Chapter 5: Grimmauld place
Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me, they belong to J.K Rowling.
Remus returned it, and put his hand on Harry's shoulder briefly, comforting him, before they both walked further into the house. Harry sighed to himself; it was going to be a long summer.
Harry was now standing near the bottom of the stairs, and noticed the portrait of Sirius's mother was unfortunately still there. He had hoped they could have gotten rid of it by now, but on the plus side she was sleeping at the moment. He hoped Tonks wouldn't knock something over like she did all the time last year that would wake her up. Seeing her portrait just reminded Harry how much Sirius had hated this place. He hated the fact that his godfather had been forced spent the last year of his life in this house.
Seconds later, Mrs Weasley came hurrying towards him beaming at them all in welcome, and he found himself being pulled into another of her rib-cracking hugs, before she pulled away to examine him intently. "How are you, Harry dear? It was horrible what happened to you, I don't know how that happened, we were all horrified." She now looked at him critically, "hmmm, yes you'll need to be feed up a bit of course." Harry noticed that she too was looking a lot thinner than she had the last time they had seen each other, just like she had done last year. The war was taking its toll on everyone, and Molly Weasley, born worrier and mother of seven, had even more than most to be concerned about. Harry had realized just how much this was true on the last night of summer last year. He had found her in the drawing room, facing a boggart who was showing her the dead bodies of all the Weasley children, Mr. Weasley, and himself. He hoped that none of those visions would come true, but she herself said there was almost no chance that the whole of her family would survive the war. Less than a year ago Arthur Weasley had nearly been killed, but the vision Harry had had had saved him. (A/N sorry about the 3 hads, but I think it made sense, right?)
She now turned to the others, "the meetings starting in a few minutes, you should all go down." They all turned, and descended the stairs to the kitchen where the order meetings were held, talking quietly to each other. Harry knew better than to try and follow them. No matter what he had been through, they still thought he was too young to be in the meetings, which seemed stupid to him now he knew what the prophecy contained. Mrs Weasley turned back to him, "You should go up and find Ron and Hermione, you're staying in the same room as last year. I'll call you down for dinner in a while, alright?" She then turned and followed the rest of them into the kitchen.
This left Harry standing alone at the bottom of the stairs, and he now had a proper look at the house he would be staying in for the next few weeks. It was slightly less dreary than it had been the last time he had been here, clearly the order had tried to make it a little more welcoming since last Christmas. But he didn't think the house could ever look cheerful, there was probably still plenty of cleaning him and the others would have to do during their stay here, though with any luck it wouldn't be as bad as last summer.
Picking up his luggage, which Tonks had abandoned in the hall in her hurry to get to the meeting, he started ascending the wide, sweeping staircase up to the second floor, and walked into his room from last year where he expected to find Ron and Hermione. He was right; as soon as he had walked through the doorway, he was pulled into another hug, this time by Hermione Granger, and his vision was obscured by a very large amount of bushy brown hair.
"HARRY. You're here! We didn't here you arrive! I'm so glad you've come earlier than normal; I thought we weren't going to see you for weeks! Not that I'm glad you were attacked of course. I couldn't believe it when I heard it was a Lethifold! According to 'A Guide to Dark Magical Creatures, and How to Defend Yourself,' they can only be found in countries much further south than here. And even there, they're so rare your chance of running into them is extremely small. When we heard we thought there would be another hearing for you to attend! I'm so glad you're not expelled though, but it's not too much of a surprise if you think about it. Have you read the daily prophet recently? It's full of stories saying how great you are, bit of a change from last year. Now Fudge will be terrified of doing anything against you. I wonder if…"
Showing unusual initiative, Ron decided to interrupt her there, and met Harry's eyes with a grin. They both knew if no one stopped her, she would go on for hours. "Slow down Hermione! Remember to breathe!"
Hermione scowled at him, but then she just laughed, turning back to Harry. "Sorry. It's just so could to see you again."
"It's good to see you too. But I thought you'd be with your parents Hermione?"
"Well I only got here last week, but I didn't want to be away for too long, I like to keep up with what's going on in the Wizard world. Did you have a good summer? Before the attack I mean. How are you?"
Harry noticed now that they were both looking closely at him, and he knew it was meant as more than just a polite question. He knew they were both thinking about Sirius, and wondering if he would talk about it. He hadn't felt up to it at the end of term last year, and he knew they would want him to open up a bit to them. But as well as not feeling ready to do that, Harry was also worried that if he started to really talk to them, the story of what happened in Dumbledore's office that night would come out too. He was still trying to process what the prophecy meant himself, he couldn't talk to anyone else yet. What would they say if they knew the truth? What was the point in worrying them with it now? There was nothing they could really do to help him, but he knew that he would have to tell them, and probably sooner than later. They were too close, and had been through too much together for him to keep something this huge from them, but he couldn't do it yet.
"I'm alright. I've been better though." Determined not to give them an opening to mention his godfather, he carried on quickly, "The Dursleys weren't quite as bad as normal. They were so scared of the order, so they've basically just left me alone. I hardly saw Dudley. It was pretty uneventful, until the other night. Has anyone said anything to you, do you know how it happened?" He had dropped his luggage on the floor, when Hermione had greeted him, and now he sank down on the bed next to Ron, while Hermione sat in a chair at the desk.
"We haven't heard much," Ron said, "but no one seems to know how it got there."
"Of course, we think it was Voldemort" Hermione said, ignoring Ron's flinch at the sound of that name, "but Lupin said that a Lethifold would be hard for even him to control, they're not really sure how he did it. I think they've got people looking into it though."
"That's exactly what I thought," he replied, "but then again, last year we were sure the dementers were sent by Voldemort, but it turned out to be someone from the ministry. What if it was someone like that again?"
Ron and Hermione pondered this for a while. "It could be, but the ministry is being much more cooperative now, and they don't seem to think you're a raving lunatic anymore."
"Well that is comforting," Harry mumbled sarcastically. After last year, he wasn't in any way fond of the Ministry anymore. He didn't trust any of them, except Ron's dad, Kingsley and Tonks of course. But he did recognise how having them working with the order was definitely a good thing.
"Yeah," Ron agreed, obviously he was aware what kind of thoughts that were going through Harry's head. "I'm glad they're on our side now, but most of the ministry are a load of bumbling idiots." Harry expected Hermione to say something about that to Ron, in their defence, but she merely nodded grimly. She, too, was obviously finding it hard to forget the kind of things they'd written about him last year. Harry realised how lucky he was to have friends like them- who would stick by him through anything. He knew they would not abandon him if they found out about the prophecy, despite any danger they would be in, but he still couldn't bring himself to repeat it, even to them.
"So," Harry said, again to stall any comments about Sirius, "how are the twins doing? Are they staying here?" The Weasley twins had left Hogwarts last year, and had now opened a joke shop in Diagon alley.
Ron grinned, "Yeah they're here. They've joined the order, mum wasn't happy about that, but they're not very important members yet, because they've only just finished school. They don't do anything really dangerous. Which is probably a good thing, because they're really busy with the joke shop they have. I've been there once. It's great; I hope we can go see it sometime later in the holidays. They have some really great stuff." Hermione frowned slightly in disapproval, as Ron started to describe several of their new products.
"Ron, I don't think they're going to let Harry visit Diagon Alley," she said in a patronising voice. She had a point though; Harry had been thinking the same thing. He hoped he would be able to visit Hogsmeade this year though, at least. They had only gone once last year, because Umbridge had banned the trips, and Harry had barely gone in his third year, he had had to sneak in. So he hadn't been able to go there as much as everyone else.
Then Hermione, after a moment of slightly awkward silence, spoke up softly. "So. How long are we not going to talk about what we're not talking about?" Ron gave her a warning look, before looking at Harry a little nervously. Neither of them had to ask her what she was talking about; they both knew immediately.
None of them had been looking forward to this conversation, and after his outbursts to them last year, Harry could not blame Ron for being nervous about it. But Harry did not feel angry at them like he had last year, and even if he had been he would have been unable to find the energy to shout. Instead he just sighed, and looked at the floor, to avoid meeting his friends' eyes, which he could tell were locked on him unwaveringly. He was uncomfortably reminded of his feeling in the dreams he had; the feeling of many people watching him from in the darkness, and him being unable to escape them despite how much he wanted to. This in turn reminded him that the dreams were yet another thing we was keeping from his friends; another thing he felt unable to tell him, but in this case he was not completely sure why he felt he could not share it with them.
After what felt like an eternity, he looked up to see in their eyes what he had been dreading to see: pity. He did not deserve or want them to pity him; it was his fault that Sirius was dead. Of course if he told them that, it would just make them feel even worse for him. Finally he said quietly, "I know you're just trying to help me, and I know you both cared about him too. But I can't… I just need some more time, okay? It feels like I just lost him, and I can't talk about it yet."
Ron was silent. Hermione now had tears in her eyes, but he could tell she was fighting them. Her voice, however, was quite steady; "Harry…"
He knew she was about to press the matter, it was not like Hermione to just let anything drop, and he was grateful that she was trying to help him, but he stood up, which cut off whatever she had been about to say.
"I'm sorry; Hermione, but I mean it. I don't want to talk about it." He left the room abruptly, and started making his way downstairs, planning to wait in the drawing room, or somewhere like that to wait for the meeting to be over. He sank down onto a sofa at the far end of the room, which luckily he found was empty. On the wall opposite him he saw the Black family tree, which apparently they had not been able to get rid of. He had been shocked last year to find out about Sirius's family, who had mostly been very dark wizards and witches. Sirius's brother had actually been a death eater, and though most of his family had been too scared to actually join Voldemort, they had supported his ways.
He knew that upstairs, Ron and Hermione would be talking about him. The idea annoyed him, but he supposed that he couldn't really blame them. He hoped that Ron would convince Hermione to let the matter go for the time being.
Not too long later, he heard the sound of the kitchen door opening, and voices in the hall, which announced to him the end of the order meeting. He was glad he would finally get dinner, but was not really looking forward to facing everyone; they had not really had the chance to talk on the way there, and now he worried that they would act the same as Ron and Hermione had.
He went out of the room, in time to see a familiar figure walking quickly out the front door. This was Severus Snape, Harry's potions teacher, and sworn enemy. Harry had always disliked this man, but after the way he had treated Sirius last year, his hatred had increased threefold. If Snape hadn't taunted Sirius so much, maybe he wouldn't have been as keen to leave at the end of last year. Harry was very glad that he wouldn't have to face him for a while. He wondered fleetingly whether he had managed to get into Snape's NEWT Potion class. Since he had to have achieved an O grade in the exam to do so, it seemed unlikely. On the other hand, without Snape bothering him, he hadn't found the exam too difficult, so maybe his practical exam had made up for the written. He would like nothing more than to never be in one of his classes again, but if he wanted to be an Auror, which he did, he would have to put up with them for another 2 years.
As soon as Snape disappeared from sight, Harry walked closer to the door, and then suddenly jumped out of the way, as it was violently opened. He then found himself face to face with his friend Hagrid, who also worked for the order, and for Hogwarts. He hadn't seen Hagrid since near the end of term last year. He had gone to see him, but hadn't stayed for long, as, like his friends, Hagrid had attempted to talk about Sirius. At the end of his fourth year Hagrid had made him feel a lot better about what had happened in the third task, but in his fifth year he had had the opposite effect on him. It wasn't really Hagrid's fault, Harry had been feeling very isolated, and at that time had not cared much for company. He supposed that feeling was to do with the prophecy.
Still, though, it was good to see him, and Hagrid grinned at him in greeting, his black, beetle eyes crinkling as he smiled. Harry noticed that the injuries he had gotten last year from his giant half-brother, Grawp, seemed to have got better; maybe Hagrid was right in that Grawp was getting better with people.
"Harry!" Hagrid pat him on the back as he greeted him, which nearly caused Harry's knees to buckle, "How's yer summer been? Those Muggles bin treatin' yeh alrigh' ?
"Not too bad." He replied. For what felt the hundredth time that day, Harry was being examined closely, this time by Hagrid.
"Lis'en," he began hesitantly, "I didn't mean ter upset yeh tha' day." This was getting too close to the topics Harry was trying to avoid, so he merely shrugged. "You didn't upset me." But Hagrid was not fooled for a second; he raised his bushy eyebrows at him. "Well, alright, maybe you did a little," he relented, "but, it's not your fault, and I am ok, really." Ignoring the pitying looks Hagrid was giving him, he carried on, "You're not staying for dinner then?"
"I wish I could Harry, but I've got to…well I'm busy y'know?" Harry nodded, order business, obviously. Hagrid had been known to let things slip occasionally, but Harry did not press him for details. He just replied, "Alright, well I should see you soon hopefully, right? Are you going to be there at the start of term this year?" He had been very late coming back to school last year due to a mission he had been on for the order.
"Yeh, I reckon so. Lis'en, Harry, you ever need someone ter talk to…" he left the offer unfinished, but Harry knew what he was saying. "Thanks Hagrid. I guess I'll see you soon then." He smiled briefly at him, and then walked past him through the door, and began making his way down the stairs, feeling Hagrid watching him.
20 minutes later, Harry was sat around the table, tucking in to some of Mrs. Weasley's excellent cooking. All the Weasley family, minus Percy and Charlie were there, along with Tonks; Moody and Remus. The rest of the order, it appeared, was busy. He was sat in between Fred and Ginny, and Ron and Hermione were opposite him. Everyone was talking loudly, and he realised just how glad he was to be with them all again. Despite his feelings of being in this house, he was with his real family, in the world where he belonged.
He talked to Ginny quite a lot, mainly about quidditch, which he enjoyed; up until last year, she had never really spoken to him as she had been so nervous around him. Now something Ron had said to him the summer before his second year came back to him; "you've no idea how weird it is for her to be this quiet, she never shuts up normally." He found that she agreed with him about the two replacement beaters they'd had last year; they were definitely going to have to be replaced if they wanted to win this year.
Fred and George told him at length all about their joke shop, and he heard more about the different items they were planning to develop, "You have to come and see the shop sometime. It's doing great, we've had to hire some people already to help out!" he noticed their mother was carefully ignoring this part of the conversation. She was not happy with their career choice, but had however accepted it a little more when she had seen how well it was doing.
When they had finished dinner, they all decided to hang around for a while longer. Ron and Hermione had not mentioned Sirius anymore since before dinner up in their room, and they were acting normally with him, although he did notice them shooting some searching glances at him every now and then.
Now Ron and Harry were sat listening to Hermione going on about the exams. They were dreading the arrival of their results, but looking at each other, they silently agreed that if it would make Hermione shut up about them, they hoped they would get here soon. They were drifting off, only half hearing what she was saying, but Remus who was sitting with them did appear to be paying attention. "Hermione, I'm sure you'll be fine. I taught you, not too long ago, remember? So I should know. You probably could have taken you OWLs in your third year if you had to!" he was consoling her.
"But I think I might have failed Ancient Runes! I made a really stupid mistake. I remembered as soon as I came out of the exam, though. But I can't help but be worried! If I did badly on these exams, it could seriously ruin my future career!"
This sort of talk was not very comforting to Harry and Ron. If she had failed, did either of them really stand much of a chance? No. Well, except Defence against the dark arts. Harry was pretty confidant that both he and Ron had passed that exam with flying colours, thanks to the DA, a club Harry had run the year before.
As she was preoccupied talking to Remus, they decided to slip away from her, and joined a rather lively debate going on about Quidditch between the twins, Ginny and Tonks.
Eventually Mrs. Weasley sent them all off to bed, claiming that she wanted them up early tomorrow to help clean the attic, which they had so far been avoiding. The twins left; they were going to stay the night at the leaky cauldron to allow them to get to their shop early, "Hogwarts students will start coming for school supplies any day now; we're going to be very busy for the next few weeks!"
Soon after that he and Ron were in their room, and Harry, exhausted for the events of the day was asleep within minutes, hoping that for once he could go the whole night without being disturbed by any kinds of dreams. But, of course, the world did not work that way for Harry Potter…
Darkness was all around him, as he stumbled through the forest feeling the all too familiar eyes on him, feeling them not far behind him. They were gaining on him. Panic gripped his heart, and he picked up his pace, no matter what happened he could not allow them to catch up to him. If they ever did… well, let's just say Dumbledore was right; there are many things in this world much worse than death.
Suddenly, he could barely dare to believe he was really seeing it, there was light ahead of him. It was still quite far in the distance, but a part of him knew; it was the way out. He wasn't sure how he knew, but if he could just reach that light then he would get out of here, and they would not be able to follow.
They saw it too; he felt their anger and increased desperation to catch him as though it was his own. They knew they had to get him before he got much further. Already running faster than he ever knew he could, he started to move faster, his lungs gasping desperately for air. It felt as though he had been running forever, and he wanted nothing more than to collapse on the ground and rest, but if he did they would be on him in mere seconds. He heard branches breaking behind him, and his he literally felt his heart constrict in fear. They must be even closer behind him than he thought. Despite his fear, as he kept running he shot a look over his shoulder. He could see no one, but knew that they were still there, still following. But he had the feeling that they were now falling behind slightly, and for the first time in as long as he could remember his heart filled with hope.
But as he turned back to look the way he was running, he saw the outline of a figure in the darkness, only a couple of metres in front of him. Time literally seemed to stand still as Harry stopped running suddenly in surprise, gasping for air. This person. Was he one of them? Why else would he be here? But something in him knew that this wasn't one of them, it was someone different. He moved closer to him until they were only inches apart. The light marking his way out was now so close, but this man was blocking his way. He may not be one of them, but he was going to be the reason they caught up to him unless he let Harry pass. He could now see his face clearly, and the thing that struck him immediately was his eyes; they were unusually golden, he had never seen eyes like them before. The man looked at Harry coldly, before grinning evilly, filling Harry's heart with dread. This man knew they were after him, but would not let him pass. Harry wanted to scream at him to move out of his way, but his voice would not work, and he knew he could not pass the golden-eyed man, unless he wanted him to. It had been mere seconds since the man had first appeared, though it had seemed like much longer, and now he felt them right behind him. There was no escape. They had reached him. All the running, the desperately trying to get away; it had all been for nothing, they had reached him anyway, and now it was all over…
Harry woke up suddenly, expecting to find himself in the dark forest, with them behind him; but no, he was in his bedroom, at Grimmauld place. He almost felt like crying in relief. He looked to his left, and saw Ron sleeping peacefully, undisturbed. He scanned his surroundings quickly expecting to see something out of place, but there was nothing unusual. He relaxed slightly, 'it was just a dream.' But was it just a dream? It hadn't seemed it at the time; his fear had been so very real. He had never been as scared of anyone, even Voldemort, as he was of them. But who were 'they'? He thought for the millionth time in frustration. He could never remember who they were exactly, but in the dreams it always seemed like he knew them.
This dream had been slightly different from the others. For a while it had seemed like he would escape, before his path had been blocked. Each time he had the dream, it seemed to become more and more and intense, and he could recall more details. This time he remembered it had been a forest, and in the last dream he had recognised his surroundings. Did that mean it was the forbidden forest? He hoped not, he hated that place; he had so many bad memories there.
The clearest thing he had seen in any of the dreams had been that man. Harry struggled to remember what he had looked like, but all he could remember was the eyes; the deep golden eyes. He didn't think he knew that man, but he remembered the evil he had felt practically rolling of him, even though in the dream he had recognised that the man was not one of 'them,' the ones who were chasing him.
Harry was still shaking from the dream. There was no way he could get back to sleep now, and he didn't want to wake Ron, so he decided to go downstairs, and maybe get something to drink. He untangled himself from the sheets, and quietly put on his dressing gown, and walked out of the door, leaving it slightly ajar, so as to not wake Ron by closing it. He made his way down the stairs, and headed towards the kitchen, looking at his watch as he did. 2:30 AM; he had been asleep for a grand total of 2 hours. He opened the kitchen door, expecting to find the room empty, but he saw Lupin sitting at the kitchen table staring into space drinking from a steaming mug.
He seemed to jolt out of his stupor as he heard Harry enter, and looked up in surprise.
"Harry, what are you doing up?" He then seemed to take a closer look at him, and his face become concerned. "Is something wrong? What's the matter?" Harry knew he must still look slightly shaken, which was why he had been hoping no one would be up. He tried to calm down, and make his face more neutral.
"Nothings wrong. I just couldn't sleep, that's all." Well, it was half the truth, which was probably a good job. Remus would have been able to tell if he lied outright. Lupin paused for a moment, looking at him. "Well, since you're up why don't you sit down for a while? I've been hoping to talk to you a bit actually. Do you want some tea or something? Hot Chocolate?"
"No thanks, I'll just get some water." He crossed to the sink, and filled a glass from the sink. He leaned against the counter, and tried to drink normally so Remus wouldn't be suspicious, but he felt like he had drunk nothing for days. Just like the other night, it had been as though he had really be running for his life in the darkness. He noticed Remus once again studying him intently. He was no fool, and he was very perceptive; he could tell something was very wrong. "Sit down, Harry." He said again, pointing at the chair next him. Reluctantly, as he thought he knew what was coming, Harry crossed to the table hoping Remus wouldn't notice him shaking: he was still suffering from the aftermath of the dream.
"Are you sure you're alright?" he asked again after a pause. This time Harry didn't answer, he simply nodded to the table, avoiding eye contact with him. The truth was Harry had never felt less alright in his life; last night for a couple of hours he had felt better, he was back where he belonged with his friends. But the dream had shaken him badly; he had felt as though he was really about to be killed, or worse. The combined pressure of his nightmares; his memories and guilt over Sirius, and thoughts of the prophecy was completely overwhelming him, and to his dismay he felt tears rising in his eyes, and he furiously blinked them back, praying the other man had not noticed.
Lupin leaned forward slightly, hoping to gain eye contact, "I lost him too, Harry. We both miss him. There's no shame in what you're feeling." These words were similar to the ones Dumbledore had spoken that night, and Harry found he had to fight the tears even harder. He had never cried in front of people easily, and he did not want to now. A part of him wanted to flee this conversation, but he couldn't. He knew Remus wouldn't let him leave that easily, but it wasn't just that. He did not want to talk about his feelings, but he felt that if he held them in for much longer he would explode. There were too many thoughts, too many worries, and worst of all too many secrets, and who better to share his feelings over Sirius with, than the last marauder, the only one who felt Sirius's death as hard as he did?
Reluctantly, he raised his eyes to meet Remus's, and saw his own pain reflected there. "It was all my fault," he finally said quietly, "but I was just trying to do the right thing. I never meant for that to happen…" he broke off, and Lupin shook his head. "Of course you didn't, you saw someone you cared about in danger, and you went to help. Anyone would have done what you did. No one blames you except yourself." Harry wanted to say that it wasn't true, but he had now put all his energy into trying not to let the tears fall, and Remus had sounded so sure in what he was saying, that he almost wanted to believe him.
"Sirius would have done anything for you. Nothing would have stopped him from going to help you that night; none of us even bothered trying to stop him. You were the son he never had; he said that himself; and he would have stopped at nothing to try and save you." The pain Harry felt in his chest was almost too much for him to bear. Sirius had said that about him? He had never known that.
"I'm sorry, Remus." It was all he could think of to say.
But Lupin shook his head, and he only repeated softly, "it wasn't your fault,"
How long they sat there, Harry didn't know. It had been hard talking about it even just a little bit, but it had helped him. Remus had obviously assumed that his feelings about Sirius had been all that was wrong with him, so Harry did not have to tell him about the dreams. He wasn't sure why, but he didn't want to tell him, even though he had just admitted to himself that talking to Remus had helped. Maybe he would later, but right now didn't feel like a good time.
"This house belongs to you now, you know," Remus said suddenly, surprising Harry. "He left everything to you, even this house. You're not allowed to own it officially yet of course, as you're still underage. I'm looking after it until then, but when you're 17, this house is yours." Harry wasn't sure how he felt about this, in a way he was touched he had been left everything, but he also felt like he didn't deserve it, and if he was honest, he didn't really want to be inside this house, never mind own it. "I don't want it," he said bluntly, "I don't want it, it should be yours." He had felt similar to this when Cedric had died, and Harry had been given the winnings for the tournament. But Cedric's parents had refused to take it when he offered, and he knew Remus was about to do the same thing.
"No, Harry, Sirius left it for you. Who knows, in a few years this place may actually be fit to live in." They would have to talk about this later; Harry was too tired to argue with him about this. He desperately needed some sleep; all these sleepless nights were definitely beginning to take a toll on him, but after tonight he found he was scared to go to sleep.
He decided that maybe it would be a good idea to mention something of the dreams to Remus, but he still didn't want to talk about them properly yet; maybe if he just told another half-truth…
"Remus," he began hesitantly, "I've been having some trouble sleeping lately. I keep having these dreams about, er… what happened that night. Is there anything I can do to help me sleep?"
Remus looked at him thoughtfully; "You should have mentioned something earlier. Are they really bad?" At Harry's nod, Remus sighed, "well, it's to be expected I suppose. They'll probably get better in time, but for the meantime, I guess you can have some dreamless sleep potion. The problem is you cant take it every night, you don't want to have to rely on it too much, I don't want you to become addicted to it or anything. But it should help a bit, until they stop, which they will if you give it time." Harry now felt guilty for lying about what the dreams were about, but he had done it now. The problem was, he didn't know what was causing these dreams, so he couldn't be sure that they would just stop after some time had passed. He convinced himself it didn't matter; if they carried on, or got a lot worse, they he would ask for help, but he didn't want to just yet.
"Wait here a minute, I'm sure we have some somewhere." He left the room, and returned just minutes later with a large glass container in his hand. "There's enough in here for about 6 nights, but please do not take it that many nights in a row. This should last you a while, ok? If they're still bothering you when you go back to school, I'll write a letter to Madam Pomfrey, she'll be able to give you some, but I'll warn you now, she won't give you a lot."
"It's alright, they're not every night anyway," this at least was true; they didn't happen every night, even though they had become more frequent in the last couple of weeks. "Thanks Remus… for everything, I mean. I'll talk to you in the morning." He left the room, feeling much better than when he had entered it, the container of dreamless sleep potion in his hand, relieved that he could at least guarantee he would sleep the rest of the night peacefully.
He was on the second floor, thinking longingly of sleep, when he realised that he was right outside Sirius's old room. That thought stopped him in his tracks; and he wasn't sure completely why but he moved towards it, and cautiously entered. He had expected to find the room emptied, cleaned out of all of Sirius's things, but instead to his surprise, as he turned on the light, he found it exactly like it must have been left by his Godfather that night. He supposed Remus hadn't felt ready to get rid of all his things yet, which come to think of it was not too much of a surprise. Harry walked further into the room, and quietly sat on the bed, missing Sirius more than ever. He sighed, and was about to stand up and leave, when two photographs on his bedside table caught his eye.
The first was a picture of Sirius, Remus, and Harry's father, James, looking as though they were about the same age Harry was now. It looked as though part of the picture had been cut away, and Harry guesses Sirius had cut the forth marauder, Wormtail, out of the picture. Harry smiled at how happy the three teenagers looked in the picture.
But it was the other that caught his eye; it was of him and Sirius, taken last Christmas. Harry had forgotten that picture had been taken; it was the only time he could think of that he and Sirius were photographed together, (since he was a baby of course.) They'd never really had many chances to take any, and Harry didn't have one. But Sirius had kept this picture here, next to his bed; and as Harry held it, for the first time he realised that what Remus and Dumbledore had told him was true: What had happened was horrible, but it wasn't really his fault. He smiled as he looked at the two faces, laughing together; he remembered the moment well, but at the same time the memory felt as though it was from another life.
"Goodbye, Sirius," he whispered quietly, but he did not replace the picture; instead he took it with him, and he turned out the light in the room, after one more quick look around him. As he walked back to his room, for the first time in weeks he felt strangely calm, and the deep sadness within him, though by no means gone, had definitely lessoned slightly.
He climbed into bed, and drank what he estimated to be a sixth of the potion. He barely had time to put the container on his bedside table, before he lay down and let the sleep take him.
A/N: Wow-long chapter. For me, that is! I think I might have gone on quite a bit in this chapter, but I did really enjoy writing it. Please review, I really want to know what you think!
