Summary: John gets a wake-up call from the one person who can help.
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They took turns in watching the sleeping Major.
Aiden and Teyla sat with him for three hours in case he awoke, but he didn't. They were worried until Carson assured them that John was simply asleep, not unconsciousness. His body was catching up, he told them, and ordered them to let him rest.
Still, when Elizabeth and Radek came and relieved Aiden and Teyla, all could see the defeated-looking slump of Teyla's shoulders. Aiden put a comforting arm around her as the pair walked off to get some food. They promised to be back in a few hours.
Radek was working on his laptop as he sat by the bed, but Elizabeth was watching John. He seemed to be dreaming. He was moving slightly, and smiling. And she was positive she heard him mumble the word 'Rodney' more than once.
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John was deep in a dreamless sleep. There was nothing around him but a light blue mist, for which John was grateful. Ever since Rodney's death, whenever he had closed his eyes, he had seen his lover's battered and bloody body in front of him. He had almost been afraid to sleep more than a few hours each night, so blue mist was good.
"Oh come on John! Blue mist? How cliché can you get?"
John eyes snapped open as a figure appeared through the fog. He'd recongise that figure and that snark anywhere.
"Rodney?" he gasped as his lover materialized in front of him.
He was just how John remembered him. He was dressed in his uniform with the Canadian flag on the left sleeve. His hair was a little longer than usual because he hadn't had a chance to get it cut and John could see a power bar peeking out from his breast pocket.
It was just him and Rodney in the mist, nobody but them, but John felt like he had everything he needed. He reached out and pulled Rodney into a fierce embrace, holding him close and breathing his scent. "Is it really you?" he whispered.
"Oh come on. Give me some credit!" Rodney told him, pulling away slightly. "Appearing to you in a dream? Now that is really cliché."
John's heart sank and he turned away, his eyes haunted.
"So, you're not really here?" he whispered as he wrapped his arms around himself in attempt to stop the pain.
"No," Rodney told him kindly. "I'm not a ghost. Do you honestly think if I was that I would chose to appear to you wearing this?" he asked, indicating to his uniform. "No. I am a dream John, a memory. A figment of your imagination. A projection of the man you loved."
"Love," John corrected fiercely. "Not loved. The man I love."
"Alright, a projection of the man you love," Rodney conceded. He was silent for a moment, and looked at John.
"Why are you doing this to yourself?" he asked quietly.
"Doing what?" John asked, feigning ignorance.
"Oh, I don't know. Maybe starving yourself, shutting off and shutting out all the friends that you need and than need you. Any of this ringing any bells?" he asked.
God John missed Rodney's sarcasm. The figure in front of him seemed to read his mind, and approached John and pulled him into a loose hug. John clung on the apparition, tears blinding him.
"It's so hard," he whispered. "I miss him so much. I miss arguing with him. I miss making love to him. I miss being with him. Oh God, I miss him!"
John broke down completely, weeping a river of tears for Rodney. The figure held him as he sobbed, but there was no real feeling in it. Dream-Rodney, or whoever he was, didn't hold him close, like his Rodney had so often done. They had lost people over the years in Atlantis, many of them friends and whenever John finally let himself grieve, Rodney was always there, holding him tightly and soothing him.
He pulled back slowly. "You're not real, are you?"
"No," Rodney told him softly, placing a hand on John's tense arm. "I am but a memory. Rodney's personality, his sarcasm, his fears and strengths… all the things that make him the man you love, I have none of those. I am just a dream. Besides, if I was real, do you think I'd be this nice to you? I'd scream at you for doing this to yourself."
"It's just too hard!" John told him, wiping away the tears. "I can't do this without you! Him... whichever. I need Rodney!"
"John, what did Rodney do?" Dream-Rodney asked him calmly.
"What?"
"What did he do? How did he die?"
"What do you mean how did you die? You pushed me out of the way of falling rocks and got killed yourself, that's what!"
"And why did he do that?" Dream-Rodney asked, his gaze never leaving John's face.
"What? Die?" John growled.
"No, smart ass. Stop being deliberately obtuse," Dream-Rodney scolded. "Why did Rodney push you out of the way?"
"To save my life," John answered grudgingly. He had an inkling of where Dream-Rodney was going with this, and he didn't like it.
"Exactly. He saved your life. Do you really think he would have wanted you to do this? That would mean his sacrifice was in vain. He died for nothing. Does what he did mean so little to you?"
"Hey!" John shouted. "Don't ever say that! Everything Rodney did meant everything to me! He was my everything!"
"Still, I've got a point," Dream-Rodney continued, unfazed by John's outburst. "Rodney died to save you, and now you're giving up. I think he would be disappointed in you for giving up so easily."
John's retort died on his lips.
Would Rodney be disappointed in him for giving up so easily? John didn't want to die. But he also didn't want to live the rest of his life without Rodney either. It was just so hard.
All he wanted was to talk, to laugh with Rodney again.
"I know you do," Dream-Rodney told him, thus confirming Johns suspicion that the figure in front of him could read his mind. The figure rolled his eyes in a uniquely-Rodney-like way.
"John, I am your mind! I don't need to read it. I'm a dream, remember?"
"Oh yeah."
John sighed deeply and sat on the floor. He hugged his knees to his chest and rested his forehead on his knees.
"I just miss him," he said.
"I know you do," Dream-Rodney replied as he sat down next to him, but facing him. "And you always will. You know that. But, you have to move on. I'm not saying forget him. Just accept that he is gone, and work past it. My Dear John, you cannot always be torn in two."
"Are you quoting Lord of the Rings at me?" John asked, smiling slightly.
"Hey, all the best stellar last words have already been used."
"Yeah, like Rosebud," John snickered.
"Well, there is nothing wrong with a little Return of the King, thank you very much." Dream-Rodney huffed, sulking slightly.
"There was nothing wrong with your last words," John told him in an attempt to appease him.
"Really? What were they?"
"I love you."
"Oh," Dream-Rodney said as he stood and pulled John into a standing position. "Well then, Major John Mathew Sheppard, I love you," he said as he looked into John eyes. "I always have and I always will. You can do this John. Now, say goodbye, give me a kiss and wake up. And I don't want to see you back here for another fifty or so years, ok?"
John hugged the figure in front of him tightly. He didn't care if he wasn't Rodney, he could pretend for just a moment.
"I'll never forget you," he whispered.
"You'd better not!" Rodney replied. "Just live. Be happy. Don't be alone."
"I love you," John told the figure as a soft beeping interrupted his consciousness and he woke up.
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John opened his eyes slowly so they could adjust to the bright lights. It was mid-day and the infirmary was brightly lit. He could see Teyla and Ford sitting by the window. Ford had his arm around the Athosian woman's shoulders and she was leaning against him, her eyes closed in tiredness. The feeling of guilt that he experienced for putting the worry on their faces was interrupted when he noticed how tightly Teyla clasped Ford's free hand in both her own. Hello! What was going on here? Teyla and his Lieutenant? How had he not noticed it?
But then again, he had been preoccupied recently.
His gaze shifted to where Radek was working away on the computer. John felt guilt again when he saw the tiredness on the Czech's face. Rodney had been Radek's best friend, and John had barely thought of the man since Rodney's death.
Elizabeth stood staring out of the window, but turned when she sensed his eyes on her.
"You're awake," she stated. The rest of the rooms' occupants sprang up and walked towards the bed. None spoke; they seemed unsure of what to say.
"Uh oh, I recongise that look," John told Elizabeth in a semi-joking voice as she approached the bed. Everyone paused, nonplussed. Whatever they had been expecting, it had not been John in a joking mood.
"And what look would that be John?" she asked him.
"It's the one that Rodney dubbed your 'If I had my choice you'd be suspended over a vat of boiling lava' look," he informed her.
Everyone was really concerned now. John hadn't made a joke in months, and none of them had heard him say his lovers name without choking up since the accident.
Carson bustled in.
"Ah, you're awake," he said. He walked over to the bed, and began checking John's vitals.
"I know what you are thinking," John told the assembled group. "And you're wrong. I haven't finally lost it completely and gone off the deep end. I had this dream, about Rodney," he told them.
"Rodney showed up in a dream?" Elizabeth asked, smiling slightly.
"Well, I'm pretty sure it was just a dream. He even commented on the cliché of him doing so, so I'm almost positive it was just a dream. But, dream or real, he spoke sense. Rodney would be disappointed if I gave up so easily. It would belittle what he had done for me."
"I'm going to have to ask you all to leave now," Carson told them. "I want to run some more tests and afterward John, you are going to eat something," he stated in a firm voice.
"Alright Doc," John conceded, to everyone's surprise (including Carson. He had no idea his voice was so authoritative.)
Something on the locker beside his bed caught John's attention, and he turned to find the picture of the two of them placed there where he could see it. With a trembling hand, he picked it up.
"Nurse Bradbury found it in your back pocket. I thought you'd like to have it close," Carson told him. John traced Rodney's smiling face in the picture and smiled.
"You thought right," John told him as he placed he picture back and settled down to look at it. Carson ran his tests and checked the machinery.
"Hey Carson," John asked suddenly. "What's for dinner? I'm starving."
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The blue mist surrounded Rodney for a moment before it began to dissipate.
"That was very well done," a voice said from behind him.
Rodney turned to see Taylor Sheppard, John's father, approaching him.
"It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do," Rodney confessed. "It took all my willpower not to grab him and never let him go. Ever. I know I needed to pretend I wasn't real and convince him to let me go, but all I really want is for him to be here with me."
"I know it's hard, son" Taylor said, placing a comforting hand on Rodney's shoulder. "I had to do the same myself. When I passed on, John's mama near died of grief herself. I had to convince her to stay for a while at least, for the boy's sake. They were just teenagers at the time and they needed her. But all I wanted to do was urge her to come to me. I missed her a lot. We Sheppard men, you see… we love very strongly," he told the younger man. "But, she's here now, and we have forever. The time will pass quickly," he assured him. "Before long, Jon will be here with you. But, he'll have lived a long, full life thanks to what you did here today. Take comfort in that."
Rodney smiled gratefully. He really did wish John all the happiness in the universe, and began looking forward to the day when they would meet again.
"Come on," Taylor urged. "My wife wants to become better acquainted with the man who has stolen our son's heart so completely."
Rodney grinned up at the taller man. He could see so much of his son in him, and took comfort in that. Rodney's own parents were here also, but their relationship was as strained as it had always been when they were alive, and Rodney felt, as ever, out of place. Surprisingly, (or perhaps not so surprisingly) Rodney had found himself welcomed into the Sheppard family with open arms. Everyone from John's parents to his great-aunt Betty made him feel loved and happy. He spent hours listening to stories of John as a boy, and if possible, he loved the man more than ever.
"I'm coming," he told Taylor, a happy smile on his face.
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56 Years later
The lights were dim when Alener entered her father's room. Tears pricked her eyes when she saw his quiet form on the bed. His breathing was shallow and he was dozing peacefully. His once brilliantly dark hair was now completely white, though it had lost none of its vibrancy and thickness. His face was lined with age, but a soft smile curved his lips. Alener's twin brother Peshan sat next his wife Amelia, and her uncle Aiden and aunt Teyla sat by the bed. They were all waiting for the inevitable. Amelia clutched Peshan's hand in one of her own, and her mother, Teyla's, in the other. Alener's husband, Michael Beckett was checking John over with a scanner, and the sadness in his voice brought tears to her eyes.
"It will be soon," he told them. Alener let out a chocked sob, and Michael wrapped his arms around her. "I'm so sorry," he whispered as he held her.
Teyla observed the couple as they embraced. John had been so happy when his daughter and Carson's son had married. They had been married for three months and Teyla was certain that John had held onto life long enough just to see his baby girl married.
It hadn't been easy for John, living all those years without Rodney. He had missed the other man terribly, and often spoke of him. Alener and Peshan had grown up hearing stories of Rodney and they all knew that he was just waiting for the day when he was going to be reunited. Over years, Atlantis had suffered losses and claimed victories. They had re-established contact with Earth some thirty six years ago, but most of the original team had elected to stay.
The tide of the war with the Wraith was changing and now Wraith were the ones on the run. Throughout all this, John had tried to find someone new to love, but no one had ever measured up to his Rodney. He had adopted the twins thirty years ago when the then-two year olds' parents had died in an attack by the Wraith on the mainland of Atlantis, and they became his life. He had raised them, and cherished them and now they were happy and relatively safe, his time was over.
He was ready to go to Rodney.
John's breathing hitched and evened out again. The time was close, Teyla knew that. She turned to her husband, and saw her own grief mirrored in Aiden's eyes. John had been a constant in their lives for over fifty years. What were they going to do without him? But he just didn't have the energy any more, and so they knew they had to let him go.
"Rodney," John murmured quietly and he smiled.
His breathing stopped.
Blue mist. He was surrounded by blue mist. What the hell was going on?
"Blue mist again John?" a voice said from behind him. "Really, you Americans have no imagination."
John spun around (wow, he could do that again. No more arthritis!) John's marveling at his youthful body was interrupted when he saw Rodney walking towards him. He leapt forward and pulled the other man into a fierce hug. Neither spoke for a long moment as they soaked up each other's presence.
"I missed you so much," John told him before kissing him passionately. Rodney returned the kiss with equal fervor; clinging to the man he had waited for for so long.
"Same here," Rodney told him. "I love you."
"I love you too," John told him, kissing him again. "I have so much to tell you," he said when they broke apart.
"I know. You've led quite a good life."
"I didn't have you though."
"John, you always had me. I was always with you, looking over your shoulder, keeping you safe."
"So you were that creepy feeling I got whenever someone snuck up behind me with a gun!" John exclaimed.
"Creepy feeling? Thanks very much!" Rodney huffed, but John merely smiled and pulled him into another hug.
"Good creepy though," John assured him. "You kept me safe."
John sank into Rodney's embrace, until Rodney's prior words registered.
"Blue mist again? What do you mean again?"
Rodney averted his gaze and realization dawned in John's eyes.
"It was you!" he exclaimed. "It wasn't a dream all those years ago! It was you!"
Before a full-blown argument could erupt, a voice interrupted them
"Really, you have all eternity to argue! You think you'd say hello to us first!"
John turned towards the voice.
"Elizabeth!" he exclaimed, rushing forward and grabbing her into a hug. Behind her stood Carson, Peter Grodin, Markham, Radek; everyone from the Atlantis mission that they had lost and everyone who had gone on before John, alien and human alike. They all looked so young! He was smiling and hugging and kissing people when the crowd parted to admit another group of people.
"Mom! Dad!" he shouted, running towards them. They held onto him tightly, crying tears of joy and John saw the rest of his family over their shoulders. His grandmothers were openly crying while his cousins and friends grinned on. Even his brother Chris was there, smiling reassuringly at him. They had patched things up in later life, and Chris had gotten the chance to know his niece and nephew.
Rodney came up behind him, putting an arm around his shoulders.
"Come on, we've planned a little celebration in your honour."
"Will there be cake?" John asked.
Rodney rolled his eyes. "John, this is heaven," he said. "Of course there's cake! It doesn't make you fat either!" he told him gleefully.
John let the voices of his family and friends wash over him as he savored the touch and presence of the one person in the universe he had missed the most.
"I had to do it John," Rodney told him quietly as they walked slowly behind the departing crowd. "I had to find some way to get you to go on. It wasn't your time."
"I suppose I'd have done the same," John admitted. "Still, it was hard."
"I know it was."
"I did it for you though. Everything I did was always for you," John told him, kissing Rodney sweetly on the lips. "So you'd be proud of me."
"I am John," Rodney assured him. "I always was. I was especially proud though when you adopted Alener and Peshan. I watched you with them," Rodney told him. "You were a wonderful father."
"Thanks, "John smiled at the thought of his children. "They made it easy for me. They're something really special. I'm gonna miss them," he said, sighing softly.
"I know you will," Rodney told him comfortingly. "But you'll see them again. I promise you that. And until then, you have me, all to yourself."
John eyes lit up, and he kissed Rodney again. That was one of the things he had missed the most… kissing Rodney. His lips were addictive.
"I love you, Dr. McKay," he told him.
"I love you too, General Sheppard. Come on, let's get some cake."
"What's the rush?" John asked, looping his arms around Rodney's waist and resting his forehead on the younger man's. "We have eternity together after all, don't we?"
"That we do John," Rodney promised. "That we do."
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So, what do you think?
Told ya it'd be soppy, didn't I?
