MoonDeity: Wrestling meet…drool…what's better than guys, in spandex, fighting each other and rolling around on the ground? What is better? And don't say anime guys in spandex. I hunt fan girls for dinner.
Disclaimer: If I had wanted to own Fruits Basket, I'd have had it by now.
"Mmmm…cinnamon!" --Random Scribble.
Chapter 6:
Poor Tortured Kitty
The morning of the aftermath of the incident dawned surprisingly peaceful and clear. Sunlight flickered in transparent rays through the blinds of Shigure's room, where he was dressing for the day. As he messily arranged his hair, he thought of all the events that had come to pass.
Kyo had lost his virginity (finally!) to a totally aroused Kagura, who had collapsed in exhaustion after fucking him for fifteen hours straight. Ayame and Shigure had gotten their laughs and giggles, 'Hari was completely okay, and Yuki really was confused. They also had evilly squandered the images taken from the hidden cameras they installed in every room, posted them on the internet, and, as if that wasn't enough, merchandized their beloved Kyo (looking disturbingly stoned) onto several innocent products which had their own little push-cart venders and were doing quite well. For some reason. Kagura, after being carted away to a hospital, had remembered nothing and was going to be released earlier that afternoon. All seemed fine…except…oh yeah. Kyo was scarred for life. He refused to come out of his room, eat, or go to the bathroom. He just sat there hugging his pillow in bed with the blinds folded, mumbling things under his breath. Yuki, who had the room across from him, could here him late into the night, which meant he couldn't get to sleep. Ah, yes, things had indeed turned out well.
Shigure crossed over to his dresser and slipped a shirt over his head. Reaching for his underwear drawer, he yanked it open, and a small furry head popped out and stared at him. Shigure blinked at the tiny pointed ear thing. A rare Kasakhstanian Kickapoo screaming fox blinked back, and opened it's mouth.
"RAHAAAAAHAHADLDKJFYSYFHKEJROEYAAAAAA!"
And it disappeared inside the underwear drawer.
Shigure blinked again, closed the drawer, and decided not to wear his boxers that day.
Outside, a certain pushcart vendor stood blinking up at the Sohma household.
"I know my goddamned pen is here," he mumbled, pulling his hat low over his face. We'd tell you about the legendary quest for the purple pen, but our little vendor isn't that interesting, so we're going to skip it. What matters is that, he was there, in front of the Sohma household, bedecked in orange promotionary sales garments, and hanging onto a cart filled with Shigure's legendary merchandise. Kyo singing condoms.
Yes, these little orange glow in the dark laxatives had Kyo's face plastered all over them like a homosexual with a diaper rash. Not only this, but they had a motion activated jingle which played probably every three seconds. These condoms stood in a little pile on the vend cart, along with hats and shirts depicting Kyo naked and underneath Kagura, along with several coffee mugs and office supplies.
For some reason, our little push cart man, whom we will call Sir Dansu de Pantsu for the time being, had a certain grudge going down with this house and especially the orange-haired flamer inside. For god's sake, Dansu, just because you don't wax your back like Kyo does, doesn't mean you can go take revenge on his for stealing your girl's heart. But, you know him. As a male, Sir Dansu de Pantsu will take his vengeance. Even if that certain vengeance makes no particular sense.
Dansu puffed up his chest, clasped his hands around the push vendor….and took off pushing the cart ahead of his full throttle, running around in an insane circle around the Sohma household like Sonic. And as he ran, an oddly familiar tune issued out full blast from all the condoms on the cart.
AAAAAAALLL AROUND THE MULBERRY BUSH, THE MONKEY CHASED THE WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLL…..
Beloved childhood nursery rhyme? Not any more. As this full-barreled balled rose up into the sky, Kyo, who was in the middle of his hourly session of hugging his knees and weeping, heard it, became slightly upset.
"SHAAAAAADUUUUUUPPPPP!" ,he shrieked, flung open his window, and chucked a can of organic boysenberry soda with deadly accuracy at Sir Dansu de Pantsu. This hit him squarely in the groin, drilled into his balls, and popped his testicles out his throat. Dansu took one look at his semen factories waving from between his teeth, and fainted. Shigure in turn ran out of the house without any pants, grabbed an armload of singing condoms, and dashed back in.
Kyo spun around, furious, and crawled back into his bed where he lay hugging his knees to his chin. The room was so scary. Was it always this white? Everything was this white, ever since the thing with the place. Oh, god. Don't even say it.
Kyo pulled his covers up to his chin and stayed like that for a few minutes. Cautiously he popped his head back out, and found himself staring into small black eyes. A rare Kasahkstanian Kickapoo screaming fox stared him down. For a moment, Kyo thought it was cute, even as it threw up a busload of Kyo singing condoms in his face. Then it blinked, it's eyes glistened, and Kyo felt a certain throb deep inside him.
"RAAAAAAAAAASJEIRUERERJEEYAAAAAA!'
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!'
And so it begins….
The End
MoonDeity: Wow, was that the last chapter? I do believe it was. Well, Terra, I hope this has lived up to your expectations. Hope everyone who read this got some giggles. If it didn't, you can always beat me with a flaming tampon. The tampon ghost goes, "Mimimimimimimimimimimimimimi…."
