"Yes, I'm Hue," Hue said, standing up just a bit too quickly and tipping over her chair in the process. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Hue apologized as she tried to right the table. She managed to knock three magazines off a nearby table and hit both the window and a potted fichus tree. She apologized profusely as she put things back in order, "I didn't mean to do that!"
"Really?" House said as he rubbed his index finger and thumb over his temples. "I was under the impression that you all were here to destroy the clinic. Not that I would mind terribly if you did, but if you could wait until tomorrow when I'm not in it, that would-"
House was cut off as Hue interrupted, "Oh no, that wouldn't suit our purposes at all, Dr. House!"
Hue was then interrupted when every woman in the room said, "Shhh! Be quiet Hue!"
Dr. House looked around the room suspiciously. "You all have ulterior motives for being here?" Every face in the room looked guilty except Foxy, who let out a loud, contented 'hic' and was looking very happy indeed. And of course there was Bard. She looked completely pleased with herself. If House had been told a few hours that there was a way a woman could seductively jiggle Jello at a man, he never would have believed it, but somehow her actions were moving swiftly from distracting to entrancing.
House looked back at Hue, who had nervously spread the streak of mascara that trailed across her cheek over across her upper lip. It looked like the type of mustache men in old fashioned melodramas used to wear. What Jimmy Buffet had called 'A Pencil Thin Mustache." Staring at Hue's guilty expression, House decided that this was the weakest link. She reminded him of Cameron in a way. Far too nice for her own good and easy to manipulate. This should be a piece of cake.
House stepped forward until he loomed over Hue. He then put his left hand under her chin and tipped up her face. Leaning forward a bit more he brushed his thumb gently over her upper lip as stared deeply into her eyes. "Hue," he murmured as his thumb repeated its hypnotizing movement, "You seem to have a mascara mustache."
Hue blushed prettily. House, still looking into her eyes, quietly said, "Hue, you are a beautiful woman. Why should you have to hide yourself under all of this for someone else? You don't have to be less pretty than someone else for them to like you. I just met you and I already like you."
Hue blinked up in confusion. "You like me," she asked in a much stronger voice. He nodded, still staring into her eyes. Hue quickly took two steps backward, and House almost fell at her quick movement. Raising up her head, she shouted, "CMeaux! Crystal! I need to speak with you right now!"
Crystal, still sitting in the clinic lobby, looked up and said "What?" Foxy was seated on the floor at her feet. She had kicked off her shoes but was still, thankfully, wearing her cocktail dress. She held the empty vodka bottle in her hand and was spinning it in circles, clearly attempting to play spin the bottle. As House was the only man in the room, she would stop the bottle when it pointed to him every time and then sit for the next few seconds with her lips puckered.
"Not you," Hue said impatiently. "Crystal, I know you are up there writing this. You'd better talk to me right now!"
"What do you want," a voice boomed down from the ceiling. "I'm trying to write your fan fic here!"
"Well, you're not doing such a hot job of it," Hue exclaimed. "House would never try to seduce a clinic patient in order to get information out of them!"
"You're right! I wouldn't," House exclaimed in an irritated manner. "Who are you talking to?"
"This story isn't about him, Hue. It's about you ladies. I'm just taking some creative license."
Hue yelled, "Well, I'm not like this either! Look at my makeup! And this dress is falling off me! And I'm nothing like Cameron! You'd better fix this right now Crystal! I mean RIGHT NOW!"
"Your wish is my command, Hue," Crystal mumbled as the quiet sound of computer keys typing once again filled the air. And when the next paragraph began, the characters forgot the whole conversation and the existence of the author.
Jessie was still drooling, Doc was still mumbling about animals' feelings, Bard was still jiggling her Jello, the character Crystal was still tiredly watching Foxy, and Hue and House were once again staring into one another's eyes. The only thing that had changed was that where Foxy had been spinning the bottle alone earlier, now there was a man who looked like the actor Hugh Laurie. Every time the bottle stopped spinning, it landed on the Hugh look alike, who happily complied with the rules of the game.
"Where were we," Hue asked House suddenly. "Oh yes. I'm going to be a psychotic pharmacist when I grow up."
"Really? So you will be able to fill prescriptions for Vicodin, hmm? Maybe I should take down your phone number."
Hue looked away from him nervously. "Actually, I'm staying with Bard right now," Hue said with a note of desperation. "Perhaps you should ask her for her number" she suggested with a wink toward Bard.
House turned slowly to the Jello jiggling, bunny suit wearing, liquorice stuffed nosed woman and sighed. After nearly an hour he was sure that he had reached the source of all this insanity. He was just about to start interrogating her when suddenly the door of the clinic was kicked open and two women in black leather coats came in. One was holding a camcorder and humming a song that clearly had not been released in the US, a fact he knew purely for the purpose of character identification. The other was weighed down with several heavy volumes of weighty looking text that had pentangles and pentagrams on them.
"I'm Hermetica," the woman with the books said, "this is FourTell. We're here to pick up the broads."
