Hey. Sorry about the wait, but I had to think of a way to connect the "Canon-destroying canon" part to the rest of the story. It was easier in my randomfic because...well, it was random...but randomness is no more! And I finally connected the threechapters! W00t!

Er...I mean...

SORY ABUOT TEH WEIT! MY LIFE HAS BEEN VERY VERY HARD LATELY AND I HAD LOTS OF HOMEWORK (EVOL TEECHERZ...) AND HAD NO TIME TO WRITE MY BEEUTIFUL STORY!


Sarah Annabella Rosana Alycia Harrison, Laura Amora Usora Rumora Allora, Megara Elladora Gisella Arabella Rosemary Alexandria were in the room of requiment,discusing some imprtant stuff. The Canons were fighting back too hard. They just had to do something!1!

"We must find a way 2 make them submit toour supreemness!" cried Laura.

"And that smar-T-pants wench must go, too!" said Megara. "She humliated me in front of thehole school! That biatch!1!"

"And she killed my iPod! Nobody kills my stuff and gets away with it!" Sarahs aid angrily, letting out an evil squee.

"We must construct a weapon that will bring fear to there harts!"

"We must destroy they're 'canon' nonsense! But how..."

The three Sues put their three collective braincells together and thought. Mind you, these three braincells were exactly alike and impossible to tell apart. There's no original material in a Sue or their braincells.

Finally, one of the braincells had an idea. It returned to its owner, who happened to be Megara.

"We'll make a wepon!" she declared. "A supar-seekrit wepon that nobody will no about!"

"You have an idea?" Laura asked.

"A Canon-destroying cannon!" she said. "We can make one easily with our Sue powerz!"

The three Sues let out squees of devilish delight.

"Let's get stRted!"

And the three Sues once again combined their braincells to form plans for their secret weapon.

-

That night, everybody was eating in the Great Hall, acting fairly canonical.

"Where are those girls?" asked Harry.

"Why do you care?" asked Hermione. "They don't do anything but hurt you."

"But the redhead is my true love...or was it the blonde?"

"They don't love you! They want your body!" Hermione snapped. "They don't care about you or your feelings in the least!"

"But...but...true love!"

"No!" Hermione said shortly.

Harry looked at his plate wuistfully, a small amount of drool trickling down his chin. Ron buried his face in his hands.

Suddenly, the doors of the great hall burst open, and there stood the three Sues, holding a large, gun-like object.

Snape stood up angrily. "What is the meaning of this!" he said angrily.

"We have a new secret weapon!" announced Megara.

"It's called the Canon-Destroying cannon!" Laura chimed in.

"It's a cannon that blows Canon 2 smithereens!" explained Sarah.

"There's no beating our cannon! HAHAHA!"

The Mary-Sues ran around the hall, their long, luscious hair flying elegantly,pointing the Canon-Destroying cannon at various people. The people backed away from the three insane Sues, not wanting to provoke them. However, the Sues weren't interested in just anybody. Theywere savingthe first shot for their biggest enemy.

Hermione stood angrily before the Sues, wand at the ready.

"What are you doing!" cried the angry Hermione. With a loud BOOM, Hermione's face went blank and she stared at the ceiling."Oh, I've been decanonified!"

"Buhhh?" asks Harry, drolling.

"I'm a teenage rebel!" roared Hermione, snapping back to psuedo-reality all of a sudden. "I love Snape! He's just soooo sexy!"

Snape stared at Hermione incredulously as she jumped at him and hugged him. She glared at Ron and Harry.

"Ron, I hate you. I hate Harry, too. I'm becoming evil and I'm gonna marry Snape, and I'm gonna shag him to death, and I'm gonna have lots and lots of cute little Snapes!"

"Are you insane!" asks Ron.

"I second the question," Snape said angrily, trying to pry the hormone-crazed Ho!Mione off of him.

The Mary-Sues targeted poor Filch next.

"Don't decanonify me, you disgusting things!" BOOM! The warped caretaker pulled his shirt off, to the fright of many students,and swung it over his head, singing: "I'm...too sexy for my cat...too sexy for my cat..."

Many students and paintings alike ran away in terror.

"THE MARY-SUES SHALL RULE THE WORLD!" cried the badly developed persons.

They blasted various more people, including Ginny, who ran away to prostitute herself;

McGonagall, who built a jungle-gym in her classroom and let the students play on it;

Severus, whodecided to usehis cauldron as a flower pot; Neville, who easily obtained straight O's in all his classes;

Dobby, who returned happily to the Malfoys;

Draco, who tried to woo Hermione, who tried to woo Snape, who tried to woo Megara, who tried to woo all the BISHIES!1, who tried in vain to escape;

Lucius, who gives all his money to S.P.E.W. and turned Malfoy Manor into a muggle orphanage, and moved himself into the burrow with the Weasleys, whom he befriended;

Ron, who turned gay and tried to woo Harry, who tried to woo Draco, who tried to woo Hermione, who tried to woo Snape, who tried to woo Megara, who tried to woo all the BISHIES!1, who tried in vain to escape;

And at last, they pointed the cannon at Dumbledore.

Dumbledore stood up, obviously angry with the Sues, but still remaining calm. "Why are you doing this to these innocent people?"

"Becuz we R speshul! We can!" cried Laura.

"What, exactly," said Dumbledore, advancing on the Sues, "makes YOU so 'speshul'? Is it the fact that you don't care for anybody in the school? is it the fact that you disregard the rules of the school, and disrespect the professors?"

The Sues were at a loss. Dumbledore pointed his wand at the cannon. "intendo reversi!"

The Sues stared at their cannon. Nothing happened. The Sues laughed at Dumbledore, whose eye-twinkle had returned.

"See? Even the my-T Dumbledore can't defeet our wepon!" cried megara, pointing the cannon at Dumbledore.

"Let's blast him too!" cried Laura.

Megara fired the cannon. It backfired, hitting the Sues, and slowly, they turned realistic.

"What's happening! I'm...I'm acquiring body fat!" Laura shrieked, watching the padding appear on her perfect stomach.

"I...I have a PIMPLE! EWWWWIES!" Megara cried, touching her formerly flawless face.

"I'm stRting...starting to talk liek...like a normal human! Noooo!" Sarah wailed, shaking her head in anguish.

Dumbledore watched the Sues writhe in anger and self-pity as their perfection boiled down to reality.

"Look! My stomach! It has a slight bulge!"

"I HAVE 2 PIMPLES! MY FACE! MY FACE!"

"I can';t say 'boi'! I have to say 'boy!' And my punctuation is normal! Aaaaaaarrrrrrgh!"

Dumbledore turned away from the Sues and returned to his seat at the head table. The students ad teachers gradually began to return to normal. As each person retruned to their canon state, they slowly turned to glare at the former Sues.

The Sues looked at the group of very angry witches and wizards in front of them. They smiled and waved, trying to act normal. It didn't phase them.

They shot the Mary-Sues into the Wild Sue Yonder with their very own cannon. They screamed all the way, their no longer perfect voices echoing in the forest.

Snape gave Hermione two month's worth of detention for trying to pull his pants off. Ron curled into a fetal position in a corner, mumbling about seaweed, and everyone else took time off to recover.

Everything was back to normal. There were no more threats, and Hogwarts would be safe from now on.

Or would it?


I'M SORY ABOUT TEH WAIGHT! AND DONT FLAEM ME IF MY STORY SUX BECUZ MY FSH DIED AND I HAVE A YEAST INFECTION SO IM VERY VERY SAD U MEENIES!1!