Disclaimer: Lost and all it's awesome plots are that of ABC and JJ Abrams. Nothing but the actual writing here is mine.

Authors Note: I'm Baaack!

Not What It Seems. Chapter One

"Jack... Let me go." Was Boone's choked request. A request that sends chills up my spine and tears to the back of my eyes. I choked back a sob. Jack looks horrified, and I try to read his eyes. They are blue orbs of fear. The fear of losing Boone? Yes. And the fear of being the one to take off the bandages which held back the torrent of crimson that was Boone's blood. Afraid of the guilt. And of the responsibility he could not escape.

Boone's deathly pale face covered in dried blood and dried sweat sickened my stomach and tore at my heart. I didn't want Boone to die. But this. This was too much. Tears ran down my face, falling onto leaves at my feet. This was too much.

"Kate." Jack said to me, approaching me. His bloodied hand was on the back of my head, stroking my hair almost desperately.

I met his gaze. "I'm thinking of letting him... of letting him go."

"No..." I mutter, my voice seeming strange and alien to my ears. There are people standing around us, watching Boone suffering a ways away, their faces portraits of concern.

"Will he be alright?" One woman nearly shouts. Jack ignores her and continues to look at me intently.

"Kate. Look at him." I close my eyes instead.

"If we were anywhere else, if I had the right kind of pain relievers... If I could put him out and operate on him then maybe... But we have no idea the kind of pain he's in. He's been conscious nearly an hour now... I don't think there's anything I can do. I can't save him." Those words would always echo in my nightmares.

I understand this, but I don't understand why he's telling this to me. There's nothing I can do. He's the doctor. I don't have a say in it. But then I look at his face and I realize he just wants me to OK it. He knows what he has to do. He just needs me to alleviate some of the smothering guilt.Some of the pain. Jack can't stand being the bad guy.

I nod.

Jack nods. He looks at all the expectant people and grimaces. The people who know the doctor will save him. The people who don't realize that Boone is in incredible pain and that his insides are a twisted, bleeding mess. I look in Boone's eyes where he lays. They are begging for release. I turn away. Oh god no. Jack kneels down and kisses his forehead. And unravels the bandage over his ravaged abdomen. Shannon sobs uncontrollably and grips her brother's hand while he fades. Sayid holds her violently shaking shoulders. The people murmur sadly and turn away.

I run.

I run until my legs beg me to stop. I run until there is no breath to speak of left in my lungs and I gasp in short gulps while collapsing on sand. Hot sand that nearly scalds my sin. But I do not notice. I put my face into it and my tears sizzle. Darkness envelopes me, and I take my place among the elements. Just being.

When I wake I am finally aware of the uncomfortable singe my skin has taken on from passing out on hot, midday sand. But I am not in the sun. A warm breeze ruffles my dark curls and I crack my eyes open hopefully.

"Look who's up. Finally decided to join me in the land of the living, freckles?" Memory floods back. That's the beauty of fainting. You can leave the world and your pain entirely for a time and not even with the plague of dreams. But then, it still hurts just as badly when you return. Sawyer's comment about the land of the living was a slap in the face. Only worse. I remembered Boone vividly and the look on his face as he... died. Peace after a storm of screaming nerves and ripped skin. Tears stain my eyes.

"Would you mind telling me why I had to haul your sorry ass all the way back here?" Sawyer says with dry humor.

"Sawyer." I say. "Boone is dead."

His head snaps up from his book and he lets it drop onto the ground.

"What?"

"He died. He was with Locke and ..I guess he fell. He died not an hour ago."

Sawyer looks shocked, and he stares out at the ocean. Then, to my surprise, he holds out his arms for me. Not wanting to offend him or discourage him from this rare act of his, I comply by moving into his quiet embrace. I find silent tears sliding down my cheeks. Sawyer rubs his hands up and down my back until I feel the tears stop and a contented numbness cover my body. A hum fills my ears. All of a sudden I feel him pushing me away gently. I look up at him, but he is staring strait ahead with a look of shock on his face. It turns to anger. I turn around and see Boone, healthy as a horse, striding across the beach. I stare in shock, my mouth open, while I feel Sawyer get up and walk away.

"I suppose you think that's funny?" He said. And then he was gone. I stare after him and then after Boone. Deciding we were both seeing things, because I had just witnessed Boone die, I ran after him. He had gone to see Shannon. I kept my distance, listening to him argue quietly with her about what appeared to be some trivial item, I walked back across the beach.. I was going mad. He really was there, Alive. And healthy. I felt dizzy. Jack. Where was Jack...

TBC