A/N : Had the next chapter of this half-done for a while but I got caught up with my new fic 'Our Little Secret'. Still, here's chapter 4 and I'm going to try to update 'Life's Full Of Surprises' next and then 'Our Little Secret' again, although that may not all go according to plan! Thanx to Courtney37, wicked-angel3, Rachel, MaidenRo for reviewing this fic. Here is more...

(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 4

Here they were again, sitting beside each other by the bar of the same club. Spike couldn't believe how panicked he'd been about tonight. He'd actually spent time thinking about his appearance and such before he'd headed out to meet his 'date'. It sounded ridiculous in his own head, that he was on a date after all this time and all that had happened, but it was real and truly happening to him.

He'd arrived early, taken his usual stool and ordered two drinks in preparation for when Buffy arrived. She was just a minute or two behind him and her smile lit up the room when she saw him. There was a warmth that her smile created in Spike's heart that he didn't ever remember feeling before, not even before what had happened...

"Hi" she'd said shyly as she took the stool beside him and he cursed himself as his voice came out almost equally as soft. He had no idea how or why this girl could reduce him into such an idiot poofter, but there was just something about her that he couldn't describe, an essence, a quality, something he'd never seen before in anyone else and knew he never would again.

They started to talk about general things, the weather and the crowd at the club and such, and it was soon just like the night before, comfortable and easy, and like they'd known each other forever. Several hours passed and Spike barely noticed, despite the fact it was one of the only occasions that he could remember spending so long at a bar without leaving completely hammered.

Still it was getting late and the club was starting to empty out. As they finished their latest drinks, the unlikely pair had decided they should probably leave too. As Buffy hopped off her stool, Spike picked up her jacket for her and helped her into it. She turned to smile and thank him, putting her body just a couple of inches from his, and again he had that overwhelming urge to kiss her. Closing his eyes so he did not have to look at hers he reminded her they were supposed to be leaving and he heard a small sigh escape her lips as she turned and headed for the exit. Had she wanted him to kiss her? Spike wondered absently as he followed her out into the night, not as cold and bitter as it had seemed the week before, but by no means warm.

An awkward silence surrounded them as they watched the other patrons of the Bronze disappear towards their own homes. How did one end a date these days? Spike wondered, he knew he shouldn't even think of it as a date, that he did not deserve to find any kind of happiness or have any kind of connection to such a perfect woman as this, but he couldn't help it.

"So..." Buffy dragged out, and Spike knew she was waiting for him to say or do something.

"Er...you want me to walk you home again?" he offered, half of him dreading her answer being negative, the other positive. The first would mean she was about to walk away from him and his heart didn't want that, whilst his head knew that for the sake of his sanity he should never lay eyes on her again. The second would make for a pleasant walk but an awkward moment when they said goodnight...

"How about I walk you home" she smiled a smile that meant it was almost a challenge, he suspected.

"That's...progressive" he smiled back, almost laughing. She was something all right. Every time he thought he'd figured her out she'd say something to surprise him. Of course he knew he was equally as capable of shocking her, but not so pleasantly...

"Just call me Little Miss Modern" she continued to grin as she held out her hand for him to take. Shaking the nasty thoughts from his mind, Spike took her hand in his and squeezed her fingers before leading her to the building in which he lived.

The whole way there he was aware of her eyes, flitting up to look at him every so often. He didn't dare look at her for fear of making eye contact and wanting to surrender to feelings that he knew would only lead to heartache for both of them.

For a man to love a woman was the most natural thing in the world, but he was not a man anymore, he was a monster, and if she knew that...she wouldn't be walking with him like this now, her tiny hand nestled inside his larger one, putting a large amount of trust in him.

He wished, in that moment, beneath the moon and the stars, this beautiful woman walking beside him, having faith in him, he wished more than anything that this could be his life, his real life. He wished they were in love and that he were as innocent and free as she made him feel. He wished he'd have met her oh so many years ago and that they could have had all this happiness he wanted her to have.

He wished for a few moments that he could tell her everything that had happened to him and that she wouldn't run away in disgust. If wishes were horses then beggars would ride, his mother used to say, just one more innocent lost to the other side...

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They soon came to an abrupt halt outside the main doors of his building and Spike snapped out of his haze of thoughts. He looked down at Buffy, this little tiny blonde girl that filled his head and heart so much, and who had done it so fast it made his head spin just to think about it. She smiled and in that split second he made a decision that his better judgement knew was wrong. He didn't let go of her hand and say goodnight. He kept a hold on her fingers and asked;

"You want to come in for a coffee or something?"

For a second she looked uncertain and then she slowly nodded and smiled once more. He let go of her hand, only to open the door for her like a gentleman should. She thanked him as she went into the building and he followed her, wondering what would happen next and if he'd just made the biggest mistake of his life...

It was a strange feeling, Buffy noted, as she made the journey from her home to the Bronze where Spike should be waiting for her by now. She was going on a date, something she did less often than most women of her age. Even in High School dating had not been a major event in her social life, in all honesty she hadn't had much of a social life at all. She was attractive enough, so she'd been told, but the guys that asked her out...they were shallow, it was the only word she could think of to describe them. Any boy she might have liked to know better stayed away from her, afraid of what she might do. She had quite the reputation of violence when it came to those shallow men that chose to hit on her. Her self defence skills were always something she'd taken great pride in. She almost laughed as she wondered at how feminine Spike made her feel, how small and girl-ish but in a protected and sweet kind of way that wasn't patronising or scary in the least.

Suddenly Buffy realised she was at the entrance to the club where the very man she thought of should be waiting. As she came into the building she saw him immediately, on the same seat that he had been every other night. In spite of herself she smiled at the sight of him, thinking of the date like qualities of the evening again, the important job she should be doing slipping momentarily from her mind. It was almost frightening how easily she could forget what he really was, or at least what he was supposed to be. An evil thing, almost soulless and definitely a monster. One look into those baby blue eyes of his, and she just found it so hard to believe.

Taking the stool beside him, she murmured a greeting and thanked him for the drink he'd already got for her. Conversation took a little while to start but was soon in full flow and again Buffy's mind wandered from the point of the evening as they talked of places they'd seen, people they'd known, a whole menagerie of topics.

By the time the clock said it was time to go, Buffy was almost loathed to call it a night, partly because she hadn't got any new and useful information for her case, but also because she just wanted more time with him, more time to bask in the blue of his eyes and the warmth of his smile.

He held out her jacket to her as she stood up, helping her to ease her arms into the sleeves. As she turned to softly thank him, she found herself too close for his comfort, but not for hers. There was fear in his eyes, she saw it all too clearly and she sighed, knowing he did not yet trust her as he must. It was annoying that one moment she thought she was really getting somewhere with this guy and the next she realised he might as well be a million miles away for all the progress she was making. Of course the thing that actually annoyed her more, though she knew it shouldn't, was that in that moment she believed he might actually kiss her, and he didn't.

Outside the air was cold, but less piercing than the week before. An awkward silence hung over the pair as they stood by the exit and looked out into the night, neither knowing what to say or do for the best. All Buffy knew for sure was she didn't want the evening to end like this. She needed him to want to see her again, to want to trust her if he could.

"So..." she drew out the word, prompting him, she hoped not too obviously, that now would be the time to say he liked her or at least that he wanted to arrange another 'date'.

"Er...you want me to walk you home again?" he stumbled over the words, suddenly awkward and with a child-like innocence that surely wouldn't be possible if he were what she'd been told to believe of him.

"How about I walk you home" she offered with a smile. He'd seen where she lived, if she saw his home it made them even, and despite the fact it was so very childish she wanted to have the same advantage on him that he had on her. Of course she'd seen the building where he lived, walked passed it a hundred times knowing it was the address in the file she'd read over and over, but it was different now, he was different. There was a part of her mind that separated the evil man she read of in that file and the one that stood before her now. It was almost impossible to believe that this man was that monster.

"That's...progressive" he smiled back at her, an answer to the question she'd almost forgotten she'd asked as her mind raced with mixed-up thoughts about him.

"Just call me Little Miss Modern" she said, holding out her hand for him to take and praying he didn't see that it shook with a mixture of nerves and excitement.

They walked in silence, his fingers wrapped around hers, making her feel things that shouldn't be possible from just holding a persons hand, but he had something over her, some kind of power. That should have scared her, given what she knew about his past, but it didn't and that was what she couldn't understand...unless she was falling.

'I can't be' she told herself, eyes flicking up to look at him for the briefest second before returning to the ground. How could she allow her heart to be slowly stolen by such a man as this, someone she should loath and despise and...oh, but when he looked at her like that, she couldn't even slightly dislike him, just wanted him to kiss her so badly it was almost physically painful.

There they stood now, outside his apartment block, beneath the light of just the almost full moon and the stars. It was romantic, it was perfect, or it would be if they were different people. Innocent people, young and free and on that date that it felt like it ought to be, but the purity of youth had escaped them both and the night wasn't perfect as it should be. It was tainted, never to be truly clean, but still the haze of the wish hung around in her mind.

"You want to come in for a coffee or something?" Spike mumbled, making her mind freeze and her body tense just for a second. Walking into the lions den. Maybe there were answers to be found in there but his request only served to remind her why she was really here and what he was really supposed to be.

He flinched when her smile fell and she immediately put it back, fake as it was this time as she nodded her head once. She couldn't hurt him, had to make it look as if she trusted him, but no acting was required when he looked into her eyes and smiled back.

'Who could not trust a man like this?' she wondered as he let go of her hand to open the door for her. She thanked him as she slid passed into the building, wondering if she'd done the right thing in accepting his invitation or had she just made the biggest mistake of her life...

To Be Continued...