Chapter 4
A noise like a heartbeat sounded softly and Inuyasha felt a pulse go through him. Raising his hands up in front of his face, he watched as his claws steadily shrank into regular human fingernails. A cool breeze blew a few wisps of black hair across his face and he could feel the power draining out of him. The transformation was over in a matter of seconds, and Inuyasha was reduced to a mere human as the stars appeared in the moonless night sky...
Inuyasha sighed as he made his way through the dense, dark forest, his mind slowly replaying everything that had happened that evening; from his monthly transformation into a human to his latest conversation with Kikyo.
He suddenly stopped and shook his head furiously. I have to get these damn useless thoughts out of my head! He told himself firmly, I should be thinking about what do when morning comes around! Taking a deep, calming breath, Inuyasha let his mind clear. He looked up and glanced around, surprised to find himself in a clearing that seemed oddly familiar...
"Ah dammit!" Inuyasha cursed, realizing he was in the clearing with the god tree...and Kagome. "For the love of–why do I always end up here! I go walking around and...it's you!" He yelled up at Kagome's shadowed body. Continuing to glare at the body, Inuyasha sat himself down were he stood. A heavy silence settled over the clearing and a cool breeze blew through it, causing long black hair to play across two sets of emotionless faces.
"This is all your fault!" Inuyasha suddenly hollered, his face contorting into a nasty mask of anger. "Damn it all! If you hadn't pushed me out of the way, Kagome...! That blasted arrow was meant for me!"
Inuyasha scrambled to his feet and, in one large jump, quickly closed the distance between himself and Kagome. Grabbing the neck of her shirt, he shook her. "Don't you hear me! That arrow was meant for me! If you had just stayed where you were..." He trailed off and released his grip on her shirt. "Dammit Kagome...why? Why did you do it? Why didn't you just pull me down or something? Why take the blow yourself?" Inuyasha slowly slid to his knees, still on the high roots of the god tree.
And there he sat. Time passed over Inuyasha as he pondered over his own questions. Suddenly, it dawned on him. He had first assumed it had been sort of a pay back for all the times he had pushed her out the way of danger, thus taking the hits himself. But no, Kagome wouldn't do that. It just wasn't like her. Surely she realized she would die if she took the hit! But Kagome was the reincarnation of Kikyo...maybe she knew all along what the arrow could do. Were the two connected in some way? Was that how Kikyo was able to find them all those times? "Feeling" where Kagome was?
Many ideas had come and gone throughout his mind, but one remained, though it was the most painful to think about, despite how it seemed to answer all the questions. Kagome had known about the power of the arrow. She knew it would suck out her soul. She knew her soul would returned to Kikyo. She had sacrificed herself for him. For Kikyo. Kagome had known of their past feelings for each other, the love they had shared. Kagome had wanted to repay him for all he had done for her by giving up her own life, so his and Kikyo's love could be once again.
Unwelcome wetness sprang to Inuyasha's eyes. Carefully wiping it away on his sleeve, he stood and faced Kagome. "Is that it Kagome?" He asked, as if he expected an answer. Suddenly, he couldn't take it anymore: the emotions stormed inside him, threatening to tear him apart were he stood. Hastily, Inuyasha ran. Away from the clearing, away from the god tree, away from Kagome, and most of all, away from the memories.
They just kept popping up inside his mind. Kagome's smile, her laugh. The way she made him feel. Just being around her seemed to lighten the load upon his heart. Despite her constant worrying about whatever test-thingy she was having in her time, she was always so willing to offer her help to the group in whatever way she could. Her determination seemed to fuel the whole group. She eased not only his pain, but Miroku, Sango, and Shippou's. She had cared so deeply for all of them. So deeply...she had been willing to sacrifice herself to satisfy his own greedy heart's desire. But now that he had gotten it...it suddenly didn't seem like enough; like it wasn't worth it.
Nothing would ever be worth Kagome dying, Inuyasha realized. His own aching heart was proof enough of that. Finally stopping from his fast-pace sprint, Inuyasha wearily glanced around him, as if expecting to find himself back in the clearing. He had cleared the forest line and was halfway through a meadow. Inuyasha took a deep breath of the cool air as is stirred the waist-high grass around him. His pounding heart slowly returned to normal and Inuyasha set out walking. He had no idea where, but walking was something to do while he sorted through his jumbled thoughts and feelings.
He loved Kikyo. He had imagined using the power of the Shikon No Tama to turn himself into a full human. That way, he and Kikyo could live together for the rest of their lives. He could even see little Inuyashas and Kikyos running around the small village. That was his dream. Or, at least, had been. It all changed the day Naraku tricked them into hating each other. Even after that, the love he had for Kikyo had still burned strongly in his heart.
Until he met Kagome.
At first, she had seemed like a damn annoyance, the cursed reincarnation of the woman he both loved and loathed. After Kikyo was brought back, or at least her body and her indent to kill him, hope had bloomed in his heart. Even if he died with Kikyo, for Kikyo, that would mean he would join her in death. And his dream of them being together would, at long last, be realized.
And then there was Kagome.
Unlike Kikyo, she wanted him to live. She was happy when he was happy, and strived to make him laugh, or at least smile. Though she said she understood his reasons for wanting to die, he could tell she was hurting. Not for herself, but for him. Despite all the stupid arguments they found themselves in...right when he was sure he had gone too far, she took him back—she always did. She delighted in his presence as he did hers. He couldn't help but feel a twinge in his heart when she was around him, when she smiled, or laughed. At first, he had thought it was only because she was Kikyo's reincarnation; because she resembled Kikyo in so many ways. But slowly he realized he was wrong. His heart didn't leap at the sight of her or his cheeks didn't burn when she was close to him because she was like Kikyo. It was just the opposite. Not that Kikyo wasn't caring and kind, but Kagome was an entirely different person and took a different approach to everything.
Inuyasha sighed and looked to the east and was surprised to see a tint of light. It was almost dawn! Taking a deep breath, he turned around and began to jog lightly back the way he had come. Cutting through the god tree clearing on his way back to where the others had made camp, he glanced over at Kagome and suddenly it hit him. Almost immediately, a sense of relief settled over him and for once in a very long time, his emotions all made perfect sense. Smiling briefly at her shadowy form, he thanked her. It was because of her he had finally been able to see what he had to do–the wish he had to make with the power of the Shikon No Tama.
Well Kagome, Inuyasha thought with a hint of sadness, maybe your sacrifice wasn't that bad after all. Inuyasha continued on to the camp without looking back.
"Hey–it's Inuyasha! He's back!" Shippou cried, jumping from his perch on Sango's shoulder. "Where have you been, you lazy bum!"
WHAP!
"I had some thinking to do, shrimp," Inuyasha answered shortly. Shippou just groaned and rubbed his soar head.
"Sorry we moved camp," Sango stated, not really sounding sorry. "Kikyo thought it would be easier to use the jewel's power if we were out of the woods and in full light."
Inuyasha nodded and looked around. The place in the meadow where they stood wasn't too far from where he had been wandering around half the night; he was surprise he hadn't seen them.
Kikyo glanced urgently at the east, where the sky was lightening fast. "It's time," she whispered excitedly. She turned a loving gaze on Inuyasha. "It's time. All you have to do is say your wish and your desire shall be granted!" Inuyasha nodded in understanding. A hand touched his shoulder from behind. Without looking, he knew it was Miroku.
"So...you have made your decision?" He whispered, so only Inuyasha could hear. Inuyasha nodded slightly. "Hmmm, I see. Let's just hope it's the right one."
"Inuyasha," Kikyo stated firmly, "it's time." Inuyasha nodded and stepped forward.
