3 weeks later
"Jack's POV"
I had already decided that once she left the infirmary, Jessie would move into Sam's quarters. She seemed to feel safe with Sam…and me…with us.
"Well, doc? Whatcha think? Can we move her into Carter's quarters now?" I asked.
"Well, if the General ok's it. I think we should move you into a bigger room, Sam. That way, we could just move the entire bed in there." She turned to me with a very strange smile on her face. "I think it would best if the room were closer to yours, Colonel…if not the one next to it."
"Mine? Why?" I asked, trying, and succeeding, to keep the grin off my face.
Sweet. Carter next door. Could definitely get used to that
"Well, Jessie feels safest when you're both near her. I'm gonna go talk to the General now. I think both of you should stay here until I get back. I don't want to leave her without at least one of you with her."
"Don't worry, Janet. We're not going anywhere without her." said Sam softly, brushing Jessie's cheek with her fingers. I was falling deeper and deeper in love with her. That simple gesture proved to me that she was going to be a wonderful mother to Jessie…and any children we had.
-
"Sam's POV"
Janet came in and said that General Hammond actually agreed that I would be given the quarters next to Jack's. Actually, it's an extension of his room with a door leading to his.
Hmmm…the possibilities.
I left Jack with Jessie so one of us would be there in case she woke up. It was only 1800 hours, but she was sound asleep. Even though she seemed to be sleeping better now, she was still having nightmares. Before I left, I watched Jack tenderly reach up and smooth the crease in her forehead. I guess she was in the middle of one of those nightmares. At Jack's touch, she stopped whimpering. His touched eased her mind. It made me think of the loss he suffered with Charlie. I don't know how Sara survived losing her only child. I'm not sure I could.
I swear to God if I find the bastard that did this to her…I'll kill him.
Daniel and Teal'c helped me move my things into our new quarters. It definitely had more room…and it had an actual bed…not a cot. We figured out where we would put her bed. We even set up a screen so she would have some privacy. As soon as I can, I'm taking that child shopping. We'd already bought her a few clothes…not much though. A couple of pairs of jeans, t-shirts, panties, etc…the essentials.
Jack stayed out of the store while Janet and I were doing that. He was actually embarrassed. I thought it was cute. The two of us bought her a huge Air Force bear…together. The one thing he bought her specifically from him, was a Colorado Avalanche jersey. He actually wanted to buy her The Simpsons pj's, but I talked him out of it. She loved the jersey so much she slept in it…that and a pair of kid's boxers.
"Thanks guys." I said.
"You are welcome, Major Carter." said Teal'c.
"No problem Sam." said Daniel.
There was a knock at the door and Jack poked his head in. "You ready for us?"
"Yes sir."
He pulled the bed in, followed by three nurses. I guess they were there to set everything up. Jessie was still asleep. Good. She was easier to move when she was asleep.
"She was in a lot of pain earlier so Doc Fraiser gave her a shot of Demerol and Valium to keep her out for the rest of the night." said Jack quietly.
I couldn't speak without revealing what I felt for this child…this helpless little girl. I wanted to throw myself in his arms and cry over this poor child. I couldn't help it. I still didn't know why I felt this connection with her. I know Jack felt it too. It was weird.
After setting up the bed against the far wall, the nurses left us alone with her. Daniel and Teal'c didn't stay very long either. She looked so peaceful…except for that crease in her forehead was back and she was slowly rocking her head from sided to side…crying out "No…don't! Please don't!" Jack reached over and smoothed it out again. Nightmares again.
Will they ever stop?
She whimpered again and a single tear fell from her eye. I reached over and wiped it off.
"God Jack! How could someone do this to her?" I asked, tears beginning to form.
He held his arms open. "C'mere." I went to him and let him hold me as I cried. "I don't know Sam. But, I will find him…and when I do, I'm gonna kill the bastard."
"Get in line Jack."
"Oh no Sam. The line starts behind me." He squeezed my shoulder and lightly brushed my hair with his lips. "I think I'll let the two of you get some sleep. I'll be next door if you need me."
I started to protest, but he cut me off. "Don't bullshit a bullshiter Sam. I know damned well you haven't slept much in the last week…if you've slept at all."
I laughed softly. "I could say the same thing about you Jack."
He grinned. "Yeah, well…I've been kinda distracted." He looked at me and then looked at the door leading to his room and then back to me. "Actually, do you mind if I crash on your couch? I've gotten kinda used to being near you…and Jessie…when I'm sleeping."
"Ya sure ya betcha" I said quickly. I shrugged out of my outer shirt and t-shirt, leaving only my tank top, before crawling into bed…an actual bed. I noticed Jack was watching me. He shrugged out of his shirt and took off his t-shirt. I let my eyes travel down his chest and abs…down to where the hair disappeared into his fatigues.
I watched him as he lay down and try to stretch out on the short couch. That kiss a few weeks ago, still had me reeling. The last two weeks have definitely been interesting….stolen looks, stolen caresses when no one was looking. I knew I loved him more than I'd ever loved anyone.
With a regretful sigh, I rolled over on my back and tried to banish the feel of him from my mind. I glanced up and saw him watching me…fire burning in his eyes. I turned to the wall. I wanted him so badly, but…those damned regulations.
-
"Jack's POV"
I cannot believe I just asked the woman of my dreams if I could sleep on her couch. Sheesh. Just thinking about her, took me back to that kiss. Damn. The last two weeks have definitely been interesting….stolen looks, stolen caresses when no one was looking. I loved her so much it hurt sometimes…being this close to her and not being able to do anything about it.
I was seriously considering retiring…again. I would do just about anything to have Sam and Jessie in my life permanently. After Charlie died and my marriage to Sara fell apart, I never thought I'd be happy again…I never thought I'd love again. But, here I was…loving someone I couldn't have while I was still in the military. I knew that with Sam and Jessie, I would be happy again.
Screw the regs Jack. You love her…she loves you. Surely, that can't be wrong
I made my decision. I was nervous as hell. I felt like a teenager going out on his first date with an older woman…except I was the older man.
I crawled off the couch and walked over to her bed. "Sam?" I whispered.
She rolled over and turned to look at me. I saw the love and uncertainty in her eyes. "Jack." she said, holding her hand out to me.
I hesitated slightly before taking her hand. I watched my own hand tremble as I took hers. She pulled me gently to the bed. I wrapped my arms around her, kissing her unsurely at first. When she parted her lips, I was lost. All thoughts, clothes, and inhibitions were thrown out the window…so to speak. We started at each other, both realizing there was no turning back.
"Sam." I whispered. "Are you sure about this? Are you sure this is what you want?"
Please say yes. Oh God please say yes
"I've never been more sure of anything Jack." she said smiling through wet eyes.
"I love you Samantha Carter…I do. But, if you want, we can wait." I said.
Please say no. Oh God please say no
She shook her head and gently pressed her lips to mine. "I've been waiting too long Jack. I love you Jack O'Neill." She wrapped her arms around my neck and whispered in my ear "Make love to me Jack."
That's all I needed to hear. "God yes Sam." I said fighting my own tears of happiness.
The rest of the night was filled with sighs and gasps of pleasure between the two of us. We were finally complete. I pulled the covers over us as a clock somewhere in the room struck midnight. I was at peace now.
Before sleep claimed us both, I heard Jessie in my mind and I gasped. I knew Sam had heard it too because she giggled. We'd both temporarily forgotten the telepathy thing. She could sense our thoughts and emotions…even when she was asleep.
(About damned time)
-
"Sam's POV"
We awoke the next morning to someone pounding on the door…Jack's door.
"Shit!" he squeaked, jumping out of bed and grabbing his clothes. He ran into his room and I heard him yell "Hold your horses!"
I got up and shut the door as he opened the outside door to his room. I went to check on Jessie. She was still asleep.
Thank God for small miracles.
She'd woken up twice screaming in terror. We both held her until she'd fallen back asleep. I stood there watching her sleep. She looked like a little angel…blonde hair, blue eyes…perfect.
I heard Jack come back in but, I was mesmerized by the little girl sleeping (finally) peacefully. So beautiful…yet so…I can't even describe it. Jack wrapped his arms around me.
"Whatcha doin'?" he asked quietly.
"Shh…Jessie. Thinking how beautiful and peaceful she looks when she's sleeping…but she's still so scared of everything…even us."
He held me tighter and kissed the back of my head. "Baby, let's try not to think about that. Let's think about what we're gonna do when we get her outta here."
"What are we gonna do Jack?" I asked turning in his arms to face him.
"We're gonna be a family…you, me, and Jessie." he said plainly.
"How? We can't even be together because of the regulations. How are we gonna raise a child together?"
He pulled me close to him. "I love you Sam. I love Jessie. If I have to, I'll retire again."
"Jack…I don't want you leaving the SGC for me...because of me. I'll resign my commission."
"No. No you won't. You're needed here." he said fiercely.
"And so are you." I said equally fierce.
"Well, then we'll just have to come up with a plan c." he said with a grin.
"Jack…" I began, but he silenced me with a kiss.
"Sam…it will all work out…I promise." he said seriously. "We'll find a way."
"Promise?"
"Sam, I've loved you from the moment you walked into the briefing room and stood up to me and my men…and challenged me to arm wrestling."
I laughed softly, fondly remembering that day. "I love you too, Jack." I said, letting myself relax.
He kissed me again. "Hey, I'm gonna go get a shower and then I'll stay with Jessie and you can go shower."
"Ok."
-
"Jack's POV"
I kissed Sam again and left to get some fresh clothes from my room. I still can't believe that it happened. I finally made love to the woman that I love…that I have loved for years. The regs be damned. I wasn't going to lose this chance. This was going to be a very good day.
-
We'd both showered, dressed and were sitting on Jessie's bed watching her sleep. "Sam, why don't I go get us some breakfast from the commissary and bring it back here? That way, the three of us can eat together."
"Sounds good, but don't you think people will think it strange to see you coming out of my room this early in the morning?"
I laughed softly, not wanting to wake Jessie. "No. Everybody on base knows that Jessie's staying with you now."
"Yeah but…"
"What they don't know is…" I paused trying to find the right words. "I…I'm staying with you too." I smiled at the shocked look on her face. "I'm not going back Sam." I reached out and wiped away the lonely tear that appeared. "I can't go back to the way things were. I can't fight it anymore. I love you and I want us to be together. So, either I'm staying with the two of you or the two of you are staying with me."
"I…don't know what to say Jack." she said trembling slightly.
"Say you love me and I'll be happy."
"I love you."
"See? I'm happy now." She laughed softly. "Besides, no one needs to know…it's between us and our little telepath here."
She grinned. "I like that."
"Like what?"
"Our little telepath."
I leaned forward and kissed her gently. "Well, she is…or at least she will be ours."
Jessie yawned. Perfect timing.
-
"My POV"
I groaned and opened my eyes. "Morning Sunshine." said Jack.
"Morning." I said smiling at him. I yawned and stretched as far as I could before it caused me to gasp.
"Easy angel. Don't stretch so far." said Sam, kissing me on the forehead.
Jack smiled and kissed me on the cheek. I wrinkled my nose and he laughed. "I was just gonna go get some breakfast. You hungry?"
"I guess so."
"Good. Whatcha want to eat?"
"I dunno."
"You want some cereal? I think I can find some Fruit Loops for you and me." he grinned.
"Sure."
"What about you Sam? What you want to eat?" he asked.
"Blueberry muffin and coffee please." He kissed me again on the forehead and then kissed her on the lips.
"Yes ma'am." he said. "Be right back."
When he left, Sam climbed in the bed beside me. "Let's see what's on TV." she said, picking up the remote. She turned on the TV and Rocket Power was on.
"Wanna watch cartoons?" she asked.
"Sure." I said quietly. She put her arm around me and kissed the top of my head. I actually snuggled against her, laying my head on her shoulder. I was warm and safe…and…comfortable.
"Sam?" I said sleepily.
"Hmmm?"
"What happens now?"
"Now, you keep getting better and we can take you home."
I stiffened and moved away from her a little. "I don't have a home."
She turned my face back to her. I looked away again. She cupped my chin and turned me gently to her. "Angel look at me." I gave up and looked at her. She kissed the top of my head before whispering "You have a home now. You'll always have a home with me and Jack. You understand?"
Until I tell you everything
I nodded and she put her arms around me. I relaxed a little. I was almost asleep when Jack came back with the food…followed by Daniel and Teal'c. "Look who I found outside." he said.
"Morning beautiful" said Daniel smiling.
"Hi Danny. Hi Teal'c." I said smiling back.
"Did you sleep well Jessie?" asked Teal'c.
"No…not really." I said softly. Jack and Sam knew I'd had nightmares again. They both rocked me back to sleep after two really bad ones.
"Why not?" asked Daniel.
"Bad dreams."
I felt the song pop into my head as I jerked upright. "No! Please…not now!"
Oh shit. Please God…not this…not now
I gasped and tightened my grip on Sam as Jack sat everything on the table.
"Jessie? Baby what's wrong?" I vaguely heard Sam's voice. I felt Jack climb on the bed. "Jessie?"
"Shit! I can't stop it!" I cried helplessly and started drumming the beat with my fingers.
"Can you feel that?
Aw shit!
Drowning deep in my sea of loathing
Broken your servant I kneel
It seems what's left of my human side
Is slowly changing in me
Looking at my own reflection
When suddenly it changes
Violently it changes (oh no)
There is no turning back now
You've woken up the demon in me
Get up, come on get down with the sickness
Get up, come on get down with the sickness
Get up, come on get down with the sickness
Open up your hate, and let it flow into me
You mother get up, Get up, come on get down with the sickness
You fucker get up, Get up, come on get down with the sickness
Madness is the gift that has been given to me
I can see inside you, the sickness is rising
Don't try to deny what you feel
It seems that all that was good has died
And is decaying in me
It seems you're having some trouble
In dealing with these changes
Living with these changes
The world is a scary place
Now that you've woken up the demon in me
Get up, come on get down with the sickness
Get up, come on get down with the sickness
Get up, come on get down with the sickness
You mother get up, Get up, come on get down with the sickness
You fucker get up, Get up, come on get down with the sickness
Madness is the gift that has been given to me
And when I dream
And when I dream
And when I dream
And when I dream!
No mommy, don't do it again
Don't do it again"
"My God Jack!" I heard Sam exclaim.
"Come on baby. Snap out of it…please." Jack begged. I felt as he gripped my hand.
"I'll be a good boy
I'll be a good boy, I promise
No mommy don't hit me
Why did you have to hit me like that mommy?
Don't hit! Ow! You're hurting me!
Why do you have to be such a bitch
Why don't you,
Why don't you just fuck off and die
Why can't you just fuck off and die
Why can't you just leave me here and die?
Never stick your hand in my face again bitch
FUCK YOU!
I don't need this shit
You stupid sadistic abusive fucking whore"
"Oh God!" cried Jack putting my hand to his face. His face was wet.
How would you have to see how it feels mommy
Here it comes, get ready to die
Get up, come on get down with the sickness
Get up, come on get down with the sickness
Get up, come on get down with the sickness
You mother get up, Get up, come on get down with the sickness
You fucker get up, Get up, come on get down with the sickness
Madness has now come over me"
I slumped forward and Sam pulled me back and wrapped her arms around me. "Jessie, are you ok? Angel? Say something?" I could hear the panic through her tears. I noticed Daniel and Teal'c were too stunned to say anything.
"Oh God I'm…" I started to apologize, but the sobs beat me to it. Sam held me closer and whispered words of comfort in my ear, trying to calm me down.
"God baby! What was that song?" asked Jack with his own unshed tears.
"I don't know. Sometimes, I remember something and a song pops in my head…I can't stop it." I looked at him helplessly, tears streaming down my face. "What am I?" I asked repeating Daniel's words that first night.
He stared at Daniel who was in shock from my words. Then he took me from Sam's arms and put his own around me, holding me tightly. "You're you…nothing more…nothing less." He held me as the sobs wracked my body. I thought they would tear me apart.
I finally calmed enough to say "I'm a freak." shakily, pain in my voice. That's what I'd always been called. I guess it's true…the song proved it. Yep…I'm a freak.
He gripped my arms gently and held me at arm's length. Letting one arm go, he put his hand on the side of my face. "Now, you listen to me. I said this before and I'll say it again…you are not a freak. You're a very special kid. I love you Jessie…and I don't want to hear you talking like that anymore, you understand?"
I looked away unable to stop the hope building inside. "Sunshine…do you understand?" he asked gently, turning my face to his. I nodded slightly. "I'll take care of you…I promise."
The tears started to fall again and he pulled me close and held me for a few minutes as I cried again. I think he thought maybe I was still unsure of them. But, it wasn't really them…it was me. But, I wasn't going to tell them that.
Pulling back, he gave me a gentle smile, stroked my cheek, and said "Hungry?"
I shook my head. "Well, you need to eat something anyway. Here ya go." he said putting the cereal and juice in front of me. They noticed I'd only eaten half, but I really wasn't hungry after that song.
After eating, Jack cleared the bowls and gave me another glass of orange juice. "Here ya go Sunshine."
"Thanks." I said taking a sip. "Ummm…Jack?"
"Yeah Sunshine?"
"Why do you keep calling me 'Sunshine'?" I asked.
"Because when we actually get you to smile, it's like looking at pure sunlight" he said grinning. I looked away. He noticed and the grin fell. He put his hand on the side of my face again. "If you don't like it, I won't call you that again."
"It's ok…it's just that…" I stopped.
"Just what baby?" he asked.
"I'm not used to this." I whispered.
"Used to what Jessie?" asked Sam pushing my hair out of my eyes.
I looked down and took a shuddering breath. "I'm not used to people caring about me…being nice to me." I looked at Jack and then at Sam. "Not without them wanting somethin' from me…ya know?"
"Well, you'd better get used to it 'cause you're gonna be with us for a long time." said Jack smiling.
I shrugged. "Sure."
Why can't I believe you? I want to believe you…so why don't I?
"Baby…Jessie, believe me. If you don't believe anything else, believe that we love you."
I couldn't argue with him so I said "Ok". He kissed my forehead and then handed me back to Sam who did the same.
"Come on…give me that smile that lights up the room." he said jokingly.
Seeing the goofy grin on his face, I couldn't help but smile at him.
"Damn Jack…you're right. It is like pure sunshine." said Daniel grinning himself.
-
3 Weeks Later
-
"Jack's POV"
Jessie had her final surgery a week ago and everything seems to be healing fine. We still don't know why she can heal others, but not herself. Oh well. I knocked on General Hammond's door.
"Come."
"General I have a small request." I said walking into his office.
"Yes, Colonel?"
I took a deep breath. "We'd like to take Jessie out for a couple of hours."
He looked up and cocked his eyebrow.
Someone's been hanging around Teal'c for too long
"We?" he asked.
"Carter, myself, Teal'c and Daniel."
"For what reason Colonel?"
"Just to take her out for pizza sir." I said grinning.
"If it's alright with Dr. Fraiser then I guess it's alright with me." he said.
"Thank you sir." I said relieved. I turned to leave.
"Oh and Jack?"
I turned back to him. "Sir?"
"Take care of her."
"I will sir."
I nearly ran back to our room. I liked how that sounded…our room. I opened the door and saw Jessie sobbing on the bed in Sam's arms…full-blown, heart-wrenching sobs.
"What happened?" I demanded. She was fine when I left…sitting there watching Rocket Power.
"She had a flashback Jack, but she won't tell me what she remembered." said Sam helplessly.
"Shit." I climbed onto the bed and held both of them. I was definitely going to kill the bastard who did this to my baby girl…
Hang on. Where did that come from? My baby girl? I like the sound of it though
After a while, she calmed down enough to hiccup "I'm sorry."
"For what, baby?" asked Sam smoothing her hair back again.
"For acting like this…for causing you so much trouble. You've got better things to do that deal with…"
"Sunshine…" I interrupted. "There is nothing better than to be with the people you love. I love you…and Sam loves you. That's all you need to think about from now on…ok?"
I saw the hesitation and desperation in her eyes. She still didn't fully trust us. "Guess what?" I said trying to break the tension.
"What?" she asked sniffling. She wiped the tears from her eyes.
"What say you, me, Sam, Daniel, and Teal'c blow this popsicle stand?"
"Huh?" she giggled a little at my words. That made the tension in my heart ease a little.
"You wanna get outta here for a couple of hours?" I asked softly, putting my hand on her cheek.
"Ummm…where?"
"Pizza Hut."
"Really?" she seemed both excited and hesitant.
"Really." I said with a grin.
"Jack, you asked?" asked a surprised Sam.
I nodded. "I cleared it with the doc and the General. Teal'c and Danny boy are on their way here."
True to my word, there came a knock at the door. "Come in." said Sam, since technically it was still her room.
They walked in. "Well?"
"All clear." I said.
"Cool." said Daniel.
I noticed Jessie was abnormally quiet. Normally she said 'hi' to Daniel and Teal'c, but this time she toyed with a loose string on her cast.
"You ready for a night on the town?" I asked softly.
"I can't…" she began.
"Can't what baby?" asked Sam.
"I can't walk Jack…how can I go out if I can't walk?"
"I'll carry you." I said, putting end to that…or so I thought.
Her head snapped up. "Fuck that. I don't want anyone carrying me." she said angrily.
"Baby it's ok." I said, flinching at her choice of words. We were definitely going to have to talk with her about her language. But, I let it slide. She was still so uneasy…and scared…can't forget scared.
"No it's not! I don't want to owe anybody anything!"
"Baby, I told you…we're not doing this because we think you owe us something."
Damnit…why won't she trust me?
"Then…" she began. I knew the next word was 'why'.
"Ah…no questions" I said holding up one finger. "Trust me Sunshine. We will never hurt you."
"I'm still scared Jack." she said trying to fight the tears welling in her blue eyes. I just wanted to pull her close and hold her…protect her from everything.
"I know baby." I said, cupping her cheek with the palm of my hand and wiping her tears away with my thumb. "I know you've been hurt beyond belief. God knows if I could take that pain away, I'd do it in a second. But, you're just gonna have to trust me that I…that we…will never hurt you."
When I dropped my hand, I watched as an internal battle raged within this small child. After a few minutes of agonizing silence, she looked up with wonder on her face. "I do." she said quietly.
"You 'do' what baby?" asked Sam.
"I believe you." she whispered.
"Sweet" I said pulling her into my arms and kissing her temple. I held her for a few more minutes before handing her back to Sam. She was still so light and so skinny.
"The three of us will wait in my room while you two ladies get dressed" I said motioning for Daniel and Teal'c to follow me.
Daniel shut the door behind him. "Jack what are you doing?"
"Huh?" I asked.
"With Jessie." he said bluntly.
"Trying to get her to trust me…us."
"Yeah but are you sure that you and Sam are the ones she needs?"
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I was starting to get pissed.
Teal'c broke in. "I believe what Daniel Jackson is trying to say is that she is eventually going to leave the SGC."
"I know T." I said running my fingers through my hair. I was nervous for some reason.
"What happens when she's placed back in foster care, Jack." said Daniel.
"Not gonna happen, Danny."
"You have no control over her situation when she leaves Jack."
"Like hell I don't. I've already discussed this with Sam. If Jessie agrees, we're gonna adopt her."
"Jack!"
"What?" I asked, giving my two best friends my best shit-eating grin.
"When did this happen?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "We've actually been talking about it for a few weeks…since she came out of the coma."
"When are you gonna tell her?" asked Daniel.
"I wanted to see what happens first. Maybe in a couple of weeks. She still needs to relax a little more and I think by taking her outta here for a couple of hours a night, she may just do that…and she might learn to trust me…us."
"God Jack!" said Daniel with a grin.
"What?"
"You're gonna be a father…again." he said slowly. I knew he was talking about Charlie.
"Yeah…I'm gonna tell her about Charlie too. After all…she's gonna be his sister and she deserves to know her big brother." I said softly.
"Well…ummm. I guess I should say 'congratulations'." said Daniel.
"Not yet…" I held up my hand. "Nothing's happened yet and I still have to get permission from General Hammond."
Hell, I don't wanna jinx it
"Oh…ok."
"Not a word guys…to anyone."
"You have my word O'Neill." said Teal'c.
"Sure Jack." said Daniel.
A knock interrupted us and the door opened. "Jack, we're ready" said Sam poking her head in.
"Ok." I said noticing she'd changed into a form-fitting red blouse and jeans. My breath caught in my throat.
Beautiful…gorgeous…sexy. Damn…down boy.
We walked back into our room. Jessie was wearing jeans, sneakers, and a black long-sleeved The Ataris t-shirt. We asked what music she liked and she'd mentioned that she liked The Ataris. I shopped around and finally found a couple of concert t-shirts. She still had the bandage on her leg from the last surgery along with a brace.
She didn't look up when we came in. Watching her play with that loose string on her cast, I had to swallow hard to keep the lump in my throat from surfacing. She was still so insecure…so unsure of herself.
"You ready Sunshine?" I asked gently.
"I guess so." she said softly, still not looking up.
"Hey…" I said softly and walked over to the bed. I cupped her chin and raised her head to look at me. "Trust me."
She took a deep breath and nodded slightly. I slid my hand under her legs and she tensed. "Relax baby. I won't hurt you." When she relaxed, I picked her up and carried her out of the SGC.
It was starting to snow again. We'd had an extremely cold winter and it didn't seem that spring was ever going to show up. Jessie snuggled against my chest and shivered in my arms. That reminded me of something.
"Damn." I said, stopping outside the last checkpoint.
"What's wrong Jack?" asked Sam.
"We forgot to get her a coat." I said turning to Sam. "We bought jeans and stuff, but no coat."
"I'm ok Jack. I'm used to it" said Jessie shivering uncontrollably.
That caused anger to build inside my chest. I didn't even want to think about her being out in the cold…alone…scared. I shuffled her, trying to get my keys. "Sam, get my keys outta my pocket will ya?"
"Which pocket?" she asked, smiling at the look on Daniel's face.
"Left…front."
She got behind me so she wouldn't hit Jessie's leg. Jessie was still shivering uncontrollably. Slipping her hand in my pocket, Sam pulled out my keys. Thank God, Daniel and Teal'c couldn't see her face as she kissed the nape of my neck, sending shivers down my spine.
She tossed the keys to Daniel. "Go get Jack's truck and bring it up here ok?"
He and Teal'c ran to Lot C to get my truck while Sam, Jessie, and I stood just outside the gate.
"Sam, help me take off my jacket."
"No Jack…I'll be alright." said Jessie, trying to get comfortable again.
"Baby, you're cold." I said trying to shrug out of my jacket.
"But, if you give me your jacket, then you'll be cold." she protested, still shivering.
"Maybe, but I'm older and I didn't have surgery a week ago. You need this more than me."
"Listen to your fa…Jack, baby." said Sam grinning at her slip.
I couldn't keep the grin off my face either. "Help me Sam." I could get used to hearing Jessie call me 'dad'.
I stood Jessie up and propped her against me. Sam balanced her while I took off my leather jacket and wrapped it around her. I picked her up again as Daniel and Teal'c drove up. When Sam got it, I sat Jessie on her lap and crawled in on the other side. I propped her legs up on mine.
"Comfy?"
"Yeah I guess." said Jessie, leaning back with Sam's arms wrapped around her. She started to doze with a grin on her face. We noticed that, when she's getting ready to go to sleep, she gets a really goofy grin on her face. We were quickly beginning to love that grin…although it did seem familiar somehow…at least to me and Sam.
About six miles down the road, Daniel hit a pothole, causing Jessie to gasp in pain.
"Sorry." muttered Daniel.
"Shit Danny! Be more care…" the words died on my lips as I looked at Jessie. She was white…too white; small fists and jaw clenched in agony; eyes tightly shut, her breath coming in shallow gasps. Sam was slowly rocking her back and forth trying to ease her pain. She looked at me helplessly.
"Stop the truck Daniel." I ordered.
As he pulled of the road, I slid across the seat towards Sam. I saw the unspoken worry in her eyes. Jessie had stopped moving…she'd quit making any sounds at all. Panic rose inside me and I prayed that she hadn't passed out. I pushed the damp hair out of her eyes, which opened at my touch. I saw the agony in them and made my decision.
"Daniel, take us back to the base." I said.
Jessie tried to get her breathing under control. "No Jack." she gasped, trying to sit up. "I'll be ok. It just surprised me…that's all." Sam held her tighter and wouldn't let her up.
"Baby, you're in pain. I know Janet gave you Tylenol before we left." She looked away and a thought crossed my mind.
"You didn't take it did you?" I asked softly.
"No." she said breathing a little easier…not much, but a little.
"Why didn't you take it?" Sam asked.
She looked up, down…anywhere but at us. "The pain…" she trailed off.
"'The 'pain' what baby?" asked Sam, again pushing Jessie's hair out of her eyes.
"It…it lets me know I'm still alive…that he didn't kill me," she whispered but, we all heard her.
Daniel gasped out loud. "Damn."
"Baby…" I began, but didn't know what else to say. I leaned forward and put my head against hers. Sam leaned her own against ours. I reached over and took Sam's hand in mine, my body hiding it.
Jessie backed up to look me in the eyes. "Please Jack. Don't take me back yet." she pleaded softly, tears welling up in her blue eyes. "Please."
"Sam?" I whispered, not removing my eyes from Jessie's. "What do you think?"
"I've got some Tylenol in my purse. She can take it when she gets there."
"Are you sure Jessie?" I asked, silently begging her to say 'no' so I could take her back and take care of her.
"Please Jack." she begged, the plea in her eyes breaking my heart.
Against my better judgment, I sighed and said "To Pizza Hut Daniel."
As he pulled the truck back on the road, I kissed Jessie on the forehead. When I moved my head, I was centimeters from Sam's lips. I kissed her gently and whispered, "I love you".
"I love you too." she whispered back.
I touched Jessie on her cheek and sat up and wrapping my arm around Sam. She laid her head on my shoulder as we drove the rest of the way in silence.
When we got to Pizza Hut, I remembered that it was Friday night…it was packed. I carried Jessie in and the waitress met us at the door.
"How many?"
"Five" I said.
"Smoking or non?"
"Non." I said getting impatient.
"Booth or table?" she asked again.
What is this? Twenty questions?
"Table." I said impatiently.
"Follow me." said the waitress.
Jessie giggled weakly and Sam tried to hide her grin. We followed the waitress to a corner table. "Would you like an extra chair for your daughter's leg?" she asked.
Jessie tensed when I said "Yes".
(Easy baby. It's ok)
She flinched as I raised her leg and slid the chair under her knee. It supported her knee and enabled her to loosen the death grip on the chair she was sitting on.
"Better baby?" I asked as she slumped against Sam, breathing rapidly.
"No" she squeaked. I tucked her hair behind her ear. I wouldn't stay put. Her hair was just like Sam's…unmanageable sometimes.
"Let's have that Tylenol Sam." I said.
She reached into her purse as another waitress showed up. "My name is Darla. I'll be your waitress for tonight. What can I get you to drink?"
"Pepsi." I said. "Sunshine?"
"That's fine." she said through clenched teeth. She had a strong grip on my hand…pale…so very pale right now…and she was still breathing much too heavily. I put my hand on her face causing her to open her eyes. They were a dull blue-gray from the pain, instead of the normal vibrant blue.
"Hang on just a little bit longer baby." I whispered as the others gave the waitress their drink orders.
Sam handed me the bottle of pills. "Here Jack."
I let go of Jessie and opened the bottle. The waitress returned with our drinks and I turned to Daniel. "Danny, tell her what we want…you do know what we want right?" I asked.
"Yeah…yeah…yeah." he said giving the waitress our order.
I turned back to Jessie. Sam had put her arm around her, trying to make the pain go away. Jessie had closed her eyes again. "Baby." I said putting my hand on her head again.
God, she's so pale…and clammy.
"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea." I said.
She opened her eyes. I could see the unspoken plea in them. She didn't want to go back just yet. Even though she was in pain, she would rather be here than stuck in bed.
"Open." I said. When she did, I popped the pills into her mouth. I handed her Pepsi to her and she gulped half of it down. I kept my eyes on her for a few minutes. She seemed to be relaxing.
We sat there in silence listening to Daniel rattle on about an artifact that SG-6 brought back from their last mission. They brought our breadsticks and I made sure Jessie was comfortable. I gave her a breadstick and some sauce. She hesitated before tasting it, but relaxed after the first bite. I'm like that. Don't like new things.
(You ok Sunshine)
(Yeah. I'm just tired)
(You ready to go back?)
(Nope)
About twenty minutes later I looked over and her eyes were shut again. I touched her shoulder, thinking the pain was back. "Baby you ok?"
"Yeah, I was scanning." she said.
"Scanning for what sweetheart?" asked Sam.
"Songs on that machine over there." she said quietly.
"You can do that?" asked Daniel. "You can see what's on the player?"
"Yeah." she said with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. Still wary of her abilities.
"Did ya find anything good?" I asked, gently squeezing her shoulder, reassuring her.
"A few songs I know." she said.
"Want some money to play them?" I asked as we all reached into pockets to give her money.
"Nah, I can do it from here." she said closing her eyes again.
A few seconds later, music came from the speakers above us…but, I got the feeling it wasn't one of hers. She wrinkled her nose as something by N'Sync started playing. She sagged a little…breathing a little heavier than she should have been.
"You ok?" I whispered.
"Yeah." she said tiredly.
(Don't use your powers anymore tonight ok?")
(Why Jack?)
(It makes you tired and we still have pizza to eat and fun to have)
(Ok) she giggled
"That's my girl." I said with a grin.
"What'd you play?" asked Daniel.
"A couple of songs by Linkin' Park." she said.
"Oh…ok." said Daniel. I know for damned sure he had no idea who they were.
"Is that ok?" she said hesitantly and looked to Sam for reassurance.
"Yeah baby, it's fine." said Sam stroking her face gently.
"You like rock music?" asked Daniel.
"It's all I know." she whispered.
Sam scooted closer to her as I put my arm around Jessie's shoulders and glared at Daniel. "Hey now. Rock is fine with us." I said, also glaring at Daniel. He held his hands up in surrender.
Don't mess with my baby girl
"I just figured with you being a young girl, you'd pop music…you know…N'Sync, Britney Spears, and the Backstreet Boys." said Daniel, trying to get back into my good graces.
She made a rude noise that caused me and Sam to laugh. "Not hardly. Rock's the only music I listen to."
"Why?"
"Daniel, for cryin' out loud! Shut up and let her eat!" I said getting a little pissed.
"It's ok Jack." she said grinning at my over protectiveness. "I like it because some of the songs helped me when…" she trailed off and looked down.
Sam leaned over and kissed her on the side of her head and whispered something. She shook her head sadly at whatever Sam said.
"This is my song." she said softly.
"Who is it? What is it?" I asked.
"Linkin' Park…Crawling. It's…." she said looking down.
"It's what?" asked Sam.
"It's how I feel…how I always feel." she said, sadness and emptiness in her voice.
We watched as she closed her eyes and lip-synced the lyrics to the song.
"Crawling
in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I
fall
Confusing what is real
There's something inside me that
pulls beneath the surface
Consuming
Confusing
This lack of
self-control I fear is never ending
Controlling
I can't seem
To
find myself again
My walls are closing in
Without a sense of
confidence, and I'm convinced
That there's just too much pressure
to take
I've felt this way before
So insecure
Crawling in my
skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I
fall
Confusing what is real
Discomfort, endlessly has pulled
itself upon me
Distracting
Reacting
Against my will I stand
beside my own reflection
It's haunting how I can't seem
To
find myself again
My walls are closing in
Without a sense of
confidence, and I'm convinced
That there's just too much pressure
to take
I've felt this way before
So insecure
Crawling in my
skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I
fall
Confusing what is real
Crawling in my skin
These wounds
they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing, confusing what
is real
There's something inside me that pulls beneath the
surface
Consuming
Confusing what is real
Its lack of self
control I fear is never ending
Controlling
Confusing what is
real"
That nearly brought tears to my eyes. The fact that this ten year old child could relate to that song, broke my heart.
"You don't have to feel like that anymore baby." said Sam hugging her tightly.
"I…" she began.
"What?" I asked.
"Nothing." she said softly.
"Baby…" began Sam, but at that moment they brought out the pizza . I made sure she had the first slice. Then I noticed she wasn't eating…just sitting there staring at the pizza.
"Jessie" I said softly.
"Hmmm?" she asked.
"You've never had pizza before…have you?" I asked.
"Nope" she whispered. "I always had to stay in the car when they…" She closed her eyes.
"You know what?" I asked, scooting as close to her as I could.
"What?" she said sadly.
"Jessie, look at me." She did and I could see the sadness in her deep blue eyes. It was like looking into Sam's eyes when she was sad. I shuddered.
"I'm glad that we could give you your first taste of pizza. That makes this a very special night." I said kissing her forehead.
"Thank you." she said very softly. I knew she wasn't just talking about the pizza. Hell, we all knew it.
"Let's eat." said Sam giving her a kiss too.
We ate the rest of meal in silence…except for the music she played. The songs were definitely different from what I was used to hearing. One Step Closer, Lying From You, and A Place for My Head definitely woke us up to her situation.
She only ate one piece, but I was happy. She didn't seem to have much of an appetite. But, after being starved for several years, I guess she was used to existing on small amounts of food. She barely ate enough to keep a mouse alive. We were going to have to change that.
It wasn't until we were ready to go that I noticed she'd gotten really quiet. "Hey guys." I whispered.
"What?" asked Daniel.
"Shh…look at this." I said grinning and pointing to Jessie.
She was slumped in her chair, head leaning on Sam's shoulder…sound asleep. She was so adorable. But, that position couldn't be comfortable.
"Awww…now that's cute." said Daniel with a grin.
I reached down and gently picked her up. She whimpered a little when I shuffled her, but she stayed asleep. "Shh…you're ok." I whispered, kissing her on the forehead.
I carried her back out to the truck and laid her in Sam's lap again. I sat next to them again with my arm draped around Sam's shoulders.
"Hey Daniel."
"Hey Jack…what?"
I laughed softly, not wanting to wake the angel sleeping in Sam's arms. "Run by my house. There's something I wanna get."
"Ok."
-
"Sam's POV"
We drove to Jack's house and he ran inside to get something. I kept asking him what he was getting, but all he would say was "it's a surprise". Jessie woke as soon as he shut the truck door.
"Where are we?" she asked sleepily.
"Shh baby…we're at Jack's house. Go back to sleep."
"Mom…uhhh…sorry. Sam?"
"Yeah baby?" I said with a grin.
I will definitely get used to her calling me 'mom'
"Why are we here?"
"Jack said he needed to get something."
"Oh."
She settled back against me.
"Jessie?"
"Hmmm?"
"You can call me 'mom' if you want to." I said.
I felt her stiffen. "No…I can't."
"Why not baby? It's ok with me. Jack said you could call him 'dad' if you wanted to."
"No…I can't…please don't." she said with a catch in her voice.
"Jessie?" I turned her face to the streetlight and saw tears of anguish falling down her face.
Ok. What just happened?
Jack chose that time to open the back of the truck and put something inside. When he crawled back in, he noticed Jessie was still crying softly.
"Jessie…what's wrong baby?" he asked, worry plain in his voice.
"Nothin'." she said and turned away from him.
He looked at me for an explanation. "I don't know." I mouthed silently and kept rocking her.
The trip back to the SGC was eerily quiet. Jack carried her back to our room and I helped her get ready for bed. She hadn't said a word since Jack got back in the truck. She lay on her back, staring at the ceiling, tears falling silently down her face.
Jack pulled me into his room. "Sam…exactly what happened while I was in the house?"
"She called me 'mom'."
"That's a good thing right?"
"Yeah, but then she apologized. I told her she could call me 'mom' but she said she couldn't. When I asked her why, she wouldn't tell me."
"Well, we're gonna find out right now." he said, taking me by the hand and leading me back into our room.
She wasn't crying anymore, but she still looked so sad.
"Jessie?" said Jack.
"What?" she said rolling, as best as she could, away from us.
We sat down on her bed. "Why can't you call us 'mom' and 'dad'? It's ok with us." That's Jack…straight to the point.
"I just can't ok? Please…just drop it."
"No baby. Look at us." he said, gently turning her over. She stared at the ceiling, not meeting our eyes.
Jack shook his head. "I thought you said you believed me?"
"I do." she said raggedly.
"Then baby…talk to us…please. What's wrong?" I pleaded.
She took a deep shuddering breath and let it out in a sigh that broke my heart. I took Jack's hand in mine and felt him grip tightly. He'd also heard the pain in that one sigh. How someone who'd been hurt that badly could feel so much was beyond me.
"I'd been in an orphanage since I can remember. I stayed with some people when I was…like five. They said I had to call them 'mom' and 'dad'. I didn't have a choice…none of us did…especially me and Landon. He tried to protect me, but he…he couldn't." Her voice cracked on the unfamiliar name…unfamiliar at least to us.
She looked away again. "I didn't remember my parents so I did. I thought everything was fine…until they found out what I could do."
The tears started to fall again at the memory. "She tried to…how did she put it…beat the devil out of me. She said I was possessed and that she was going to beat the devil out of me."
She looked back at us. We could see the pain, anger, loss, and something else…longing…all visible in her blue eyes…so much pain for someone so young. "Baby, that was then and this is now." Jack said. "We're not going to hurt you. We're not going to let anyone hurt you again."
"That's what he said. But, he never stopped her" she cried. "They took me back to the orphanage and told them I was a bad child…with powers from the devil. The people at the orphanage wanted them to prove it, but I knew better. I didn't do anything, so they let me stay at the orphanage until…" she stopped.
"Baby, you know in your heart that we love you and we will do everything we can to protect you."
She looked up at me with such pain I did choke back a sob. "I don't know what to do Sam."
"I know baby. Just trust us…trust your heart" I said, pulling her into my arms.
I looked at Jack who had tears in his own eyes. "I think we should tell her now." he said softly.
"Tell me what?" she said, trembling against my shoulder.
-
"My POV"
"We were gonna wait a couple of weeks before doing this, but it seems like the right time." said Sam.
"Do what?" she could hear the fear in my voice.
Jack smiled at me. "Baby do you know what adoption is?"
"Oh yeah, I know what it is." I said bitterly, sitting up with the tears streaming down my face. "It's something that happened in the orphanage to every kid but me. I kept hoping that if I was good, someone would come and take me away…a real home. But, they never did. Then they put me in the last home…" I stopped again.
Jack flinched. "Baby, we…that is Sam and I…would like to adopt you…if that's ok with you."
"Why?"
"Because we both love you and we feel that you would make an excellent part of our family." said Jack.
"Jessie, we want to take care of you. We hope that you love us like we love you, but we'll understand if you don't." I know I looked shocked at that. She grinned at me and put her hand on my face, stroking my cheek gently. "After what you've been through, I know it's hard to trust anyone…especially an adult. But, if you would give us a chance, I think we could be pretty cool parents" said Sam.
I looked away at a picture on the wall of SG-1. "Just think about it ok?" Jack pleaded with me. He took my hand in his and squeezed it gently.
I was silent for a moment. "No." I said.
They both stiffened. "'No' you don't want to think about it or 'no' you don't want us to adopt you?" Sam asked, voice quivering.
"I don't have to think about it. I'm scared, but…" I looked back at them.
"But what baby?" she asked.
"I guess we could…try it." I said hesitantly.
"Yesssss…" hissed Jack, pulling me from Sam's lap onto his. "I'm gonna have a daughter!"
"Hey now." said Sam. "I am too" and pulled me back on her lap.
We sat there for a while…just talking. I still wouldn't tell them everything…I couldn't. It didn't matter that they were going to be my parents. Once they knew everything, it was over.
Jack sat up suddenly and snapped his fingers. "I knew I forgot something."
"What?" asked Sam.
"What I went to the house for." he said. "Be right back."
I snuggled against Sam and started to fall asleep again as she rocked me slowly. "Sam?"
"Yeah angel?"
What's with the nicknames? Sunshine…Angel? Sheesh
"I'm sorry for acting stupid when you said I could call you 'mom'. I want to…I do. But…please…just give me some time ok?"
"You got it angel." she said hugging me.
-
"Jack's POV"
About twenty minutes later, I returned. Jessie had already fallen asleep. I really hated to wake her, but I wanted her to have this.
"Jessie…wake up." Sam gently nudged her awake.
"Wha…" she sat up sleepily. "What's goin' on?"
"I got something for you." I said pulling the guitar from behind my back.
"What's this?" she asked.
"A guitar." I said with a grin.
"I know that. What's it for?"
"It's for you."
She sat up. "What? Why?" I could see the excitement warring with the wariness.
"I want you to have it…if you want it. When your cast comes off, I'd like to hear you play…we'd like to hear you play."
"Really?" she asked.
"Really."
"Jack…I don't know what to say."
"Say you'll take it."
She laughed. "I'll take it…thank you." she said from her heart. It made my heart jump with joy.
I sat the guitar down and pulled her into a hug. "Thank you so much Jack…Sam."
"You're welcome baby."
"Jessie?" I said.
"Hmmm?"
"You can call me 'dad' you know." I said unable to keep the hope from my voice.
"Gimme some time Jack…please." she pleaded softly.
I knew that moment, eventually, she would call me 'dad' and that day would be one of the happiest days of my life…if not the happiest.
"Take all the time you need Sunshine."
She relaxed and let Sam rock her to sleep again. She knew that we would be there when she woke up. We ended up falling asleep curled around her. For the first time since we found her, she slept the entire night…without any nightmares.
Down With The Sickness – Disturbed
Crawling – Linkin' Park
