Disclaimer: Not mine

Funeral

I sat on the floor of my room, my back against my bed. I was looking out onto the subdued Moonflow, seeing as that was where my apartment was located. In the years following Vegnagun's defeat and whatnot, there had been a population boom and so housing was built overlooking the Moonflow. I took advantage of the price and bought one.

The doors opening up to the Moonflow creaked a little bit and I felt a melancholy air wash over me again. The tears tried to overwhelm me and I tried desperately to keep my eyes from wandering to my left, where on the wall, hung a dress…

I shut my eyes, and even though I didn't want to, tried to squeeze some tears out. My hands curled up into fists and I pounded the ground next to me…then stopped. It wouldn't help any.

Time passed. I didn't realize it except for when a lone pyrefly floated past me. Darkness was falling. The multihued pyreflies would dance. I would hate them. I would cry. I would stare at the dress. I would be un-Rikku. I would pull at my Lucan clothing. I would pound my fists again. I would curse everyone happy. I would watch the pyreflies.

And I did.

A few of them floated into my room. They were horrible. I detested how they could look so pretty when I was suffering so much. So much. Then they drew the last straw. Slowly, as if they didn't mean to hurt me, the stupid little flies flirted with the material of the dress. The sallow dress. The one strap dress. The scarf toting dress. The typical Al Bhed dress. The typical Al Bhed funeral dress.

I jumped up and grabbed whatever was closest to me, a shirt, and began to swing wildly at the mutely shrieking spirits. I screamed and cried and clawed at them with one hand and tried to bat them into the Farplane with the other. Once they left, I would fall to the ground, bury my face into my hands and try to cry.

And I did.

……………………………………..

The next morning was announced to me by people knocking on my door. I was still in my room, curled up on the floor, shirt gripped in my hands, Moonflow breeze trying to provide a blanket for me. I stood up and made my way through the house, not caring what I looked like.

I opened the door and turned away immediately retreating back to my room. There were a few cries of "Aunt Rikku!" but I paid them no heed. At least I tried. A hand took mine and followed me to my room. I didn't care. They would try to comfort me but it wouldn't work. There was only one way it would work. If he came back. That wouldn't be anytime soon.

The door was shut behind me in my room. I sat down on my bed and Yunie sat down next to me. Lulu was taking the dress off the wall. I looked away, to Paine. She was silently shutting the doors, locking with them with a key and bringing the ginger curtains over them. They were here to escort me to the funeral. More like baby-sit me. Because a twenty-four year old female like me can't be trusted with her own life.

But it was true.

Yunie said a few words and I turned my face to look at her. She was sympathetic from watching me; her eyes were red from crying and her belly large from the baby. I nodded and in a few moments, I was standing in the bathroom, the ashen dress staring at me from where Lulu had propped it up.

It was laughing at me. It one strap signaling a loss of one you were dependant on. Only close females would wear the dress. I would be the only one. Many people might have known him but I was the only female close to him…that was still alive. Even a person like Yunie never got very close to him…

I battled with it some more until there was a knock on the door. I turned to face it and I heard Paine tell me to shower.

Right. Because I would have forgotten.

I stripped down and stepped into the shower. It never registered in my mind that the water was scalding my back. I came out a few minutes later, the bath steamy and sultry…It was trying to choke me. Like tears.

I dressed quickly and came out, hair damp. Lulu clucked her tongue and made me sit in front of the mirror. She combed my hair, dried it and left it loose.

I wasn't supposed to look good.

Paine disappeared into the bathroom before reappearing with the long scarf that she used to cover my whole head. You could only see a glimpse of my hair. Yunie came up and handed me the piece of paper that held my speech on it. I had thought before that I would cry.

And I did.

They led me outside into the living room where everyone else sat, dressed in various hues of black, white and the occasional lapis. My nephews all came up to me, smiling. They didn't understand death.

I tried to smile, but it was fog in a forest…gone in a moment. The haze of which I watched everything cleared for a moment as I saw someone I didn't expect to be there. Of course, Wakka was supposed to be there, as where Vidina and Raih, the newest addition to Lulu and Wakka's family…a daughter. Tidus and Baralai stood off in the corner. The twins, Jecht and Braska stood with him while little Nioth slept in her daddy Baralai's arms.

Brother wasn't there. He'd sped off somewhere with his family to avoid this funeral at all costs. Not that I blamed him. He and Brother had grown so much closer over the past few years. I would have run away too if I could. But everyone knew I should be there.

Gippal.

He stood at the door, dressed in the traditional mourning white of the Al Bhed, his gaze on me. I sniffed and tried to contain myself. He was the only one here. The only one who I could run to.

And I did.

He opened his arms and let me collapse in them. I let the tears out and though I didn't feel any better, I still cried.

I could've run to Tidus. He'd lost his father but he was with Yunie and it was like he was off limits. I could've gone to Baralai or Nooj but that would be odd. I could've gone to Wakka but he wasn't an Al Bhed and still, though he tried not to, showed some remanants of his old hatred. I could've gone to Lulu and Paine and Yunie but I'd already done that.

So I had one person left to run to. Gippal.

And I did.

And it felt so incredibly good…at least until he began pulling me towards the door…towards the airship…towards Home…towards the funeral…

I pulled away frantically and turned to run. The air of sadness had returned. The looks of pity speared themselves towards me and I let the folds of my dress envelop me, just like the sadness. I tried to push past them…but they held…just like dew on leaves…They would only slide off when a third party came into being.

There was no third party yet. I was led to the airship. I'd never seen it before. I was led inside to a room. I was left alone. I was left to cry.

And I did.

……………………………..

The ship just stopped. I felt the tears rise up again. Stupid. I pounded my fists…again…And I stepped out of my room and made my way directly to the exit. While the door opened, I wound the scarf over my head, a sign of sadness. I stepped off and ignored everyone else there. The mass of people attending the funeral. Their looks were those of sadness. I felt the tears coursing down my already wet cheeks, out the bulbous eyelids, down the blotched cheeks, past the reddened nose and off the angular chin-line.

I stopped. I felt a hand slip into mine. I looked up. Gippal. He looked down at me and smiled. I couldn't help it. I broke down and turned to his chest again. His hand came up and rubbed my back. He led me to the platform where the body lay. Down the ramp of the ship. Across the blazing sand. Up the wooden stairs. To the pyre.

I pushed away from Gippal and looked at the funeral pyre. Gippal's hand was slipping out of mine. But I gripped it hard. I wouldn't let him leave me. Not now. Not ever. I could feel him pause for a moment before he returned the grip.

I led him around the pieces of wood that covered the body. Through the crevices between the geometric designs that the wood was laid out in, I could see the pale body of my father. I took a few more steps so that his ashy figure wouldn't have to be subject to this. The smell of the wood hit my face. Earthy. Sweet. Morose. Understanding. The look of the wood struck my senses. Hard. It was a deep brown, accentuated with the vines of Guadosalem. I don't know why. Maybe because my father had been in love with the struggle of the Guado, no matter how bad or good they were thought to be. He related it to the Al Bhed.

I took my free hand and gently laid it down on top of the wood. I broke. I sank to the ground, unawares to the people watching me then. I let out a sequence of heaving sobs along with mumbled words of love.

Looking back, I was, at first, disconnected because of my sadness. But I became connected because of Gippal.

Gippal helped me up and led me to the podium where I would have to say a few words to the crowd and my father. With his rough hands, Gippal placed me behind the podium, bracing my hands on the armrests and placing my short speech in front of me. I nodded my thanks while using my scarf to wipe away the tears. I tried not to cry. I really did. But it didn't work.

I took a shaky breath and then looked down at the simple piece of paper, with my writing scrawled across it. Dried tear stains dot the bleeding ink on the paper and more bleeds as I add some more tears. "E s-secc oui Vydran-n. Naymmo secc oui. Fecr oui fana ra-rana. Muja oui (I m-miss you Father-r. Really miss you. Wish you were he-here. Love you)."

I stepped away from the podium and retreated quickly back to my seat. Yunie's hand grasped mine and I held it back. Gippal was sitting a ways off so I twisted my body to look back at him. He was playing with Nioth quietly. I watched. I half-expected him to turn and so when he did, I smiled. And he smiled back.

I turned away and placed my head on Yunie's shoulder. She comforted me. I shouldn't have been so sad. The circumstances of my father's death were expected. It's not like I didn't know of his condition, I had for months, but his weakness of heart ultimately lead to a heart attack that slowly killed him.

It just wasn't right. I wasn't paying attention to the ceremony but then Yunie's hand slithered out of mine and pushed me forward. I wobbled as I stood. The blood rushed to my feet and I felt pale.

I hadn't eaten anything.

The man performing my father's last rites helped me back up onto the platform. For the first time, I was aware of the mass of eyes that followed my every movement. I nervously took the vial of Macalania Water and splattered it gently onto the wood covering my father's body. I trembled some more.

The water froze over the wood, like crystals. Long ago, during one of the many Al Bhed expeditions when they were banished by Spirans, they chanced upon Macalania Woods and instated the custom of water.

The man finished chanting his last few verses and then handed me a torch. I stared at it. I wanted to fling it away so it would burn someone else's flesh. But I knew I couldn't. I had to take the torch and light the wood all the way around. I didn't want to. But I should.

And I did.

I took a few steps back and watched the incorporeal haze of smoking wood drift up, swirling sadly. We were waiting, all for the same moment, instance when we would know that my father was leaving, truly leaving.

The tang of the burning coppice reached my nose and I tried to stifle my breathing rhythm. I was breathing my father. Others in the crowd of Al Bhed and other various dignitaries from Spira looked on with baited breath.

And then, the burst of light.

A pyrefly floated up from the mass of smoldering wood and took off, soon followed by another and another and one more until there was a stream of them filtering out of my father's body.

It disgusted me.

My stomach curled over itself as I made my way off the platform. When I reached the bottom, I hurried to Yunie who was waiting for me, surrounded by the others of my company. The desert sand blew up a storm for a moment, temporarily obscuring the chants of the man over my father's carcass from my ears.

Yunie took my hand and led me away to the main square of Home. The pyreflies would carry the wood of the pyre away with them and I would be left with nothing. Everyone filtered into my father's broken home and tried to comfort me. But I stuck close to one person.

Gippal.

When we were young, he had always been my rock. Always there, through everything. My mother's death, my uncles and aunts deaths, Yunie's pilgrimage, Keyakku's death and now my father's death.

I was just used to him and he knew it too. When I neared him, he held his arm out at a slight angle, so it was not awkward for him but just perfect for me. As I slipped into his embrace, he continued chatting with Tidus. His arm tightened around my waist and that was it. All I had to do was place my ear over his heart and watch everyone else. Soon I'd fall asleep, standing or not, and he'd put me in bed and I'd wake up…not happy but not sad…

Gippal didn't always used to know. When my mother was sick, a few weeks before her death, he joked about it. I didn't speak to him again until after her funeral when my father had sent him in to comfort me. Ever since then, he's been the person I could count on to give me the right reaction…

My eyelids were beginning to droop heavily. I tried to keep them open but they would just slide back shut. I let my eyes close. Oblivion.

…………………………..

When I awoke I was on a large bed, blankets covering my body. I was in my old room. I moved to get up, my eyes puffy from the tears and my legs wobbly from standing at the funeral and lack of food. I opened up the door to find only the people close to me milling about. They were all seated comfortably, still in the funeral dress of the Al Bhed.

I offered a small smile before walking right past them and out the door. It was dusk, the pale shadows of the sun still reflecting and giving me light to see with. Once I was outside, I began trekking towards the Oasis. I wouldn't get lost. I had finally memorized my way around Bikanel Island.

The sand was freezing against my bare feet but I needed to be alone. Just to come to terms with my father's death and how I would move past it. After about thirty minutes of trekking through Bikanel, I reached the Oasis. I suppose it was just my luck that I had been forced to wear a ring forged of fiend repelling metal.

I stood somewhat triumphantly before the Oasis rocks. The whole time hiking through the desert had been spent on my father and the memories he had given me. Needless to say, my eyes were redder than before and my nose was giving me trouble in the breathing department.

Crying, I believed, was good for the body. It helped me as I purged myself of any of the feelings that could potentially make me go suicidal on anyone. Andin the end, I may look crappy but I felt better.

My father brought that philosophy to me. Mourn when you have to, cry when you have to, get happy when you want to. He didn't necessarily abide by it, and neither did I, but it did do the soul good to remember that there was such a way of thinking.

Silently, I clambered up the wind beaten rocks, wrapping the folds of my dress around my legs.

I suppose the trouble lay in my loneliness. Here I was, mourning my father alone. My brother had raced off with his family. Yuna didn't…know my father like a real Al Bhed would. I'm not trying to be a racist or anything but that was the truth. Father was so close to his own people. All the Al Bhed children were his children. Of course that contributed to some hurt feelings amongst the little kids but in the end we got over it.

Yuna didn't grow up with me. All my other friends…I had drifted away from them. In reality, only Gippal was left. He'd been as much of a constant in my life as my father had.

And now my father was gone.

Dad…he had foreseen this, I think, to a certain extent. Deathbeds weren't new to him except that he was laying on one. Happiness was, apparently, the key. He lay there, shriveling in his cocoon of a body and still spewing out knowledge like a fountain. His heart may have been weak but his mind…strong.

He'd prepared me for this. Over and over, he would list what I would do before, after and during the duration of his funeral. I tried to laugh it off but he knew, and I did too, that what he said was true.

He said I would cry, ponder, cry some more and then look for comfort.

And I did.

Listing the people who would help me through this had been one of his favorite activities. His frail body would quake with laughter as I frowned at some of his suggestions. Clasko, Leblanc, Nooj and Blappa had just been a few of his crazier ones.

But then he'd get serious, disgorging names both of us respected like Tidus, Wakka, Lulu, Paine, Yuna, Rin. But none of them really worked, besides the females. I'd thought I'd be fine, with them all comforting me. Being there was what they were good at. That's what they would do for me. I thought that they would get me, my anger, sadness and just the depth of my emotions. But my father thought otherwise.

Gippal. That was his answer. At first I scoffed at the idea. Gippal? Arrogant bastard number one,so different from his youth, helping me with my problems? I didn't think so.

But my father did.

He wouldn't budge from his stance on that. Whenever I waved the idea away, he'd shoot me his newly found death-glare and tell me I didn't know about emotions. He told me that I would when it came to his funeral. He told me I would mourn our distance from my earlier years. He told me I would hate, hate with a passion that I'd never experienced before. He told me I'd be well within a day because he was preparing me. He told me to remember him. He told me that Gippal would support me. He told me Gippal is for me. He told me to let Gippal come into my life. He told me to keep in mind forever whatever he said. He told me to listen.

And I did.

It was colder now, the wind cutting at my bare toes. I was quickly coming to regret my decision regarding my shoes and lack thereof but that was soon solved as I began trekking back to the city. The walk was long and arduous, partly because it was dark. And that was a problem.

About an hour later, I was still walking, pushing one lactic acid filled leg after another. I didn't want to admit it too myself…yup, I really didn't…but I had to…it was the smart thing to do…admit your problem…

I was lost. Completely, utterly lost.

I stopped on probably the eighth sand dune I'd walked over and stood there, my scarf now tightly wrapped around my shoulders. Again, I felt like crying.

If only the Al Bhed didn't live in the middle of a freaking desert! I huffed once more and began walking in a direction I wasn't sure of. A few minutes later, I heard a drone. A drone of something that didn't sound too friendly. I whipped around hoping to find whatever was out there. After spinning in several dizzying circles, I saw lights. Two white specks in the distance, framed with a rim of red lights. It wasn't a fiend. It was a machina.

Without trying to seem too excited, I took off running in that direction. The machina was much faster and soon reached me. The door opened up and out stepped the imposing figure of…Gippal. I smiled, not like he could see me in the dim lighting, and launched myself into his arms. He laughed, picked me up and swung me around.

"How did you know where I was?"I asked once I was done mauling him. Gippal turned to his machina, pointing to the red rims.

"Heat-sensing. They outline the shapes on a radar inside the machina. I hoped that you weren't shaped like a fiend so I came after that one human shape standing in the middle of a freezing desert. You see, I hooked it up to--"

"I really don't want to know how it works but I like it." His hand still rested on my waist. His arm still provided warmth on my back. His chest still provided warmth on my front. His smile still made my heart race. His words still made my knees weak.

"You sure you don't want to hear my melodious voice float out of my delicious mouth to rouse your senses?"

I was glad it was dim. I was flushed with embarrassment. What a delicious mouth indeed.

"Shut up Gippal." I turned my head away, letting the breeze comb my hair. I could feel his hesitating.

"A-Are you feeling better?" Still hesitant.

The tears stung. Good job Gippal. Just go on reminding me. I sniffed and leant against his shoulder. His hand came up and cradled my head, stroking my hair. He didn't say anything, just letting me know he was there. I guess I wasn't that prepared to forget my father.

"Don't follow the saying." Gippal whispered, his lips close to my ear.

I immediately knew what he was talking about. Memories are nice, but that's all they are. I suppose it was true. But then again—

"You have to, want to, and should remember. He was your father, is your father." I couldn't help it. I looked up at him, tear-stained face and all, smiling. Gippal was watching my face, searching, searching, searching, for what, I didn't know. But I didn't care right then. My father's voice had washed over me and I acted upon instinct.

My cold hands, one still in possession of the scarf, reached up to Gippal's cheeks and pulled his face down to mine. I planned on just a quick kiss for appreciation. But Gippal had something different in mind.

His lips pushed down on mine, soft and wonderful. He brought his hands around fully and pressed me against his body. My tears were dried by the scarf, guided by his hand. I kissed him back with vigor.

We pulled away, my hands still placed on his cheeks. While still rakishly grinning at me, Gippal's arms came under my knees and behind my back, lifting me up and carrying me to the machina. Placing me inside, Gippal leaned down again and placed another kiss on the corner of my lips. I smiled and reached up for another quick one. Gippal smiled like a sexy vagabond and shut the door on my side of the machina. He got in on the other side, started the machina and conveniently placed his hand on my hand.

I swear I could hear my father laughing delightedly in the FarPlane. He had known, known all too well. I looked down at mine and Gippal's hands, just laying there in my lap. I thought I should intertwine our fingers, just to make him smile.

And I did.

……………………….

Wow. This took forever, didn't it? I'm really sorry. I mean, here you all are, making this my most successful fiction ever, yet I'm lazing away. But I do have school that comes first so that will always be. I'll be focusing on my other fiction. That one has been neglected for too long.

Reviews:

Angela Taisha: I have to make you blush! You and all the other reviewers…Wow… Can I say enough about you all? You especially. I hope this had just enough fluff!

Back of Beyond: Yes, this is a load of one-shots. Sorry for not clarifying! I should've done better! Anyways, I'm glad you'll keep on reading!

kingleby: Reviews highs are cool! Thank you for the compliments! I did feel iffy about that part with him just taking their relationship like that. But I'm glad it worked!

mystic s n o w f a l: Thank you so much! I'm glad you're here! I try! Really I do!

daggergarnet09: I'm glad you at least took the time to read this and take a look at it! Thanks so much!

Reema-cha: takes daisy Okay, your review was awesome! So nice and long and just plain wonderful! I did watch G-Phoria! You're the only other person I know who's watched it! I was so excited for Rikku (even though she's not real…lol!)! And I'm sure your stories will be excellent. Just drop me a line when you do create an account and I'll be sure to check out your fics. And I love Yuffentine too! Though I haven't really found any good stories. Would you like to point me to any good ones? And I will be using your idea, with a few tweaks, but yes, your idea.

Flametongue: Thank you so much for your review. I love late reviews because it makes me feel loved! And yours just lifted my spirit after a bad day (Oh I remember that day so well. My driving instructor was sick so another one had to come and man…She was mean…I was crying…And then I read your review!!!)! You're Swedish???? I've always wanted to visit Sweden/Denmark/Switzerland/Finland/Norway! Yup…I think it's called Scandinavia but I don't want to make a mistake about it. Thanks so much!