A/N : First off I want to thank those that reviewed; Mita427, SouthernRain, wicked-angel3, MaidenRo, Rachel. I appreciate the comments and support. Second, I'm not sure if this fic is going to work out how I planned, I don't like to abandon fics so I'm going to do my best with it but it is different to what I usually write and I think it's gonna get pretty intense later and I'm not sure how well I'm going to be able to get the ideas onto the page/screen...oh well, we'll see how it goes. In the meantime, here's the latest chapter...
(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)
Chapter 3
Spike was almost certain that the hands on the clock behind the bar had a mind of their own. Every night he sat in that same seat, drowning his sorrows and painful memories with wave after wave of crystal clear alcohol, that clock moved as slowly as it were possible to go. There were times when Spike wondered if it stopped altogether, just to taunt him.
Tonight had been so different. Just sitting there, talking to this girl he'd met just once before, being, not comfortable exactly but, less on edge, as they found one or two things they had in common and a whole menagerie of interesting things that they didn't. The time slipped through his fingers like sand and before he had a chance to check the clock again, the club was emptying out.
How it had gotten so late without him noticing he couldn't understand at all, and the strange thing was he didn't remember drinking all that much, and he had certainly laughed more than once. He was unsure whether he should feel guilty or not for that, but the greatest part of his mind was far to occupied with the task of figuring out what it was about this girl that so intrigued him, that he really had little time or inclination to consider anything else.
"I'm closing up now, kids" he heard the clubs owner say to them from behind the bar "time to go home"
"Kids?" Buffy commented with a slight laugh "Long time since I've been called that...very long time since it was true" she added almost bitterly. Spike could sympathise with that thought, not that he missed being a child, he'd hardly had the best time growing up but still, to have that innocence back would be a wonderful thing, he was sure.
Suddenly noticing the frown on her face Spike decided not to dwell on his own problems and to at least take a little of the bad feeling away from her.
"Come on now pet, you can't be that old?" he said, eyeing her as if trying to calculate her years "I'm surprised they even serve you booze without asking for ID" he smirked as she blushed, though part of him wondered when his complimentary side had come to the surface again, he was pretty sure that had disappeared nearly six months ago, when she had...
"Flattery will get you everywhere" Buffy told him with a smirk of her own, despite the fact she was going a pretty shade of dark pink. Spike did not smile at that. To her it was a joke but what it alluded to, he knew all too well what she meant. It took that little spark of fun away, made everything serious again, reminded him of things he'd been fighting so hard to forget.
"Don't make promises that won't be kept luv" he said more harshly than perhaps he should have, she hadn't meant any harm "I learnt that one the hard way" he added sharply.
There was a pause before Buffy spoke again and he knew without looking at her that she wasn't smiling anymore.
"You can't keep promises?" she asked, carefully. He shrugged in response as he turned to face her again.
"Don't know anymore" he admitted "Been a while since I made any"
"Well, how about I make you one" she smiled a smile that illuminated her entire face, like a Christmas tree in a dark room. Without even registering the fact Spike found himself smiling too, her light was so infectious it could even banish a little of his unpenetrable darkness, but just a very little.
"Like what?" he asked, intrigued against his better judgement.
"I promise" Buffy declared, somewhat dramatically, "that I'm not lying when I tell you I had a very nice time tonight and that I'd like to see you again...if you'd like to see me" she ended much more quietly than she'd begun, looking like a little lost child as the bar in front of her seemed to become the most interesting thing in the world. Her hair fell forward and hid her face from his view.
Unable to resist the urge, he reached out a hand to push the blonde strands back behind her ear and she turned her head and smiled a little as he did so.
"I'd love to see you again, pet" he admitted as his fingers lingered near her cheek, but he knew he could never hurt this girl, not like he'd hurt his last princess. He brought his hand away sharply, and looked down "but if you really knew me, you wouldn't..."
"Spike" she interrupted, demanding his attention back and getting it immediately, mostly because he was shocked by her outburst "please" she implored him "give me a chance to get to know you. I feel more comfortable with you than I have with anyone in a long time" she looked surprised at her own words, he noticed, and he had to admit he was too, not just by her own declaration but by the fact he felt the need to agree.
"Me too" he admitted, almost wishing it wasn't true. It'd be so much easier if he could just walk away and forget about this girl, but she had some hold on him that he couldn't even begin to explain.
"Then take a chance" she dared him "Live dangerously"
Oh if only she knew how dangerously he had lived, did still in a way.
"Danger often leads to pain" he told her, knowing all too well that it was true, he had experience when it came to both the danger and its painful consequences.
"I'm not afraid" she said, chin tilted upwards "are you?"
"No" he lied, his heart and mind both reminding him he was truly petrified as one screamed and the other beat about ten times faster than was healthy. Taking a risk on his own was one thing, risking this girl's best interest was quite another.
"Come on guys, move it along" the club owner urged them, and as Spike looked around he realised they were in fact the last two customers left in the room "You must have homes to go to" the older man commented as they nodded and got to their feet. They were quickly ushered out of the main doors. The night air was cold and crisp, but Spike barely noticed as he watched the girl beside him fasten her jacket against the chilling breeze. She smiled when she noticed him watching her and asked;
"Will you walk me home?"
How long had it been, Spike wondered, since he'd last done something so simple and innocent as walk a girl to her door. Too long, was the answer he came up with, as he dared to take her hand in his, that and a simple nod forming the answer to her question.
And did he feel ridiculous? Walking from the club to this girls house in the black of night, holding hands with her like a love-struck teen? Well, yeah, a little bit, but mostly he just felt so strangely at ease.
With no idea of where he was going to, it seemed that having hold of her hand had not been a bad plan and she certainly didn't seen to mind. All too soon though, her fingers slipped away and he realised that the apartment block they stood before now must be where her home was.
"I'll see you soon?" she asked shyly as she faced him by the doors.
Inwardly cursing himself for being such a fool, Spike nodded his agreement.
"Same time, same place, suit you?" he checked, never taking his eyes from hers, though he wasn't completely sure why.
"Next week? It's a date" she smiled sweetly and his heart almost melted. If walking a girl home felt strange, arranging a date was even more so.
"Yeah, I s'pose it is" he nodded slowly, there faces somehow just inches apart by now.
"Goodnight Spike" she practically whispered, and he felt her words more than heard them. The main thought in his head was the wonder of what might happen if he kissed her right now, but his willpower was stronger than that and he stepped away.
"Goodnight Buffy" he said softly as he turned away, there was no way he was going to break her heart, not for anything in the world, though a part of him truly wished he had kissed her anyway.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Though she knew it was crazy, Buffy had done very little acting the past couple of hours. Her job should require her to lie and be constantly alert, but in the company of this man, who's real name she knew to be William Blood without him ever having told her, she found the truth was just fine most of the time and that she was as comfortable as she ever could be with anyone.
The time past all too quickly and it was with some concern that she realised she hadn't gotten anywhere close to the information she needed from him. On the other hand he did seem to be much less snappy and a little more relaxed in her presence and that was a good start.
There were moments when, as guilty as it made her feel, Buffy had to admit she had genuinely smiled and enjoyed herself, and other times when he'd look at her a certain way, sending delicious tingles through her entire being. Right now was one of those times, but the moment was all too quickly broken by the owner of the establishment in which they now sat.
"I'm closing up now, kids" he smiled "time to go home"
Buffy tried not to laugh at the phrasing. If only he knew how far from being kids they really were. What he'd done, what she was doing, so far from the innocence of children.
"Kids? Long time since I've been called that..." she commented "very long time since it was true" she looked own sadly at her hands, a part of her wishing it was simply that they were in their teens and out on a date as they probably appeared. If this were such an ordinary night out she wouldn't feel so bad for the feelings this man evoked in her just by a glance or a word.
"Come on now pet, you can't be that old" he told her, clearly thinking her sudden silence and frown were about her number of years rather than her real situation that he knew nothing of "I'm surprised they even serve you booze without asking for ID"
"Flattery will get you everywhere" she smirked, without thinking about what she was saying or whom she was saying it to, it just slipped out of her mouth and then it was far too late to take back.
"Don't make promises that won't be kept luv" he warned her in a low voice that made her shudder "I learnt that one the hard way"
She knew all about what he had learnt and how, that was why she was here, in this dreadful scenario, finding herself attracted to a man that should be nothing more than a project to her, less than a human being if what he'd supposedly done was true.
"You can't keep promises?" she asked, not knowing what else to say and determined to keep the conversation flowing.
"Don't know anymore" came his response, complete with shrug of shoulders "Been a while since I made any" he told her.
"Well, how about I make you one" she said with more confidence than she felt, glad when he asked her what she meant, "I promise" she said matter-of-factly "that I'm not lying when I tell you I had a very nice time tonight and that I'd like to see you again..." she said, losing all her confidence as his blue eyes bored into her "if you'd like to see me" she finished much more quietly than she'd begun, feeling suddenly self-conscious, which was not something she was used to feeling, even around men. There was a long and dreadful pause as she kept her eyes down, hiding slightly behind her hair. Another delightful shiver shot through her as his fingers reached out and moved her hair back behind her ear. A simple gesture, but so carefully and gently done, Buffy marvelled at how such a man could ever have done what she'd been convinced he must have...
"I'd love to see you again, pet" he said softly, before looking away with a slight frown "but if you really knew me, you wouldn't..."
"Spike" she interrupted him, quite annoyed at his abundance of self-loathing, the one thing she saw in him that seemed to prove his guilt "please, give me a chance to get to know you" she practically begged, for more than one reason if the truth be told "I feel more comfortable with you than I have with anyone in a long time" she insisted, surprising herself as she realised not a part of that sentence was a lie.
"Me too" he agreed and both her 'girl on a mission' half and her 'lonely single woman' half were glad to hear it.
"Then take a chance" she implored him, knowing he could not refuse a challenge "Live dangerously"
"Danger often leads to pain" he said from that experience she knew only too well that he had. The conflicting sides within him were what made for the conflicting sides within herself, if only things had stayed clear as they were the first time they'd met...
"I'm not afraid" she lied, tilting her chin towards the ceiling to further convince him as well as herself "are you?" she asked him, knowing he would deny it even if he were.
"No" came the instant answer as she knew it would, their 'moment' all too soon interrupted by the club owner again. He urged them to hurry up and leave, which they finally did.
Stopping right outside the front doors and she pulled the zipper right up on her jacket to block out the cold night air that made her shiver in a less pleasant way. When she turned to look at him, she found him staring at her with a slight smile on his lips that she found she was pleased to see.
"Will you walk me home?" she asked, mentally kicking herself before the words were even fully out of her mouth. What was she? Twelve years old? Besides, taking a man that was most probably a dangerous criminal and showing him where she lived? Buffy just could not believe what an idiot she was...but all that melted away as from the corner of her eye she saw him nod and felt him slip his hand around hers.
They walked in almost total silence, the need for words seemed to have vanished as soon as their hands had touched. Far from being an awkwardly quiet situation, Buffy found herself feeling more untroubled and strangely natural than she had felt for a long time.
As they arrived outside the apartment block where she lived, she knew she had to let go and walk away. Her fingers slipped from his and she turned to face him, feeling decidedly like she had in High School after her first big date.
"I'll see you soon?" she asked, more quietly than she'd intended to, pleased when he nodded in response.
"Same time, same place, suit you?" he checked and she congratulated herself on a job well done. He clearly wanted to see her again, liked her enough to want to get to know her better and that was what was required in her mission. What worried her was why she was starting to feel bad about that...
"Next week? It's a date" she agreed with a smile, realising it really was like a date and not at all how it was suppose to be.
By the time she said goodnight to him their lips were just inches apart and she had no doubt he had noticed too. The stupid, naive little girl that still lived deep inside her longed for him to lean in just that little bit further and kiss her, just once, but it had to be him that did it, not her. She couldn't make the first move, he had to do that.
"Goodnight, Buffy" she heard him say, disappointment flowing through her as she watched him turn and walk away. The black of his clothes meant he would have disappeared from view all too quickly but that bright blond hair of his was unmistakable even when he was quite a distance from her.
Buffy sighed. She was an idiot, she was naive and stupid, she needed to pull herself together and do her job, she told herself sternly as she climbed the stairs to her apartment...but above all else, she really wished he had kissed her tonight.
To Be Continued...
