A/N: This story is completely pointless. But 1) I love it and 2) It's hilarious. And it has a plot, always a plus with me, the Plotless Wonder.

Random Note: My name is not Sophie. That's someone else. My name is Art Garfunkel. No, wait, that's someone else, too. Dammit.

Disclaimer: Isn't funny how "plagarism" always looks like it's spelled wrong?

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The Stalker

Chapter Five

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Previously, on The Stalker...

"Well, yeah. And I'm doing it blatantly and obviously, so that no one will notice," she told him, deciding that if she could just get him a little more confused, he'd toss her off as completely crazy and would discount everything she said as insane ramblings, just like her teachers at school.

"You confuse me," said Harry. "What's your name?"
Insert commercial break here.

Monica blinked. "Huh?" she asked dumbly.

Well, thought Harry, at least I don't have anyone intelligent stalking me. "What's your name?" he asked again.

"Monica," said the one named such. "I didn't answer the first time because I could swear that I had misheard you, in case you were wondering. I'm not an idiot."

Wow, I sure feel like one now, though, thought Harry. "Well, then, would you mind getting down from that tree? It's not very easy to talk to you when you're up there," Harry said aloud. And it's a good thing, too, because she wouldn't have been able to hear him if he'd said it in his head.

"Shh!" said Monica. "I can't come down! If I do, people will be able to tell I'm stalking you." She looked over Harry's shoulder, directly at the invisble Order member who was following him as she tried to sneak back onto the grass. "Hey, what's that?" Harry looked where she was looking. The color drained out of his face.

"N--what? There's nothing there. Nothing at all. And certainly not an invisible person following me around to protect me!" Harry quickly told her. Nice cover-up, Harry! the invisible Order member thought. Monica, being a Muggle, believed him and didn't find that at all suspicious.

Yeah right.

Monica looked at him suspiciously. She was starting to think that he maybe actually was deranged. "Riiiiiight. Well, if you wouldn't mind, perhaps you could, oh say, stop talking to me so I can stalk you some more before dinner? It's already dark, and my mom's cooking meatloaf tonight," she told him.

Harry blinked, confused once more. "Er, sure. So I'll just go back to what I was doing then." He walked back over to the slide and sat down. He hadn't been this confused all summer. Maybe having a stalker was a good thing. It had completely taken his mind off Sirius--oh great. Back to square one.

The invisible Order member following Harry was holding back laughter. This Monica girl reminded her of herself at that age. Okay, at any age. But still. She was very amusing. Too bad she wasn't a witch. Albus probably would have liked to teach this girl. I wonder what house she would have been in? the invisible Order member mused. If only she knew more about this Monica girl. Oh well. She was stalking Harry blatantly and obviously, so she'd probably get a chance to learn some more on her shifts.

Monica settled back into the tree. She was going to have to eat her meatloaf cold unless he got back to his house soon. He'd notice for sure if she went home now.

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A/N: You've forced me to do this, you know.

Reviews make my day
I love them something fierce
Reviews are not like Hay
Nor like rapierce
Reviews are really fun
And encourage me to write more
So review, dammit!
It's not like it's a chore.

I should publish that.