I was sitting in my car. Too scared to go in. Sure, I probably looked cool and oh so very zen like, but- man- butterflies were rattling around like crazy in my stomach. I'm not prepared. I'm going to fall on my ass in there. The Las Vegas Crime Lab. Second best in the country. I never thought this lab would ever hire me. Sure, Im smart enough.. but I mean, c'mon, there must be more qualified people.
Okay, I'm going in right now... Just after this song. "I want to Conquer the World" by Bad Religion was playing. It's sort of my feel good song. It helps me get the cocky vibe I need to get my ass in gear. So far it wasn't working. What if they don't like me? The other little voice inside me asked if I cared. Truthfully, in the long run- probably not. First days, though, they're the hardest. I mean even if you're an introvert (like me) you still want people to like you. Alright. That's it. I'm starting to feel far too Ally McBealish. I'm going in. Taking the bull by the horns.
I stepped out of my Explorer and felt the hot air on my face. Funny thing about Vegas.. Zero humidity, but it feels like the city is missing part of the ozone layer in the sky. However, it was better than the hot sticky southern nights I had to suffer through in Tennessee. I was loving everything about Vegas so far. Driving wise, I couldn't get lost here. All the streets are layed out like a grid. While driving at night I know where I am according to the Pyramid light. You can see that sucker from space, so I've heard. If I did happen to get lost at night I'd just follow the light (my little 'northern star') or the Stratosphere. And I easily found my way home. Breadcrumbs, I guess you could call it.
I walked into the building and stopped at the front desk. The receptionist was nice enough to show me where to go and who to see. Gil Grissom. I walked down the hall listening to my heels hitting the floor. I couldn't help but be reminded of the Green Mile. I was walking to my doom.I just knew it. As soon as Mr. Grissom saw me he'd know right away I was highly underqualified for this job. I saw the door I was looking for and took a deep breath.. and held it. I just kept thinking I could leave now. They would never know I was here. Suck it up, girl. I knocked before I entered.
"Come In," a man's voice replied.
I held up my head (faking the confidence I needed) and walked straight in, offering my hand as I said, "Hello. Im Jillian Boccaccio and I believe you are the man who hired me."
"Yes. I believe I am. Im Gil Grissom. And you must be my new CSI. Ms. Boccaccio, I feel I should explain why I hired you. Your boss in Nashville had nothing but praises about your work and your commradity with fellow workers. Your grades in college were outstanding.Yet, I couldn't help but feel, despite all you've learned, you still need work. You're a good CSI, but not a great one. Usually this would make me think twice about you, but one of our lab techs has recently been made a CSI. His work is improving daily and I appreciate that he's willing to change in his views. Not getting stuck in his old habits. Thats what I want from you."
"So,what,you hired me because... I suck?"
Mr. Grissom looked a little surprised at my question, maybe it was because most people pussyfoot around him. "No, actually you probably over qualified. In fact I wondered why you hadn't applied to the best lab in the country or even the FBI"
"Honestly, I don't feel comfortable enough to apply for those jobs. Like you said I'm only a good CSI, not a great one. Plus, the crime lab in Nashville was really specialized work. I may be a master at Trace, but i would love to be a Jack of all trades. Your lab helps me do that, while still maintaining some specialization areas." I started to look around while Mr. Grissom seemed to be checking my file, or maybe it was just an X-Men comic book in a manilla folder. This man had bugs on his walls. Oh, and pig fetus'. Mr. Grissom looked up and noticed what I was doing. Examining his area. Trying to figure the boss guy out.
"How do you feel about Entomology, Ms. Boccaccio?"
"Oh, what, like the study of bugs? I think it's quite interesting. The fact that flies can tell you so much about a victim, down to what they last ate or cause of death. Amazing. But, mind you, I'm the first to swat a fly in my home."
Gil's eyes sharpened. He looked very aware now. "You would kill a fly? For simply being inside your home?" He asked it so incredously I couldnt believe it. It was as though I just said the USA didnt land on the moon in the '60's.
"Sure thing, sir. I mean when flies have a purpose in the grander scheme of things.. I'm all game. But have them walking around on my plate of food, and it's war. Besides, I mean you have bugs hanging up all over your wall."
"What do you mean?" he asked not fully comprehending what I was getting at.
"Well, isn't that like environmentalist handing out flyers, about why the rainforest are so important, on non recycled paper? You act as if you would not kill an insect for anything other than for evidence. And yet, you have killed numerous insects for reference, when you could easily use a book... But you know, that's assuming they weren't killed by natural causes. Which I would think they weren't since the whole bodies are intact"
Mr. Grissom seemed speechless and I was worried I had gone too far. Well, good job, Jilli. Looks like you don't have to worry about sucking at this job, you no longer have it. But then Gil showed a slight smile in his eyes. Maybe he liked your spunk.
He opened his mouth to speak, "Touche, Ms. Boccaccio. How about I give you the tour and introduce you to your co-workers?"
I smiled the biggest smiled right then. Seriously, it was huge. I was rearing to go, but first.. "Um. That would be great, but could I use the ladies room first?"
He nodded understandably and pointed, "Down that hall and through the doors on your left."
I started walking away and then remembered my manners, "Thanks," smiling brightly, "I was reeeeaall nervous!"
Oh my god! Did I just say I'm so nervous, I'm almost peeing my pants. Walk faster, Jilli, faster! I made it into my 'sanctuary' and banged my head agaisnt one of the mirrors. I can't believe I said that. You should really join the circus. A gal who can shove one foot up her ass and the other in her mouth would be a show stopper. I could be a carnie. I stared at the reflection staring back at me. A twenty six year old woman looking completely aloof and lost. Thats me alright. At five foot two with large green eyes and light brown hair. I still looked twenty at most. I wondered if I looked as small as I felt during that interview. How would anyone take me seriously? I straightened my jacket and my trousers and headed back toward Mr. Grissom.
"Ready?" he asked.
"Ready."
