Hey. Thanks for reviewing. I had to edit it to remove the song lyrics, so all my beautiful ridiculous exclamation point abuse is gone!
And now we enter...the Twilight Zone...
HYE! THANKIES FOR ALL TEH LOVERLY REVEIWS! BUT I DIDN'T GET MY 100,00,00,0000,0 REVIEWS I ASKED FOR! U R TEH EVIL! But I will continue anyway.
Megara Elladora Gisella Arabella Rosemary Alexandria, born in London sixteen years ago to a family of muggle hobos, stepped up to the Sorting hat and placed it on her head.
Hmm, said the sorting hat. Megara...an animagus.
Don't you mean animagicus? asked Megara.
No, now be silent, you little prat--ahem. You are quite the spellcaster! You started using magic at age two? You must have been in quite a bit of trouble...I mean, you must have been an intelligent child, Megara! Hmm...abducted by Hell's Angels at age three...despite the fact that there are no Hell's Angels in England...withstood their cruelty and finally defeated them at age five with the cruciatus curse...
Megara sat in silent reverie at the sorting hat's words. She recalled how the Hell's Angels had treated her; they forced her to wash dishes at a pub until her fingers bled. Then, they would yell at her for bleeding on the dishes and make her wash them again.
O the agony she had experienced, unlike any other! All who heard her heartwrenching story wept!--for their sanity.
You are quite the brave little girl, aren't you? the sopting hat said. I will send you to...GRYFONDOR!
Megara leapt off the stool and went to join the Gryfon--I mean, Gryffindors--at their table.
"Oh, great," said Hermione.
Harry was practically drooling. A large puddle of drool sat in front of him on the table.
"Harry, you're drooling on the table!" said Ron.
"Eh?" asked Harry, turning his head to face Ron and dragging a string of drool across his chest.
Ron groaned in disgust. He groaned even louder when Megara sat right next to Harry. The drool disappeared in the presence of the Sue's aura of messlessness.
Can't have a messy lust object, nope, nope, nope!
"Hi, Harry!" said Megara, her flaming, molten copper hair flowing down around her perfect face, melting the skin right off.
"Hello, Megara," said Harry.
Megara and Harry engaged in conversation while Laura Amora Usora Rumora Allora stepped up to the sorting hat. She placed it on her head.
Oh, I have been tainted with the lice of Sues! Oh how I regret my--oh! Hello, Laura! Let's see...ah, you are related to Harry Potter, are you? A long-lost twin? My brim, you are...ahem. So, you were cursed by Voldemort at one week of age? At two weeks of age, you were tossed out of the Potter household, because the Potters could not afford to keep you. On the street, you survived on grass, leaves and lightning bugs, which gives you a glowing complexion...and right off the street you were summoned to Hogwarts to recieve your education. And now you desire revenge against Harry for what his parents did to you...I think I'll put you in...SLYTHERIN!
The raven-haired girl bouncd up from the stool to go meet Drac--who had been spit up by Megara--and get started on her love.
"Hello, Draco!" said Laura.
"Sod off," said Malfoy, glaring at her. Her face contorted into a pout, and he gazed into her eyes...such lovely eyes...he couldn't bear to see such beauty, such love contained in those orbs of mahogany, in such pain.
The Sue's power overtook him, and he jumped on the table and pulled out his guitar. "My love, I have composed a song for you!"
He sang at the top of his lungs--
IIIIIIII loooooooove yoooooouuuuuu, Laaaaaauuuuuuraaaaaaaa,
Yoooooooouuuuuuu are beeeeaaaaUUUUUUUtiiiiiful!
Wiiiiill yooooouuuu maaaaaaaaaaaarryyyyy meeeee,
Laaaaaauuuuuuuraaaaaaaaa?
Laura looked up at Draco with tears of joy and love in her eyes. Never before had anyone done something so caring for her! Never before had anyone taken the time to sing a totally bullcrap song for her!
"Oh, please," Hermione muttered, as Larua and Draco shared a passionate kiss in front of all the Slytherins, who clapped happily.
Sarah Annabelle Rosanna Alycia Harrison started up towards the sorting hat. She placed it on her head and sat down.
NO! NOT ANOTHER--Oh, hello, dear Sarah! My, you are a sweet little thing. How can a human be so impossibly sweet? Oh--you were dropped on your head as a baby, and it destroyed the nastiness gene! You're a total sap--I mean, sugar plum! And what's this? People made fun of you for it? And that just served to make you nicer?
Yes, said Sarah. I absorb people's nastiness and turn it into the Power of Love.
Well, certainly such a caring, loyan person belongs in...HUFFLEPUFF!
The Hufflepuffs cheered, until Sarah stood up angrily and shook the hat around its cottony neck.
"How DARE you! Put me in Hufflepuff, will you! Why I oughta strangle you! PUT ME IN GRYFFINDOR WITH MY OLIVER OR I WILL PULLLLLLVERIZE YOU!"
She placed the hat down on the stool and stalked off towards the Gryffindor table. Oliver tried to get up and get away, but her magnetic Sue power kept him still.
"GRYFFINDOR! Hehehe!" cried the hat, disoriented.
"But I thought all she knew was love!" cried Hermione.
"I'll never understand them," said Ron. "Neither will you, Hermione. It's a phenomenon that just can't be explained."
THEAKS FOR READING MY STORY!2! I LOEV YOU GUYS! REMEMBER: THE POWER OF LOVE COMPELLS YOU TO REVIEW! I STILL WANT MY 1,000,00,0,0,0,00 REVIEWS!
I hope you enjoyed that short piece of tripe. It was fun to write it!
