Chapter 12 - Last Resort

Connie opened the apartment door for Rob, Silk, and Rizzo. It's been three days since the break up and Marie was depressed. For the last few days, the guys were in another state playing an away game, and they've been really concerned about her. After the game last night, Rob had called Connie and she told him that Marie sort of locked herself in her room. Regan and her tried everything, but they couldn't get her out of bed. Connie told Rob and he told her he'd be over there after they landed.

Rizzo was the first to say it when they came to her door and they could hear sad music coming from inside. "She's listening to the Doors."

Silk went for the door knob and was surprised that it was easy to turn. Marie's comforter was covering her head up and there was no light in the room. He walked over and grabbed it.

"What the hell?" Marie moaned.

Rob sighed at the sight of her. She was in her PJ's, her hair was a mess, and she looked like she's been crying. "Get your ass up."

Marie leaned up on her elbows and stared at all four of them. "No. Leave me alone."

"Marie… you need to get up. You need to let us take you to the bar to get you drunk," Rizzo told her.

Marie went to grab the comforter again, but Rob stopped her. "Come on. I want to be alone."

"Don't make me grab you, lift you over my shoulder, and throw you into the shower. You are going to get up so we can get you drunk," Rob said to her forcefully. "You need to yell out your frustrations and we're going to be the ones you yell it to."

Marie sighed. "What's there to talk about? Simon dumped me. I was an idiot to fall for his act."

Silk asked, "Do you really think it was an act?"

Marie nodded. "I'm a fuckin' moron. It was too good to be true." She grabbed her comforter again and this time covered herself.

Silk looked at Rob who looked at Rizzo. Rob was the one to pull the covers off of her, Rizzo grabbed her arm and lifted her, and Silk was the one to head to the bathroom to turn on the shower. Marie screamed to let her go, but she screamed even louder when the water hit her back for the first time.

"Now as much as I would love to see you naked, you are going to take a quick shower and get dressed so we can take you to the bar," Rizzo told her.

Marie gave him a look before splashing his face with water.

"Hey!" Rob shouted at her.

Marie rolled her eyes at him and closed the curtain. She made sure that they were gone before she took her wet clothes off. The next ten minutes, she showered, and then got dressed in sweats. When they got to O'Malley's she wasn't surprised that the other guys were waiting for them. Someone handed her a shot and she automatically drank it.

"Hey Marie," Jack began to say, "I would be happy to be your rebound guy."

Marie smiled a little at him and lightly tapped his cheek. "Thanks for the offer. I'll think about it."

Buzz, Pav, and Bah laughed at the look on Jack's face. Jack had planned to say it just for fun. He didn't think she'd take him seriously. She never took anything he said seriously. "Well… ok then."

Silk, Rizzo, and Rob led her to a booth. Silk went to the bar and ordered their drinks for them. Once he got back, Marie started to drink her alcoholic beverage.

"Spill," Rob blurted out after only a few seconds of silence. Marie didn't talk right away.

"I've been in love once," Rizzo said. "I know how it feels. That feeling like you're never going to live again without talking to them…"

"No, that's not it," Marie quietly responded.

The guys gave her a quizzical glance.

"I loved him, but I wasn't in love with him. There is difference between love and being in love, you know," Marie told them. "Love is… kind and gentle. In love is the same thing, but where you just want to be with them all the time, where you can't sleep without them, can't live without them, you need to talk to them every minute of the day."

"We understand that, but you seriously weren't in love with Simon?" Rizzo asked.

"No."

"Then why are you hiding yourself from the world?" Silk asked.

Marie bit her lip before answering. "After high school, the crush ended. I never thought I'd see him again. I thought back to it and I always laughed at myself. I couldn't believe I wasted all that time on someone. I wasn't expecting to ever see him again."

"You were thrilled when he asked for your phone number," Rob pointed out.

"I was when we exchanged numbers and yeah I was being a coward to call him. Have you ever liked someone that didn't give you the time and day and then they notice you and you just can't believe it? That happened to me. Only it was a few years to short. I just wanted to be happy again. To go out on a date. I never expected to slowly fall for him, not after what happened with Will."

"By the way, you know if I had found out, he'd be in a coma right now," Rob told her.

Marie looked at Rob and smiled. "I would have appreciated it at the time."

"I can't believe he did that to you," Rizzo said.

"Yeah… well, I guess it happens."

"It does," Silk muttered.

Marie looked at him, but he gave her a look that promised he'd talk to her about it later.

"So anyway… I was slowly falling. He was really sweet. The day we went to the cabin, that day was so awesome. It was really romantic. I blurted out that I loved him. He took a while to process it and I guess he didn't know what to say. I believed him, but I should have seen it coming."

"Nobody ever does," Jack said behind her.

She looked at him and gave him a lopsided smile. "I guess I'm depressed because of that. I'm a moron for believing a guy again."

"What did he say to you?" Rizzo asked.

"That he's still in love with Sara, but he did love me. He just couldn't see us together in twenty years. I asked if it was me, he said no. I'm everything a guy wants. If I am then how come I can't hold on to them or make them happy?"

"Marie, they're the idiots who can't hold onto anything," Rob told her, "especially someone like you."

Mike had come up when she was talking about that. "Christian, Coxie, Philly, Mark, Pav, and a couple of the other guys have talked about how you're their type. When Rob mentioned about what happened with Simon and Will… they wanted to find them and beat the shit out of them. They love you, they… we love your attitude. You're feisty, you're funny, and you have a good heart. You're an awesome friend."

Marie took a drink of the alcohol. "I needed to hear that."

"Promise me that you're not going to be deeply depressed where we have to throw you in the shower again and have to beat you senseless until you get it. Simon isn't worth all this trouble," Rob remarked.

Marie said, "I know, but I've…"

"You were only with him for three months and you said it, you weren't in love with him," Rob pointed out. "Don't beat yourself over this."

Marie started to cry a little because deep down she was confused. She was confused over her emotions. She understood him, but she felt like she drove Simon away. She kept thinking what ifs. Kept thinking back to Justin and how he told her that she wasn't worth it. That was the exact same thing Will said, too. "I'm trying not to beat myself up."

"You're thinking what ifs aren't you?" Rizzo asked putting an arm around her. "Yeah, those never are a good thing. Trust me."

Silk asked, "Do you guys mind of I talk to her alone?" The guys nodded and they headed off to join the others. "Marie, you know how I said I had a girlfriend for a year before we split? Well… we were so in love that we had promised that we'd be forever. We were each others firsts for everything. One night, she called and that's when she told me she fell for someone else. She blamed the distance. I fought over the phone with her saying we can work it out."

Marie gave him a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry."

"The agony to me was bad. I thought so many what ifs. What if I had decided to stop playing hockey and had gone to NYU instead. What if we had stayed in our home town and ended up at the local college. One day I finally decided enough was enough. I went out with OC and we got drunk…"

"That was the practice where you went hung over wasn't it?" she asked.

"Yup. Even though I feel like an idiot for it, it was worth it," he admitted.

Marie chuckled a little. "I bet it was."

"What did Will say to you when you found Jessica and him?"

"He was a bastard when it went down. Jessica was a friend of a friend. We hung out with her, but she mainly did her own thing. I walked in on them."

"Oh man."

Marie nodded. "When he explained it to me, he said I was the one to blame. He never got what he wanted out of me. I never did what he wanted."

"You mean…"

"Some really explicit sex stuff I won't go into right now. He told me I wasn't worth it. That I was too much of a goody goody. He asked me out just to get me in bed. I was a clingy bitch."

"That asshole. Did those other guys say this to you, too?"

"Carter was just a jerk. Justin emotionally abused me. He kept putting things into my head like I wasn't perfect. He kind of said how my parents didn't appreciate me and that no one ever will."

Silk gasped. "There's your problem. You're letting some fuckin' asshole screw with you still. You're letting that interfere with what's going on now. To me you're perfect. I think you underestimate yourself sometimes. Why'd you get this job? Did you want to prove yourself to him?"

"I wanted the job because it seemed fun and I was right. For the first two months I also waitressed, but I love making the drinks more than serving them to customers."

Silk nodded. "For your parents, I think they want what is best for you. Everybody's parents do. When I was talking to your dad he was really nice. He seems concerned about who his daughter is hanging out with. I think you need to sit down and talk to them," Silk told her. "I mean one on one, asking them if they're happy with their life, your brothers, you, their friends."

"I was going to, but now that this happened…"

"I think it would be wise, no matter what," Silk stated. "Most of the time you complain about them, but I see that you want everything to be normal like it use to be before your dad became a big shot lawyer."

"So… how's it going over here?" Regan asked coming up.

Marie looked at Regan and smiled. "I'm ok."

Regan placed a Jack Daniels in front of Marie. "Jack does wonders."

Marie muttered, "I'm going to be sick in the morning."

Regan shrugged. "If it gets you out of bed."

Marie shoved her shoulder and rolled her eyes. For the rest of the night, the group stayed with her to get her cheered up. They made sure she didn't drink too much. When Silk, Rizzo, and Rob took her home that night, Silk was the one that made sure she got in ok. She turned to him before she went in and gave him a hug that lasted a couple of minutes. When they parted, they were so close that Marie could have just leaned in and they would be kissing. However, Marie said bye and went in, not seeing Silk shake his head.

In the morning, Connie was sitting in the living room and waiting to see if Marie was going to be coming out of her room for class. She sighed when she didn't hear the door open, and she got up to leave. "Wait for me." She turned back and was surprised to see Marie dressed. Marie gave Connie a hug and Connie smiled at her best friend. They talked on their way to her car and Marie said she was a little bit better that day.