Eve: Hey reviewers! I'M BACK!
Mike: Your computer was broken; quit acting like you just won a war.
Eve:... Shut up! You haven't been the one fighting every stupid day with this thing.
Mike: This story is starting to suck.
Eve: I quit
Mike: *High pitched voice* I was joking!
Eve: No one start the chapter, if it sucks sooooo much, I quit.
Mike: You don't take criticism well.
Eve: I work hard on my stories.
Mike: Then continue them.
Eve: Don't think I won't
Mike: So... On with it?
Eve: On with the fic!
****
"Okay class, today we are going to learn about quidditch" James smiled at Kira and Harry. "That's Q.U.I.D.D.I.T.C.H." He paused for Kira to write it down. "Quid-ditch. Say it with me now. Quidditch"
"James" Lily giggled. "A much as I'm sure you'd love to teach, I'd prefer it if Kira went to an actual school"
"... Very well... Harry, I'll see you after class, there will be no drooling in my classroom and for Merlin's sake, try to stay awake!" James said in a mock lecturing voice.
Lily laughed softly and took Harry to his room for a nap. Kira put on her Hovablades and followed her.
"How come he's asleep this early?" Kira asked, skating in a circle around Lily as she sat in a rocking chair, gently swaying back and fourth off the ground.
"Because he's a baby and Babies need a lot of rest", Lily answered, smiling.
"Oh" Kira blinked, still skating around in a circle, soundlessly.
"Kira" James called. Kira turned and skated down the hall in search of her father.
"Yes?" She asked.
"You've been waiting for the same person everyday these past two weeks and you still don't know?" James smiled, climbing up the stairs.
"Oh! Remus" Kira scooted across the room and stopped at the door, swinging it open and smiling. How did James always know when one of his friends were about to ring the doorbell, even before they reached the first step to the door?
"Ready?" He asked, quickly stepping inside and not questioning how she knew he was there.
"Mommy" Kira called. "Remus is here!"
James leapt down the stairs, trying desperately hard not to wake up Harry. "Shhh!" He hissed at them. "She just got him to sleep"
"Sorry James. Thought you could handle it" Remus smiled innocently.
"Ha, ha, get out" James mumbled, he was late for work.
"Only kidding, James" Remus grinned. "So, has Sirius been dropping by everyday?"
James smiled. "Almost, he was here on Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday and I'd expect him to be at the meeting tonight"
"Yes, that's right. I had almost forgotten about the meeting tonight" Remus put his hand up on his forehead.
"Yep, at 7 o'clock" James informed him.
Remus always took Kira to the Hotel and she did her normal routine, only the long two-hour wait was replaced by meeting Fred and George. Then Remus came and got her, bought her a strawberry health smoothie, as Lily instructed him to do, and then they spent the day doing whatever. Sometimes they went and watched Sirius race, sometimes Remus took her to the forest by his house and taught her about the magical creatures that lived there. James wasn't a fan of that idea, but didn't want her failing the class as he almost did. That was the weekly schedule. Cota helped Lily around the house once James arrived at work, then he'd leave at three to go back and help James. Lily took care of Harry and did her work at home the best she could. Today Remus had taken Kira to a different forest in search of chimeras. Kira kept close to Remus and the trudged deeper into the forest. Trinidy flew happily around Kira as they went.
"You see that?" Remus asked, crouching. "That's a manticore. Be careful and don't make any noise. They are man-eaters. Their favorite activity is devouring flesh. It was first described in the fifth century B.C. by the Greek Physician Ctesias, who also gave us early unicorn lore"
Kira followed his gaze over to a very strange creature indeed. It had a human face, a reddish, hairy body that looked like a lion, and a scorpion- like tail that had hundreds of darts on it.
"Manticores can shoot the darts on their tails up to a hundred feet. The poison is very fast acting poison that could take down a full grown man, easily," Remus explained. "And it's got a huge, powerful mouth spanning from ear to ear. Inside are razor sharp teeth that can devour bone, clothes, everything" Remus said in a tone of awe.
Kira looked at him. If that thing ate people and shot poison, how exactly did he expect them to live? Remus, seeing her look, put his finger up to his lips and slowly started backing away. However, something blocked him. He had backed into someone and slowly turned to see whom. However, it wasn't a who, it was a what. The tall, robot looking creature towered over Remus. It made sounds like Darth Vader as it breathed, only more less annoying and moer like how someone wuold acctualy breath through a gassmask, and there was something covering its mouth. The creature wore a gas mask type thing over its face. Remus saw glowing red eyes stare at him through big round goggles. It was extremely thin, yet Remus could see muscle. The monster was dressed in a combat uniform, stood with a hunched back and was broader then the average human. All of this, along with its grey toned skin, made it look like something out of a horror movie. The creature had continued to breathe eerily and then spoke. Laughing at the two people psychotically.
"Hello" It said sinisterly.
Remus stood infront of Kira, who was staring intently on the Manticore. Remus had his wand out and the creature stepped closer, it had numbers tattooed onto its shoulder. Remus blocked Kira and stared up the monster. "What do you want" He growled. The monster laughed harder and Remus saw that it held a machete in its right hand.
"What do I want? Me?" The monster laughed. "What makes you assume I want something?"
"Don't toy with me!" Remus shouted, casting a glance over to the Manticore.
The monster laughed again and the Manticore attacked. Remus blocked the attack with a strong shielding spell and ran; making sure Kira was safely infront of him. They jumped over roots and brush, Remus was at full stride and made sure the little girl kept well ahead of him. They raced on as fast as they could. Eventually Remus dropped to the ground in some tall debris and pushed Kira down too. She was shaking and he was breathing hard from the run.
"We can't out run that Manticore" Remus whispered, knowing it was only so long before the Manticore came stalking along. They were good at traps and ambushes, you had to know when to stop and fight, or get killed. "I want you to hide and I'll take care of it, okay?"
"But what about you?" Kira asked, her voice full of concern.
"Don't worry about me, I'll neutralize the poison and then put a stunning spell on it" Remus whispered. "On go"
Kira nodded, Trinidy was right beside her. They could hear the Manticore crawling through the brush. Remus stood ready and perfectly still, as if someone had used 'petrificus totalus'on him and he had become a living statue. Even Remus's two-toned hair seemed to think better of moving. "Ready" They could hear the creature breathing. "Set" Had it gotten that monster, was that why it was delayed in attacking them? Kira didn't care at this point, she was tense and frozen to the spot. Yet something inside her remembered her time at the lab and she found herself ready to spring up and away at the slightest signal. The Manticore was about ten feet from them now and Remus gripped his wand tightly. "Go" Remus breathed and Kira sprung up and dashed with Trinidy at her heels.
"Oh no you don't!" Remus put out a stunning curse as the creature leapt towards Kira. "You're not touching MY Goddaughter"
Kira ran until she was breathless then leapt behind a tree and caught her breath. She peeked out from behind the tree and could faintly make out two very small shapes. She watched the red one leap towards the brown one, the brown one hit it with a curse that immobilized its tail. The red one didn't seem too happy about this. Trinidy was peering over Kira's shoulder and froze as she heard a crunching sound and raspy breathing. Kira, however, was worried about her Godfather and seemed not to notice.
"K-Kira" Trinidy poked Kira.
Kira turned around and let out a scream. The scream shot straight over to Remus. He turned to head towards Kira, but the Manticore leapt at him and he had to bind its mouth closed as quickly as possible. When he had stunned the creature, Remus pushed himself to his feet and ran towards the scream, which had suddenly gone silent. He arrived to find a faerie sprawled on the ground. Trinidy opened her eyes and quickly flew up to Remus.
"That thing!" Trinidy yelled. "That thing took Kira!"
****
Mike:... that su-... RULED WHOOOO... Poor Kira.... lemme read the next chapter.
Eve: Sirius is here with us today.
Sirius: Hey
Eve: You said you had some things for us to do during lectures.
Sirius" Yep, and I made sure you Muggles can do every one
Eve: Oh joy, oh rapture
Mike:... I'm a villain vampire dude in Eve's other story... not a Muggle.
Sirius: Good for you-
Mike: Shut up!
Sirius: Bring a blowhorn. Use it when you ask or answer a question.
Hire a video crew to come to the class. If asked about it, say That you have to tape the lecture for a friend.
Bring a water gun. Shoot the professor when his back is turned.
Get the other students in your row to do the wave.
Contradict everything the professor says. Offer irrefutable scientific proof.
If it's a math lecture, claim that the professor misspelled pi.
When the professor asks a question, raise your hand. If the professor calls on you, point to someone in the next row and say "He knows." Pick a different person each time.
Write a love note. Sign it "a secret admirer". Get someone to pass it to the professor.
Get up to go to the bathroom five or six times during the class. Change clothes every time.
Bring a small tape player. Play a tape of the previous lecture. Take notes on both.
If it's an English class, ask how the theory of relativity relates to Shakespeare's "Midsummer Night's Dream".
Pretend to be asleep until five minutes before the end of class. Then wake up and explain that you missed the lecture, and ask the professor to summarize what he/she talked about.
Bring a can of spray paint. Use it to take notes on the classroom wall.
Bring a fully-stocked picnic basket to class. Explain that you didn't have time to eat breakfast.
Tear out pages of the textbook and make little origami animals out of them. Have a whole menagerie by the end of class. Give them to the professor as a token of your esteem.
Bring a fishing rod. Try to catch things on the professor's desk.
Bring a tape player and a tape of a thunderstorm. Keep it hidden. Sometime during the lecture, start the tape, stand up, claim that the professor has angered the gods and leave. Watch to see how many students follow you after the tape starts playing.
Make reserved seating cards and place them on the desks before class.
Tell the professor you are on a new experimental cold medication that may have strange side effects. Every ten minutes or so, run around the room screaming. Afterward, claim that you have no memory of what just happened.
Claim that you are the new student teacher, and that you are to give the lecture for that class. If the professor agrees, lecture on a subject completely opposite the to subject of the class. If the professor objects, say that the students should have a wide range of knowledge.
Switch the professor's lecture notes with your history notes from last term.
Raise your hand and ask when the movie is going to start.
Bring a flash camera. Take pictures every few minutes, using a very bright flash. If anyone complains, say that you didn't see any sign saying you couldn't bring cameras.
Bring a light bulb. Hold it over your head whenever you have the answer to a question.
Bring an easel and a paint set. Paint a portrait of the professor during the lecture. Say that it is a homework assignment for art class.
Sneeze very loudly. Then, have the person next to you sneeze, then the person next to him, and so on. See how long it takes before the professor sneezes.
When the professor comes in, say, very loudly, "Hey! A substitute! All right!" Claim that the real professor said you could have lecture outside.
Come to class wearing the same outfit as the professor. Call the professor a copycat.
If it's a geology lecture, switch the quartz crystals with New Folgers Crystals and see if the professor notices. Have a hidden camera.
Ask questions in a foreign language you know the professor doesn't know. Act angry when he/she doesn't understand you.
Come to class dressed as a professional wrestler. Tell people you joined the wrestling team. Body slam anyone who doesn't believe you.
Eev: I got one. When the professor comes in, suddenly scream, "NOOOOOO! Not him! Not professor Snape!! They let him teach again! NOOOOOOOOO!" then run out of them room. See how many people follow you.
Sirius: Ammeture! Turn your row into a mosh pit.
Eve: Before class starts, turn all the desks upside down. Sit on them like you would normally.
Mike: Two words. American Gladiators.
Eve: Make requests like people do at rock concerts. ("Relativity! Relativity! Einstein rocks!")
Sirius:Bring popcorn. Throw it and the professor. Complain that these trained animal shows aren't what they used to be.
When the professor calls on you, mumble incomprehensibly. Answer every question in this fashion. See how long it takes before the professor stops calling on you.
Eve: Ha! When you take a test, hire a security guard to stand by your desk and make sure no one cheats off your paper.
Sirius: You acctualy did that.
Mike: No! She made ME DRESS UP like a security guard and make sure no one cheated off her test.
Sirius: Why was it the first time you actually knew them?
Eve: Yes! And SHUT UP!
Sirius: Reviewers, I'm going to teach this little girl some REAL prank.
Eve: Fine! I'll show you how it's REALLY done. I bet you just talk big.
Mike: I'm afraid! Reviewers Review!
Mike: Your computer was broken; quit acting like you just won a war.
Eve:... Shut up! You haven't been the one fighting every stupid day with this thing.
Mike: This story is starting to suck.
Eve: I quit
Mike: *High pitched voice* I was joking!
Eve: No one start the chapter, if it sucks sooooo much, I quit.
Mike: You don't take criticism well.
Eve: I work hard on my stories.
Mike: Then continue them.
Eve: Don't think I won't
Mike: So... On with it?
Eve: On with the fic!
****
"Okay class, today we are going to learn about quidditch" James smiled at Kira and Harry. "That's Q.U.I.D.D.I.T.C.H." He paused for Kira to write it down. "Quid-ditch. Say it with me now. Quidditch"
"James" Lily giggled. "A much as I'm sure you'd love to teach, I'd prefer it if Kira went to an actual school"
"... Very well... Harry, I'll see you after class, there will be no drooling in my classroom and for Merlin's sake, try to stay awake!" James said in a mock lecturing voice.
Lily laughed softly and took Harry to his room for a nap. Kira put on her Hovablades and followed her.
"How come he's asleep this early?" Kira asked, skating in a circle around Lily as she sat in a rocking chair, gently swaying back and fourth off the ground.
"Because he's a baby and Babies need a lot of rest", Lily answered, smiling.
"Oh" Kira blinked, still skating around in a circle, soundlessly.
"Kira" James called. Kira turned and skated down the hall in search of her father.
"Yes?" She asked.
"You've been waiting for the same person everyday these past two weeks and you still don't know?" James smiled, climbing up the stairs.
"Oh! Remus" Kira scooted across the room and stopped at the door, swinging it open and smiling. How did James always know when one of his friends were about to ring the doorbell, even before they reached the first step to the door?
"Ready?" He asked, quickly stepping inside and not questioning how she knew he was there.
"Mommy" Kira called. "Remus is here!"
James leapt down the stairs, trying desperately hard not to wake up Harry. "Shhh!" He hissed at them. "She just got him to sleep"
"Sorry James. Thought you could handle it" Remus smiled innocently.
"Ha, ha, get out" James mumbled, he was late for work.
"Only kidding, James" Remus grinned. "So, has Sirius been dropping by everyday?"
James smiled. "Almost, he was here on Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday and I'd expect him to be at the meeting tonight"
"Yes, that's right. I had almost forgotten about the meeting tonight" Remus put his hand up on his forehead.
"Yep, at 7 o'clock" James informed him.
Remus always took Kira to the Hotel and she did her normal routine, only the long two-hour wait was replaced by meeting Fred and George. Then Remus came and got her, bought her a strawberry health smoothie, as Lily instructed him to do, and then they spent the day doing whatever. Sometimes they went and watched Sirius race, sometimes Remus took her to the forest by his house and taught her about the magical creatures that lived there. James wasn't a fan of that idea, but didn't want her failing the class as he almost did. That was the weekly schedule. Cota helped Lily around the house once James arrived at work, then he'd leave at three to go back and help James. Lily took care of Harry and did her work at home the best she could. Today Remus had taken Kira to a different forest in search of chimeras. Kira kept close to Remus and the trudged deeper into the forest. Trinidy flew happily around Kira as they went.
"You see that?" Remus asked, crouching. "That's a manticore. Be careful and don't make any noise. They are man-eaters. Their favorite activity is devouring flesh. It was first described in the fifth century B.C. by the Greek Physician Ctesias, who also gave us early unicorn lore"
Kira followed his gaze over to a very strange creature indeed. It had a human face, a reddish, hairy body that looked like a lion, and a scorpion- like tail that had hundreds of darts on it.
"Manticores can shoot the darts on their tails up to a hundred feet. The poison is very fast acting poison that could take down a full grown man, easily," Remus explained. "And it's got a huge, powerful mouth spanning from ear to ear. Inside are razor sharp teeth that can devour bone, clothes, everything" Remus said in a tone of awe.
Kira looked at him. If that thing ate people and shot poison, how exactly did he expect them to live? Remus, seeing her look, put his finger up to his lips and slowly started backing away. However, something blocked him. He had backed into someone and slowly turned to see whom. However, it wasn't a who, it was a what. The tall, robot looking creature towered over Remus. It made sounds like Darth Vader as it breathed, only more less annoying and moer like how someone wuold acctualy breath through a gassmask, and there was something covering its mouth. The creature wore a gas mask type thing over its face. Remus saw glowing red eyes stare at him through big round goggles. It was extremely thin, yet Remus could see muscle. The monster was dressed in a combat uniform, stood with a hunched back and was broader then the average human. All of this, along with its grey toned skin, made it look like something out of a horror movie. The creature had continued to breathe eerily and then spoke. Laughing at the two people psychotically.
"Hello" It said sinisterly.
Remus stood infront of Kira, who was staring intently on the Manticore. Remus had his wand out and the creature stepped closer, it had numbers tattooed onto its shoulder. Remus blocked Kira and stared up the monster. "What do you want" He growled. The monster laughed harder and Remus saw that it held a machete in its right hand.
"What do I want? Me?" The monster laughed. "What makes you assume I want something?"
"Don't toy with me!" Remus shouted, casting a glance over to the Manticore.
The monster laughed again and the Manticore attacked. Remus blocked the attack with a strong shielding spell and ran; making sure Kira was safely infront of him. They jumped over roots and brush, Remus was at full stride and made sure the little girl kept well ahead of him. They raced on as fast as they could. Eventually Remus dropped to the ground in some tall debris and pushed Kira down too. She was shaking and he was breathing hard from the run.
"We can't out run that Manticore" Remus whispered, knowing it was only so long before the Manticore came stalking along. They were good at traps and ambushes, you had to know when to stop and fight, or get killed. "I want you to hide and I'll take care of it, okay?"
"But what about you?" Kira asked, her voice full of concern.
"Don't worry about me, I'll neutralize the poison and then put a stunning spell on it" Remus whispered. "On go"
Kira nodded, Trinidy was right beside her. They could hear the Manticore crawling through the brush. Remus stood ready and perfectly still, as if someone had used 'petrificus totalus'on him and he had become a living statue. Even Remus's two-toned hair seemed to think better of moving. "Ready" They could hear the creature breathing. "Set" Had it gotten that monster, was that why it was delayed in attacking them? Kira didn't care at this point, she was tense and frozen to the spot. Yet something inside her remembered her time at the lab and she found herself ready to spring up and away at the slightest signal. The Manticore was about ten feet from them now and Remus gripped his wand tightly. "Go" Remus breathed and Kira sprung up and dashed with Trinidy at her heels.
"Oh no you don't!" Remus put out a stunning curse as the creature leapt towards Kira. "You're not touching MY Goddaughter"
Kira ran until she was breathless then leapt behind a tree and caught her breath. She peeked out from behind the tree and could faintly make out two very small shapes. She watched the red one leap towards the brown one, the brown one hit it with a curse that immobilized its tail. The red one didn't seem too happy about this. Trinidy was peering over Kira's shoulder and froze as she heard a crunching sound and raspy breathing. Kira, however, was worried about her Godfather and seemed not to notice.
"K-Kira" Trinidy poked Kira.
Kira turned around and let out a scream. The scream shot straight over to Remus. He turned to head towards Kira, but the Manticore leapt at him and he had to bind its mouth closed as quickly as possible. When he had stunned the creature, Remus pushed himself to his feet and ran towards the scream, which had suddenly gone silent. He arrived to find a faerie sprawled on the ground. Trinidy opened her eyes and quickly flew up to Remus.
"That thing!" Trinidy yelled. "That thing took Kira!"
****
Mike:... that su-... RULED WHOOOO... Poor Kira.... lemme read the next chapter.
Eve: Sirius is here with us today.
Sirius: Hey
Eve: You said you had some things for us to do during lectures.
Sirius" Yep, and I made sure you Muggles can do every one
Eve: Oh joy, oh rapture
Mike:... I'm a villain vampire dude in Eve's other story... not a Muggle.
Sirius: Good for you-
Mike: Shut up!
Sirius: Bring a blowhorn. Use it when you ask or answer a question.
Hire a video crew to come to the class. If asked about it, say That you have to tape the lecture for a friend.
Bring a water gun. Shoot the professor when his back is turned.
Get the other students in your row to do the wave.
Contradict everything the professor says. Offer irrefutable scientific proof.
If it's a math lecture, claim that the professor misspelled pi.
When the professor asks a question, raise your hand. If the professor calls on you, point to someone in the next row and say "He knows." Pick a different person each time.
Write a love note. Sign it "a secret admirer". Get someone to pass it to the professor.
Get up to go to the bathroom five or six times during the class. Change clothes every time.
Bring a small tape player. Play a tape of the previous lecture. Take notes on both.
If it's an English class, ask how the theory of relativity relates to Shakespeare's "Midsummer Night's Dream".
Pretend to be asleep until five minutes before the end of class. Then wake up and explain that you missed the lecture, and ask the professor to summarize what he/she talked about.
Bring a can of spray paint. Use it to take notes on the classroom wall.
Bring a fully-stocked picnic basket to class. Explain that you didn't have time to eat breakfast.
Tear out pages of the textbook and make little origami animals out of them. Have a whole menagerie by the end of class. Give them to the professor as a token of your esteem.
Bring a fishing rod. Try to catch things on the professor's desk.
Bring a tape player and a tape of a thunderstorm. Keep it hidden. Sometime during the lecture, start the tape, stand up, claim that the professor has angered the gods and leave. Watch to see how many students follow you after the tape starts playing.
Make reserved seating cards and place them on the desks before class.
Tell the professor you are on a new experimental cold medication that may have strange side effects. Every ten minutes or so, run around the room screaming. Afterward, claim that you have no memory of what just happened.
Claim that you are the new student teacher, and that you are to give the lecture for that class. If the professor agrees, lecture on a subject completely opposite the to subject of the class. If the professor objects, say that the students should have a wide range of knowledge.
Switch the professor's lecture notes with your history notes from last term.
Raise your hand and ask when the movie is going to start.
Bring a flash camera. Take pictures every few minutes, using a very bright flash. If anyone complains, say that you didn't see any sign saying you couldn't bring cameras.
Bring a light bulb. Hold it over your head whenever you have the answer to a question.
Bring an easel and a paint set. Paint a portrait of the professor during the lecture. Say that it is a homework assignment for art class.
Sneeze very loudly. Then, have the person next to you sneeze, then the person next to him, and so on. See how long it takes before the professor sneezes.
When the professor comes in, say, very loudly, "Hey! A substitute! All right!" Claim that the real professor said you could have lecture outside.
Come to class wearing the same outfit as the professor. Call the professor a copycat.
If it's a geology lecture, switch the quartz crystals with New Folgers Crystals and see if the professor notices. Have a hidden camera.
Ask questions in a foreign language you know the professor doesn't know. Act angry when he/she doesn't understand you.
Come to class dressed as a professional wrestler. Tell people you joined the wrestling team. Body slam anyone who doesn't believe you.
Eev: I got one. When the professor comes in, suddenly scream, "NOOOOOO! Not him! Not professor Snape!! They let him teach again! NOOOOOOOOO!" then run out of them room. See how many people follow you.
Sirius: Ammeture! Turn your row into a mosh pit.
Eve: Before class starts, turn all the desks upside down. Sit on them like you would normally.
Mike: Two words. American Gladiators.
Eve: Make requests like people do at rock concerts. ("Relativity! Relativity! Einstein rocks!")
Sirius:Bring popcorn. Throw it and the professor. Complain that these trained animal shows aren't what they used to be.
When the professor calls on you, mumble incomprehensibly. Answer every question in this fashion. See how long it takes before the professor stops calling on you.
Eve: Ha! When you take a test, hire a security guard to stand by your desk and make sure no one cheats off your paper.
Sirius: You acctualy did that.
Mike: No! She made ME DRESS UP like a security guard and make sure no one cheated off her test.
Sirius: Why was it the first time you actually knew them?
Eve: Yes! And SHUT UP!
Sirius: Reviewers, I'm going to teach this little girl some REAL prank.
Eve: Fine! I'll show you how it's REALLY done. I bet you just talk big.
Mike: I'm afraid! Reviewers Review!
