Only Joking
Summary: Alicia Spinnet isn't exactly every boy's dream. She's able to kick any boy's arse that has tried to be fresh with her and is the Star Chaser for the Gryffindor Team. Also, she doesn't believe in love. Will a certain red-haired twin be able to crack the ice shell she's put around her? Slightly in the Always A Bridesmaid Universe, but can be read alone. Alicia/George.
Rating: PG for now
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling better be working on book VII if book VI is done, rather than coming on here and finding poor little children like myself that forget the disclaimers. P.S. I don't own Harry Potter, but you already knew that.
Chapter Two: First Day Woes
I was having a very, very odd dream about Oliver Wood returning to Hogwarts in the capacity of Flying Lessons, which I know some first years have been pining about since he debuted on Puddlemere United's lineup, but he was insisting on being called Oscar…and he was wearing a toga. The sun had a baby's face on it that giggled whenever Oliver-Now-Called-Oscar fell off his broomstick. Professor McGonagall was on a distant mountaintop yodling her lungs out and Professor Sinistra was teaching third years to square dance.
That's IT! No more Sesame Street, Sound of Music or Teletubbies for my little brother when I'm baby-sitting. No effing way.
Whoever came up with the idea that teenagers should get up early for classes? Some sadistic moron decided that he would find some pervy pleasure out of watching us try helplessly to stay awake.
Severus Snape has figured out the mysteries of time and space and gone back in time to the beginning of schools and made up that stupid rule. That hook-nosed git! I knew he had it out for us.
I hate the word early.
I especially hate being woken early.
I really especially hate being woken up early by having pillows thrown at my head.
"OW!" I cried out helplessly, thrashing about wildly as I heard giggling in the background and I was hopelessly tangled in my bedsheets and I couldn't see anything. I fell off my bed with a dull thunk.
As I continued to wrestle with my sheets, I heard Katie's laughter above everyone else's. "Someone is dead witch when I get out of here!" I called maliciously.
"Can you get out of there?" Katie asked and I heard a snort that sounded incriminatingly like Angelina.
"Don't you side with her now!" I tried to point my finger in the direction of the snort, but failed miserably due to the sheets being wrapped tight around me. "I will resign as Chaser!"
"No you won't." Angelina said, knowingly and I cursed her for knowing me too well.
"Bugger it all." I muttered underneath my breath and finally manage to worm my way out of the bed sheets. I cast a dark look at the wine colored sheets. Then I turned my gaze to Katie, who no doubt had been the one to cast the first pillow.
"Aren't you going to pick up your stuff?" Melinda Lockwood said, coming into the room from the bathroom we all shared, pinning up stray locks of strawberry blonde hair. Her hair reached her waist and she often did it in intricate knots, and today was no exception. Braids weaved in and out until it looked like she had a very Greek style hairdo. Her dark green eyes stood out vividly against her hair and light eyelashes.
Melinda was the last of our four girls in seventh year of Gryffindor tower. Unlike the rest of us, she was not interested in Quidditch, aside from games and cheering us on. Her talents lay with Charms and Divination. I've suspected for a long time, that Melinda is a Seer, probably better than Trelawney, but she keeps it tightly under wraps, so that people don't bug her about seeing their future lover, etc.
I touched my hair, grimacing as I realized it must have been standing up in all directions. I looked back down at the pile of fabric on the floor. "No…I'll leave it for the house-elves today."
Melinda laughed. "You better not let Hermione Granger hear you say that. She'll start spouting House-Elf liberation propaganda." She went to the mirror in the corner room to fix her lipstick with her index finger.
"You look lovely, doll." The mirror stated obviously. "The boys will be falling in no time."
"I know." Melinda said exhasperated. She knew that hearts throbbed for her. Boys tended to follow her around like lost puppies, though she never went out with them, only had them as friends. It had only been lately that she had realized this fact and just accepted it.
Katie shrugged on her Hogwarts black robe. She was still smirking amusingly. I glared at her. "You're going down Bell."
"Love you too, Alicia." Katie said, blowing a kiss at me. "See you at breakfast?"
I scowled. If it wasn't blatantly obvious, I am not a morning person. I worked my way to the bathroom as I heard the three of them leave. I took my shower in a hurry and wound my way back into the room and started rummaging through my trunk for my Hogwarts uniform. I finally found it underneath Mysterious and Magical Creatures of the North Atlantic. I pulled the skirt on, still feeling grumpy and tugging at the hem a bit. I hate skirts. They're so…ick. On went the shirt and the Hogwarts robe over it. I pulled my wet hair up in a messy knot, not even bothering to brush it. I looked at my watch and it said in big red letters, YOU'RE LATE!
"Bugger!" I yelled to no one and ran out of the dormitory. I ran down the stairs and into the hallway. Down the stairs and through a secret passage way that cuts two floors out of the way. Why in Merlin's name were there seven floors between the Great Hall and me? Finally I was running down the white marble stairs and jumped the last three steps and walked through the open doors of the Great Hall.
The wave of noise hit me like a brick wall. I winced visible and walked to the Gryffindor table, to where Angelina, Katie and Melinda were sitting. Katie held out a mug to me as I sat down. "Is this some of your sick herbal tea concoctions?" I asked, hesitating before taking the mug.
"No." Katie said, giving me the trademarked Katie-Bell-Death-Glare. I looked into the mug and saw beautiful black coffee. "Low fat milk and two lumps of sugar." Katie said to my surprised face.
"You are forgiven!" I cried and drank gratefully.
"As if you could stay mad at me."
"I could."
"Couldn't."
"New schedules." Fred and George had come over with Lee Jordan along for the ride as well, Fred sitting next to Angelina and George on the other side of Melinda, so that I was right across from him and Lee next to Fred. They passed us our schedules and I looked at mine.
"We have Defense Against the Dark Arts first?" Katie said, making a face. "With that Umbrella woman?"
"It's Umbridge, I think." I said, looking up at the guilty professor. She was wearing the same pink cardigan today, but with a black bow on top of her frizzy hair, making her resemblance to a toad seem uncanny. After her boring speech last night, how were we supposed to stay awake during actually class.
Could we get Snape to teach us how to make Potions that would transform her into a real toad?
No…Snape would never do anything that would be considered real fun.
Hate him. Hate him, hate him, hate him.
I took a deep breath, inhaling the fumes of the coffee and sighing happily. "Well, at least there's Care of Magical Creatures after her. Hagrid should be loads of fun, seventh year and everything. He'll be coming up with the best beasties to kill us with."
"Hagrid's not here, didn't you see?" George remarked, looking at me with an arched brow. His blue eyes puzzled beneath the fiery locks of his eyebrows.
I shook my head, and turned my body in my seat to look at the High Table. There was no looming, large Hagrid, but in his normal seat was that Grubbly Plank woman that had substituted for him last year. "What is she doing here?"
"I'm going to go out on a limb and say she's taking over Hagrid's teaching job again." Katie said, taking a sip of her own drink, which I assumed was tea. Katie declared coffee a vile drink and wouldn't touch it. Though I think the tea she sometimes drinks is beyond vile. Don't know why she takes offense to that…
A bell rang in the distance and I looked at my watch and groaned. It spelled out in its normal purple letters, CLASS TIME! "I swear I'm gonna smash this watch into a thousand pieces if it doesn't give me a message I want to see next time…" I muttered.
"No why would you do that, Alicia?" Fred said, jokingly, putting his arm around me as I stood up. "When it's so lovely and shiny?"
"You know we could always enchant it for you." George slyly came up and put his arm around me too, so that I was sandwiched between the twins. "Put a picture of Roger Davies on there."
"Ew!" I laughed and shoved them both off my shoulders. "Gits, go on, go get caught by Flich doing something horrible."
They both dropped into modest bows and went laughing up the stairs, presumably to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. I walked with Katie, arm and arm talking about this year's Gryffindor's chances at the Quidditch Cup. We needed some good to replace Oliver, and we haven't trained together in over a year. "There are a couple of possibilities…" Katie pondered. "There's Michael Weston that sixth year…He could be a good Keeper."
"He hasn't picked up a broomstick unless it was to sweep the floor in years." I cut her off. "He's been too busy with the Weird Sisters Fan Club. Remember? He started that up two years ago?"
"Oh right…" Katie said, remembering with a nod of her head. Her blue-gray eyes had a distant, faraway look on them. I shook my head in amusement. Katie had always been the dreamer, and probably would remain so until the end of our days. She believed in true love and Prince Charming and daydreamed all the time of who knows what.
Katie and I are mostly alike, as alike as two non-relatives can get. We both have a very dry sense of humor, sarcastic, witty, intelligent, short temper, and a fantastic love of Quidditch. But where she daydreams and lives in her on little word sometimes, I'm a realist. I tend to keep my feet on the ground.
I waved a hand in front of Katie's face. "Wake up, Bell!" I said loudly, and she shook herself out of the dream. "Stop thinking about Weston's form and focus on Defense Against the Dark Arts."
Katie blushed to the roots of her hair, which was conveniently put up in a ponytail that I could tug easily. "I was not thinking about Weston's form."
I gave her a knowing glance. She blushed a bit more and ignored me. We walked into Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom to see Professor Umbrella, I mean Professor Umbridge, writing on the blackboard. Defense Against the Dark Arts; A Return to Basic Principles. I felt indignation rise in my throat. What did she think we were? 1st years? Perhaps Fred and George on their bad days…but not the rest of us surely. As soon as we all were seated, Umbridge turned to us with a sickening grin. Katie and I were towards the middle of the classroom, so I leaned over to her, "Is it me, or does she look like the wolf from Little Red Riding Hood?"
"What big teeth you have, Grandmother…"
"The better to…"
"Good morning class." Umbridge said, cutting me of. Her sweet tone made me involuntarily gag. Katie looked at me oddly until I waved her off with a hand. I looked around, and noticed Fred and George weren't there yet. There was one empty desk towards the front of the room and one next to me.
No one responded. I don't think that anyone was awake enough to respond.
"Now, now, class." Umbridge said, looking as though we were all silly monkeys that needed to be trained. I raised a perfectly arched eyebrow at her. I was beginning to feel my temper kick in. If there is one thing I hate, it's being talked down to. Usually it's substitutes that get me riled up like I was doing right now. "That won't do, now will it. When I say, good morning, I would like to hear you say, good morning Professor Umbridge…" as she said this, Fred and George sauntered in.
"Excuse us, Professor." Fred said brightly. "We were detained on our way to this class, we do apologize most profusely. Our fate rests in your hands." He gave Umbridge a rather fake bow.
"We do wish to beg of you to have mercy on us." George continued. "We were delayed by our dear Mr. Filch that was mopping the sixth floor corridor, and we didn't wish to get in his way, so we took the long way around. We hope you could forgive our error."
Umbridge looked slightly flustered. "Of course, sit down, sit down." I suppressed a giggle as Fred and George bowed again and Fred sat at the chair in the front and George smiled crookedly and sat down next to me.
I leaned over to whisper into George's ear. "If you wanted to become an actor, you should have joined a troop. Your talents are wasted here. What were you actually doing?"
'They are far from wasted, Alicia." George whispered back and then sat up straight, hands together, the picture of a perfect student and refused to answer my question.
Umbridge straightened herself, and spoke again. "Shall we try it again? Good morning class."
"Good morning, Professor Umbridge." We all replied in chorus, but I felt that my voice had gone up an octave in hopes of sounding as sugary sweet as her.
"Now, class, please put away your wands and take out your books."
I groaned inwardly. No good class began with those words.
After an hour and half with that…toad…my brain had began to ache.
I felt like it was sagging under the weight of the textbook that she had given us.
She was an evil, evil woman. She needed to be taught something of her own.
This means venturing into dangerous territory.
Working with Fred and George.
I haven't done that since 2nd year where we worked on that Potion's project together.
And that would be the experiment that ended up blowing green goo all around the dungeon. Fred and George thought it was hilarious. We received the lowest grade in the class, and ten hours of detention.
They are impossible!
I massaged my temples with my fore and middle fingers. I then hiked my book bag up on my shoulder and turned to Katie and Melinda who were in the corridor with me. Angelina had to go off to Muggle Studies, which all of us didn't want to take, since we had all experience with Muggle's some way or another. Katie's grandmother, who lived with her, was a Muggle, while Melinda's father was a Muggle. My Aunt Jillian was a Muggle, and I lived with her when my parents had to go away on business. My mother has worked in the Ministry for as long as I could remember, in the Department of Magical Games and Sports, while my father has worked as a Snitch Charmer.
"So what class do we have next?" I asked, taking out a water bottle from my bag and taking a swig.
"Care of Magical Creatures." Melinda said, almost immediately.
"I have a very bad feeling about this…" I said slowly, walking outside into the slight drizzle of rain that had started from the fog.
"Now whatever gave you that impression, Captain Obvious?" Katie said darkly, putting her hood up and hiding her face.
The rest of the day, to my prediction, did not go well. During Care of Magical Creatures, I was bitten by a Jarvey, that jabbered nosily after it bit me to it's fellows, that I was tempted to squash it with The Monster Book of Monsters that I still had clamped shut with a length of rope.
I found out during Lunch that I had eaten something that didn't agree with me and ended up going to the hospital wing during Transfiguration, my favorite class. By the end of the day, I was not in a particularly good mood.
Plus, I realized that it was Adian's birthday in two days and I had forgotten his birthday present at home. So while Katie, Melinda and Angelina were starting on their Transfiguration homework, I was writing a letter to Adian, describing where to find his present and wishing him a happy sixth birthday.
I heard a couple of thunks and looked over to see Fred and George taking notes on some first years that had fallen asleep and fell out of some chairs. I rolled my eyes, knowing full well they had something up their sleeves. Immaturity at its peak. That is exactly what Fred and George are.
I suppose I'm not one to talk, since I still sleep with a stuff owl.
Hey! Katie calls her tea kettle, Mr. Tea Kettle. At least I'm original. Mine is called Hecate.
"That's enough!" I heard a sharp voice, reminiscent of Professor McGonagall. I turned in my seat and saw Hermione Granger marching towards Fred and George, her Prefect badge shinning in the firelight and she looked intimidating.
"Yeah, you're right." George nodded, writing something down, nonchalant. "This dosage looks strong enough, doesn't it?"
Again, they are the picture of immaturity. I snorted loudly and went back to my letter. I saw George catch my eye and I thought I saw him wink. I flushed and continued writing to Adian, who loved hearing about anything that had to do with Hogwarts. I finished my letter and folded it. "I'm going to the Owlery." I told Katie, who nodded. She looked around for her quill that she had been writing with, and I didn't have the heart to tell her it was stuck into the ponytail at the back of her head.
Maybe I was having a little bit of a laugh at her expense.
Hey, I had a bad day.
Okay, I know, I'm a bad friend.
At the Owlery I whistled softly for a school owl. A large tawny owl came swooping down to me and landed on my arm. I gave him the letter and told him where to send it. While I was talking softly to the bird, I heard footsteps behind me. I turned around defensively and the owl jumped to my shoulder, hooting softly. It was George. I realized I had put my hands up into a fighting stance I had learned during the summer between fifth and sixth year. I put them down, fighting a blush.
"Don't hurt me now, Alicia." George said, with a small laugh, and called a small, ball like owl to him. "C'mere Pig." He said gently. "I know, Ron's not here, but he doesn't use you enough. Will you take this for me?" Pig, the owl, I assumed, hooted excitedly. "That's a good owl." George said. He turned to me. "So what brings you up to the Owlery this late at night?"
"It's not even dark yet, George." I said frankly. "Stop acting the part of the innocent student boy. I've known you too long to know that you're not."
George smiled his crooked smile at my remark. "Snippy Alicia, can't say I've had the pleasure. Bad day?"
I sighed. "The worst." Despite George's antics with his brother, both he and Fred were good friends. Anyone that crossed their friends or hurt them in any way, were in deep trouble with Fred and George, a lethal pair. "I don't really want to talk about it though."
George put his hands up. Pig flew around his head and then out the window into the dying sun. The school owl on my shoulder hooted and followed suit. "No problem." He said. "I've got to help Fred out. We've got to work out a new system on which to test our Skiving Snackboxes. Hermione threatened to tell Mum."
I winced. "Ouch. She's sunk to a new low."
George nodded. "I blame it on the Prefect badge. I believe that there's some kind of potion in that badge that turns the wearer into a dictator."
I rolled my eyes. "I've got to go work on my homework. I don't want to get behind, first day and all."
George looked disapproving. "Alicia, accusing me of impersonating a student? How ludicrous."
"Do you even know what ludicrous means?"
"Yes, in fact I do, it means…"
"Goodnight George!"
