Smoke and Mirrors

The door to the outer office was open, giving Colonel Roy Mustang a perfect view of his subordinates' going-ons, without even having to leave his desk. This was very important because it kept First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye from discharging her sidearm at the wall directly behind his head. It was instances such as this that made him, a strict non-believer, pray that the day her aim would falter never came.

As far as he knew without having to dig through his pockets for his silver State Alchemist's watch, it was lunchtime (the clock had been the unfortunate victim of one of Hawkeye's warning shots). He had reached this conclusion because it was the only explanation for how Elric, Havoc, Fury, Breda, and Farman were lounging on the couches in the outer office without having to dodge bullets.

"Lieutenant-"

"Sir?" Hawkeye glanced up from what could only be paperwork- did the woman do anything else?- letting her pen rest for a moment.

"Is Second Lieutenant Havoc doing what I think he's doing?" Mustang asked, not even bothering to disguise the fact that he had been spying on his subordinates instead of doing the paperwork she had added to the already heaping pile on his desk that morning.

Hearing the question, Riza returned to her own papers. "I believe so sir."

Mustang sighed. For a moment there he had hoped that his eyes were playing tricks on him, but nothing ever dared to trick Riza Hawkeye, so that sadly could not be the case. Picking up his own pen, he hastily scribbled his name on a few of the sheets in front of him, even if only so that the Lieutenant couldn't claim he hadn't done anything worth while all day.

"Read them before you sign them Taisa."

Roy grumbled, setting his pen down once again so that he could flip through the papers. How did she always know?

He had actually almost finished reading the first document when a strangled yelp from the next room distracted him. Mustang narrowed his eyes. Someone was going to be on toilet paper duty for a month if he caught them.

Ignoring the warning look sent his way by the Lieutenant- at least it wasn't warning bullets- Mustang looked up from his desk and out into the outer offices.

The so called "soldiers" under his command were giggling like a group of school girls. As far as he could tell, Second Lieutenant Havoc had upended the office wastebasket on Sergeant Major Fury's head.

He briefly considered sending them all home for the day, if only for some peace and quiet. Thankfully he realized just in time that that would leave him without an excuse for why his signature wasn't on ever single one of those documents. And without an excuse, his life was forfeit.

Roy watched with barely contained amusement as a blush spread across the Sergeant Major's face when Havoc pulled the can off his head and began picking the trash out of his black hair for him. Of course, his hair was more of an ash gray now, as the majority of the garbage had been Havoc's cigarette butts.

He noticed with no less amusement that the Fullmetal Alchemist, for all his strength and skill, kept having to edge backwards on the couch as Fury tried to escape Havoc's wandering fingers.

"I think the Second Lieutenant should smoke less." Mustang said abruptly.

"Sir?"

"The smoke appears to be blinding him." He explained, his attention still trained on the outer office. "I'm not sure what the Sergeant Major's excuse is however." He returned to his paperwork, well aware of the fate that would befall him if there were any left untouched at the end of the day.

The Lieutenant watched her commanding officer for a moment before flipping to a new page on her own desk, pen held at the ready.

"You're a fine one to talk Taisa." Riza Hawkeye muttered under her breath, looking up from her paperwork just long enough to glance at Edward, who had, despite being draped across a couch in a room full of people, and being nearly sat on more than once by his fellow soldiers, still managed to stare silently at a bullet hole just above the Colonel's desk in the inner office.

End