Only Joking

Summary: Alicia Spinnet isn't exactly every boy's dream. She's able to kick any boy's arse that has tried to be fresh with her and is the Star Chaser for the Gryffindor Team. Also, she doesn't believe in love. Will a certain red-haired twin be able to crack the ice shell she's put around her? Slightly in the Always A Bridesmaid Universe, but can be read alone. Alicia/George.

Rating: PG for now

Disclaimer: Mrs. Rowling I'm sure will forgive me considering I adore and worshiper her like no one's business, so hah. She shall understand that I am merely playing with her characters, and trying not to be sued by her loveliness, even though I'm sure she's too busy with her new baby girl to sue anyone at the moment.

Author's Note: I have had many, many requests for a sequel for Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Bride, but I have never gotten inspiration to do so, and if I had tried, I'm most certainly have sucked at writing it and quit in the middle of it. However...I was inspired to write this prequel. Not Katie/Oliver but everyone remembers Alicia and George, right?

Chapter One:

When you're seventeen years old, and you've just arrived at your last year of magical school, so you're the highest of the grades, the oldest of the students, the example of maturity and grace, the last thing you want to explode over your head is a large balloon full of green slime as you disembark from the train.

First of all, green does NOT go with my hair.

Not that I bloody well care.

It's the principle of the thing.

Fred and George are going down this year.

So instead of enjoying the Welcoming Feast, I was in the bathroom with my best friend, Katie Bell, who was helping me clean out the green slime out of my ebony colored hair.

"Those...stupid..." I muttered under my breath as I pointed my wand at a section of my hair and cleaned it with a good Scourgify. "They'll never get away with this. How old do they think they are? Seven?" I was fuming. I saw my reflection in the mirror and scowled deeply. I had dark brown hair that it was almost black and usually it had a slight curl that turned frizzy at the first sign of moisture, so the green slime wasn't helping any. My eyes were frighteningly dark at the moment, but usually were a deep shade of brown, with the slightest hint of green in the middle. I looked at Katie's reflection as she tried to help me with my hair. She was giggling.

"Oh, Alicia." She laughed a bit harder. Her light brown hair was straightened for her first day back. Katie was my best friend in the entire world. Best friends are NOT supposed to laugh at their best friend's misery. "Come on, you've got to lighten up a bit."

"You didn't say that when Fred hexed your broomstick." I mumbled underneath my breath and scowled intensely.

"That's because it turned into a chicken ten minutes before the match and Oliver started yelling at me."

"You started crying, not laughing."

"It was my first experience with Oliver angry. I was twelve for heaven's sake!"

"Still, you didn't lighten up, I remember you smacking Fred so hard that his eyes rolled into the back of his head."

I groaned in frustration and Katie giggled slightly and helped me with the rest of my hair. "There. Good as new." Katie's blue-gray eyes were still dancing from the thought of my face after the balloon had dropped on my head as we had come off the train. Imagine sitting in a carriage with two very frightened fifth years that looked terrified at me in all my green glory. I think their names were Lavender and P...something. Those two that were obsessed with Divination. That P girl reminded me last year that I was to be doomed to fall down the Grand Stairs later that week, she had seen it in her Crystal Ball last class.

Needless to say, I have not fallen down the stairs since second year. That's Katie's roll as the Grand-Master-Klutz.

I'm the one that fails Potions because I mix up ingredients and make potion go "boom".

Snape has hated my guts since I blew off his eyebrows in third year.

Took them a week to grow back.

Must say he looks slightly more attractive without eyebrows.

Ewwww! Did I just think that Snape was even in the remotest sense possibly attractive? Ew, ew, triple ew!

Moving on.

I pulled my hair up into a messy ponytail, surveying it in the mirror to make sure that it looked okay and was free of any green gunk whatsoever. I looked at Katie. "Okay, time for food."

"Great, my stomach is rumbling harder than an earthquake." Katie sighed happily.

"Yeah, I can feel it."

"No you can't."

"So, can."

We walked out of the bathroom, arm and arm giggling into the Great Hall. The Sorting was already over, so everyone was already talking to each other and yelling across the hall. We slipped into the Gryffindor table almost unnoticed.

Almost.

George spotted me and Katie laughing together and poke his twin brother in the side. "Hey, Alicia!" George called out.

I whipped my head around and gave him the evilest, coldest stare I could possibly muster at the given moment. "I thought you were feeling a bit green around the gills as you were coming off the train. Feeling better?"

"Yeah, I am." I said loudly. "Though it might have been contagious. You might want to watch yourself for symptoms." I gave him a hard glare and took my plate and started filling it with food. I was starving! I saw out of the corner of my eye that George was looking slightly worried. Didn't he know by now, that you don't mess with Alicia Spinnet?

The last boy to do so, ended up in the hospital wing with a fractured wrist.

He grabbed my ass! He deserved much more. I was just defending my honor.

If this was the fifteenth century and I had honor to defend.

Oh, Peppermint Toads! Katie has Peppermint Toads! Stealing!

I snatched a Peppermint Toad from out of Katie's bag and gave her a sly smile as she mock-scowled at me and got one out for herself as well. Angelina Johnson, our new Captain for the Gryffindor Quidditch team was sitting across from us. She had gone to Jamaica over the summer holidays and gotten her hair down in cornrows which reached about half-way down her back and the beads at the end of them made a soft noise if she moved her head too fast. "We've got to get a new Keeper, and soon." She said to both of us. "I'm thinking about this Friday after classes. What do you think? Got anything to do?"

I shook my head. "Not at the moment, but we've got to see what classes we have first." I groaned loudly. "I hope to high heavens that I don't have Snape on Fridays. I had him on Fridays last year and it ruined the entire weekend."

"Ah, yes, and you had to eat a whole box of Sugar Quills to console yourself each and every time." Katie sighed dramatically and patted her heart.

"If you wanted to be on stage, go to the West End of London." I threw a roll in her direction and she caught it with reflexes that all of us Chasers have and took a bite out of it. It steamed slightly.

"Mmm, thanks Spinnet."

"Bite me."

"Mouth full, maybe later."

I continued eating and when I was starting to feel sleepy and full, I noticed Dumbledore getting up. I suddenly realized I didn't know who the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher was. I scanned the seats against the High Table and saw a large woman with a bright pink cardigan on. I physically winced at the sight of it. Even myself being slightly fashion impaired, knew in my gut that was a terrible choice. Ew!

"Well, now that we are all digesting another magnificent feast..." I heard Dumbledore begin and I began to tune him out. After six previous years, I knew most of what he was going to say. I began to think of Quidditch practice coming up on Friday. I was dying for some hardcore workouts, since I had been living with my parents, one Muggle and the other a Wizard, and my mother had a terrible fear of me riding a broomstick ever, so no Quidditch in my backyard all summer. " ...we are also delighted to introduce Professor Umbridge, our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Tryouts for the House Quidditch Teams will take place on the--"

"Hem. Hem."

I was startled out of my ravine by the Toad Lady, what was her name, Professor Umbridge? What a name. Did she get teased when she was here? I wouldn't doubt it. Oy. I was called Ally Spindle more times than I can count. Kids are so unoriginal. But she was interrupting Dumbledore...right. You do that without being considered an idiot.

"Thank you, Headmaster," Professor Umbridge said in a sickly sweet voice that made me gag inside, "for your kind words of welcome."

Katie leaned over to me. "Is it me or did someone transfigure her from a Toad?"

I leaned back, "As always, our minds are linked."

"Did she inhale helium or something?"

"Probably. Too much Muggle drugs possibly."

"Oooh, can she get us some?"

"Shuttup." Angelina said, supressing her laughter and shushing us at the same time.

"Well it is lovely to be back at Hogwarts, I must say. And to see such happy little faces looking back at me!" Umbridge said brightly as if she was a first level teacher trying to make sure all the little six year olds didn't revolt against her on the first day back.

I saw Fred look around and I looked pointedly at him and smiled and mouthed at him, "She's talking about you." And grinned widely.

"I am very much looking forward to getting to know you all and I'm sure we'll be good friends. Hem, hem."

That cough is going to get annoying isn't it?

"The Ministry of Magic has always considered the education of young witches and wizard to be of vital importance. The rare gifts with which you were born may come to nothing if not nurtured and honed by careful instruction. The ancient skills unique to the Wizarding community must be passed down..."

Binns might have competition. Umbridge is giving him a run for his money in the Boring Department. They should have a Bore-Off! See which can make more students fall asleep in a single class time slot!

I started to feel my attention wandering and I looked around the hall. I saw some Hufflepuff playing what looked like hangman with his friends and I watched for a couple of minutes, and suddenly I heard half-hearted applause and I realized that Umbridge must have finished her speech. I clapped a few times to be nice, but something about her made me pause. Perhaps it was that cocky, I-know-something-you-don't-know smirk she had on her face that I had seen my younger brother, Aidan, have on his face when he found out a secret worthy of blackmail from me.

Dumbledore finished with his speech and the student population of Hogwarts stood up and started making a lot of noise.

It's a miracle that no one's gone deaf from just eating in the Great Hall during meal times.

Katie grabbed her bag and I followed her out of the hall, and behind me, I heard someone shout, "OY! Midgets!"

"Ron!"

I almost laughed. Ron Weasley, Fred and George's little brother looked hilarious being scolded by Hermione Granger, the smart fifth year. We passed them on the way out as they rounded up the newest additions to the Gryffindor house. I was feeling very sleepy as Katie and I made out way through the winding halls of Hogwarts up to the seventh floor where Gryffindor tower was. Why did they put the Gryffindor tower on the bloody seventh floor anyways? Why couldn't we get ground floor, huh? Where we don't have to watch out for moving staircases and trick steps that suck you into them.

Hufflepuffs get all the luck.

So do Ravenclaws.

Not Slytherins. They get the dark and sinister dungeons.

I babble when I'm tired.

I yawned deeply as we walked up to the Fat Lady. "Mimbulus mimbletonia" Angelina said pompously and I was reminded forcibly of Percy Weasley. I wonder what happened to him...

The Fat Lady nodded and Angelina, Katie and I walked into the Gryffindor common room. "Well, well, well, if it isn't the Quidditch Girls." I heard a voice say jokingly.

"Fred, George." Angelina said, business like. "We've got to try out for a New Keeper on Friday, you two up for coming? We need the entire team there."

"Sounds like a plan." Fred said. George nodded. "Look, Alicia, no hard feelings about the slime? We were aiming for Malfoy...but you got him when he tried to call you...well a you-know-what."

"It's called a Mudblood, Fred." I said sourly. I hoped Malfoy's gut doesn't heal fast. "He called me a Mudblood."

"He'll be sorry if he does that again." George said, cracking his knuckles.

I smiled. "Now, now, George. I don't need fights being fought in my honor. I can do that myself." I yawned. "But until he does call me that again, I'm going to bed and waking up in the morning another boring day in the life of Alicia."

"I second that." Katie yawned as well. "Except in the life of Katie. Good night everyone."

We headed upstairs to our dorm room where I promptly changed into my nightgown and fell onto my bed and fell asleep without another thought about the coming year. Only that I was immensely tired and exhausted.

Fred and George are still going down.

Author's Note: Dumbledore/Umbridge's speech, plus random dialogue is taken from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix Chapter Eleven, the Sorting Hat's New Song.