A/N: Hey, has anyone seen Avie? Oh well, while I'm looking for her I'll do reviewer responses.

Sors: Well if you look at it from the side I guess so. Oh well. You're still appeased. So I'm still happy.

Super Shayde: Oh, man, girl you think this is the wierdest chapter. Then wait till you see the one after this. It's just as bad. I'm glad you did. It's nice to hear that. Well actually, blushes you just made me feel independent. You know that people are addressing me, and not through Avie, and don't worry she didn't die. Speaking of Avie, were the heck is she? YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY! INSPIRATION! Oh Avie's not gonna like you anymore, you gave me ideas. Actually you'd be surprised. This is the first time it's ever happened. And no, she was gonna commit suicide because my other siblings were playing the Teletubbies song over and over again just to annoy her. So…WHOOT FOR SIBLINGS! YOU MADE ME MAKE YOU FINISH IT! (Stops and looks over sentence.) Even though there's gonna be a sequel. She isn't? Oh well. Yay for Sarah McLachlan! Toodles!

Here comes the hockey puck: Peter? What's wrong with doing that to him? I mean he really deserves it, the way he betrayed everyone. (Slaps Peter on the head for smelling her cheese) No not for you! Any way you think that's bad? Just wait till the next chapter. MAUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! I AM EVIL! (Thunder crashes) That's better. Darn that homework. I don't blame you for hating it. Why, I can hardly finish my chapters on time from all my homework! Bye! (Walks away muttering on how to get back at homework for stealing her reviewers)

Miss Piratess: JUST DON'T HURT YOURSELF! Like the following, fall down a flight of stairs laughing! Suffocate from laughing! Talk to yourself about the dangers in laughing! Or worst of all, squirt a liquid sort of substance from your nose! Oh the horror! (Runs off crying)

BaYerrulz: Aw, no you don't! Yes, I'm afraid he certainly did need it.

LilStripedTomato: Yes, sunflowers, and please don't ask where I got it from! It had you laughing? Really? Well I don't really like this chapter much, but the next is better. (Looks at Lil's roommate) It's dangerous to do things around normal people! The madness never ends. Until chapter five or six…eleven! I think I'll go for eleven…twelve tops… Anyway! But staple gun I do like. HAH AN IDEA! YAY, SO MANY IN ONE DAY! Will do. And I'm sorry about your laundry mat.  We don't go to one! Bye and watch out for those roommates…I know I will. (Holds up staple gun as the audience runs away.)

Wicked-n-lazy: Yes weird! But that's the point of the story. I reached my goal. Yay! Maybe I should make this the last chapter. Yes, and thank goodness Snape was at a reasonable length away.

Visualpurple: I have. Well one day earlier, but still. You hit him! YAYNESS!

Anonymous: Not the torture, NOT THE TORTURE! I updated! And I feel bad for anybody whobuys those watermelons, too.

A/N: I have but one thing to say. HAS ANYONE SEEN AVIE? HOW THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO GET THE CHAPTER UP WITHOUT HER?


Chapter Four: I Just Wanna Die!

Snape sat inside his big chair in front of the fireplace sipping a glass of warm tea. He was having a nice time all by himself, with no one else to bother him. Especially after the incident with Peter.

He thought of comfort too soon, for a loud crack came from his left. There stood Crabbe, smiling stupidly, one eye looking up and the other looking down. "HELLO!" he shouted.

Then there was another loud crack to his right and Goyle appeared, also smiling stupidly, with one eye looking to the right and the other to the left. "HELLO!" echoed.

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Snape yelled at the top of his lungs.

"GOODBYE!" Crabbe shouted and Disapparated.

"GOODBYE!" Goyle also shouted and also Disapparated.

Snape ran to his bedroom and tiredly crawled into bed. He had had a long day. After ten minutes he had managed to tangle himself up in his blankets as he always did. After five more minutes he was asleep, dreaming that he was prancing through a field of sunflowers and they were alive, smiling right back at him.

Then from out of nowhere, a dark shadow crept into the room. It stepped next to Snape's bed. Snape heard the floorboards creak and pulled his head up. He saw two glowing red eyes.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Snape yelled and tried to get out of his tangled bed sheets. He only succeeded in tangling himself up more and falling from the bed.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed the intruder.

Wait a minute. Snape knew that voice. "Lord Voldemort?" he asked, finding his way out of the blankets.

"Yes, you twit! How'd you think it was? Santa?" Voldemort said, resting his hands on his hips.

"Well, actually no…what are you doing in my house?" Snape asked standing up and brushing himself off.

"Well I came to tell you…" He trailed off in a low voice, motioning for Snape to come, for he was going to whisper it. Snape leaned his ear closer to his mouth. "OF ALL THE PEOPLE I KILLED TODAY! WILL YOU LISTEN? OH PLEASSEEEE SAY YOU'LL LISTEN?" he shouted in a cheerful voice, causing Snape to fall over from the sudden outburst of words.

"Okay! Okay! I'll listen. As long as you don't shout," Snape said, rubbing his hurt ear and wondering it was still working.

"Good!" Voldemort squeaked and pulled out a list and a pair of spectacles. He cleared his throat and began.

"I killed the milkman, two mailmen, three old women across the street, four baby sitters, blew up five trolleys, six annoying teens, seven lawyers, eight grooms, a cat nine times because it had so many lives, ten gang members, eleven ballet dancers, twelve monkeys, and many, many more," he concluded.

"That's it? That's the only reason you woke me up? For some stupid list of stupid things you did today?" Snape asked through clenched teeth.

Voldemort sniffed. "I just thought you'd want to hear." Then he straightened up. "Fine. If you don't want to hear then I'll just leave," he said and disappeared with a puff of smoke.

Snape sighed happily and crawled back into bed. And went to sleep.

The next morning, Snape scratched his head happily because TODAY WAS A DAY OFF! YAYNESS! He did a little happy dance around the room. He stopped mid-jump when the phone rang. He grabbed the phone.

"Hello, this is Severus Snape speaking. How can I help you?" Snape asked cheerfully.

"HELLO!" came Crabbe's voice from the other side of the line.

"Crabbe! Go tell someone that cares!" Snape yelled into the bottom peace of the phone. He had to get Caller ID. He stopped. "How'd you get my phone number?" he asked suspiciously.

"DUHHHHHHH!" Crabbe answered, laughing stupidly.

Snape threw the phone back down on the receiver. The phone rang again. Snape picked it up questioningly. "Hello?"

"HELLO!" Goyle's voice came from the other side.

"Stop calling this number!" Snape said, throwing the phone down again. "HOW THE HECK DID THOSE TWO GRADUATE!" he bellowed at no one in particular.

The phone rang again. Snape picked it up. "Hello?"

"Hello Snivelly," came Voldemort's happy voice. "There's going to be a meeting in two hours. Bye." The phone beeped. Snape stared at it blankly.

It rang again. Snape answered. "Hello?"

"HOME, HOME ON THE RANGE!" said a shrieking person from the other end. It was Bellatrix, the Tone Deaf! "WHERE THE DEER AND THE-"

"BELLATRIX! BELLATRIX, WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING?" Snape asked, knowing that he was now officially deaf.

"WHAT? I'M TRYING TO SING HERE!"

"Um, right. Singing. Anyway. Listen Bella, this is Snape, not British Idol for stupid people. Okay? So, 'bye!" He put the phone down and sighed as he turned it off. Why him?

Two hours later, at the meeting

Snape leaned over close to Crabbe from where he sat. "Hey, Crabbe how'd you get my phone number?" he asked slowly.

"DUHHHHAH!" he answered and lifted the phone book.

Snape snapped his fingers and sat back in his seat. "I thought I told those darn Muggles to leave me unlisted." Next to him, Goyle was poking the fire with his finger and NOT GETTING HURT. "Why me?" Snape asked himself.

Just then the door flew open and the candles went out, causing the room to go dark. Then something came in.

It was Voldemort of course.

He sat down and everyone stared at him. "Those darn lights." He clapped his hands and the candles flickered into life again.

"Can we get this meeting started now?" Lucius asked, looking rather bored.

"Yes, yes the meeting. Now we need to think on how we're going to do this," Voldemort said, shifting his eyes to every person in the room.

"OH! OH! I KNOW! I KNOW! PICK ME! PICK ME!" Crabbed shouted.

Voldemort rubbed his temples. "Yes, what is it Crabbe?"

He sat there looking stupid (his tongue hanging out, eyes unfocused, everything) for a few minutes then said, "HELLO!"

Everyone looked at Voldemort. Voldemort's eyes were bigger then dinner plates.

Yes! Maybe they'll be fired! Snape thought happily.

"I like that idea! That is a good idea! We are staying with that!" Voldemort cried happily.

"But I don't understand what it means," Bellatrix protested.

"Then go jump off the cliff in my backyard," Voldemort said sarcastically.

Her seat empted in a flash of light and they heard a faint scream. There was a long silence.

"Wow, I didn't think she'd do it." Voldemort said, grinning.

"Well, she did," Narcissa said, struggling with Draco as he struggled to climb on top of her head. "No sweetie. OW! OW! HEY! You better stop that or I'll tell Daddy!"

Lucius turned white. "Don't get me involved," he said, inching away.

"Lucius, I need to borrow your tape," Rodolphus said, leaning close to him.

"OH! SO NOW YOU WANT MY TAPE, HUH?"

"NARCISSA, HUSH THAT KID UP! I HAVE A TERIBLE HEADACHE!" Bellatrix shouted.

"WELL, DON'T BLAME ME! I'M NOT THE ONE THAT WAS SMART ENOUGH TO THROW MYSELF OFF A CLIFF!"

"OH, SO IT'S WAR NOW, IS IT?"

"BADA BADA BUPP BUPP!"

"PETER, IF YOU DON'T STOP SINGING YOU'RE REALLY GONNA PAY!" Rodolphus screamed.

"OH, I'M SO SCARED!"

"THAT'S IT! I WARNED YOU, BUDDY!"

"HELLO!"

"HELLO!"

"OH, GO BACK TO SCHOOL, WHY DON'T YA! AND DON'T COME BACK 'TIL YOU GRADUATE!"

"GET VOLDIE!"

"GET VOLDIE!"

"NO ONE CALLS ME VOLDIE AND LIVES!"

"EVERYONE SUFFER!" Draco shouted and giggled.

Snape looked at all the chaos going on around him. "I JUST WANNA DIE!" he wailed. Everyone turned and drew their wands, pointing them at him. "I don't mean now," he added.

He swallowed hard as they approached him…


A/N: HA! I HAVE MADE IT HERE! FINALLY! It's about time, too. I mean it took long enough.

"Leave me alone!" shouted Avie, as she dragged Remus across the set.

"CRIKEY, THERE SHE GOES!" shouted Steve Irwin (the Croc Hunter), as he, a man with a tranquilizing gun, another man with a net, and the camera man, ran past after Avie.

"HEY! GET OFF MY SET!" cried the author. Then she noticed Avie has Remus "AND GIVE ME BACK REMUS!"