Behind Blue Eyes – by Ashford2ashford

Disclaimers: Never owned Yugioh…never will…nyah!

Rating: PG-13

Pairing (s): Ryou/Bakura (love/hate), Malik/Ryou (cute), Seto? (We don't know who he'll shack up with!)

Timeline: no set timeline. Timeline stories are hard to do for someone who likes alternate realities. If any timeline, it's set after the Egyptian arc. But what's Bakura doing back? Or is he back? You just don't know do you?

AN: Well, the second chapter is up and now it's going to turn into the typical Seto thinking chapter…that means lots and lots of italics! So I hope you enjoy! Creative input only reviewers! (Not after the chode who didn't read the no flames policy…tsk tsk…such a silly person…)

Summary: After the torture of the previous events in Yugioh, everyone seems to have settled down. Most of the characters are about 19-20-years-old and are in University, Seto Kaiba included…
But all is not well in the unsettled mind of Kaiba. Unable to get the visions that he denied out of his head, unable to stop picturing the beautiful Kisara, and unable to feel the same way about his blue eyes white dragon as he did, his mind is restless, but as he sees the different couples going about their everyday life, he begins to wonder if he will ever be able to settle as they have done…especially when all of them lost so much in so little time…

Behind Blue Eyes
Chapter Two – Realisation

It's weird isn't it?

You go through your entire life thinking that you are on top of the world; that you are unbeatable, indestructible, and one of the best, and then someone…something always proves you wrong. One day you can be waking up to open your eyes and look down on people because you feel they are beneath you, and the next you can be waking up crying because you are beneath them…

Such is the nature of being a duellist. Every good and decent duellist knows that they are not indestructible, nor are they God of their game, but I didn't realise that at first, therefore I was possibly the worst duellist in the world. I had assumed that because of the legendary strength of my cards and because of the fact that I had the strongest duel monster in history hidden deep within my deck that I was close to being a God of the duelling arena. Lying, cheating, doing anything to get my way in a win, I was ruthless and unkind – a snob, a show off, a self proclaimed God, and perhaps the biggest paradoxical loser in the entire history of the game.

After all…it was possible to be a winner and a loser…

I realised that only too late…and it was my pride that prevented me from seeing things as they were. Until they actually were. Until the end of the world was balanced upon my very fingertips, and could smell the burning of the land and feel the heat from the flames as they licked at my sand covered boot heels. Standing proud amidst a burning capitol, the three heads of the dragon concentrated on the demon of hell, the memories flooding back to me as people screamed and died and burned…

Kisara.

Beauty has a name.

A name that images blue eyes, white hair, pale face, and a tiny frail body that held a soul as powerful as the very gods.

Kisara.

Since the conversation with the one known as Ryou Bakura this morning, I felt a little heavy in my heart, as though something was amiss, but I had been ignoring it until now. Seeing the white haired boy had triggered something inside me, a memory of the battle in the past, and the trails of the future. I remembered it all suddenly, looking into Ryou's eyes, and I realised that the smaller teen was one of the lucky ones.
Yugi Mutou had explained to me, with every amount of patience as I sceptically dismissed some comments, that Ryou Bakura had been a host to the spirit known as Bakura or Thief Lord, and that his own destiny had been a painful trail from the word go.

Bakura the spirit had taken over Ryou the host and had stolen friends and soul from him in his twisted RPG games, and had even tried to take souls in the duel monsters game. For a period that Yugi counted as roughly one to two years, Ryou Bakura had been terrified and horrified at the very idea that there was someone else in control of his body and there was nothing he could do about it. Even after Battle City, the spirit had apparently hunted Ryou down, and then the boy had simply ceased to exist as Bakura the spirit led the host's body to Egypt and to destiny.

In total, it was worked out that Ryou underwent four years of being controlled.

I winced.

Thinking about it even now game me a headache. So much new information and so little understanding of the situations past.

Turning the page of a book I was reading, my blue eyes scanned the new surface briefly, with a lack of interest. Sat in the library, lost in my thoughts, acting as though I was interested in anything; I'd actually picked out a book about Egypt to read.

My head rose slightly and I looked around the almost deserted library, my eyes falling upon one figure who was bent over gently, his feet moving in a rhythmic beat as the two ear pieces told me he was listening to a personal music system.
He was wearing a black vest shirt, with black jeans, and black shoes, and one ridiculously oversized belt buckle collar around his neck. He wore two arm accessories and donned at least three belts around his slim waist, the MP3 player inside one of his jeans pockets. His hair was the most distinguishing feature about his person; jutting straight up as though electrified, with a shocking and unusual colour of light purple/pink, and black streaks with a blonde fringe that hung down in strands.

Already my lips were forming the name…

Yugi…Mutou…

He shuddered involuntarily, as if he knew he was being watched and I saw his head move in my direction as the beautiful lavender eyes tore them from the book and cast their gentle gaze upon my person. Before they reached me, however, I managed to catch a flicker of emotion that I found unusual to be present in this particular person, because of his nature…sadness.
Upon gaining sight of me, the emotion changed instantly to that of happiness and he waved one small hand with a set of thin delicate fingers in my direction. I looked around, so as to be sure it was directed at my own person, and then I raised one white sleeved arm and made a quick gesture in return.
His eyes darted around for a second, looking for people, and then he made a sharp motion with his head. Asking me to come over.

And then what? Do we talk about Egypt? Do I talk about fluffy bunnies and how much he misses the late Pharaoh? What kind of conversations would he try and force out of me?

Shaking the thoughts out of my head, I gathered both briefcase and books, and exited my seat to take a new place at Mutou-san's side. He took the headphones out of his little ears and then turned the MP3 player off, bending down low to whisper to me.

"You okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"You were looking for me?"

"No. I just looked up and saw you there. It must have been your sixth sense for trouble that made you look back."

"Oh. Just wondering. Didn't think you looked at anyone unless it was business."

"What?"

"I said, didn't think you looked (he motioned with his hands now so I could understand his words by his actions just in case I didn't hear him that time) at anyone unless it was for business!"

"Oh. Well…not usually."

"Will you two be quiet? This is a library!"

Yugi and I both lifted our heads and saw the rather thin, old and tiny librarian pointing at a sign requesting – ordering more like – silence. We looked at each other and Yugi nodded towards the door, my own head nodding in agreement.
We gathered our belongings and then left the silence and coldness of the library behind, stepping out into the warmer air.

"Man…what a bitch!"

I stared at Yugi. It was most unlike him to swear, and it sounded so high and unnatural for his lips, but I ignored it for now, looking at the soft smile that was currently eating his face (not literally…).

"Hmm. She is strict." Typical of me to say, I thought.

"No lessons, Kaiba-san?" It seemed that the topic of conversation was now in the 'small talk' section, and I stupidly accepted it.

"No. Not for a while yet. But I have this strange disorder where I have to be in University early every day for some reason. I just tend to read and write reports in my spare time."

"I draw."

That was unexpected.

"You draw, Yugi-kun?"

"Uh huh."

You learn something new every day. Fact.

"Curiosity compels me to ask what exactly?"

"Cartoons, portraits, snow, landscapes, buildings, people, and caricatures…whatever I feel really."

"May I?" I motioned to his sketchbook, tucked neatly under one arm. He pulled it out and then smiled gently, his eyes closing with contentment. Maybe he had wanted to show me these for some time now?
As I took it in my hand, a small page of it seemed to fall out, an image on a snowy background. He tried to grab for it, but I caught it first and then gazed at it in interest. It was a figure huddled under a street light, his coat pulled around him in the snow as a flurry of ice and snow rushed past him, carried by the wind, yet frozen on the page. Sat upon the top of the lamp light, a black angel perched over the figure, disguised slightly into the darkness of the night, holding something down over the lamp.
Upon closer inspection, the lamp light was actually broken, and it was the object that gave the waiting figure light. The object was the millennium puzzle dangling upon its string from the hands of the angel; who was dressed in gold jewellery and robes.
The figure waiting was Yugi; huddled in the light of the puzzle, unknowing of the angel above him, thinking that he was simply waiting in the warm glow of the light.
The angel was the Pharaoh Atemu.

Yugi looked up at me expectantly, tears forming in his eyes.

"I'm sorry you had to see that. It's just…I can't forget…"

I stopped him, placing the image into his hands again, my eyes closed, blinking back tears.

He can't forget either…Yugi Mutou can't forget…

"its okay." My voice shook, "I can't…either…I mean…I can't forget either…I keep seeing…"

Those eyes. They looked up at me, so tearful and so full of hurt. He looked to the ground, and all I could think of was a desolate lost person in the snow…as Yugi had been on his picture…as he portrayed himself as…

"Seto." He murmured, his eyes now focusing fully on mine, our gazes locked in a mental battle, "I miss the Pharaoh. I miss Atemu. I miss hearing his voice, seeing him there at night watching me to make sure no harm comes, knowing that I could talk to him any time in my soul room, and making sure he was always there through every trial and every hardship…but…he's not is he?"

I shook my head and thought to myself how pathetic this spectacle was.

"Yugi." I knelt down and brushed a tear from his eyes without any regard to what it was I was actually doing! This boy was my rival! Here I was treating him like a little brother! "His memory is still there, and I will not deny that his memory is still within my own heart. I cannot forget those duels, and I cannot forget a rival of so many millennia…but what I can do is offer you my hand of salvation."

He looked up at me confused.

Can't blame him. I sound like a guy in a shoujo romance novel!

"Kaiba-kun." His voice sounded so small now, suddenly so meek and childlike, unlike anything I'd ever heard – and it tore me apart inside to hear it.

"Yes, Yugi-kun?"

"Thanks."

"For what?"

"For understanding."

My heart caught in my throat and I smile and stood, smiling with a certain pride and warmth. It sounds unusual, but I believe that on that day, I made Yugi Mutou happier than he had been since his precious Pharaoh left him, and for some bizarre reason, instead of duelling him or trying to hurt him, I just wanted to protect him…because I did indeed understand.
I understood what it was like to see someone, touch someone, and feel someone's presence and feel as though you were the King of your game, and then have that feeling be taken away from you suddenly, with only a little preparation to suffice, and without any long goodbyes.

When Atemu stepped through the gates to the afterlife, he took Yugi's love with him, and Yugi felt this…I felt it. Even though Yugi was my rival…I realised that losing Atemu to the afterlife was the biggest sacrifice he had ever had to make…and that demanded respect…

In a way, when Yugi lost a companion, I lost a rival, and realised that Yugi was indeed the true King of Games…

Looking at him then…staring into his beautiful eyes and feeling the pain he felt also…I realised that we were not all that different from each other.

You only met Kisara for a brief moment, but you've known your Blue Eyes White Dragon for a lifetime. Yugi has known Atemu for that same lifetime. With Kisara's and Atemu's spirits gone, both Yugi and I have had to move on...that took more strength than any three thousand attack or two thousand five hundred defence ever could muster…

"Yugi." I opened my mouth to say more, but realised that we both had lessons now. He looked up at me and nodded.

"I think we'll talk about this later." He shuffled a few papers and drawings back into his small bag and then smiled up at me. He looked so much more mature than the last time we had faced each other, and he would be twenty this year, as would I.

As I watched him go, I replayed the conversation in my head.

"I'm sorry you had to see that. It's just…I can't forget…"

"Kaiba-kun?"

"Yes, Yugi-kun?"

"Thanks."

"For what?"

"For understanding."

I realised then that even though our bodies aged, the heart that beat within would always be stuck on that same day.

The day our worlds changed forever…

A word from Ashford2ashford: "Still not the end! I'm enjoying writing this one more than some of my other stories! The next chapter will be the end of the University day and will be again very much Kaiba related!
"Of course little Yugi will be in it again, as well as other characters…but you'll just have to see won't you?
"Feel free to review for this one (but creative reviews only please, not stupid flames that have no meaning and no relevance) and remember that this isn't set in any timeline towards the GX series – I try to pretend it doesn't exist.
"See you all in 'Change of Heart Chapter Two'!"