November 20th…my eleventh birthday. Big freaking deal. To me it was just another day. I'd never celebrated my birthday and I wasn't about to start. Unfortunately…or would that be fortunately… mom and dad had other plans.

"Jack's POV "

She told us she didn't want anything for her birthday. She had never had a birthday party…wait…she had one on the Asgard ship when she turned a year old.

Damn the Asgard. That still pisses me off. They took my baby from me.

I sat by her bed and just watched her sleep for probably twenty minutes. It was a habit that Sam and I had both gotten into when we came back from the Nox planet. Early in the morning or late at night…it didn't matter. We both would stand by her bed and watch her sleep. It was comforting to us to know that she was home…alive…where she belonged.

I woke her up gently by brushing her hair out of her eyes. "Sunshine, it's time to wake up."

She groaned and buried her head in the comforter on her bed. "Go away" came the muffled reply.

"Rise and shine, Sunshine." I said pulling the blanket from her head and kissing her on the forehead.

"Alright already. I'll rise, but I refuse to shine." I laughed at that. She yawned and stretched. "Dad, what time is it?" She looked towards the clock. "Dad, it's 7:00 in the morning. I was not planning on getting up at the butt crack of dawn today."

I laughed again. "I know but come on anyway." I pulled her out of bed and carried her on my back downstairs. Sam was fixing breakfast. I'd taught her to cook…damn…she was getting better too.

"Morning sweetheart."

"Morning Mom," she said giving Sam a hug and kiss. "Mom, what's going on?"

"Happy birthday baby," we both said.

"Mom…dad…I told you…" She started backing up, getting ready to run. See? I knew my daughter and knew exactly what she was thinking.

"I know, but we told you that things were going to be different from now on." I said, grabbing her and picking her up and swinging her around.

"I know. It's just…" she looked at the floor.

"Hey. Look at me." I said gently.

She finally looked up at me as I placed my hand on her cheek. "Honey, it's your birthday and we are going to celebrate it. We're going to show you…again…how much we love you."

"I know you do, but..."

"No 'buts'. Eat up. We've got a big day planned for you." said Sam grinning.

"My POV"

After breakfast and getting dressed, they took me to the zoo, to the mall, to the movies…we saw Dogma. I thought it was funny. Mom and dad said I was weird, but that's why they loved me. They let me get my ears pierced. Dad picked out some diamond studs that were so cool. Dad made me pick out a bike. Mom had taught me to ride hers, but they wanted me to have my own. I won't bore you with any other details. It was about 6:00 pm, but by the time we got back to the house, I was ready to go to bed. I fell asleep in the car on the way home.

Dad carried me into the house. When he stood me on my feet, the lights came on and a lot of people yelled "Happy Birthday!"

I jumped back against dad. He put his arms around me. "Happy birthday sweetheart!"

Mom hugged me too. "Happy birthday baby girl."

They were all there…Daniel, Janet, Cassie, Teal'c and Rya'c, Master Bratac, Grandpa, and General Hammond. There were several people from the SGC there also. I couldn't believe it. Every one of them hugged me and said "happy birthday."

By the end I was crying. "Baby, don't cry," said dad.

"They're happy tears dad!"

He hugged me again and said "Oh! Happy tears!"

I'd never gotten so many presents before. It was definitely one of the best days of my life.

The party lasted for about three hours. After everyone had gone, we were sitting on the couch. Dad was eating the last of the cake.

They noticed I'd been quiet for a while. "Baby, you ok?"

"Yeah dad. Just thinking."

"About what baby?" asked mom.

"Everything."

"Hey, I almost forgot," said dad, reaching into his pocket.

He pulled out a piece of paper. "Happy birthday baby."

I took the paper. "What's this?"

"Read it." said mom, grinning.

I opened the paper. Even though it was hand-written, it had the presidential seal on it.

Jessica O'Neill. This is by far the strangest request I've ever had, considering you're only eleven years old (happy birthday, by the way). But, because of your abilities, I am hereby granting you full access to the SGC. You are now a full member of SG-1 and granted all the perks and responsibilities of the position. Congratulations.

I held the paper in my hand and stared at it for a few minutes. I slowly looked up. Mom and dad were both smiling. "Is this for real?" I asked quietly, the tears threatening to form.

"Yes baby. It's real," said dad with a huge grin on his face.

"When did this happen? How did this happen?"

"Well, Grandpa George called in a few favors. He wanted you with us on missions that we knew were safe. You've got your own protection, but we wanted you with us anyway. We've actually had it for a couple of weeks, but your father wanted to wait until your birthday so it would be a surprise," said mom.

I sat there trembling. "Baby?" asked dad. "What's wrong?" He put his arm around me.

The tears started falling…I couldn't stop them.

"I…"

"We thought you'd be happy," said mom unsurely.

"I am," I said. "I just never thought that something like this would ever happen to someone like me."

"What do you mean 'someone like you'?" asked dad.

I stood up and walked to the fireplace. "You know what I mean."

"Sweetheart, you're the best thing that has ever happened to me…to us." I heard them get up and dad put his arms around me. Mom walked around me so she could face me.

She put her hand on my cheek. "Jack's right honey. You are the best thing that has ever happened to us." she said putting her arms around me too. "You need to start believing that."

"I do," she said raggedly.

"Then tell us what's really wrong?"

"I'm scared," I said trying to hold in the tears.

"Of what baby?" asked dad.

"Waking up."

They both backed up, neither losing physical contact with me. "What do you mean?" asked mom.

"I'm scared that I'm going to wake up and this…you and dad…will just be a dream. I'm scared that I'll wake up back at their house, alone."

"This is no dream baby. This is real. You're really here with us and we really love you."

I let the tears fall and they both held me...again. A few minutes later, mom pinched me.

"Ow!" I said. "What's that for?"

She laughed. "Just to prove the point that this is no dream."

I giggled and wiped the tears away. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. Now, what you wanna do now birthday girl?" asked dad.

"Watch TV?"

"Sounds good."

We huddled together on the couch and watched The Simpsons. Dad loves that show. I still don't see why. But, maybe it's a guy thing. I decided to get comfortable. I lay my head down on mom's lap and feet on dad's lap. Mom reached down and stroked my hair. Yawn…big yawn.

"Sam's POV"

We were sitting there watching The Simpsons…the three of us. I never thought life could be like this. It's the perfect life…Air Force, man I love, and daughter with man I love. Jessie had her head on my lap and her feet on Jack's. I reached down and stroked my fingers through her hair. That lasted about twenty minutes and then…

"Sam…" whispered Jack, breaking me out of my reverie.

"What?" I whispered back.

"Look."

I looked down at Jessie and saw she was asleep.

"She looks like an angel," whispered Jack in awe. We'd watched her sleep every night for a long time, but it was the first time he'd voiced what I'd always thought.

"She is," I whispered back. "Why do you think I call her 'angel'?"

He grinned and looked over at the clock…10:30."Why don't we get this angel to bed?"

He moved her feet slowly as to not disturb her. Standing up, he picked her up. Strangely, she whimpered. I didn't think she was having a nightmare…at least I hoped she wasn't having one. She hadn't had one in months…not since the training on the Tok'ra planet.

He carried her into her room and I undressed her. She still slept with the Air Force bear Jack bought her when we first met her. I put her in her Colorado Avalanche jersey and shorts and we both tucked her in. She whimpered again when we kissed her.

"Jack, you don't think she's having nightmares again?"

"God, I hope not," he said with tension in his voice.

We both watched as she tensed in her sleep. "Shit, she is having them again!" Then…

"He's drunk again, it's time to fight
She must have done something wrong tonight
The living room becomes a boxing ring
It's time to run when you see him
Clenching his hands
She's just a woman
Never Again
I hear her scream, from down the hall
Amazing she can even talk at all
She cries to me, Go back to bed
I'm terrified that she'll wind up
Dead in his hands, She's just a woman
Never Again
Been there before, but not like this
Seen it before, but not like this
Never before have I ever
Seen it this bad
She's just a woman
Never Again
Just tell the nurse, you slipped and fell
It starts to sting as it starts to swell
She looks at you, she wants the truth
It's right out there in the waiting room
With those hands
Lookin just as sweet as he can
Never Again
Seen it before, but not like this
Been there before, but not like this
Never before have I ever
Seen it this bad
She's just a woman
Never Again
Father's a name you haven't earned yet
You're just a child with a temper
Haven't you heard "Don't hit a lady"?
Kickin' your ass would be a pleasure
He's drunk again, it's time to fight
Same old shit, just on a different night
She grabs the gun, she's had enough
Tonight she'll find out how fucking
Tough is this man
Pulls the trigger as fast as she can
Never Again
Seen it before, but not like this
Been there before, but not like this
Never before have I ever
Seen it this bad
She's just a woman
Never Again"

"Damnit! Why now?" asked Jack.

"Shhh…you're gonna wake her up."

We watched helplessly as she tossed in her sleep. All of a sudden she sat up with a scream.

"NOOOOO!" she screamed.

She was gasping for breath when Jack and I crawled into bed with her. I wrapped my arms around her. "Shhh baby. Mama's here…you're safe. It was just a dream."

"Mama!" she cried as I rocked her slowly. Jack put his arms around both of us.

She started talking again about what he'd done to her…adding details that we hadn't heard before…details she'd blocked from her mind. He'd not only raped, beat, and starved her, but he'd tried to drown her, electrocute her...among other things.

Damn him. Maybe we should take his body to the Nox and then kill him again…or find a sarcophagus.

Oh shit. She said the first time was after the night of her seventh birthday. Damnit, why didn't we remember that? That's what brought this on.

We held her as she cried. We stayed with her until, exhausted, she passed out. I think, finally, she began to completely heal. No more dreams…no more insecurity. God I hoped so. It'd been rough for all of us…especially Jessie and Jack. Jack had given up hope of ever having children again after Charlie's death. Now, he had a daughter. And he lost a daughter…not once, but twice. Both times, she was brought back…to us. I love him so much. I can't imagine what my life would be had I never met Jack O'Neill. I know one thing's for sure. I could never survive without either of them.

"O'Malley's"

We could tell Jessie was distracted for a couple of days after her birthday. She kept humming a song that neither Jack nor myself, recognized. We also caught her playing it on Jack's acoustic guitar. But, when we'd ask her about it, she would give us a different title each time. She never would sing the words either. It meant something to her, but she never would say what.

Dad had come in from off-world and the four of us were having a late dinner at O'Malley's. We'd already eaten and paid. Dad and I were discussing the latest "acquisition" from the Goa'uld. I could tell that Jessie was getting bored. She looked towards the jukebox and closed her eyes. She was scanning to see what she could listen too.

Jack had noticed it too. He leaned behind me over to her.. "Don't you think you should pay to play the music?" he whispered.

She giggled. "But dad, it's cheaper this way," she whispered back.

She leaned her head against the window, apparently through choosing her songs. Yep. A song I recognized from her CD collection came blaring through the speakers.

"What'd you choose?" I asked.

"Linkin' Park In the End."

"Isn't that the song…" asked dad waving his hand slightly.

"Yeah. I thought you might like to hear the entire song," she said shyly.

We all sat there in silence listening to the song. I hate to admit it but it was pretty good. We didn't pay much attention to the other songs she chose until we recognized the one that she'd been playing for a few days. I glanced at Jack. He'd recognized it too. He mouthed "Finally". I grinned at him. The grin fell away as the words became clear.

"Life it seem will fade away, drifting further everyday

Getting lost within myself, nothing matters no one else

I have lost the will to live, simply nothing more to give

There is nothing more for me, need the end to set me free"

We all turned to look at her. She had her eyes shut so she didn't know that we were watching her. She mouthed every word to that song. It was breaking my heart to hear the words of that song and watch my eleven year old baby mouth every word. The tears slowly fell.

I glanced over at Jack. To say he was in shock would be an understatement. He was staring at Jessie with extremely wide eyes. I could see the unshed tears in them. Finally the song was over. He reached behind me and tapped her on the shoulder.

"Jessie?"

"Hmmm?" she asked sleepily.

"What was that song?"

"Fade to Black by Metallica," she said hesitantly, tensing slightly. She knew that she couldn't lie to us with Dad there. She didn't lie to us anyway, but she would avoid the question if given the chance.

"What's it about?"

"It helped me decide what I was gonna do the last time he…" she sat up straight and cleared her throat. Yep… she was trying to avoid the question.

"What's it about, sweetheart?" asked Jack again gently touching her on the shoulder.

She glanced at Jack and then at me and then away. She whispered something. She refused to look at us again.

"What?" asked Jack again.

"Suicide."

"Jessie!" yelled Jack. People turned and stared.

"Jack! Keep your voice down!" I said.

I could tell she didn't want to say it…because of Charlie. She saw the look of pain on Jack's face. Then I saw the pain on her face.

"I…I'm sorry dad." She pushed at me. "Excuse me."

"Where're you goin'?" asked Jack.

"Bathroom."

"Jessie…" began Jack not moving out of the seat.

"Dad, I really gotta pee." She was trying to hold in the tears.

He sighed and let me out, so she could get out. "I'll be right back, Jack. I have to go too." I had a feeling she wasn't coming back to the table.

Sure enough as soon as we got into the bathroom, she said, "I'm sorry mom. Tell dad I'm sorry."

"Jessie!" I yelled as she orbed out. "Damnit!"

I ran out of the bathroom and ran to the table. "Jack she's gone!"

"Where'd she go?" he asked jumping up and grabbing his jacket. Dad jumped up too.

"I don't know. Let's try the house first. Dad, go to the base and see if she's in her room there"

"Let's go!" he said taking my hand and running out the door to the truck.

We got home in less than ten minutes. Damn that man can drive fast when he wants to. We saw that her bedroom light was on.

We ran into the house and up the stairs. We could hear her sobbing. She was also talking to someone. I motioned for Jack to stop and calm down. I opened her door and she was sitting on her bed crying and talking to…no one. We started to go on in…until we heard her words.

"I just didn't know what else to do then. I didn't know about you or mom or dad. I wish I had. Maybe then I wouldn't have thought about killing myself so much. It just hurt so much when he did that to me. I couldn't take much more of it. I didn't mean to hurt dad tonight. But, he heard the words of that song and I know he knew what it was about. He hates me now. I don't blame him. I don't like me right now. I'm sorry Charlie. I'm sorry I never got to meet my big brother. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for ever being born. Maybe things would be better off without me here."

"Don't you ever think that!" said Jack quietly.

She jerked around and saw us standing there. "Dad…"

"No baby," he said moving slowly towards her bed. "I'm sorry. I just never realized that you would think about killing yourself so much. When we read your diary I swore that I would never let you do that. I would make sure that your life was so great you wouldn't think about things like that anymore."

"I…I…" she started, the tears beginning to fall again.

"Shhh baby," he said taking her in his arms, rocking her slowly. I walked over when he motioned for me. I crawled on the bed with them.

"Jack's POV"

I don't know how to help her. She's hurting so much right now that I'm scared I'm going to lose her. I can't lose her. I just held her in my arms and let her cry for…hell, I don't know…a really long time. She quieted down and fell against my chest, emotionally and physically exhausted.

She took a deep shuddering breath as I lay her down on her bed. I knew she wanted to talk about what happened. "Dad…" she began. Yep. She wanted to talk.

"Yeah baby?"

"I…uh…I know you heard me talking when you came in."

"Mmmm hmmm."

"I just wanted you to know that I'll understand if you hate me now."

"Why would I hate you baby?" I curled up behind Sam as she lay in front of Jessie.

"For everything," she said as Sam ran her fingers through Jessie's hair. "For that song and for mentioning suicide, for talking…for talking to Charlie." Her voice broke on her brother's name.

"Hey, sweetheart, it's ok. I will never hate you." I reached out and stroked her cheek.

"No it's not. I know I brought up bad memories."

"Baby, they're just memories. Neither good or bad. I think it's cool that you talk to Charlie."

"Really?" she couldn't keep the hope out of her voice.

"Really."

"Why?"

"Because he was your brother…and because your mom and I talk to him too."

That took her by surprise. Sam and I just grinned at her. "I talked to Charlie when we first had you…and then when we found you. I've talked to Charlie about your mom for years. Now, I talk to Charlie and tell him how happy I finally am…how happy we are." I looked at her. She could tell I was kind of apprehensive about what I was to say next. "We are happy, aren't we?"

She took another shuddering breath. "I guess."

"What do you mean 'I guess'?" Sam asked her.

"I'm still a fucked up kid no matter how happy I am."

"And we're still weird parents. Deal with it." said Sam. She got a giggle for that.

I looked up to see her eyes. There was so much pain in her blue eyes that I thought my heart would break again. I reached around Sam and stroked her cheek. "Sunshine, we'll get through this…together. I know you're still hurtin'. I know you still don't trust what you're feeling, but trust us…trust us. We will never let anyone hurt you again. I'll personally shove a Goa'uld down anyone's throat if they try to hurt my Sunshine."

Sam took her in her arms and held her. We both held her as she cried some more. I pray to God that she will finally completely heal. We rocked Jessie to sleep that night. We fell asleep together…the three of us…my love, my daughter, and me. Now, if we can get over those regs, it will be my wife, my daughter, and me.

Never Again – Nickleback

Fade To Black – Metallica

In The End – Linkin' Park

8 -