Author's notes: Thanks again to those of you who are sticking around for the ride! As this is the first time I've written something of this length, there are going to be times when the flow doesn't seem quite right or is jarring – just another one of those learning curves, I suppose! When you're outside of your comfort zone as a writer, feedback and comments just makes the whole process a whole lot easier, and I can't tell you all how much I appreciate your very kind words. And, you know, it's funny that you should have mentioned Alfeegi's hair in a past review, Animegoil …


Kiss: Our Own World. Excessive Chain.

Drapam was only three days travel to the west of Draqueen, but Kai-stern had dreaded the journey form the moment Alfeegi mentioned that he would be tagging along. He was sure Alfeegi was going to spend the entire time sternly informing Kai-stern about how much money he was allowed to spend and on what, in between moaning about the walk and having to carry his ever-so-heavy traveling case. Kai-stern liked Alfeegi, but he liked Alfeegi back in the castle, and only after they'd already fought over silly things like reports and money.

It was then a surprise when it turned out that Alfeegi was actually quite fun to travel with. He asked questions and commented on the scenery, and only half to trip ended up being dedicated to lectures about his allowance and why Kai-stern should stick to it. Kai-stern had spent a lot of time in Drapam about 150 years ago after a flood had destroyed most of their fields and agriculture, as he had been in charge of helping rebuild the township and forge specific ties with Draqueen. Made up of mostly humans, the township had enough exposure to the Dragon Clan that they didn't fear or distrust others of different races, and Kai-stern had found it was one of the few human settlements he ever felt completely comfortable in. The taboo nature of his childhood illness coupled with his high rank left many humans confused over how exactly they should react around him, not that Kai-stern had ever sort out much human companionship before he became a member of the Dragon Clan, either.

But Drapam was different, and in so many ways.

It had been almost 10 years since his last visit, but familiar faces still greeted him, even though those faces had become lined and aged. Alfeegi appeared almost overwhelmed by the warmth and generosity of their hosts as they were ushered into the main meeting house of the village, children dashing eagerly around their legs. One of the children offered fresh fruit, while another seemed almost hypnotizedby the way Alfeegi's long hair swished behind him as he walked.

This was a world away from the palace, where routine and formality ruled. As Alfeegi smiled hesitantly down at the children before being pulled into a vaguely uncomfortable looking hug by one of the village women, Kai-stern thought that it was a world that he didn't mind sharing with Alfeegi.

Alfeegi wasn't known to the villagers, and as they sat him down at the head of their large table questions and comments flew at him, much to Kai-stern's amusement. Alfeegi didn't seem to know what to answer first, and had to field questions about the strange colour of his hair in between settling a debate about how to properly pronounce his name, all the while testing each of the 'delicacies' set before him. Curious eyes of a different nature also fell on his friend, and when a shy young man came up to Kai-stern and quietly asked if Alfeegi was involved with someone back in Draqueen, Kai-stern smiled kindly and informed him that no, Alfeegi wasn't seeing anyone at all.

This, as it so turned out, was apparently the wrong answer.

"I cannot believe you told someone that I wasn't involved with anyone," Alfeegi hissed quietly hours later, once they had been shown to their room. "I had to deal with that child propositioning me, when you know that I am tied to someone else."

"Alfeegi …" Kai-stern closed his eyes briefly, but Alfeegi refused to let him interrupt.

"That you would think me so loose to cheat on someone I love is just utterly ridiculous, Kai-stern. I thought we were friends, but obviously you don't know me very well at all." Alfeegi paced angrily across the wooden floor, turning abruptly on his heels when he approached the far wall before stalking back, throwing occasional glares in Kai-stern's direction. "And maybe I don't know you as well as I thought I did, because I never would have thought that you would do something so tasteless and lacking in class."

"Alfe-"

"You know, Kai-stern. I thought perhaps that maybe you knew more than anyone else, strange as that may seem. But it seems that you really don't know anything at all."

Kai-stern sighed quietly before stepping deliberately into Alfeegi's path, quiet eyes holding angry ones in their gaze.

"Alfeegi," he spoke the name softly, gently brushing the back of his knuckles against Alfeegi's cheek as his gaze took on a saddened edge. "You are tied to Ruwalk only because you refuse to severe the bind that you yourself knotted around him. He loves you dearly, but not in the way you so desperately want him to."

And this was perhaps not the best time to have this talk, and it was perhaps not the best way. Alfeegi buckled just slightly at Kai-stern's words, shoulders slouching forward and the anger and fight drainingout ofthe other man as quickly as they had been first ignited.

"That may be so, Kai-stern. He may never love me as I do him." Kai-stern had not expected Alfeegi's heart breaking, quiet words. "But love is eternal, and I can't ask for my heart back after having given it so freely, even if Ruwalk does not even know he owns it." There were tears caught in Alfeegi's lashes, but he refused to let them fall, and Kai-stern found himself frozen where he stood, unsure how to help. "There will only ever be Ruwalk, Kai-stern. I decided that a long time ago." Kai-stern knew that Alfeegi had been on dates before, although they were few and far between. But that had not been what Alfeegi had meant, and Kai-stern would be a fool to try and pretend otherwise.

Eternal love.

"Come with me," Kai-stern finally said, lacing his fingers with Alfeegi's before pulling the reluctant man outside, grabbing a candle that had been left by the door as they left. Alfeegi said nothing, grudgingly allowing Kai-stern to lead him through the village that had long since gone to sleep. Kai-stern was sure that Alfeegi was no doubt showing signs of resistance, but Kai-stern was too caught up in his own thoughts to take any real notice.

He hadn't been down to the far side of the village for a very, very long time, and he discovered that once they reached the gates that he had remembered being a brighter shade of white, that he could not find the will to force himself to enter.

"This is a graveyard, isn't it?" Kai-stern did not know how long it was before Alfeegi chose to speak, voicing the obvious in an attempt no doubt to draw Kai-stern from the silence that had him in its grasp.

"I … yes." He forced a smile, before lifting his head slightly and leading Alfeegi in. "There's someone I want you to meet."

It was a small graveyard, the old one had fallen victim to the flood that had drawn Kai-stern to the village in the first place, and the population here had always been small. He had no problems finding the square headstone even though the dirt path was lit only by his candle, and he stood almost reverently before it before turning to Alfeegi.

"Alfeegi, I'd like you to meet Siena. My wife." Alfeegi's eyes widened to an almost comically large size at Kai-stern's words, shock robbinghim of the ability to respond. As Kai-stern kneeled before the tombstone he slipped his hand out from Alfeegi's, bringing his fingers gently to his lips before pressing them against the cold stone.

It had been far too long.

It felt as though his heart was breaking all over again.

"When I was in charge of the flood relief effort, she was one of few people who managed to somehow put aside her shock and help me with all the basic organization that needed to be done." His eyes never drifted from the tombstone, even as the words seemed to flow from him on their own accord. His voice sounded distant, and Kai-stern found no familiarity in his own tone. "She was nothing like me, gorgeous and wild, rough around the edges while still possessing this charm that would draw any man to her. I never had a chance." A small, bitter smile curved at his lips. "I never quite understood what she saw in me, the strange-looking human who had been gifted with immortality. But she could be so convincing when she wanted to, and while I sometimes doubted the reasons why, there was never a moment that I believed her love for me was less than what I felt for her."

And Kai-stern had adored her. Her wide smile, the tangled mess of hair that was never controlled or restrained. Siena laughed so openly, but not only that, she showed anger and frustration with that same undiluted passion, refusing to ever hide anything behind a mask. She'd hated the way he smiled to cover his own emotions, locking everything deep inside. They fought over it on occasions, her violent temper clashing with his pacifying nature.

"It wasn't perfect, no relationship ever is." Alfeegi had dropped down onto the grass beside him sometime while Kai-stern had been speaking. "Even though I spent most of those first couple of years in Drapam dealing with the aftermath of the flood, there were still spells where I was required in Draqueen or elsewhere, and she had no desire to leave her home. She didn't approve of some of my … mannerisms, and sometimes I found her a little too blunt. It took almost a year before either of us would even openly acknowledge that what had started as a simple fling had developed into something far deeper, something eternal."

"Kai-stern …" Alfeegi's quiet voice snapped Kai-stern from his thoughts, and he turned slightly startled eyes towards the other man who seemed so out of place here, deep amongst Kai-stern's past.

"Humans break so easily, Alfeegi." Raw pain filtered into his words, a sense of helplessness there that time had only managed to soften, not erase. "Three years, and then she was gone. The disease that killed her can be cured now, but back then there was nothing that could be done. Nothing." And Kai-stern had tried absolutely everything. Few people had the resources and connections that Kai-stern had, and the finest doctors of all kinds had been called in. Traditional doctors, natural healers, magical healers. Elves. Demons. Humans. Samarians. Delarioans.

They hadn't even been able to make her last breaths less painful.

"It took her almost a year to die," Kai-stern finally continued. "The disease ate away at her lungs, before spreading outwards, infecting everything in its path." He laughed softly, and it hurt. "She thought I was insane when I asked her to marry me, she was bedridden by then, but I refused to take no for an answer. I could be just as stubborn as her, sometimes." It came out almost as a whisper. "She died three months later."

Alfeegi seemed frozen, unable to respond, unlikely to know how.

"This is your fabled eternal love, Alfeegi." It took Kai-stern a moment to regain his composure, but when he did his voice held a more familiar firmness. He gestured towards the tombstone; a small smile again in place, although this time it was less bitter and more bittersweet. "A piece of rock and a thousand memories. I will always love her, Alfeegi. Always. But while you can love a memory, to be in love with one can only ever be destructive. It took me years to realize that, and many more passed before I managed to let her go. It doesn't mean I love her any less, it's just a … different … kind of love."

"Ruwalk isn't dead." Alfeegi's voice was devoid of all emotion, blank eyes locked on the tombstone.

"But you are still in love with a ghost." Although the words were spoken with kindness, pure affection could not rob them of their harsh realism, and the tears that Alfeegi had threatened to let fall back in their room found no such resistance this time. Small tremors ran through Alfeegi's body as he angrily brushed those first few tears away, but when Kai-stern pulled him into a tight hug any control was lost. Harsh sobs filled the air, and all Kai-stern could do was hold him close. He didn't know how long they sat like that, in the shadow of his wife's grave. The dew of the grass had soaked through their trousers and the candle had burned a precious inch or two lower by the time Alfeegi seemed to run out of tears, collapsing with a boneless hopelessness into Kai-stern's embrace.

"I know, Alfeegi. I know it's hard. I'm not asking you to stop loving Ruwalk, I'm not even asking you to give up hope. But it doesn't have to be like this, where all being in love does is hurt you. You don't have to replace Ruwalk, but there is no harm in searching for someone you can love just as much." Someone who could love him back. "You don't have to do it all at once, just go on a date or two – remember what it's like to simply enjoy someone else's company." He placed a gentle hand underneath Alfeegi's chin, slowly tilting it up. "Trust me." It came out almost as a plea, although Kai-stern wasn't sure why. "I know some wonderful people who would be a lot of fun to go out to dinner with, or to just chat with over a drink. Just … small steps away from Ruwalk. Nothing big, no promises or emotional attachment."

Just something slightly different. But that first step was always the most difficult.

Aqua eyes that were still glazed over with pain held his own for a moment, before they suddenly took on a more serious edge, surprising Kai-stern.

"If I give you my trust, then you have to grant me the same thing in return." Alfeegi's words trembled just slightly, causing the other man to flush in embarrassment.Hearing his own voice seemed to serve as some sort of reminder of how far from normalAlfeegi was acting. Self consciously, Alfeegi pulled himself back from Kai-stern, brushing away the stray remaining tears before clearing his throat. "You never told anyone about Siena."

"No." Kai-stern's eyes clouded over briefly. "By the time we realized how bad she was, there didn't seem to be any point. There was nothing anyone at Draqueen could have done for her."

"But what about what we could have done for you?" Alfeegi's words startled Kai-stern, who found he had no answer.

"I … I …" Confused, he could only look helplessly back at Alfeegi. "It was a long time ago." The words sounded hollow even to Kai-stern.

"But you never tell any of us anything, even now. Never anything serious, never of what troubles you. You smile and laugh, and sometimes you have occasional moments of seriousness between the times when you are friendly and warm." It was said with an earnestness that was almost hypnotic. "Trust works both ways, Kai-stern. If I am to … to … try what you suggest," Alfeegi faltered slightly, before shaking his head in annoyance and forcing himself on. "If I am to try, then you must as well. No more hiding when something happens or if you're upset about something. Instead of – what is it that you do normally do when you won't talk to us, anyway?" Alfeegi broke off, unsure.

"Get absolutely drunk." Kai-stern chuckled wryly, electing a small grin from Alfeegi.

"Well, then. Next time something happens, we get drunk together. That seems more than reasonable." It almost sounded as though they were agreeing to a business proposal the way Alfeegi managed to word it all, his experience in that field slipping in as usual into normal conversation. There was also a familiar, dangerous determination in Alfeegi's eyes, the kind that usually meant that Alfeegi had discovered exactly how Kai-stern had spent the money allocated to him for his latest trip, and Kai-stern was about to pay dearly. Those eyes were promising something very different this time, even if the follow through contained the same effort and dedication.

And it had always been a silly little attraction, one that Kai-stern had always managed to push away to the furthest corners of his thoughts, or simply ignore altogether. Only a fool wouldn't be attracted to the clever, attractive, somewhat strict and foreboding Officer, after all, and while Ruwalk may be one of the highest order, Kai-stern most certainly wasn't.

It had never meant to become anything more than that. It had never meant to become this, where Kai-stern thought he might just drown in Alfeegi's eyes, or would promise him the world if Alfeegi would only simply ask.

He hadn't meant to slowly start to fall so completely for his friend.

Perhaps it was Kai-stern who was the greatest of fools, after all.

"Sounds reasonable? I suppose it does."

Alfeegi smiled. A rich, warm smile that held just a smidge of smugness, and Kai-stern found himself falling further still.

Dawn had started to creep over the horizon by then, their candle having long since burnt itself out. Alfeegi stood up, muttering darkly about how now he was going to have to deal with the economic situation of Drapam on no sleep at all, and how that could hardly be considered productive. It was so typically Alfeegi after an evening that had been anything but, that Kai-stern found it all a bit surreal.

But then, he wouldn't have had it any other way.