Umare Koibito: Resurrected Lover
Chapter 5: 'I Want To Sleep Near You'
Author's Notes: Alright, this is the last chapter! Whoo hoo! We made it!
Anyway…I want to make this my best chapter! I don't want people to be unhappy or curious about what happened unless I intentionally made it that way! I want everyone to be satisfied with my work, and I don't want any criticizing (but not because people are just being nice; because all it deserves is compliments 'cause it's that good!)
By the way…I would like to 'warn' everyone about all of the author's notes throughout this story. I used a lot of Japanese that I don't think a lot of anime fans learned from watching anime…then again I could be wrong. Anyway, I posted author's notes to explain what the phrases mean as they come along, okie dokie?
So anyhow…I guess I'd better let my faithful readers go on before I start jabbering on for 3 whole pages. But before I go…writing to everyone is very fun to me. In fact, I think I might like it better than I like actually writing, because it lets writers grasp my personality and get to know me better, and maybe one of these days someone will find me interesting and will become my friend! Mwaaahhhhahhah!
So there you have it, my final chapter notes for the beginning. (Had to make them interesting…I'm going all out for this chapter!)
"Shuichi…are you really alive? Were the doctors wrong when they proclaimed you were gone?" Eiri asked, climbing to his feet. He was in the middle of a road…an empty, deserted road.
"No, they weren't wrong." Shuichi said, holding out a hand. Eiri reluctantly took it, recalling how soft and warm and cuddly his young lover had been. So new to the world…so innocent and pure. What had Eiri done?
"Then how…?"
"I've come back…to spend time with you." Shuichi said simply, a faint smile on his pink lips. He seemed to want to say more, but he couldn't.
"Shuichi…" Eiri started, walking alongside his angel. "When I die, I want my grave to be next to yours." He didn't seem to care about the astounded look on Shuichi's face.
I want to sleep near you"I want to…I want to…I want to sleep near you then, after I die, and I want to sleep near you now, while I am still alive." Eiri said, closing his eyes for a moment. Underneath his eyelids, he saw his past with Shu-chan, the wonderful times they once had together.
Are those all going to go away now?
'I want to sleep near you…' Those words were so important to him now…Shuichi's last words to him…those words that had at first made him mad, had meant so little, now meant so much…
"Yuki…you are not going to die anytime soon. You are going to live a long and fulfilling life, and you will meet someone else, someone who will replace me." Shuichi predicted, his voice low and somber. He seemed to be in pain.
(No one will ever replace you…no one ever could. No one is like you! No one can make my head spin like you do, and no one can cry as much as you, and no one could ever love me as much as you, and I could never love another as much as you!)
"…" Eiri looked up at the moon, stopping abruptly. It occurred to him that he didn't know where Shuichi and he were heading. Perhaps nowhere…maybe to streets that had already echoed with their footsteps.
"Look at the moon, Yuki! Nanto kawaii!" Shuichi smiled, pushing away all of his sadness, looking at Yuki, waiting for the frown that he knew was there and would come soon.
Author's Notes: No, this is not the end of the chapter…I'm just here to inform everyone that 'nanto kawaii' means 'how pretty!'. Yeah. So on with the story.(Perhaps the moon is bringing Shuichi to me…perhaps the moon really does bring magic to people. But…but what happens when the magic ceases to work? What if it wears out? Then will…will Shuichi leave me again?)
If the magic of the moon vanishes
Because goodbyes are visited again
"Yes…the moon is beautiful, Shuichi." The blonde man smiled at his young and naïve dead lover, watched as pink hair was illuminated by the moon's rays, and the sight took Eiri's breath away. Just one more time, he wanted to touch Shuichi, stroke his cheek and say that single word he never dared to utter to his young lover…aishiteru.
(But if I touch him, will he vanish, like a character in one of my stories? Will I make him vanish twice?)
"Yuki…your eyes are unfocused. Is something bothering you? Have I done something wrong?" Shuichi asked the other man, whose deep yellow eyes were lost in ocean waves of thought. He didn't seem to hear Shuichi's voice. What could he possibly be thinking about?
If we can follow our feelings right now
"Shuichi…how long are you going to be here?" Eiri asked, dropping his voice to almost a whisper, a whisper that would have sent chills through any living human's body. It was a whisper that was filled with sorrow and pain, and behind that whisper were millions of tears ready to burst free.
"Until I am sure you will be happy without my presence." Shuichi replied, his voice lacking any genuine emotion.He was like a thoughtful illusion now, unable to sympathize with a human anymore, no matter how long ago his death was. Eiri knew this.
(But…I'll never be happy without you around! How do you expect me to live my life the rest of the way through lacking the one person I treasure the most?)
"Shuichi…don't you get it! I will never be happy without you! I will never be able to go back to living the way I lived before!" Eiri screamed. Those tears that he had been desperately holding back fell forwards, streaking down his pale face that was illuminated in the beautiful moonlight. He felt sobs escape his throat, and he knew that he was going to break down soon. Would Shuichi hold him like he'd done so many times before, or was the fight between him and his lover that caused his death the last straw, the last thing Shuichi could handle? Should he have stayed with Eiri for as long as he did, especially with how he had been treated over the months? "Aishiteru, Shuichi…" As those words tumbled from his mouth, those words he had been longing over…
"Yuki." The pink haired man took his companion into his arms, stroking his hair rhythmically, his eyes closed, his pale face filled with remorse and sympathy for the pathetically silent man. "Come. Let's go home."
Eiri nodded and, hand in hand with his ghostly lover, he walked the ever familiar path to his home, the home he used to share with Shuichi.
Upon opening the door and stepping inside, Shuichi began to remove his shirt.
"What are you doing?" Eiri asked.
"I'm going to dance with you, Yuki. I'm going to make you happy." Shuichi walked over to Eiri, removing the yellow eyed man's shirt and shutting the door at the same time.
(Shuichi…why are you being so nice to me? I killed you…in a way.)
Eiri looked out the window as Shuichi reached for his pants, and when those pale fingertips touched his skin, he did not object. As he was laid down on the floor, he gazed up at his pink haired angel. Gone were his negative thoughts about touching Shuichi and making him disappear. Gone were those painful tears that fell silently down his face. Now, there was only Shuichi, neither dead nor alive, and there was Eiri, gazing contentedly, silently, and serenely at his lover as he struggled to finish undressing.
And then ecstacy washed over Eiri as Shuichi entered him, and the two men joined hands and they danced.
I want to join hands with you and dance
"Motto…fukaku." Eiri whispered, his voice unable to raise any higher.
Author's Notes: No, this isn't the end either.
'Motto fukaku' is a phrase from another Camui Gackt song called Vanilla (yes, the one I have made SOOOO many references to!) and it means 'more deeper.' Yeah…I wasn't using it this time to tell other people to read my other songfic, I thought it just fit the situation. Anyway, on with the story again!
And although Eiri didn't think he could achieve a higher ecstacy, as Shuichi obeyed his command and pressed in harder and harder until their bodies were as one, he was proven wrong.
"Kamisama!" Eiri moaned, his eyes rolling back into his head. And still Shuichi pressed on, ever smiling. Again, Eiri moaned, grasping the sweaty skin behind Shuichi's neck. Silently, he pressed himself closer to his lover, who was still inside of him, making Eiri full of passion and love. He forced a smile to his face, kissing Shuichi hard and long, loving him with all of his heart.
(I can't take much more…he's making me mad!)
Shuichi decided to take the intimacy level up and he leaned down to Eiri's chest, moaning, and he kissed it, dragging his pink lips down the soft skin until his partner pushed him away, breathing hard.
And then, when Eiri nodded for Shuichi to go ahead, the pink haired man entered him, leaning over to Eiri's face and kissing him hard, slipping his pink tongue into the other man's mouth.
Suddenly, Shuichi pulled away from him, leaving Eiri's body, making the blonde man cringe.
"You are unhappy with me…aren't you?" He asked, his face somber. The long strands of pink partially hid his sweat covered face from view. "I can see it in your eyes."
"No, I'm not. I'm merely tired. Temporarily." He added, always the brave and showy man. Nevertheless, he leaned tiredly into Shuichi's awaiting arms, open only to him. He wrapped his body around the boy, snuggling his head against the pale chest. Shuichi stroked the blonde hair softly, whispering, singing. And out of his lips came the mournful song of the dead, a haunting melody of past romances.
"Ah, fukaku, fukaku…ima mo. Sou…aishiteru." He sang, feeling Eiri's body lean more heavily into his own.
Author's Notes: Yes…more notes. What Shuichi sang to Eiri just now, that is from a Gackt song as well, but not Vanilla. It's called 'Hoshi no Suna' (Starsand) and I wrote a Pretear songfic to it. Oh…and it means 'Ah, deeply, deeply…even now. Yes…I love you.' Sweet, huh?
"Aishiteru, Shu-chan…" And then Eiri fell asleep, his sweet yellow eyes closing to the sight of his beautiful young lover smiling at him, telling him he was safe, and telling him that he would be by his side forever. Then he turned his head and was fast asleep where he'd always wanted to be, the one place he belonged-in Shuichi's arms.
Inside of the light, the place we should return to
"Aishiteru, Yuki-chan…Eiri." Shuichi faintly smiled.
The Next Day…
Eiri yawned, stretching his long arms. Climbing up from the tangled white sheets on the floor, he smiled to himself as he began to prepare his breakfast (since he was the only one in the house who could cook!), and then he began to run through his daily morning routine-shower, clothes, coffee, and goodbye kiss to Shuichi as the pink haired man left for work. But today…today was different. Shuichi wasn't there…it was strange, Eiri could have sworn he remembered making love to him the night before.
And then the phone rang. It was his sister.
"Hi, Eiri." Mika greeted, her voice grim and low.
(She sounds sad…)
"I heard…about him. I'm terribly sorry…for your loss." Mika said.
(Loss…?)
Suddenly everything flooded over him…the fight, Shuichi's death…and the lovemaking last night…it had been real. But how…?
"For…Mika-chan, do you mean…Shuichi?" He asked, beginning to tremble. Mika heard his change in tone, and Eiri could almost see the concern in her eyes over the telephone.
"Don't you remember…?" She asked him.
"I…Is he dead?" Eiri asked. He felt tears beginning to well up.
"Y-yes." Mika began to sob. "I'm sorry…"
"It's not your fault." Eiri fought furiously to keep his cool, but the tears were already flowing down his face. "I've got to go…I'll see you later."
"Wait…I'll come over to you." She offered, sniffling.
"No. I'll be fine on my own." He insisted, his eyes icing over with salty liquid.
"Goodbye then…Eiri." Mika hung up, but Eiri held on to the phone, opening his mouth to say something else, but it was too late. Mika had already hung up.
"Shuichi…" The tears fell freely now. He cradled the phone and gazed longingly at the futon in the middle of the floor, the place where he and Shuichi…
Silently he walked to the bed, to the white sheets all twisted up. He saw the two dents in the large white silk pillow, and he knew…he knew that Shuichi had indeed been there last night.
"Eiri…" Shuichi's voice echoed. Eiri looked around, confused, and walked up to the mirror instinctively…and he saw Shuichi's reflection instead of his own. And, it was talking to him.
"You were happy last night, remember? And I told you that when I knew that you could be happy without me, I would leave. So…after last night, I left." Shuichi said. Eiri didn't say a word, instead speaking to his dead koibito by reaching out to touch him, and the image on the mirror began to dissipate as his long and slim fingers graced the smooth surface of the mirror.
"But Shuichi…I need you!" Eiri cried, seeing that trying to make physical contact with Shuichi now was not going to work.
(Please…)
He watched Shuichi wave goodbye and give a reassuring smile.
(Come back…)
A tear streaked down his face as the almost fully vanished Shuichi pushed at the mirror surface from inside the object. It fell to the floor at Eiri's feet and shattered, and as the glass spread across the floor, the rest of the tears that been laying in wait came forth, conquering Eiri's fight between being weak and being strong.
"So this is what your life is now, huh? Pieces of a mirror, broken until unrecognizability. Do broken pieces of a mirror mean anything to anyone? In some countries, it is considered bad luck. In others, people merely pick the pieces up, throw them away, and buy a new one? Which path am I supposed to take, Shuichi? Am I supposed to consider your death only bad luck, or am I just supposed to find someone else? I…don't want either. I only want you…" Eiri picked up a piece of glass from the floor.
Because I'll meet you again somewhere
Author's Notes: Okay, this is the real and true end. So…what did everyone think? Was it to your liking? Was my grammar and my spelling pretty satisfactory?
Regarding the end…I'm making a sequel. I don't know how soon it will be posted…I want to do a special Gravi fic for my birthday and also one for Final Fantasy VIII, so I don't know if I can even start it before the middle of May. Then we're probably going to be moving in June or July, so…I don't know when I'll have time to update at all! And…the summer kind of gives me writer's block sometimes, I don't know why, so it might not be until next school year that I post the sequel. I don't know…I'll work hard on it.
I have a few other ideas for Gravitation, and a couple other songfics that don't have anything to do with this one, and I might give those a chance for a little.
Oh yes, by the way…don't forget to read my profile! As I said on there, anyone who wants to hear these Gackt songs can email me and I'll gladly send them the song they requested! It might take a while, but…for sure, you'll get them!
