Eve: Umm. I know that Book 5 is different from my version, but that's the
point, so nobody flame me!
Mike: Just get on with the fic.
****
James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter, stood at the gate to the warehouse.
"If they catch us..." Peter shook his head.
"We're screwed" James smiled.
Peter gave him an 'it's not funny' look and James started over the fence. This was there assignment, Dumbledore always assigned them the get in get out assignments, because lets face it, that is what the prank masters do best... along with pranking.... and quidditch. They quietly vaulted over the gate and landed on the other side.
"Geeze, Sirius, ever heard of a little thing called stealth" James laughed as Sirius landed with a thud as is dragon hide boots smacked the ground.
"Ever heard of a little thing called shut up" Sirius retorted with a grin.
"Good thing you two have been whispering, otherwise they might expect us to be here" Remus whispered.
James smirked, unafraid, and marched across the lot, towards the door. When he got to the door, he ignored it and hopped up to the window. An entrance more fit to a marauder. Sirius was. Of course, right behind him. Remus followed Sirius and Peter brought up the rear. (I know there are a lot of jokes I could have said about them... one of which was. and Peter brought up himself. Back to the story) James landed on the ground and looked up at Sirius. He held his hand up for Sirius to wait and then walked a few steps around. Nothing, not even a single sound was to be heard. This automatically told James that something was wrong. Sirius jumped down next to him followed by Remus and Peter. There was a noise and they all ducked behind boxed as a guard entered and looked around. James didn't have to look at the window, he trusted Peter to have closed it. No one looked except Peter himself, worried as usual. The guard came closer, and was almost upon them.
"We're going to get caught!" Peter let out and urgent whisper to all marauder's present.
"Yeah! I know, isn't it great" James's eyes flashed. He obviously found this fun.
"You're a nutter" Remus said in a singsong voice and a smile on his face. He rolled his eyes upward and James crawled past him.
James crawled to the next side of the box and peeked around. Yep, guard still coming. James knew it was a Muggle guard, they'd send him in first, if he dies, they came, if he lived, they questioned him for anything unusual. James was grinning as his heart beat a mile a minute. The guard shone his light around; there wasn't a trace of anyone. Therefore, he slowly made his way out. They hurried across and James noticed something that couldn't possibly have been what they were here to get. Therefore, he walked over to it. It was one of the warehouse's semi trucks. Nothing unusual about that. However, James put his hand infront of the grill. It wasn't hot and the warehouse had only closed twenty minutes ago. This should have still been warm... unless the man driving it didn't know how it worked, and instead used a levitation spell. However, why risk that with so many Muggles around? Because there were no Muggles here when he moved it. James grinned and opened the door to the semi. The list of people Voldemort was in the process of trying to make join him was nestled inbetween the seats. James smiled and summoned it over to him.
"Do they think we're idiots?" Peter asked taking the scroll from James.
"No, they thought you'd go for a more professional approach and look through the filing cabinet for that" Said a voice from above.
God? Nope. Severus Snape. The antiGod, if you will. James sneered and motioned for Sirius to make sure Peter got out with the plans. Sirius saw the signal and prepared to go. He trusted James to be careful enough to get out alive. Peter also saw the signal and prepared to run.
"Snape" James hissed.
"Potter" Severus snarled.
"Imagine, a Slytherin, becoming a Death Eater" James said in mock surprise.
"Shut up, Potter!" Severus snapped.
"Or what?" James asked.
"Or this" Severus clapped his hands together twice.
"Git!" Sirius yelled as five more Death Eaters swarmed in.
James stood his ground, an 'I dare you' expression on his face.
"Snivellus! You-"Sirius was cut off as the attacks started and the four companions jumped behind large crates, using spells to make sure the enemy couldn't simply levitate them off the ground. James and Sirius fought like psychopaths, leaping up and firing out spells a mile a minute. James was pushed back and fell with a thud off the crate. Sirius soon leapt off and they went back to firing from around he sides of the crates. This continued for twenty minutes and the marauders began to feel that dying here might be inevitable.
"Peter, Sirius!" James called over to the other crate. "Can you guys make a run for it?"
"Mate! I ain't leavin you!" Sirius yelled back.
"Go James! I'll stay and hold them off. Everyone get out!" Remus shouted, preparing to cover them.
"Well, you can't die" James stated in a matter of fact tone.
"Shut up and go!" Remus hissed back.
"You can't stay here and let us escape because I choose you as Kira's godfather and I'd hate to have to choose again" James stated.
"Shut up and- what?" Remus asked, now completely ignoring the enemy fire.
"Yeah, I figured you'd be perfect because Lily doesn't think Sirius would be able to handle a girl, Peter is busy..., and you know what it's like to have to hide one side of yourself"
"J-james... I-I don't know what to say" Remus stared, wide-eyed and mesmerized.
"Stop leering at me and say, EAT THIS!!" James leapt over the crate and hurled about thirty-five dungbomb over at the enemy. He tossed something to Sirius while the enemy was distracted and, grabbing Remus, headed for the exit at an all out mad dash. Sirius looked at the thing in his hand; he noticed what it was immediately and turned to Peter.
"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is NOT our friend" He stated, pulling the pin with his teeth and lobbing it over toward the enemy. He then followed James's lead, grabbed Peter, (don't say aww) and ran for the exit. James leapt out, then Remus, then Peter, then Sirius. They were all out now, running at top speed.
"Y'know" James panted, still at full speed. "It'd be really cool if tonight had been a full moon, just think. I'd love to see them deal with a stag, rat, dog, and werewolf"
"You're a nutter" Remus sang again.
"You telling me you couldn't use four legs about now?" James questioned.
"By no means am I saying that!" Peter gasped.
James skidded to a halt infront of the gate, he helped Remus over, then he and Sirius launched Peter over, then James helped Sirius over, James jumped and fell back ward, the gate was too tall to jump from this side.
"Come on mate!" Sirius urged, pacing desperately.
James looked behind himself. The death eater's were gaining.
"You guys get out of here!" James yelled trying to find another way out.
"Like hell!" Sirius shot back.
James looked frantically around. He jumped to the gate again, pulling himself up as best he could. A flash of bright light blinded him momentarily, but Sirius was already pulling him over the wall. They mounted their brooms and were off in a flash. The bright light disappeared, it had saved them though. The enemy had been too distracted by it to fire at James. The marauders shot along like bullets, but the thing that was the light caught up with them.
"H'lo Fawkes" James greeted, reaching out and stroking the phoenix's feathery head.
"So, Dumbledore sent us a baby sitter did he?" Remus smiled, swooping over to James's left.
"There he goes again" Sirius whispered to James.
"Don't start that again!" James laughed.
"What?" Peter asked, confused.
"Lets just say Kira got a... crash course, in flying" Sirius grinned.
James looked rather sheepish, he loved his daughter, and the last thing in the world he wanted to do was hurt her. He shook his head, he would be more careful from now on. What if he had died tonight? What would happen to Lily? To Kira? To his unborn son. James knew he had to be careful; it wasn't just his life on the line whenever he took a risk. It was his family's life too. James had come to realize this when they had thought Cota was dead. James saw how much happiness even the thought of that destroyed.
"Come on" James smiled. "Fawkes, I'll race ya"
James shot forward, Sirius, Remus, and Peter quickly following. They raced along and only stopped when Sirius burst out laughing.
"What?" James asked. "What?"
"That slimy git, at least he's finally admitted it and that's supposed to be the first step towards recovery" Sirius blurted out.
"How long you been holding that comment in?" Peter asked, peering at Sirius through a cloud.
"God, ever since that highway" Sirius admitted, laughing.
"Anyone else feel like we ran like cowards?" Remus asked, killing the mood.
"What?" James asked. "They've killed over half our members! I'd rather get my revenge against Voldemort, his minions aren't even worth my time" James growled.
"Okay. Just... I guess you're right" Remus smiled.
"Of course" James said cheekily.
They set down at headquarters and quickly vanished inside.
"No one mentions our narrow escape" James instructed them through a fake smile and clenched teeth. "Lily, hi"
James strode over to Lily who pointed at the clock on the wall and hurried over to him. "Trouble?" They heard James say, his voice an octave higher then usual. "No, no, pleasant evening. Met an old 'chum' from school" James stated.
Sirius smiled as did the other two Marauders. They knew that 'chum' meant 'slimy jerk' whenever James said it. They quickly went and mingled with the other Order members, pretending everything was perfectly well. Dumbledore was harder to convince. Peter turned over the list; the bottom had a small burn mark on it. Dumbledore noticed that and no amount of talking could save them now.
"It's my fault. I had the list and burnt it when I was trying to attack" Peter interrupted.
James, Sirius, and Remus all stared at him, wide eyed. He had just taken all the blame? Peter explained the spell he had been trying to use and the issue was quickly dropped. It's late June and the members leave in groups of two, apperating home for some well deserved rest.
"James" Lily cornered him after Sirius and Peter left.
James smiled down at her and listened attentivly. "Hmm?" He asked.
"If you had to chose between coming home to me, or spending the rest of your life having endless partys with your friends. Which one would you chose?" Lily asked casualy.
James looked her in the eyes and answered. "What kind of parties?"
Lily smacked him gently and rolled her eyes. "I'm serious! James!"
James shook his head, looking deeply into her eyes. She looked back into his, James had shown her nothing but love for as long as she could remember. Yet, he still liked being young and fooling around with his friends. She often worried about what would happen when they had to get up every two hours to care for the baby and James was too tired to be able to go and do the things he loved to do. They'd been through a lot when they were starting their lives togeather. They'd been through several lost houses, bankruptcy, fights. Yet whenever something bad happened he would try his best to make sure she was okay. Yet, during school when she had dated someone else, James hadn't been afraid of loosing her. Nope, as far as Remus said, he just sulked and hoped she'd be happy with that slime. He often glared at the guy, though the guy never noticed, though James's glare always screamen 'hurt her and I hurt you.'
"Lily" James answered. "The sun doesn't rise untill you do. And I'd curse it if it rose and you were not by my side. The stars shine, the wind blows, the heavens exist, for love as strong as I feel for you"
Lily smiled, she knew that couldn't have been a lie, James wasn't good at keeping his hand out of his hair when he was lying. He didn't even seem to realize he did it, but whenever he lied, he ran his hand through his hair. "Okay, so you weren't in any danger tonight?" She asked.
James smiled. "No, not at all" He stated, running a hand through his hair.
****
Mike: Well, since it's just me and Eve i-
Eve: Hey reviewers! *whispering* shut up about it Mike.
Mike: ...
Eve: Todays fun ideas will be what to do during a final exam. For those of you reading book fivr, that's what inspired this, I think the Hogwarts students should listen up!
Mike: Right, here we go. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
Eve: Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.
Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
Sirius: I'm insulted that you think I wuoln't want to take part in this!
Eve/Mike: Sorry, you go one?
Sirius: One? Hey, I've been through school, I got hundreds. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
Bring pets. (Not always a good idea)
Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say, "They've found me, I have to leave the country," and run off.
Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.
Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink, riot, be creative)
Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling, "I'm here, the phantom of the opera," until they drag you away. James did this one, I thought Lily would never stop laughing at him.
Upon receiving the exam, look it over. While laughing loudly, say, "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!" We had Remus do this... 'cause they never expected it.
Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam. I tried this... but Dumbledore was teaching the class_
Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and shield. I did this one personaly. James joined in though so it was awsome!
Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.
Eve: ... You impress me.
Sirius" Still going, try not to interupt.
Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... likethe care of magical creatures into a divination class... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
Try to get people in the room to do the wave.
Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room. You can guess who was doing this one.
Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam. It sounds stupid, but this actually happened to James one year.
During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say, "it helps me think." Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase, "Told you so."
Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor ????? Sucks."
Eve: That is?
Sirius: Hevens no
Eve: Okay, well if you're finished. Reviwers-
Mike: Review.
Mike: Just get on with the fic.
****
James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter, stood at the gate to the warehouse.
"If they catch us..." Peter shook his head.
"We're screwed" James smiled.
Peter gave him an 'it's not funny' look and James started over the fence. This was there assignment, Dumbledore always assigned them the get in get out assignments, because lets face it, that is what the prank masters do best... along with pranking.... and quidditch. They quietly vaulted over the gate and landed on the other side.
"Geeze, Sirius, ever heard of a little thing called stealth" James laughed as Sirius landed with a thud as is dragon hide boots smacked the ground.
"Ever heard of a little thing called shut up" Sirius retorted with a grin.
"Good thing you two have been whispering, otherwise they might expect us to be here" Remus whispered.
James smirked, unafraid, and marched across the lot, towards the door. When he got to the door, he ignored it and hopped up to the window. An entrance more fit to a marauder. Sirius was. Of course, right behind him. Remus followed Sirius and Peter brought up the rear. (I know there are a lot of jokes I could have said about them... one of which was. and Peter brought up himself. Back to the story) James landed on the ground and looked up at Sirius. He held his hand up for Sirius to wait and then walked a few steps around. Nothing, not even a single sound was to be heard. This automatically told James that something was wrong. Sirius jumped down next to him followed by Remus and Peter. There was a noise and they all ducked behind boxed as a guard entered and looked around. James didn't have to look at the window, he trusted Peter to have closed it. No one looked except Peter himself, worried as usual. The guard came closer, and was almost upon them.
"We're going to get caught!" Peter let out and urgent whisper to all marauder's present.
"Yeah! I know, isn't it great" James's eyes flashed. He obviously found this fun.
"You're a nutter" Remus said in a singsong voice and a smile on his face. He rolled his eyes upward and James crawled past him.
James crawled to the next side of the box and peeked around. Yep, guard still coming. James knew it was a Muggle guard, they'd send him in first, if he dies, they came, if he lived, they questioned him for anything unusual. James was grinning as his heart beat a mile a minute. The guard shone his light around; there wasn't a trace of anyone. Therefore, he slowly made his way out. They hurried across and James noticed something that couldn't possibly have been what they were here to get. Therefore, he walked over to it. It was one of the warehouse's semi trucks. Nothing unusual about that. However, James put his hand infront of the grill. It wasn't hot and the warehouse had only closed twenty minutes ago. This should have still been warm... unless the man driving it didn't know how it worked, and instead used a levitation spell. However, why risk that with so many Muggles around? Because there were no Muggles here when he moved it. James grinned and opened the door to the semi. The list of people Voldemort was in the process of trying to make join him was nestled inbetween the seats. James smiled and summoned it over to him.
"Do they think we're idiots?" Peter asked taking the scroll from James.
"No, they thought you'd go for a more professional approach and look through the filing cabinet for that" Said a voice from above.
God? Nope. Severus Snape. The antiGod, if you will. James sneered and motioned for Sirius to make sure Peter got out with the plans. Sirius saw the signal and prepared to go. He trusted James to be careful enough to get out alive. Peter also saw the signal and prepared to run.
"Snape" James hissed.
"Potter" Severus snarled.
"Imagine, a Slytherin, becoming a Death Eater" James said in mock surprise.
"Shut up, Potter!" Severus snapped.
"Or what?" James asked.
"Or this" Severus clapped his hands together twice.
"Git!" Sirius yelled as five more Death Eaters swarmed in.
James stood his ground, an 'I dare you' expression on his face.
"Snivellus! You-"Sirius was cut off as the attacks started and the four companions jumped behind large crates, using spells to make sure the enemy couldn't simply levitate them off the ground. James and Sirius fought like psychopaths, leaping up and firing out spells a mile a minute. James was pushed back and fell with a thud off the crate. Sirius soon leapt off and they went back to firing from around he sides of the crates. This continued for twenty minutes and the marauders began to feel that dying here might be inevitable.
"Peter, Sirius!" James called over to the other crate. "Can you guys make a run for it?"
"Mate! I ain't leavin you!" Sirius yelled back.
"Go James! I'll stay and hold them off. Everyone get out!" Remus shouted, preparing to cover them.
"Well, you can't die" James stated in a matter of fact tone.
"Shut up and go!" Remus hissed back.
"You can't stay here and let us escape because I choose you as Kira's godfather and I'd hate to have to choose again" James stated.
"Shut up and- what?" Remus asked, now completely ignoring the enemy fire.
"Yeah, I figured you'd be perfect because Lily doesn't think Sirius would be able to handle a girl, Peter is busy..., and you know what it's like to have to hide one side of yourself"
"J-james... I-I don't know what to say" Remus stared, wide-eyed and mesmerized.
"Stop leering at me and say, EAT THIS!!" James leapt over the crate and hurled about thirty-five dungbomb over at the enemy. He tossed something to Sirius while the enemy was distracted and, grabbing Remus, headed for the exit at an all out mad dash. Sirius looked at the thing in his hand; he noticed what it was immediately and turned to Peter.
"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is NOT our friend" He stated, pulling the pin with his teeth and lobbing it over toward the enemy. He then followed James's lead, grabbed Peter, (don't say aww) and ran for the exit. James leapt out, then Remus, then Peter, then Sirius. They were all out now, running at top speed.
"Y'know" James panted, still at full speed. "It'd be really cool if tonight had been a full moon, just think. I'd love to see them deal with a stag, rat, dog, and werewolf"
"You're a nutter" Remus sang again.
"You telling me you couldn't use four legs about now?" James questioned.
"By no means am I saying that!" Peter gasped.
James skidded to a halt infront of the gate, he helped Remus over, then he and Sirius launched Peter over, then James helped Sirius over, James jumped and fell back ward, the gate was too tall to jump from this side.
"Come on mate!" Sirius urged, pacing desperately.
James looked behind himself. The death eater's were gaining.
"You guys get out of here!" James yelled trying to find another way out.
"Like hell!" Sirius shot back.
James looked frantically around. He jumped to the gate again, pulling himself up as best he could. A flash of bright light blinded him momentarily, but Sirius was already pulling him over the wall. They mounted their brooms and were off in a flash. The bright light disappeared, it had saved them though. The enemy had been too distracted by it to fire at James. The marauders shot along like bullets, but the thing that was the light caught up with them.
"H'lo Fawkes" James greeted, reaching out and stroking the phoenix's feathery head.
"So, Dumbledore sent us a baby sitter did he?" Remus smiled, swooping over to James's left.
"There he goes again" Sirius whispered to James.
"Don't start that again!" James laughed.
"What?" Peter asked, confused.
"Lets just say Kira got a... crash course, in flying" Sirius grinned.
James looked rather sheepish, he loved his daughter, and the last thing in the world he wanted to do was hurt her. He shook his head, he would be more careful from now on. What if he had died tonight? What would happen to Lily? To Kira? To his unborn son. James knew he had to be careful; it wasn't just his life on the line whenever he took a risk. It was his family's life too. James had come to realize this when they had thought Cota was dead. James saw how much happiness even the thought of that destroyed.
"Come on" James smiled. "Fawkes, I'll race ya"
James shot forward, Sirius, Remus, and Peter quickly following. They raced along and only stopped when Sirius burst out laughing.
"What?" James asked. "What?"
"That slimy git, at least he's finally admitted it and that's supposed to be the first step towards recovery" Sirius blurted out.
"How long you been holding that comment in?" Peter asked, peering at Sirius through a cloud.
"God, ever since that highway" Sirius admitted, laughing.
"Anyone else feel like we ran like cowards?" Remus asked, killing the mood.
"What?" James asked. "They've killed over half our members! I'd rather get my revenge against Voldemort, his minions aren't even worth my time" James growled.
"Okay. Just... I guess you're right" Remus smiled.
"Of course" James said cheekily.
They set down at headquarters and quickly vanished inside.
"No one mentions our narrow escape" James instructed them through a fake smile and clenched teeth. "Lily, hi"
James strode over to Lily who pointed at the clock on the wall and hurried over to him. "Trouble?" They heard James say, his voice an octave higher then usual. "No, no, pleasant evening. Met an old 'chum' from school" James stated.
Sirius smiled as did the other two Marauders. They knew that 'chum' meant 'slimy jerk' whenever James said it. They quickly went and mingled with the other Order members, pretending everything was perfectly well. Dumbledore was harder to convince. Peter turned over the list; the bottom had a small burn mark on it. Dumbledore noticed that and no amount of talking could save them now.
"It's my fault. I had the list and burnt it when I was trying to attack" Peter interrupted.
James, Sirius, and Remus all stared at him, wide eyed. He had just taken all the blame? Peter explained the spell he had been trying to use and the issue was quickly dropped. It's late June and the members leave in groups of two, apperating home for some well deserved rest.
"James" Lily cornered him after Sirius and Peter left.
James smiled down at her and listened attentivly. "Hmm?" He asked.
"If you had to chose between coming home to me, or spending the rest of your life having endless partys with your friends. Which one would you chose?" Lily asked casualy.
James looked her in the eyes and answered. "What kind of parties?"
Lily smacked him gently and rolled her eyes. "I'm serious! James!"
James shook his head, looking deeply into her eyes. She looked back into his, James had shown her nothing but love for as long as she could remember. Yet, he still liked being young and fooling around with his friends. She often worried about what would happen when they had to get up every two hours to care for the baby and James was too tired to be able to go and do the things he loved to do. They'd been through a lot when they were starting their lives togeather. They'd been through several lost houses, bankruptcy, fights. Yet whenever something bad happened he would try his best to make sure she was okay. Yet, during school when she had dated someone else, James hadn't been afraid of loosing her. Nope, as far as Remus said, he just sulked and hoped she'd be happy with that slime. He often glared at the guy, though the guy never noticed, though James's glare always screamen 'hurt her and I hurt you.'
"Lily" James answered. "The sun doesn't rise untill you do. And I'd curse it if it rose and you were not by my side. The stars shine, the wind blows, the heavens exist, for love as strong as I feel for you"
Lily smiled, she knew that couldn't have been a lie, James wasn't good at keeping his hand out of his hair when he was lying. He didn't even seem to realize he did it, but whenever he lied, he ran his hand through his hair. "Okay, so you weren't in any danger tonight?" She asked.
James smiled. "No, not at all" He stated, running a hand through his hair.
****
Mike: Well, since it's just me and Eve i-
Eve: Hey reviewers! *whispering* shut up about it Mike.
Mike: ...
Eve: Todays fun ideas will be what to do during a final exam. For those of you reading book fivr, that's what inspired this, I think the Hogwarts students should listen up!
Mike: Right, here we go. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
Eve: Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.
Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
Sirius: I'm insulted that you think I wuoln't want to take part in this!
Eve/Mike: Sorry, you go one?
Sirius: One? Hey, I've been through school, I got hundreds. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
Bring pets. (Not always a good idea)
Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say, "They've found me, I have to leave the country," and run off.
Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.
Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink, riot, be creative)
Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling, "I'm here, the phantom of the opera," until they drag you away. James did this one, I thought Lily would never stop laughing at him.
Upon receiving the exam, look it over. While laughing loudly, say, "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!" We had Remus do this... 'cause they never expected it.
Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam. I tried this... but Dumbledore was teaching the class_
Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and shield. I did this one personaly. James joined in though so it was awsome!
Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.
Eve: ... You impress me.
Sirius" Still going, try not to interupt.
Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... likethe care of magical creatures into a divination class... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
Try to get people in the room to do the wave.
Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room. You can guess who was doing this one.
Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam. It sounds stupid, but this actually happened to James one year.
During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say, "it helps me think." Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase, "Told you so."
Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor ????? Sucks."
Eve: That is?
Sirius: Hevens no
Eve: Okay, well if you're finished. Reviwers-
Mike: Review.
