3) The battle within

Only Ginny, Ron and Hermione had seen what happened next. The three of them had kept the Death Eaters out of Harry's back. They knew there was no other way to help.

It was a loud, buzzing sound followed by a bright white light that came out of Harry's wand. The brother-wands connected but it was different this time. The light went straight up surrounding first the other wand and creeping up Voldemort's arm until the whole body was covered in it. He seemed to be screaming in pain, but there was no sound to be heard except the buzzing of the spell.

Then, quite suddenly the light broke, fell back on Harry and both, Harry and Voldemort collapsed.

From this moment on everything was dark and cold. Harry didn't care. His mind was all confused. It was so cold and the darkness was so total that he saw no chance that there was a possibility that any light could break through it.

Every now and then there would be a word reaching him or he felt his body being moved but he couldn't grasp the meaning of the words nor could he make out who was touching him or why. And he just couldn't see a way to respond.

Harry didn't know that he heard and felt his friends.

They had all settled in the routine to sit at Harry's bedside in turn even when there were classes. At first the adults hadn't want to allow it, but they finally agreed seeing that it helped them cope. And since Luna had brought the Quibbler and announced to her shocked friends that Harry must be bored the silence was broken.

Luna would read the Quibbler, Ginny the Prophet. Ron told Harry news about the Quidditch games and Hermione could be seen reading schoolbooks to him. With the NEWT's approaching for the older friends they would spend the afternoon gathered around Harry's bed, books and parchment spread on the floor and the empty beds around. Now and then there would even be a discussion about one of the subjects, but those wouldn't last long. Harry's part in them was missing. He was usually the one to stop Hermione and Ron from getting into their harmless fights and he was the one curious enough to make them search for another solution than the obvious.

Remus would be at the bedside as often as possible when he was not busy helping to get escaped Death Eaters in custody.

He was always there to help Madame Pomfrey to force potions into Harry to keep his body alive. He was used to the procedure as it was done to him a couple of times when he was young. His father would sit behind him his son's body leaning against his chest, holding the child's arms with his one hand and pressing the head on his shoulder with the other hand so that he had no chance but swallow the often enough disgusting brew. He hadn't have to go through this anymore when he had entered Hogwarts, because having friends, a pack, made the wolf calmer and when the pack was finally able to join him in their animagus forms he hardly ever got hurt anymore. With the development of the wolfsbane potion it got even easier. The last transformation had been actually the first real one for years, there had just been no time for the potion. Severus Snape had other problems at this time, keeping Dumbledore informed of the plans of the remaining Death Eaters and not getting caught as a spy.

Dumbledore was very concerned. He knew that Harry was caught in the hate and the madness that Voldemort had existed of. All of it got transferred to Harry in this last connection as well as all the magical power that Tom Riddle had hold. How would a boy handle such power? If he ever could get out of this at all. The Headmaster had tried to break into Harry's mind to find out what exactly was going on, but even in this state Harry's mental wards were so strong that even a powerful and experienced wizard like himself couldn't get trough.

What Dumbledore didn't know was that Harry had sensed his presence and pushed him out. He didn't want anyone to see how his mind was all messed up. He was confused by the thoughts that ran through his mind. He had visions of hate, blood he felt his power rise and he knew that it was Voldemorts doing. He wanted to get rid of it, end it. Why didn't he die? Why was he still alive? Or wasn't he? How could he be sure?

If he was dead why wasn't he with his parents yet? He wanted to be with them and tell Sirius that he was sorry he had him killed. Something inside him said: "Then just end it!" And Harry tried.

His breathing got unsteady and the worried teenagers were banned under protest from his bedside. Dumbledore didn't want to let them see Harry die. Remus held Harry in his arms, talked to him, prayed but he couldn't reach the boys consciousness.

"Don't Harry," whispered someone. It did not sound like one voice, but a couple of voices mixed together but as if they didn't start to speak at once. It was hard to make out what they were saying at all.

"Who is there?" thought Harry. He couldn't see anyone yet he felt presence. It felt warm and comfortable.

"Don't leave them alone, they need you!"

A thought struck Harry:"Mum, Dad, Sirius?"

No answer. The presence left and with it the nice feeling. The pain came back and the cold.

"No! Don't leave me! Don't go please!"

Remus was struggling to hold the boy on the bed as spasm started. There was clearly a fight going on in this body and Remus just hoped life would win.

But Harry wasn't fighting for life, he desperately wished to die to end all that pain.

An icy cold took hold of his body. He felt like he had gone outside the castle walls on a winter's day totally naked. The coldness was creeping through his veins from his toes to his fingertips. Was that how it felt to die? Was that the end? Why had he never asked one of the ghosts if that was how it felt? Or did he ask and had forgotten about it? He could no longer remember. He only wished for the cold to vanish, for him to die. He was ready, as ready as could be. He wished to leave it all behind, flee from his visions, his nightmares even his dreams. He wanted his mind to go blank.

But from somewhere, like from a faraway distance he felt warmth reaching out for him. Someone must have taken his hand, he could still feel it. And still the coldness had a dreadful grip of his heart and he wished for the warmth to go and let the cold take him to a place he would finally meet his parents, Sirius again. He longed to be with them.

"Harry." The sole word invaded his mind.

That had been him once, had it not? But he wasn't him no longer. Harry had already died. He was Tom now, Tom was him. They had connected, had become one. Tom had always been a part of him since his childhood days but now Tom had consumed him to the full. He was filling his every cell.

"Harry. " It sounded more pleading now as the name resounded in his head. Had Harry not always been a fighter? Was he to fight now? He didn't know.

Images began spinning through his head. Images of Tom down by Hagrid's hut. Images of a white light. But intertwined with these were images of other people, people with red hair, people with white or brown hair, people that smiled at him. Was he going to give that up?

Then there it was again, the warm presence he had felt before. They were back. Were they there to get him? He would let go now if only he could follow them. But as soon as it appeared, it was gone leaving behind only the warmth he could feel in his hand. It felt more intense now.

Maybe that was what he had been searching for. Maybe it was time to fight the cold and give way to the warmth.

Remus took Harry's hand, the uninjured one. He clung to it. He talked to him. He would not let him go. This could not be.

"Harry fight," he tried persuading his friend's son.

But with the time passing his order became a desperate bargain as he repeated the boy's name over and over.

It took a moment for the man to realize the change going on in the boy in front of him. His hopes rising he began rubbing the hand he still held in both of his. So without knowing Remus helped Harry banishing the cold.

Only moments after that Harry began crying out names. The boy was not moving at all, but the sound of the names made the werewolf realize the fight that was going on in the boy's body and mind.

Hearing their names being called the friends who had waited outside the door after their ban from the hospital wing immediately rushed back in and gathered by Harry's side, silently witnessing the inner fight.

Tears were rolling down Ginny's checks for the look of it.

After the longest moments of their lives Harry finally calmed down, some of his lively warmth having returned to his skin.

It was Ginny who first realized another change for the worse. Harry's breathing got unsteady and his body got stiff. Though he felt still cold he would sweat like in high fever. The healer didn't know what to do and they suggested to just letting him die.

But Dumbledore was sure the boy was still fighting. The friends didn't know if it helped at all, but they tried everything they could think of to keep him alive. Every day it seemed that it would be the last. And then, when it looked like it had all been in vain, Harry started breathing normally. His skin turned to a healthier shade and he seemed like he was just sleeping, but he wasn't. He was drifting in and out of consciousness. One day he witnessed the procedure of being fed. The potion was gross. He felt thankful when he heard Remus say:

"One day, Poppy. One day this patient here will spit the brew all over you."

"It keeps him alive. He doesn't care how it tastes."

He heard Poppy leave and Remus held him for a little while longer.

"How would she know, cup?"

Cup? That was the first time Remus had called him this, or was it not? He had known him as a baby, so maybe it was his pet name! He had a pet name! He promised himself that as soon as he could he would give Remus a sign.

Days passed, but his mind wasn't awake enough to really understand any conversation. He was grateful though for their constant presence.

One morning he felt new strength. This would be the day. He would show Remus that he was a marauder.

"Lets get over with this before you tell me again how to make my job."

Harry chuckled inwardly what Remus didn't realize because he was getting him into the right position.

As soon as there was a fair amount of the potion in his mouth he spit it all in the direction he was expecting the school nurse and at the next moment he was nearly choking on the bit that got into his throat anyway. Remus was slapping his back while Madam Pomfrey got some water for him. It was difficult to drink something while being hugged by Remus and laughing about the mess he had made. Poppy was sprinkled with her own remedy and the smell was horrible.

Madame Pomfrey went to get the Headmaster when she was sure that her patient was all right.

"So you were listening, weren't you? Hello, there. We were worried."

Remus had placed Harry back on the bed and put his glasses on looking in his eyes.

"Hi …Moony… sorry." It was hard to speak as he hadn't for a long time.

"What ever would you be sorry for?"

"Worried …you…all…failed." Tears were running down his cheeks by now.

"What makes you think you failed?"

"V…V." it was getting harder.

"Voldemort is dead, Harry."

With wide eyes he stared at Remus as if to see if the werewolf was lying.

"Tom is dead?" he whispered but it wasn't Remus who answered.

"Yes, Harry. Tom is really gone." To prove it the Headmaster handed the wand that killed the boy's parents, Cedric and a lot of others over to him. Harry took it.