On a Raven Wind
Author:Abigail / Pikari / Drive Me Mercury / The Woman of Many Names
Email:
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Sailor Moon and all characters and settings belong to the one-and-only Naoko Takeuchi. All created characters and plots within this story are my own.
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Chapter 13
-Fragments--
Seiya officially hated the Crystal Palace. The wide, clear crystal skylight that brought the stars from the sky into her bedroom was beautiful enough at night, but unlike her window at home, there were no curtains to pull in front of the morning sun's glare when one felt like sleeping in. Which, for Seiya, happened to be every day. Sure, she hadn't been planning on spending all morning in bed this first day back on Earth, but a little extra snuggle-under-the-covers time would be nice. Thus she buried her head in her pillow, hoping to drift off for just a few more minutes before facing the invading dawn.
Somewhere she realized she was bouncing. No, to be specific, the bed was bouncing. So either there was an earthquake or… Seiya rolled over only to place her hand in something wet on the bed. Confused, she looked up and squinted at two round pink eyes.
"Oh… hello, George," she slurred groggily, as soon as her mind had reached a stage of some comprehension. "Nice to meet you. You do realize that's a bad way to make a first impression, don't you?"
The furry white face was immediately replaced by panicked blue eyes. "George is really sorry. He didn't mean it. He's really nice, see?" The rabbit blinked boredly at her, not seeming to care a shred about the new human he was being introduced to, or the messy puddle he'd just left on the clean sheets.
Seiya backed away from the furball that was pushed eagerly in her face. "Okay, that's nice, really…" But the more Seiya moved away , the more insistent Miya seemed that George seal the apology with a kiss. With a bruising thump she ended up on the floor in a tangle of sheets, fully awake now. Rabbit and child peered over the edge of the bed. "George is really sorry…"
"Miya! What time is it?" Seiya attempted to free her legs from the web of blankets.
"Seven thirty-six," she recited from the digital alarm clock built into the bedstand.
Seiya managed to push aside the blankets and stumble to her feet, raking a (clean) hand through untamed black curls. She pondered it for a moment, before she scooped up the blanket and tossed it back on the bed, drowning black pigtails, rabbit, and all under its softness. Without further word she headed for the bathroom.
"Hey!" Miya called after Seiya's retreating back. Finally finding an opening in the fabric, she swiped a mildly confused but contented George into her arms and jumped toward the door before it had a chance to close in front of her. "Hey, hey! Seiya-papaaaa... I wanna have you meet my mama today! Please!? Okay, come on!"
"Alright, that's nice, but... this early?" Seiya reached for the faucet.
"I'll go tell her you're coming! Alright, bye!" Before she would hear another word of protest, the girl had disappeared and was already running down the halls. With a sigh, Seiya turned off the water. Next item on her agenda, teach that girl the meaning of "sleep in." She proceeded to snatch up a towel and headed for the shower.
She found no complaints against the Crystal Palace's showers, as the warm water assaulted her skin, gently massaging with its pressure and falling to run in rivers between her toes. She didn't linger, expecting to hear the skip of small feet in the room again at any time. Strangely, she found she was looking forward to this day with quiet eagerness, to be able to see Earth again, and maybe revisit old haunts, if any of them were still around.
While she tied the belt of her robe, as if on cue a child's eager voice floated through the doorway into the room. "She says hurry, 'cause she has to start work in twenty minutes," Miya relayed urgently, watching Seiya dump the contents of her suitcase on the bed to sift through the clothes with little regard to what semblance of order might have previously existed inside the case.
"Miya-chan, maybe another time would work bet--"
"No!" she urged, tugging on her papa's sleeve. "She wants to meet you now!"
While it was likely that Makiko-san was very interested in meeting her, Seiya knew enough to attribute the sudden life-and-death urgency to Miya. But any more protests might as well have been directed at a deaf puppy, and Seiya didn't feel the need to expend the energy. After all, this was the woman who had raised her daughter. She already owed her much more than a mere visit.
They met Taiki outside the room, already dressed and returning from the breakfast room with a mug of steaming coffee. "You're up early," she noted plainly.
"Things to do, places to see," Seiya waved her arms vaguely, injecting some sarcasm into the day's outlook. "Old flames to look up, more illegitimate children to discover..."
Taiki raised the mug to her lips, deadpan face showing no reaction to the attempt at humor. "Mm... good luck." And without further word or expression she brushed past and entered her rooms.
Seiya dropped her arms helplessly. "Okay, stay mad at me, see if I care," she spoke to the empty hall as she followed in Miya's direction. The girl had already skipped off out of sight, probably unaware her papa wasn't following close behind. The hall opened into a large alcove, branching out in several different directions. To the right, a balcony wound in a semicircle out toward the open air. Clear glass panes wrapped around the perimeter and a crystal dome above brought in the morning sun to play in prisms of light across the floor. Seiya had no idea which hallway to take, so she stopped to lounge by the windows with full faith that Miya would come running as soon as she was discovered missing.
The balcony offered a stunning view of the cityscape below, from its vantage point several stories high. Windows sparkled like hundreds of eyes in proud white and gray buildings. Far away on the skyline, the Tokyo Tower still stood like an enduring relic of an old world. Not being particularly interested in the scenery, Seiya pushed away from the railing after a few seconds, deciding she would take a gamble at a hallway, and Miya would just have to find her.
A hard thump of her heart took away her breath momentarily, and froze her body in place. Or rather, it was more likely the cause of all three reactions was singular. Seiya would have thought the woman had walked straight out of her dream if she was not wearing the same surprised and unguarded expression that probably mirrored her own. She looked the same as ever, yet so different. Childlike blue eyes gazed back at her, stripped down to a vulnerability that made Seiya wonder what she could be so afraid of.
"Usagi." The name fell off her lips almost unconsciously.
In hardly a few seconds, the brief expression was masked by a happy and welcoming smile, making one wonder if it had even been there in the first place. "Seiya! It's really you! I couldn't believe it. It's been so long!"
Seiya wore a smile as she stepped toward the petite person paused in the hallway entrance. For just a moment, the distance of years and separation fell away at her feet. A silly schoolgirl, an 'Odango', beamed in greeting as she waited for her idol classmate to approach. No... she was no schoolgirl... but a Queen. Yes, it hadn't been too difficult for Seiya to discover Usagi's new royal status, between Miya's constant chatterings about palace life and small hints from unaware staff last night, though being unsure, she'd kept it to herself. The woman she now faced was without doubt that schoolgirl, although sovereign silver locks that now framed her face seemed to drain all the sunshine from her countenance. But that didn't matter for the moment, because she was there, and she was Usagi.
"Usagi...uh, wow." Seiya's lack of intelligent speech came not so much from any kind of overwhelming emotion or nostalgia, but pure awkward uncertainty. "It has been a while."
"It has."
"You look good!" It wasn't a lie. At Usagi's modest but sincere smile, she continued, rambling. "No, seriously – I mean it. You don't look a day over eighteen."
"Twenty-two."
"What?"
"Twenty-two. It's when I stopped aging. Side effects of the Silver Crystal."
"I see."
"You... look pretty well-preserved yourself."
"What am I, a frozen casserole? We Kinmoku senshi have our own secrets to longevity." With one or two chuckles the air fell back into silence, but it didn't last for long.
"Seiya-papaaaaaaaaaa!!" Seiya's legs nearly buckled as a soft weight rammed them from behind. She caught herself from falling face-first into the woman in front of her. "Hey…" a familiar childish voice whined. "You're supposed to be following me… oh." Miya gave a soft word of realization noticing her papa wasn't alone in the room.
Seiya watched Usagi's face carefully, and watched it go from porcelain to pale. That same fear she had first noticed had resurfaced and pooled in her eyes. There was no mistaking Usagi knew her child. Her hands shifted uncomfortably over her dress, and her eyes followed suit, not daring to meet Seiya's own. Seiya felt something tighten inside of her at the other woman's unease. So Usagi must know her deception as well.
Seiya looked down at the child. "Miya, would you give us a minute alone? Tell Makiko-san I'm sorry, I'll have to meet her another time."
"But, Sei-"
"Miya." Her papa's voice was firm, and Miya had never heard her this serious. There would be no argument. She shrank back meekly, giving a crooked bob that passed for a curtsy – her mother would have her head if she didn't show proper respect to the royalty – but not without a cold glare at the woman who had stolen her papa this morning and made her act so strange and serious. With that, she ran away down the hall. The two adults who remained watched her disappear in uncomfortable silence.
"Why…" Seiya finally voiced the question that didn't need to be spoken. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Seiya, I…" Her eyes drifted away and Seiya saw she was nervously eyeing a maid who had come into hearing distance pushing a laundry cart through the hall. "Can we talk somewhere else?" she suggested.
Once she had closed the door on a nearby empty guest room, Usagi sat down, sinking into the edge of the mattress. "I thought… that was where she had gone," she spoke quietly. "Though Setsuna-san never said."
Seiya lingered nearer the doorway. "I don't understand." She was still waiting and hoping for that one explanation that would clear up all the misunderstanding and make things right again, but somehow she feared it wouldn't be that simple.
"To… your planet…" Usagi explained, looking confused. She thought her meaning had been clear enough, unless she'd misunderstood the reason Seiya was now here with Miya.
Seiya would have smiled if this had been any other conversation. Well, she had always been a little slow on the uptake. "That's not the part I meant." Everything – that was what she didn't understand.
Usagi's eyes dropped to her hands again. "Seiya, I'm sorry…" She paused, fiddling with a knot on the quilt she sat on, taking a moment to gather her thoughts. Finally she spoke again. "When I found out I was pregnant, I was so afraid. So absolutely terrified. I didn't know what to do, and I was afraid to tell anyone. I could only trust Setsuna-san. I gave her to Setsuna-san. It was the only thing I could do, for everyone's future."
"You could have given her to me."
Usagi looked up to meet the other woman's eyes. "You were rebuilding your planet – your home was in shambles. You had a princess to live for. Could you really have cared for her back then? Could you even have accepted her?"
Seiya winced inwardly, knowing everything she spoke held truth. At that point in her life, had she really had the capability, physically and emotionally, to care for a child, especially Usagi's child? Perhaps she was partially right, but it also angered her. "You could have at least given me the choice!"
Her head fell again into her hands, as if unable to hold its weight. "I'm sorry, Seiya… I always meant to tell you… but I never could. I'm sorry…"
Seiya couldn't accept her apologies. This woman in front of him, this was not the Usagi she knew. Thinking of Miya only made the anger grow. She shook her head, unable to understand. "She doesn't even know you. You're her mother."
"It's probably better that way."
She looked away, and her eyes held a hollowness that struck a disturbance deep inside of Seiya. But she couldn't take this weak regret, this silent, uncharacteristic depression, this… apathy. "How can you say that? How can you even say that when your daughter… my daughter… is being raised by a stranger!? You would just turn your back on her like that?"
Usagi's head snapped up, apparently a spark of argument still left in her. She raised her voice to match Seiya's. "How can you tell me that?! What right do you have to tell me what I should have done, after you left!"
"I left!?" Emotion had taken over her rational thought completely now. "I left!? Of course I left, Usagi! What did you expect me to do? Was I supposed to stand by and just watch you be all love-love over him?"
"I never asked you to stay, Seiya," she spoke, more calmly now.
"I know. I left by my own will." She looked away. "Of my mind, if not my heart."
"Which one…" Usagi began after a pause, while she continued to fiddle with the quilt. "…willed you to return?"
Seiya frowned. "I came back for Miya's sake. The rest doesn't matter now. Because… I'm not in love with you anymore."
A silence permeated the room that seemed weighted with finality. Seiya had shoved her hands into her pockets, staring at the bed curtains without really looking. Usagi closed her eyes for a moment. "I'm glad," she spoke when she finally looked up. "I'm glad. At least it will make things less awkward."
"You're right," Seiya smiled slightly. The smile soon faded, though. "What… will we do about Miya?"
"Will you take her back with you?"
"I suppose that's her choice. But she has family here on Earth already. Adopted family and… biological. Are you just going to keep deceiving her?" Seiya didn't pretend to smile anymore. 'Less awkward' or not, she hated this strange atmosphere between them, and hated the position they had put their daughter in.
Usagi felt her jaw tighten. "Seiya, you'll never understand…"
"I understand." Seiya heard the coldness that crept into her voice, and did nothing to suppress it. She turned toward the door. "You've changed, Usagi. You're not the person I knew."
"Everyone changes. People can't stay the same."
Seiya's hand paused on the doorknob. "I'll only stay for a week or so. Miya will have time to decide what she wants to do."
Usagi's hand flew to her mouth, as soon as the door had closed with a final heavy click, leaving her alone in an empty room. Alone, again. She gasped, holding back the emotions that fought to rise to the surface. The tears had stopped coming years ago, but somehow, now they dripped to stain her pure white gown.
"…except for you, Seiya," she whispered to nobody. "You're exactly the same."
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Notes: Thanks to all my loyal readers, if you're still reading after all this time. (I am, surprisingly, still alive) I hope the New Year brings you lots of joy and goodness!
