Response to a challenge at The Sam and Jack Fan Fic Challenge Archive

Ulterior Pursuits

a/n: URGH I am so bad at updating! It takes me like ten years to get one chapter up ::rolls eyes:: oh well, I'll try to be better ;) on with the show!

Where we left off:

Sam sighed, "High tide was a half an hour ago..."

"Oh no! That means—" Jack's face fell. "MY STUFF!!!!!" He ran off madly to the edge of the water. "DON'T WORRY, BELOVED SIMPSONS MEMORABILIA! I'LL SAVE YOU!!!"

...and now...

Chapter 5: WHAT THE HELL?!

Jack stood ready on the opposite side of the tennis court from Carter, mourning the loss of his beloved Simpsons' memorabilia. It had been quite a sight too, a man jack's age running into the water screaming bloody murder and mourning the loss of his things: he would even stick his head into the water to try and see the lost memorabilia. Unfortunately for him, he had forgotten about it being jelly fish season and when Teal'c, Daniel, and Jonas had dragged him back to the beach ten minutes later, they all had hundreds of tiny jelly fish everywhere. What was worse was the sheer embarrassment Jack's outburst had caused them; everyone kept staring at them, especially Jack, like they needed Ritalin or something... people had quieted down and were whispering amongst themselves saying things like "it's not nice to laugh Johnny jr! That man obviously has serious issues..."

"Well, at least you had your wallet and keys, and everything..." Sam comforted Jack from across the tennis court.

"hmph..." he served the ball. "Well I do keep doubles for all the things in my collection..."

"See," Sam replied as she sent the ball soaring to Jack, "it's really not so bad!"

Jack ducked, avoiding a ball sent in his direction by Teal'c. He and Jonas were being taught how to play by Daniel. Jonas had (surprisingly enough) caught on quickly while Teal'c tended to just wave his racket madly in self-defense whenever a ball came in his direction. And he hit hard.

"OUCH! WATCH IT TEAL'C!" Jack had dodged Teal'c's ball but been hit by Sam's.

"I apologize, O'Neill." Teal'c answered solemnly, sending a ball into the sky. "But this machine..." he swung at another ball, but missed this time, "it keeps attacking!!!"

Jack ran out of the way and went to Sam's side, out of harm's way. "DANIEL!" Jack beckoned loudly, "get that machine away from him, for cryin' out loud! And let's get out of here, I'm starving!"

Sam giggled innocently as Daniel cautiously moved in to turn off the machine without being hit by one of Teal'c's shots.

When the machine had been turned off and the team got into Jack's car, it was about 5 o'clock in the afternoon.

"Seatbelts?" commanded Colonel O'Neill.

"CHECK!" barked the rest of the team in unison.

"Are we ready?" he asked.

"Yessir!" yelped Major Carter in an overly--emphasized military fashion.

A half an hour later, they were driving down a parkway. Jack, who was the driver, was in charge of the radio, and he was currently listening (and singing along to) a cheesy 1970s station. The rest of the team sighed in boredom.

"Jack," said Daniel shortly, "can we listen to another station?"

Jack laughed. "Daniel, Daniel, Daniel! This is classic music! Come on! The Beegees are going to be remembered for ages to come!"

"But Jack! Please?"

"I'm driving, Danny-Boy! My car, my music!" he said, turning up the volume.

Sam sighed resignedly. Daniel rolled his eyes wearily. Jonas winced in pain at the high pitch of the lead singer's voice. And Teal'c... well he just sat there passively.

A half an hour later, they stopped at a rest- stop restaurant for dinner. Jack was in the bathroom and all of SG1 had "Night Fever" in their heads. Jonas and Sam were humming it and Daniel was whistling along.

"NIGHT FEVER NIGHT FEVEEEEEER!!!! NIGHT---" he stopped shortly. "URRRGH!!!! I SWEAR! IF I DON'T GET THIS FRICKEN SONG OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!" He slammed his head into his arms and sobbed.

"Don't worry Daniel, I'll offer to drive...." Sam offered.

"HONESTLY! I swear to God! It's worse than being tortured by the Goa'uld!" Daniel said.

"Heh, I know, I know.... Hey, I HAVE AN IDEA!!"

After they ate dinner, they returned to the car.

"Hey, Jack, you must be tired! I'll drive for the rest of the way!" Sam said after Jack gave her a funny look when she had walked to the driver's side of his Jeep.

"Oh, thanks, Carter--- waaaaait! I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING! Nope, I'm driving!"

Sam could have sworn she heard him cackling evilly as she walked in defeat back to the passenger's side.

"Hey has it ever occurred to you that you humans drive on parkways and park on driveways??" Jonas said.

"Hmmm..."

Jack reached for the radio knob but Daniel yelled "NOW!"

"99 bottles of beer on the wall! 99 bottles of beer! Take one down, pass it around! 98 bottles of beer on the wall! 98 bottles of beer on the wall! 98 bottles of beer! Take one down, pass it around, 97 bottles of beer on the wall!!!!!!!" They all sang.

Jack nearly got into an accident. "WHAT THE HELL?!"

"97 bottles of beer on the wall! 97 bottles of beer! Take one down! Pass it around! 96 bottles of beer on the wall!"

"Aw, c;'mon! you're not playing that game now, are you?!"

They all nodded and continued to sing.

"Aw for cryin out loud!!" He switched on the radio as loud as it would go.

At first it threw them off but they put their hands on their ears and continued to sing.

Jack laughed and sighed in resignation. "Okay! Okay! Fine! I GIVE UP!!!" He picked up a napkin and waved it around. "I SURRENDER!"

"YES!"

"SCORE!"

"TAKE THAT BEEGEE MAN!!!"

With a modern radio station on, they drove back to Jack's Cabin.

It was about 8pm when they got back but they were happy to be there.

"Ah! Home, sweet, ho—" Jack stopped short. He was presently having a fight with the light-switch... and the switch was winning. "Oh wonderful, the power's out!" There was a collective groan from Sg1.

1hourlater!

"Who knew I'd ever have to drive an hour to get to a McDonald's?" Daniel remarked as he gave out the burgers and fries to his teammates. They were at the drive-in window of a Mc Donald's about a half an hour away from Jack's cabin. It only took them an hour because they got lost.

"Eh, it happens all the time out here. No sign of life for miles. "

Daniel sneezed loudly. "Let's get going. I need more—more—" He sneezed again, this time more violently.

"Gee, Danny-boy, thanks for getting snot all over my McChicken!"

"Sorry"

...

"Snot, DanielJackson?"

"Oh boy. Thanks Jack. Okay Teal'c, Jonas..."

A/N: Well how'd you like it? I hope I can write more soon. Don't worry, there's going to be more with McDonald's next chapter mwahahaha and hopefully some S/J ship woohoo.

I'll probably be posting some time in mid-february. Just kidding. Reviews make me type faster. Here, have an e-cookie an e-cookie of BRIBERY! Haha. So not funny!

Preview of the next chapter:

It was dark and she couldn't see where she was going.

"Guys?" She asked but got no response. In fact, she couldn't hear much of anything but the passing-by of cars.

"Guys??!" She asked, beginning to panic. "Where are you!?"

"boo"

"AAAAAAAH!!!!" She turned to see Jack sitting in one of the little cubbies through which some of the street lights shone. "Jesus, Jack!!" Suddenly she realized their close proximity...