Lies

The time for the yearly fitness reports had come again.

None of them enjoyed the process, considering Colonel Mustang always found something wrong with everyone, and had no qualms about writing these things down, no matter how small, insignificant, or unrelated they may be. The only one immune to these jabs was Hawkeye, and only because Mustang was afraid of the First Lieutenant, even if he would rather dance naked on top of a table in the Mess Hall than admit it.

Fury thought this was rather unfair. Just because Hawkeye had no self control, and felt justified in shooting off her sidearm at any given moment didn't mean she should get off easy.

He could still remember the time the Colonel had given Breda demerit points for being scared of dogs. As amusing as it had been at the time, they had all had to endure Mustang's "treatment process", which had mainly consisted of him blackmailing Havoc and Fury into putting on dog masks and jumping out from behind doors, or underneath desks, or over bathroom stalls in an attempt to cure Breda.

It hadn't worked.

And Fury still wanted to know where Mustang had gotten that picture from.

Anyway, they were all gathered in his office, awaiting their turn to be demoralized and insulted. The only one not present was Edward Elric, who had the week off to visit his brother in Rizenbul. It was times like these that made Fury wish he had stayed in touch with his own family. It was also times like these that he forgot that there had been a very good reason for severing all ties with them.

Mustang, upon finishing his now annual rant on Breda's dog phobia, moved onto the next folder. Opening it, he held it up so that they could all see the photo on the inside. Fury heaved a sigh of relief, it wasn't him.

It was Ed, and he had by far the thickest folder of the lot of them, mostly consisting of damage reports, and official complaints from cities he had visited in the past.

"Edward Elric, age seventeen, a State Alchemist, the only one to successfully complete a human transmutation, currently on a week's leave." He read out the basic information already in the folder before ripping another sheet of paper off of the pad by his elbow. "Personality traits? Destructive, violent, disrespectful, and immature." Mustang recited aloud as he jotted them down. "Other limiting qualities… Hmm."

They all sat there silently, like the good little doggies they were, waiting for him to continue.

"Terrible temper, no restraint, can't sing or paint, can't write a report, replace a toilet paper roll, sweep a floor, or even empty a trash can without blowing something up. And, last but not least…"

Here it comes, Fury thought, rolling his eyes. Beside him, Havoc shifted slightly in his seat, moving so that he was even further away from the Colonel.

"Short. Extremely short. Chibi-short even. I don't think he's grown an inch since joining this office."

It was a damn good thing for the Colonel that Ed was on vacation.

Mustang sighed. "His only redeeming quality is his skill with alchemy. Why do I keep him around?"

Fury bit his tongue, and, glancing around the room, saw the others fighting back wisecracks as well. However bad Ed's temper was, it was nothing compared to the Flame Alchemist's, as they all knew well. Not even Hawkeye dared to comment.

Sighing again, Mustang slipped his paper with the notes on it into the folder and replaced it to the top of the pile, taking down the next file as he did so.

"Cain Fury, rank of Sergeant Major."

Fury just grinned.

The others were staring at him now, wondering just what on earth was wrong with him. They all knew he was, well, sensitive wasn't quite a strong enough word. Every year, he took the Colonel's insults to heart, and spent the following week moping about, leaving even Havoc unable to cheer him up.

Fury wondered if anyone but him had noticed Mustang slide the photograph out of Fullmetal's folder and into his pocket.

This year he had finally realized what a good liar the Colonel was.

End

a/n: Er… That was kinda strange. It doesn't exactly flow wonderfully, but I suppose it could be worse. Maybe. Kinda. Possibly. –sigh- Oh well.