouched lower.

"Now, now, if you wan' ta know about riders then get ta the library and read up on 'em" Hagrid told the students.

They looked at him with disappointment then turned and left. Cota let out a sigh of relief and stood up; Hagrid walked over to him and waited for an explanation.

"I 'ope you plan on tellin' me wha' tha' was abou'"

Cota explained everything and Hagrid was overcome with emotion, he dapped at his eyes with a tattered cloth as he realized he was the first person to be informed about the tremendous news from the Potter house.

"Now, I must tell Professor Dumbledore before anyone else," Cota stated.

Hagrid escorted him to the school as the class bell rang. All the students reported to their classes and Cota ran through the halls as Hagrid went to go get Lilly and James a present. He said he wanted to get something special because Lilly and James were special in his eyes.

Cota nodded and made his way through the school. He was trying to find Professor Mc. Gonagall so that she could let him into the headmaster's chambers. It took him forever and when he saw her the class bell rang. Cota skidded to a halt and charged up the stairs. He rounded a few corners and was going through another hall. He could hear students coming up behind him, one of them was the boy from before, yelling that he knew a rider was somewhere around the school. Cota skidded around a corned and Dumbledore was standing there. He smiled down at Cota, eyes twinkling in their prideful light.

"I assume you have a message for me?" Dumbledore asked; his smile was bright and cheery.

Cota nodded quickly as he heard more students coming.

"Then let us talk in my office," Dumbledore smiled, said Chocolate fudge and a stature jumped out of the way. Cota quickly followed Dumbledore up to his office. He handed Dumbledore the letter James had written. Dumbledore read the letter, his expression never changed, but behind his half moon glasses, his eyes lit up more brightly then ever before.

"They are finally going to have their son," Cota smiled.

"Yes, it seems so. I will reserve a spot for him here at Hogwarts," Dumbledore smiled. "They deserve an open spot."

"Already?" Cota asked in amazement, getting into Hogwarts wasn't as easy as being born to a witch and wizard family, you had to show magical ability before going.

"Lilly and James were great, powerful students. Their son will be the same way, this I am sure of," Dumbledore explained.

Even Fawkeys looked happy; his flame was bright and seemed to be beaming with pride. Dumbledore looked the same way. They talked for an hour, Hagrid sent the present using an owl...okay two owls, and Joined in the conversation. Everyone was so happy they forgot about You-Know-Who and rejoiced. Dumbledore went to write a letter to James and Lilly.

Cota left and headed for Oweiry's house, he wanted to give James and Lilly some time alone, and Hagrid went back to a new creature he had discovered recently. When Cota got to Ramier's mansion he knocked on the giant door and waited for Oweiry.

He couldn't wipe the smile from his face; he looked down at his watch and realized it was only five-foutry-seven in the morning. 'Oop's' Cota thought. Oweiry answered the door, looking quite annoyed to be woken on his day off, but his expression changed when he saw Cota's smile.

"Yes?" Oweiry asked and invited Cota inside.

"Oh, I'm sorry to wake you this early. I'll leave if you want me to" Cota said apologetically and turned to leave.

"Whats' up Cota?" Oweiry called after him, his annoyed tone becoming greater.

"Oh, yeah, I wanted to tell you that Lilly and James are going to have a baby...see ya later," Cota said casually and headed down the path.

Oweiry quickly caught up to him and grabbed his shoulder, turning him around. "What?!?!" Oweiry demanded; the excitement in his face was growing now.

They went inside and talked about it for a few minutes until-

"What's all the commotion?" Lord Ramier asked.

"LILLY AND JAMES ARE HAVING A BABY!!!" Oweiry and Cota yelled.

Eve: Okay, now, when pranks go right.

New secretary (second day on the job) answers telephone as is told in official tones: "This is the phone company. We are testing a new circuit wiring scheme in your offices. Please keep everyone off the phones for the next 10 minutes. We will be verifying the correct wiring of your system by passing HOT STEAM through the wires. Instruct your employees to place their phones on the floor, or, better yet, wrap them in towels to avoid scalding themselves. We will advise you when the tests are complete $click$" After momentary panic, the secretary begins a frenzied "Paul Revere" routine, running from desk to desk while glancing frequently at her watch. Just as the 10 minutes are about up, she bursts into her boss's office (while he is in the midst of an important long-distance call) and, screaming, grabs the receiver from his hand and flings the whole phone under his desk...

Mike: A TEACHER sent this one to us.

The food service used opaque plastic salt and pepper shakers with pop-off tops that could be pried off with a knife blade if you were persistent enough.

PREPARATION (in a restroom nearby): (1) Empty salt ( or pepper) from a previously 'acquired' container and fill about 1/3 full with concentrated lemon juice. (2) Place a thin tissue across the opening, poke it down a bit to form a depression, and fill the depression with about a teaspoon of baking soda. (3) Cover (from the inside) the holes of the top with tape of the appropriate color. (4) Replace top on container and trim visible tissue from around the top.

Carry the device to dining hall (upright and as stable as is possible... for your own sake).

After discretely placing the shaker on your table (only place it near to you... see caveat #1 below), observe the next person to use the salt (pepper). (S)He will shake lightly at first, then harder as nothing comes out. Due to the breakdown of the tissue and the pressure resulting from the classic acid/base reaction, the top will pop off (quite spectacularly) amidst a shower of foam. Your victim (as will as everyone around) should have quite a reaction, since one does not usually observe this type of behavior in a salt (pepper) shaker!

CAVEATS: 1. The top will come off with some force. If the holes are sealed well, this will happen on about the second or third shake. Once, though, due to poor sealing, it took about 5 seconds, during which time our victim started looking at the shaker to examine the "foamy stuff coming out" of the holes... we quickly grabbed the shaker from her to direct the top towards the ceiling before it went off. So, watch carefully!

2. The "foam shower" (lemon juice & soda) may ruin you victim meal... be prepared to pop for another one.

3. Don't do this if your victim or anyone near ground zero is dressed up (this joke will flop at board meetings and the like).

Eve: This is from a college student. Once you have stolen a dorm-mate's room keys, the room is yours to
plunder. As a variation, steal the dorm keys but reverse the lock
(so the keyhole faces INTO the room); we had a mechanical engineer
who got this down to about 20 seconds. Then loudly announce to the
victim you own the keys, but "let" them win the race back to their
room. PRESTO! Locked inside their own room (with no keys). If
you've fixed the phone to continually ring, they get very pliable
after about 10 minutes.

Mike: One night when you have a few friends around, take turns calling the same phone number, a really obnoxious acquaintance that won't recognize your voices is always a good choice. When the person answers, try to leave a message for John Smith (or any name that sounds real). Insist that you have the right number and even read their number to them. Have a bit of fun here, and stretch this on as long as possible. Repeat several times, once or twice an hour. Let everybody have a turn at calling. Just as the party is breaking up, call one last time. Tell the poor soul answering the phone that you are John Smith, and ask "Are there any messages for me?" This is sure to get a groan.

Eve: Try this: hang a shower curtain out a window. When the person below reaches out and pulls it in, pour a bucket of water onto the shower curtain. Listen to hear the results. Requires a nosy neighbor below you. Great trick for apartments!

Mike: First you need: iodine crystals and some ammonium hydroxide. Mix the two together and a brown sludge will form. Drain off the excess liquid and let the sludge dry. The result? Snap powder, a pressure sensitive explosive. Just sprinkle this on the floor and watch people's reactions. Its quite amusing.

Eve: Another harmless practical joke to be played on people living in multiple story apartment buildings is as follows: Knock on victim's door. Say, "I've got to use your window, someone's about to jump from an apartment above yours." Run to window and look outside, but don't let victim look. At this point your accomplice dumps a rag-filled dummy either from the window above or from the roof. The dummy should be fully closed; for added realism put some plastic bags of fake blood inside the clothes. On the sidewalk below, a third accomplice puts down a plastic sheet, then covers it with a sheet painted to resemble the sidewalk. After the body hits, let the victim see the gore, then convince him to run down and help while you stay and call the ambulance. As soon as the victim has left, signal your accomplice to remove the sheets and the dummy and head for some prearranged hiding place. Then you leave the apartment and disappear somewhere in the building; later, you make your way downstairs and leave. The victim will race downstairs expecting to find a dead bloody body and will instead see only clean, empty pavement. Of course, it is best done late at night since the joke would be spoiled by a passer-by who informed the victim of the "body's" fate. The fun comes imagining the victim trying to convince the police or anyone else of what happened!

Mike: I dunno who sent this but...

Recipe for LARGE quantities of soapsuds:

1. Fill a large bucket with hot water.

2. Empty contents of one bottle of dishwashing detergent into bucket (Ivory,
Joy, Dawn, or equivalent).

3. Drop in a few pounds of dry ice that has been crushed to small pieces.

4. STAND BACK!

Recipe will fill a phone booth, or a small room (or even a big one). A friend and I once did this in the bed of his truck. While stopped at traffic signals the whole bed would fill up to the rim with suds. Then, as we would accelerate away from the light, large "chunks" would break loose and waft lazily through the air, causing much consternation to the traffic behind. On the freeway the result was much smaller pieces of suds billowing out of the back of the truck. It looked like a snowstorm! It's funnier to

see than the description sounds. We were hysterical.

Also, the soap can be omitted from the above to obtain fog. A phone booth that is opaque with dense fog looks pretty strange too.